Caryl & Sebastian & Alex (GA)
Member Since 2009
My Sweet Heroic Alex
I don't know what happened to Alex or why he stopped eating around 10 days ago. I don't know what it was that the vet saw on his lung but it wasn't cancer. I don't know why he sent Alex home with me on Saturday when I thought he understood that I was there with him for his professional opinion on whether or not Alex could get better. He sent me home with Alex apparently not thinking he could but I didn't get a straight answer. That's the not so great thing about having your friend as a vet....they think they know what's in your head. He said I wasn't ready on Saturday. Well, I was never going to be 'ready' but that's what I was there for so why I was sent home with antibiotics and lasix I don't know. If you ask me questions I can't answer them. I only know I had to go through this gut wrenching ordeal twice in two days and it was very wrong. For both me and Alex. Needless to say, nothing was working and Alex got even worse, not better. At least he had been eating some baby food...he was turning away from that yesterday. In my heart I knew what that meant. I had just gone through it 6 months before. I was afraid to take a nap for fear he would be gone when I opened my eyes. That he would go without me holding him ...the way that Jackson did. Alex and I had become very dependent on each other in the last 6 months and the thought of that just horrified me. Finally, Hillary said that I should call vet and do it last night because I was torturing myself and that from what I was describing, Alex had no quality of life anymore. She was right. He went to Jackson in my arms at 8:40 last night. It was very peaceful for him....but his whole life flashed before my eyes as I cried and sang "My Guy" to him, the only thing that made him purr when he was sick with DKA when first diagnosed with diabetes in 2009. It became "Our Song" and he never got tired of being picked up and having me sing it to him. It seemed like the right thing to do.
On a more fun note, let me tell you about the kind of guy Alex was. He was always on the back burner because Jackson had so much more of an outgoing personality but I guess I was just missing the obvious. He was just quieter but not less sensitive smart or funny.
Alex was the one who picked me out. I went to get one kitten after I lost a 17 year old cat and was feeling very guilty but I was soooo lonely. I kept going to PetSmart every day and looking and no one particular kitten was grabbing my heart. In the bottom corner was a double cage with two almost 6 month old tabbies and the one who was to be Alex kept reaching out to me, with Jackson hiding behind him, to please come to them. So I'd play with them every day with no real thought of taking two. One Friday afternoon I decided to just buy supplies in case I found one that moved me suddenly and when I got to the check out counter I realized I had two of everything. I started sobbing and the checkout woman thought I was crazy but that's how it started. I called as soon as I got home and told the adoption people that "they were mine" and I'd be in first thing in the morning to adopt them. They said they knew it and luckily for me they gave me the number of the man who brought them in and I spoke to him that night and learned their birthday and all about them and that they had split from a litter of six almost at birth and had been partners in crime ever since. I adopted Alex and Jackson on Oct 4 1997 and brought them right to my Vet in NYC and she examined them both and her words were "You got two great cats, Caryl" She was so right!
Alex has always been a kind and gentle boy. He was never as outgoing as Jackson which is odd since he got me to notice them. He got the raw end of the deal a lot as a young cat because Jackson was such a clown and had such an amazing personality that you were just drawn to him. Alex was quiet about what he wanted. He was more of a 'rub my belly' kind of guy which he got often but it wasn't the same. He has always been brave and protective of Jackson. When I was living with someone who had cats that hated them, Jackson got loose once and Jackson was BIG at one point. The cats cornered him and Alex heard him crying. Alex was always lanky but when he heard Jacky cry, he went running into the other room and leaped on top of all the other cats to save his brother. TRUE STORY. My boyfriend, had to break it up. I don't think Alex ever got angry at a soul in his life except for Jackson when he was first sick with diabetes. He was finally getting a LOT of attention from me and the balance shifted. I saw Jackson getting depressed and had to do damage control. When I started paying an even amount of attention to both, and Alex was still very sick and skinny, Alex got mad at Jackson. He didn't want to give up what he hadn't had for 12 years and he started hissing and growling at Jack and blocking him from me. Oddly, Jackson didn't fight back and within a few months when Alex started feeling better they became best friends again and remained that way.
Alex has suffered multiple health issues. Diabetes, heart disease, hyper-t, DKA, neuropathy which never went away and I'm sure was painful coupled with arthritis and interstitial cystitis which was chronic and he never did more than maybe cry a little when his bladder was irritated. He handled everything with dignity and grace. If he had not developed diabetes I don't know if I would have realized what a wonderful and heroic 'being' he was. I thought losing Jackson would kill him. I was terrified for a month. But he survived that too. He survived everything that life threw at him (well maybe not the kittens so much, he wasn't real crazy about them but I kept them away from him) and until 10 days ago he was a happy sweet and easygoing mamma's boy who loved cuddling and being brushed and being told how much he was loved and what a handsome lad he was. He was so very special and I told him that every night before we went to sleep and every morning when we woke up.
I hope he heard me tell him that last night and that he knows he was never second best. I love him with all my heart and soul and I know that I am going to miss the sound of him clumping around and the look in his sweet sweet eyes until the day I die. I am not afraid of death anymore because I know who will be there when that day comes.
"I'm telling you from the start, I can't be torn apart from My Guy".
I don't know what happened to Alex or why he stopped eating around 10 days ago. I don't know what it was that the vet saw on his lung but it wasn't cancer. I don't know why he sent Alex home with me on Saturday when I thought he understood that I was there with him for his professional opinion on whether or not Alex could get better. He sent me home with Alex apparently not thinking he could but I didn't get a straight answer. That's the not so great thing about having your friend as a vet....they think they know what's in your head. He said I wasn't ready on Saturday. Well, I was never going to be 'ready' but that's what I was there for so why I was sent home with antibiotics and lasix I don't know. If you ask me questions I can't answer them. I only know I had to go through this gut wrenching ordeal twice in two days and it was very wrong. For both me and Alex. Needless to say, nothing was working and Alex got even worse, not better. At least he had been eating some baby food...he was turning away from that yesterday. In my heart I knew what that meant. I had just gone through it 6 months before. I was afraid to take a nap for fear he would be gone when I opened my eyes. That he would go without me holding him ...the way that Jackson did. Alex and I had become very dependent on each other in the last 6 months and the thought of that just horrified me. Finally, Hillary said that I should call vet and do it last night because I was torturing myself and that from what I was describing, Alex had no quality of life anymore. She was right. He went to Jackson in my arms at 8:40 last night. It was very peaceful for him....but his whole life flashed before my eyes as I cried and sang "My Guy" to him, the only thing that made him purr when he was sick with DKA when first diagnosed with diabetes in 2009. It became "Our Song" and he never got tired of being picked up and having me sing it to him. It seemed like the right thing to do.
On a more fun note, let me tell you about the kind of guy Alex was. He was always on the back burner because Jackson had so much more of an outgoing personality but I guess I was just missing the obvious. He was just quieter but not less sensitive smart or funny.
Alex was the one who picked me out. I went to get one kitten after I lost a 17 year old cat and was feeling very guilty but I was soooo lonely. I kept going to PetSmart every day and looking and no one particular kitten was grabbing my heart. In the bottom corner was a double cage with two almost 6 month old tabbies and the one who was to be Alex kept reaching out to me, with Jackson hiding behind him, to please come to them. So I'd play with them every day with no real thought of taking two. One Friday afternoon I decided to just buy supplies in case I found one that moved me suddenly and when I got to the check out counter I realized I had two of everything. I started sobbing and the checkout woman thought I was crazy but that's how it started. I called as soon as I got home and told the adoption people that "they were mine" and I'd be in first thing in the morning to adopt them. They said they knew it and luckily for me they gave me the number of the man who brought them in and I spoke to him that night and learned their birthday and all about them and that they had split from a litter of six almost at birth and had been partners in crime ever since. I adopted Alex and Jackson on Oct 4 1997 and brought them right to my Vet in NYC and she examined them both and her words were "You got two great cats, Caryl" She was so right!
Alex has always been a kind and gentle boy. He was never as outgoing as Jackson which is odd since he got me to notice them. He got the raw end of the deal a lot as a young cat because Jackson was such a clown and had such an amazing personality that you were just drawn to him. Alex was quiet about what he wanted. He was more of a 'rub my belly' kind of guy which he got often but it wasn't the same. He has always been brave and protective of Jackson. When I was living with someone who had cats that hated them, Jackson got loose once and Jackson was BIG at one point. The cats cornered him and Alex heard him crying. Alex was always lanky but when he heard Jacky cry, he went running into the other room and leaped on top of all the other cats to save his brother. TRUE STORY. My boyfriend, had to break it up. I don't think Alex ever got angry at a soul in his life except for Jackson when he was first sick with diabetes. He was finally getting a LOT of attention from me and the balance shifted. I saw Jackson getting depressed and had to do damage control. When I started paying an even amount of attention to both, and Alex was still very sick and skinny, Alex got mad at Jackson. He didn't want to give up what he hadn't had for 12 years and he started hissing and growling at Jack and blocking him from me. Oddly, Jackson didn't fight back and within a few months when Alex started feeling better they became best friends again and remained that way.
Alex has suffered multiple health issues. Diabetes, heart disease, hyper-t, DKA, neuropathy which never went away and I'm sure was painful coupled with arthritis and interstitial cystitis which was chronic and he never did more than maybe cry a little when his bladder was irritated. He handled everything with dignity and grace. If he had not developed diabetes I don't know if I would have realized what a wonderful and heroic 'being' he was. I thought losing Jackson would kill him. I was terrified for a month. But he survived that too. He survived everything that life threw at him (well maybe not the kittens so much, he wasn't real crazy about them but I kept them away from him) and until 10 days ago he was a happy sweet and easygoing mamma's boy who loved cuddling and being brushed and being told how much he was loved and what a handsome lad he was. He was so very special and I told him that every night before we went to sleep and every morning when we woke up.
I hope he heard me tell him that last night and that he knows he was never second best. I love him with all my heart and soul and I know that I am going to miss the sound of him clumping around and the look in his sweet sweet eyes until the day I die. I am not afraid of death anymore because I know who will be there when that day comes.
"I'm telling you from the start, I can't be torn apart from My Guy".
