Trbute To Alex...My Hero

My Sweet Heroic Alex

I don't know what happened to Alex or why he stopped eating around 10 days ago. I don't know what it was that the vet saw on his lung but it wasn't cancer. I don't know why he sent Alex home with me on Saturday when I thought he understood that I was there with him for his professional opinion on whether or not Alex could get better. He sent me home with Alex apparently not thinking he could but I didn't get a straight answer. That's the not so great thing about having your friend as a vet....they think they know what's in your head. He said I wasn't ready on Saturday. Well, I was never going to be 'ready' but that's what I was there for so why I was sent home with antibiotics and lasix I don't know. If you ask me questions I can't answer them. I only know I had to go through this gut wrenching ordeal twice in two days and it was very wrong. For both me and Alex. Needless to say, nothing was working and Alex got even worse, not better. At least he had been eating some baby food...he was turning away from that yesterday. In my heart I knew what that meant. I had just gone through it 6 months before. I was afraid to take a nap for fear he would be gone when I opened my eyes. That he would go without me holding him ...the way that Jackson did. Alex and I had become very dependent on each other in the last 6 months and the thought of that just horrified me. Finally, Hillary said that I should call vet and do it last night because I was torturing myself and that from what I was describing, Alex had no quality of life anymore. She was right. He went to Jackson in my arms at 8:40 last night. It was very peaceful for him....but his whole life flashed before my eyes as I cried and sang "My Guy" to him, the only thing that made him purr when he was sick with DKA when first diagnosed with diabetes in 2009. It became "Our Song" and he never got tired of being picked up and having me sing it to him. It seemed like the right thing to do.

On a more fun note, let me tell you about the kind of guy Alex was. He was always on the back burner because Jackson had so much more of an outgoing personality but I guess I was just missing the obvious. He was just quieter but not less sensitive smart or funny.

Alex was the one who picked me out. I went to get one kitten after I lost a 17 year old cat and was feeling very guilty but I was soooo lonely. I kept going to PetSmart every day and looking and no one particular kitten was grabbing my heart. In the bottom corner was a double cage with two almost 6 month old tabbies and the one who was to be Alex kept reaching out to me, with Jackson hiding behind him, to please come to them. So I'd play with them every day with no real thought of taking two. One Friday afternoon I decided to just buy supplies in case I found one that moved me suddenly and when I got to the check out counter I realized I had two of everything. I started sobbing and the checkout woman thought I was crazy but that's how it started. I called as soon as I got home and told the adoption people that "they were mine" and I'd be in first thing in the morning to adopt them. They said they knew it and luckily for me they gave me the number of the man who brought them in and I spoke to him that night and learned their birthday and all about them and that they had split from a litter of six almost at birth and had been partners in crime ever since. I adopted Alex and Jackson on Oct 4 1997 and brought them right to my Vet in NYC and she examined them both and her words were "You got two great cats, Caryl" She was so right!

Alex has always been a kind and gentle boy. He was never as outgoing as Jackson which is odd since he got me to notice them. He got the raw end of the deal a lot as a young cat because Jackson was such a clown and had such an amazing personality that you were just drawn to him. Alex was quiet about what he wanted. He was more of a 'rub my belly' kind of guy which he got often but it wasn't the same. He has always been brave and protective of Jackson. When I was living with someone who had cats that hated them, Jackson got loose once and Jackson was BIG at one point. The cats cornered him and Alex heard him crying. Alex was always lanky but when he heard Jacky cry, he went running into the other room and leaped on top of all the other cats to save his brother. TRUE STORY. My boyfriend, had to break it up. I don't think Alex ever got angry at a soul in his life except for Jackson when he was first sick with diabetes. He was finally getting a LOT of attention from me and the balance shifted. I saw Jackson getting depressed and had to do damage control. When I started paying an even amount of attention to both, and Alex was still very sick and skinny, Alex got mad at Jackson. He didn't want to give up what he hadn't had for 12 years and he started hissing and growling at Jack and blocking him from me. Oddly, Jackson didn't fight back and within a few months when Alex started feeling better they became best friends again and remained that way.

Alex has suffered multiple health issues. Diabetes, heart disease, hyper-t, DKA, neuropathy which never went away and I'm sure was painful coupled with arthritis and interstitial cystitis which was chronic and he never did more than maybe cry a little when his bladder was irritated. He handled everything with dignity and grace. If he had not developed diabetes I don't know if I would have realized what a wonderful and heroic 'being' he was. I thought losing Jackson would kill him. I was terrified for a month. But he survived that too. He survived everything that life threw at him (well maybe not the kittens so much, he wasn't real crazy about them but I kept them away from him) and until 10 days ago he was a happy sweet and easygoing mamma's boy who loved cuddling and being brushed and being told how much he was loved and what a handsome lad he was. He was so very special and I told him that every night before we went to sleep and every morning when we woke up.

I hope he heard me tell him that last night and that he knows he was never second best. I love him with all my heart and soul and I know that I am going to miss the sound of him clumping around and the look in his sweet sweet eyes until the day I die. I am not afraid of death anymore because I know who will be there when that day comes.

"I'm telling you from the start, I can't be torn apart from My Guy".

 

(((Caryl))) This is such a beautiful story and thank you so much for sharing it. In my heart, I feel your peacefulness and that is a good thing because you know what an amazing bond you had with BOTH your handsome, sweet boys. You know they will be waiting for you and they will be with you until you join them again.
I will light a candle for Alex on his journey to join Jacky and all our other GAs.

I'm sure you've seen this by Carol Notermann but I think it is so beautiful.

The Ridge
It’s been such a lovely summer, I’ve been napping in the sun.
This morning, other cats and I enjoyed a long long run.
We chased butterflies together. I climbed high into a tree.
And now I think what woke me up was that small bumble bee.

I’ve yawned and stretched, and still I feel that something has begun.
He’s standing there in robes of white, and telling me to come.
I always run to Him you know, when He comes across the bridge
To see if we’re all having fun and if we’ve checked the ridge.

He gives tummy rubs to all of us and pets and cuddles too
I’m glad to see Him every day, when He comes into view.
Each day He takes a different cat, and chats with them a while
Then off that kitty starts to run. I swear they seem to smile.

But now He’s stopped in front of me. He’s said a name I know.
He said to look out towards the ridge. The sun is setting low.
I start to walk out toward the ridge, and then what’s that I see.
IT’S YOU! IT’S YOU! It’s really you. You’ve come to be with me!

My goodness you are running and I am running too!
You stop to bend, but I can jump and now I am with you.
I feel your kisses on my head, as I did in long off days
You’re holding me and hugging me, and into your eyes I gaze.

And now He’s walking with us, as you carry me once more
We’ve crossed Rainbow Bridge together. We’re here at Heaven’s door.
And He has held it open, and told us to walk through
That from now on and forever, I can always be with you.

Fly free, sweet sweet Alex.

 

Thank you Marje
I have never seen this
I only wish I felt as peaceful as I guess I must seem. I have been crying all day.

 

((((((Caryl)))))) That is a beautiful tribute to your boy Alex.
Fly Free and Happy, sweet Alex.

 

What a beautiful tribute to Alex. I am so very sorry for your loss. It's comforting to know that Alex and Jackson are together again.
Fly free Alex.
wings_cat

Deepest sympathies,
Marcy

 

Thank you for sharing those memories of Alex and Jackson with us. You will forever be holding the two of them close in your heart.

Wishing you sweet dreams of your two guys tonight.

 

(((Caryl))) -Very beautifully written tribute to Ales....
I am so very sorry for your loss....and I cry with you and send condolences to you across the miles.
Such a sad thing to be parted like this but you know you gave him the ultimate gift of setting him free.....
He will always love you....

Fly free Dear Alex ...until we meet again... wings_cat

 

Dear Caryl,
I read your beautiful tribute to Alex (and Jackson, too) with tears in my eyes, but peace in my heart because I know that Alex is now in a beautiful place with his brother and many of his old friends. Your boys will always be with you in that corner of your heart that belongs to them. May your wonderful memories bring you comfort.
Fly free, sweet Alex. You are much loved.

In deepest sympathy,

Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu (GA)

 

I felt that way about Donovan the moment I saw a photo of him. I knew he was meant to be with me, and I was blessed to have him for almost 16 years. I am sure he will help take care of his angel brothers Alex and Jackson at the Bridge for you.

hugs...
MJ

 

(((((Caryl))))))
I'm so sorry. Your story brought tears and I know how hard it is when this time comes in each of our lives.
You told his story well because you love him so much but that doesn't take away the sadness of his absence.
I pray that he will visit you in your dreams and let you know they are happy together again.
Fly Free Alex....

 

My goodness...Thank you..I believe too. I believe someday we will be reunited
Someday,
jeanne

 

Thank you, those of you that read and responded to this. You guys mean the world to me.

I am devastated.

 

(((((((((((Caryl)))))))))) I'm so sorry to hear that Alex has left you to join his brother at the bridge. He loved you so and stayed as long as her could, but in the end I am glad that he passed peacefully in your arms. Lighting a candle for Jackson and picturing the Reunion in my mind.

 

Beautiful tribute, Caryl. I loved that you sang to him - that brought me to tears.
Those of us who have lost beloved kitties really understand how much you are hurting and truly wish we could spare you this pain.

((((Caryl)))) Many hugs and warm thoughts as you remember your sweet boys, Jackson and Alex. cat_pet_icon