Hi everyone, I have not been on for quite a while so a lot probably don't recognize me, but I wanted to come here for those that have followed Shmee's story. About two weeks ago I made the decision to put my Shmee down.. In a nutshell, he had diabetes for a few years, found out he had acromegaly, went to NYC (I am in CLE) to get him pituitary gland removal surgery, his diabetes went away almost instantly, but he "was a new cat" I would say, and had some complications. His spunky, loving, goofy, playful, bird chasing, curious, unique personality was gone. It was an extremely hard time for me. I still have flashbacks to NYC and think I probably have some PTSD from it and after. I went to therapy, it helped a little. Fast forward a little, and he did get a little better and his loving personality did come back. Not in full swing, but he was there. He was loving again and cuddly. A year after his surgery his diabetes came back. Wasn't sure if it was acromegaly again and the tumor grew back, or if it was "regular diabetes" because he gained a lot of weight and never wanted to get up. In the end I think the tumor did end up growing back... because for the last few weeks he had neurological symptoms. It started off with very small head twitches that got more pronounced, and he got confused easily. The last few days I think it was progressing quickly.... he was incredibly anxious and could not lay down or sit still for more than 10-30 seconds... his eyes were very dilated. I upped his dose of gabapentin he was already on, and it didn't seem to help much unless he had a lot. The last new nights I slept on an air mattress in the living room with him because I was afraid he would fall off the bed with all the gaba he was on. You could tell he wanted to sleep so bad but couldn't. His confusion got worse and seemed like he was going downhill fast. With the gaba going way up and his confusion getting worse... I just felt so terrible for him that I had to do it. Plus my vet (a new one that treats cats only) said brain tumors can lead to seizures... his head switches were getting worse and I was terrified he would have a seizure. I 100% could not deal with that. I made the decision and we had an in-home vet come. She was very nice. I held him in my arms as he licked his favorite licky treats. He actually had a really good day that day... which sort of made this worse because it made me question my decision, even though for the most part I think it was the right thing. For the first time in almost a week he jumped up on his favorite chair and took a long nap, as well as a Feliway sprayed blanket on the floor. He was content. To say I was attached to him is an understatement. I am 33 years old and he was 13. I have had him since he was a kitten. Before his surgery he used to be my "little spoon" and sleep with me every single night. After surgery he did eventually sleep with us more and more. I feel like I am grieving for the second time. I am so lonely without him. He was everything to me. I still can't believe this is real. This was really hard for me to write. This message board truly saved me and Shmee. I cannot even put into words how much of a loving, genuine, and helpful community this is and how grateful I am for all of you. I will never forget meeting Jeff in NYC and so many other members checking in on us, and having somewhere to come that understands the love we have for our cats. It is something I will NEVER forget.. and I plan to keep checking back on everyone in the future. It was hard to choose only 10 photos to attach - these are some of my favorites. You can see the surgery thread for everyone that took their cats to AMC for the surgery here.
I had read the thread in the acromegaly post following you and the other two kitties post-surgery as I have been considering the surgery for my Kierra. I am so sorry to hear you had to say goodbye to Shmee. I am glad to know Shmee did "come back" for a while to his loving cuddly self. We love them and do the best we can (which never seems enough, right?). My deepest sympathies.
I'm so so sorry for your loss, what a handsome boy. I didn't know you and Shmee but after reading your post I know you were the best mama Shmee could ever ask for. It's so hard to let them go, I had to do the same this past Oct , Tyler's brother. Please take care of yourself Amanda , my heart goes out to you. Fly high sweet boy ♥
So sorry to hear the news Amanda. I remember you and Shmee very well and everything you went through to get him what you hoped would be the best care possible, the heartache when his personality changed so drastically, the guilt you felt that you never deserved and your hope for the future. I'm happy to hear he did make it back to being more like the cat you knew before the surgery, and no matter what the final cause, you made the decision to release him out of your profound love for him. Don't ever question yourself. Every decision you made was always in his best interest. Fly free sweet Shmee and land softly. There are lots of old friends at the bridge to keep you company until the day comes when you can be together with your loving mama again forever.
So sorry you had to let Shmee go, i didn't know you two but this post made my heart shrink a bit. my sympathies go with you Amanda, i can't imagine how difficult it must have been to take the decision
{{{Amanda and DH}}} I am so sorry it was time for Shmee to earn his wings. Of course I remember you and him and the big trip to New York and the disappointment in the personality change after surgery. I am glad he got some of the old Shmee back for you. Thank you for sharing those wonderful pictures here and in the acro forum - they give us a hint of what a wonderful cat he was and how well he was loved. And what a snuggler he was. Take care of you. This is an incredibly hard time on the caregiver, especially when you have been dealing with so much. Our little acros are so close to our hearts. Forever remembered, forever loved.
Amanda I do remember you and Shmee and all that you did for you furbaby! I know this is an incredibly hard time for you and your husband...but if you felt in your heart that was the best thing for Shmee and that it was time - you were gracious, kind and loved him enough to allow him to fly free...out of pain and confusion... I'm sorry for your hurt, for your loss and for your grieving...it is a difficult thing to lose your beloved Shmee...just know that he will always have a special place in your hearts. Rest easy now Shmee...you were very loved.
So sorry to hear of your loss What sweet pictures (soft spot for black kitties over here). It certainly sounds like your all loved Shmee with all your hearts and did everything you could for him...perhaps you can take some solace in that. He's flying free now Take care <3
Crying as I read your beautiful story, of all of your love, of everything you did to make Shmee well, of so much heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your journey and your grief with us. Fly high sweet angel.
@Amanda & Shmee , I remember you and Shmee. I followed closely as I was thinking of surgery at the same time for Ollie. So sorry it was time for Shmee. You did everything possible including knowing when to let him go. Shmee had a good day because he knew and wanted you to remember the good. The photos are wonderful and yes it's hard to only pick 10 out of hundreds. Shmee, fly free on your wings, soar to new heights. Come visit once in awhile and let us know how your doing.
So sorry for your loss, Amanda. I am new on this site but I understand your pain. God bless you and those that loved your little guy.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Shmee. It is heartbreaking to have to say goodbye. I understand how special he was to you from reading your post. Know that you and your boy are in my thoughts.
(((Amanda))) I am so sorry it was time for Shmee to leave you. It is always so hard to say goodbye....we love them so much. Fly free beautiful Shmee..you were much loved
Hi Amanda - I remember our lunch in NYC during your trip there for Shmee's surgery during August 2018. It was an exciting time, and I was so hopeful for his healthier future. Acromegaly is such a sucky disease. It takes so much from our kittehs. Shmee was such a trooper through his whole ordeal. I think he was like Leoberry. The brightest candles burn quicker. They both had so much to give us in their short lives. I like all the good pictures you posted of Shmee in both threads. May your gentle boy fly freely and land softly at the Bridge. He was a beautiful boy and was deeply loved.
Oh Amanda, I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember following your journey to NYC for the surgery and the struggles afterwards. But it is so nice to hear that his loving personality did return eventually. I always wondered about Shmee and if he did become his old self. Makes me smile that he did return to the loving Shmee you knew Fly free sweet Shmee, you were well loved and such a special kitty
Thank you for sharing your story with us and your journey along the way. I am new to this amazing group...started my journey 3 months ago. I loved looking at your photos. You gave your sweet boy a wonderful life. He was so blessed to have YOU as his Mama.
((((Amanda)))) I do remember you and Shmee, and your trip to NYC for his surgery. I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your snuggly Shmee. I hope that with time you will be left with happy memories of all the cuddles you shared. Fly Free Shmee
I just saw this Amanda and I am so so sorry to for your loss, your a great kitty momma and u went above and beyond
I'm so sorry, Amanda. You and Shmee were fortunate to share lives together even if it was a roller coaster at times.
I'm so sorry. Your decision to let Shmee fly free was made out of love. He couldn't have asked for a better mama. May his memory be a blessing.
Amanda!!! I am SO SORRY to read this :’(. Breaks my heart. I know he was your baby, and I know you did the right thing for him. It sucks that the surgery wasn’t what we all had hoped. I know it was so stressful for you, I remember your posts back then. I’m glad to “hear” from you though (I don’t come here much anymore either but someone tagged me in their post, so I checked my alerts and saw your name). If you need to talk or vent, DMs go right to my email. Sending hugs
Thank you so much everyone. It helps to know there were so many people with me on the journey and we werent alone. I love "let his memory be a blessing".
I am so sorry for your loss. What a battle you and Shmee had for such a long time. And so many wonderful time together. It must be so hard for you now. My heart goes out for you. Please take good care of yourself
(((Amanda))) I’m just seeing this today but I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I remember your posts after his surgery and that his personality was not the same. I was so sad for you both and hoped time would bring him back. I’m sorry you both had to deal with diabetes again. Shmee could not have had a more loving mommy. I hope you have found peace in the love you share and that he is now whole and healthy again.
