Adoption

babyg

babyg

Very Active Member
Hi everyone,

As some of you may know, I lost my baby whom I had for 16 years about a month ago. I've been going to shelters looking to see if there's a cat for me, but I'm just confused. How do you know you're ready, and how do you know this one is "the one"? When I got my cat all those years ago, the minute she was in my arms she grabbed me fiercely and purred and purred and didn't want to leave me. I said "I want this one. She's the one." But even though I've since held cats that have purred and seemed sweet, I don't know that I've had an inner nudge like this is it. There's one cat I've seen a couple times now who is very sweet and gives kisses and love bites, but also can have a feisty side and bite/scratch. Kind of like a jekyll and Hyde. So I'm not sure. It's a huge commitment and responsibility for the next possibly 20 years of my life. How do you know?
 
CORKY said:
Cats always chooses , the owner not the other way around
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Thats what I always thought, but the rescue lady says I have high expectations and that im passing up a lot of really great cats because im looking for something I may not find. My cat definitely chose me.
Now this other cat i saw again today, I don't know what to think. She will lick me at times which I understand is a sign of affection. I havent had any other cats do that (even my own would rarely give me a kiss). So i don't know if im passing her up because she's not choosing me the way my cat did. Or maybe shes really just not the one. It's very hard. I honestly don't want any cat, I wish I still had mine. :(
 
I would give yourself a little grace and more time :bighug:. You have cared for Baby G for so long, and sometimes it is hard to transition to opening your heart again to another kitty. Try not to compare, and be open to the new kitty and what they have as their own individual characteristics and personality. No kitty will ever replace Baby G but I’ve always felt that your heart just makes room to love a new one.
 
babyg said:
Thats what I always thought, but the rescue lady says I have high expectations and that im passing up a lot of really great cats because im looking for something I may not find. My cat definitely chose me.
Now this other cat i saw again today, I don't know what to think. She will lick me at times which I understand is a sign of affection. I havent had any other cats do that (even my own would rarely give me a kiss). So i don't know if im passing her up because she's not choosing me the way my cat did. Or maybe shes really just not the one. It's very hard. I honestly don't want any cat, I wish I still had mine. :(
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follow your instincts, is hard I assume that you probably think of the cat you lost, and is hard to identify which one to pick, your instinct will be your best choice
 
It took me 4 years before I thought I was ready after the loss of my prior kitty.
I thought about several cats I’d seen and then I saw Ivy’s picture and I fell in love with her and knew I had to adopt her.
Even before I met her I knew.
I went and picked her up from her adopted mom and that was it. She’s been my baby ever since.

So I’m sure it happens many ways where you will just get a feeling.

I hope when you are ready you will find each other and it will just feel right 💞
 
I think what I want is to feel chosen. If they choose me, I'll choose them back. Thats why I was trying to analyze her behavior. From what I am reading online, cats usually give licks as a sign of affection and to mark you. But I don't know if she does that with everyone.
 
I've only ever selected one cat in my life (Jude). It was a year or two after my previous cats had crossed the bridge, and I was missing having some babies to care for and to fill my heart and home, so I went to the Humane Society, and there sat a chunky cream-tabby under a chair in the corner, hiding from the other cats, sneaking out when he saw the coast was clear to grab some kibble from the food bowl. His daddy had died, and he ended up in the rescue. I felt so sorry for him, and I could tell that the rescue environment was stressing him out (they had a common area for the cats--and didn't have them in crates!). I was worried about his size (xxlg), and I asked my vet if I should be, and he said that it's likely his daddy had been over-feeding him, and that he was probably fine. So, I felt that I could help him have a happier life, and I went a couple of days later and adopted him. All of my other (four indoor) cats came to me through the Universal Cat Distribution System. Hazel was a young feral and would come to the front door to be fed (she literally stood on her hind feet and begged). I saw her in the neighborhood, trying to get away from the toms. So I trapped her, had her spayed, and she became a part of the family. The triples' feral mama brought them to me when they were tinies. I had them spay/neutered, cleared up their ring-worm (then cleared up my ring-worm), and tried to find them homes, but no one even nibbled at these three beautiful tuxedo babies. So now they are also mine. None of them truly selected me, and I didn't truly select them--I believe the UCDS does the job for us. Look around to see who needs you the most.
 
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Don't feel that you need to get a cat right away. Give yourself time :bighug: It took a year after Squishy to get another cat. Squishy sent me Leroy of all cats :facepalm: The story is here.

It's ok to look around to see what available cats are out there. If none seem right, then keep looking. Don't force yourself to get another cat just because you miss your previous one because most likely you'll regret it later. Someone on another cat board had to put her cat down and not 4 days later adopted another cat because it looked almost exactly like the previous cat. Almost immediately the person regretted it. The cat was just not normal - super skittish, absolutely hated noises of any kind, and didn't act like a normal cat. Even months later the cat was still not right.

Consider adopting a senior cat. Kittens are cute and all that but they need a lot of time and patience.

Maybe you look into fostering for a shelter or rescue. It will help fill the hole in your heart a bit and you don't have a long time committment.
 
I agree with the others, take your time to decide. You have been so wound up in Baby's care that you need time to decompress.

As someone who worked in a shelter in the past, I always felt sorry for those kitties that weren't so good at marketing themselves. The ones in the corner or hiding or fearful like @Mary & Jude describes. The older ones are also harder to find homes, but can be just as loving. My favourite phrase from a potential adopter was someone who asked "who is your oldest cat here or the one who has been here the longest?".

Neko was at the shelter for the second time, her buddy Theo had been there for 7 years and semi feral at the shelter but the most affectionate cat ever once he got used to house living. Before him I adopted a 12 year old stray, likely from a hoarding situation and hissy to those he didn't know. Our first cat was from someone moving to a place where she couldn't keep cats. My favourite breed is rescue.
 
Thanks, everyone, for sharing your advice and experiences.

I'm noticing I feel worse after going to the shelters because it's stressful trying to make sure I don't pass up "the one" and end up with the wrong one, and then when I leave empty-handed, seeing how none of them are like my girl, it makes me miss her even more. It reminds me how special she was and how deep our bond was, and how I now don't have that anymore and may never have something similar again. It stirs up the grief even worse.

I just feel conflicted about the cat I saw today. It was my second time seeing her and I still don't know how to truly rule her "in or out." Waiting for that "aha!" Moment where you just know.

Maybe I do need more time before trying again.
 
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Mary & Jude said:
Universal Cat Distribution System.
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lol, I hadn’t heard that but it’s sooo true! I’ve too have only “chosen” one of my cats. The rest arrive via fate, consequence, irresponsible humans, or the invisible sign that apparently hangs over my front door. :cat: Now I have a name for it.

What I’ve found over the years is that “zero” is the most difficult number. If you have three cats and have to say goodbye to one, the others often help you through the transition. There’s still that furry life force in your home whom you share space with, need to care for, and perhaps makes you laugh through your tears. Then when you decide to add another, you’re doing just that — adding. It doesn’t feel as much like a replacement. But when you lose your one and only cat and drop to zero, it can open a floodgate of emotions and getting another can make one feel like they’re replacing their beloved friend.

babyg said:
I think what I want is to feel chosen.
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I completely understand that. And they do truly choose their humans sometimes — we just don’t always understand their “tells.”

I never find the next pet when I’m looking. It’s too easy to overanalyze, question, put pressure on ourselves to “get it right.” I like the fostering suggestion. It can be a good bridge to a longer term commitment. Or maybe a trial run with the cat you are interested in, with no commitment to adopt?

I’ve evolved into taking in primarily those that no one else wants. They can truly be the most appreciative and loving ones, if only given the chance.

I have a few rescues that I’ve taken in this summer — I wish I could find people as kind, committed, and thoughtful as you are to adopt them.
 
JL and Chip said:
lol, I hadn’t heard that but it’s sooo true! I’ve too have only “chosen” one of my cats. The rest arrive via fate, consequence, irresponsible humans, or the invisible sign that apparently hangs over my front door. :cat: Now I have a name for it.

What I’ve found over the years is that “zero” is the most difficult number. If you have three cats and have to say goodbye to one, the others often help you through the transition. There’s still that furry life force in your home whom you share space with, need to care for, and perhaps makes you laugh through your tears. Then when you decide to add another, you’re doing just that — adding. It doesn’t feel as much like a replacement. But when you lose your one and only cat and drop to zero, it can open a floodgate of emotions and getting another can make one feel like they’re replacing their beloved friend.


I completely understand that. And they do truly choose their humans sometimes — we just don’t always understand their “tells.”

I never find the next pet when I’m looking. It’s too easy to overanalyze, question, put pressure on ourselves to “get it right.” I like the fostering suggestion. It can be a good bridge to a longer term commitment. Or maybe a trial run with the cat you are interested in, with no commitment to adopt?

I’ve evolved into taking in primarily those that no one else wants. They can truly be the most appreciative and loving ones, if only given the chance.

I have a few rescues that I’ve taken in this summer — I wish I could find people as kind, committed, and thoughtful as you are to adopt them.
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I’m sure your instincts will take right to that special one!!!🐱🐈🐈‍⬛
 
Today the shelter lady suggested doing a trial adoption with the cat in question, but I don't think I could bring the cat back if it didn't work out because how could I? I would feel like the worst person ever. So my plan is to see her one last and final time tomorrow to rule her in or out, and if it's a no, then I'm going to take a break from looking for a while.
 
Could you volunteer as foster? I am doing this right now. I lost my Bella in January and am still not sure, but we missed so much having a cat at home, my son and I (and my daughter, but she is in college now and not at home all the time anymore). My husband is another story, he does not like cats.
Last Thursday I took a foster cat and I am trying to decide if we'll keep her, but even if I don't end up keeping her, I am helping her, it does not feel like abandoning a cat you would have adopted and brought back. She was in a cage at the shelter and needed a place to be happy and get used to people while waiting to be spayed and adopted. Of course we might keep her, she will let us know if that's what she wants, I am sure.
And, my husband seems to get used to her and even like her :-)
I understand your position, I found myself with her in my arms and almost wanting to cry because she's not Bella. How lucky we are to have known cats like them, right? ❤️ :bighug:
 
Wendy&Neko said:
I agree with the others, take your time to decide. You have been so wound up in Baby's care that you need time to decompress.

As someone who worked in a shelter in the past, I always felt sorry for those kitties that weren't so good at marketing themselves. The ones in the corner or hiding or fearful like @Mary & Jude describes. The older ones are also harder to find homes, but can be just as loving. My favourite phrase from a potential adopter was someone who asked "who is your oldest cat here or the one who has been here the longest?".

Neko was at the shelter for the second time, her buddy Theo had been there for 7 years and semi feral at the shelter but the most affectionate cat ever once he got used to house living. Before him I adopted a 12 year old stray, likely from a hoarding situation and hissy to those he didn't know. Our first cat was from someone moving to a place where she couldn't keep cats. My favourite breed is rescue.
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“My favorite breed is rescue.” YES! ❤️❤️❤️
 
The cat I was initially interested in is a bully to the other cats, and even when one kitten was snuggling on my lap and being a cuddle bug, for some reason it's like I have a heart of stone and can't seem to melt enough to adopt anyone. I don't understand it.

I dislike it too when they push you to adopt in pairs. I understand the concept behind that and think it's awesome especially if they're bonded, but in my opinion it's really asking for a lot from the potential owner, or at least from me. You're asking for me to have a connection with more than one cat in this one single moment, but I'm lucky if I'll have that with even one cat now. Doesn't mean I couldn't and then could add to the household a buddy later.

Think I'm just going to take a break from looking.
 
As everyone said follow your instincts. You will know when it is the right time and right cats.

Also, don't be afraid to give another diabetic cat a home. Four of the cats I adopted were diabetic when I adopted them.

I also have adopted fiesty cats. I loved them dearly and would not change a thing about their personalites. In fact my latest is a spicy cat and I love her very much, even when she is a brat at times. 😻
 
Over the years we always had two cats at a time of different ages and often a dog. We had a one year old puppy when the last kitty passed
at 15. I just missed having a cat so much and at the end summer 17 years ago that's all I wanted for my birthday. Got a rescue
just fixed and must have been starving and was a bit feral and very smart. I began to wonder what I had done as I never had a cat
like that before. He and the dog bonded, after two years he finally believed there would always be food available and he helped
heal the kitty hole in my heart. The dog is gone now and he misses her but has bonded to us and is a joy each day.

May you find a furry to heal your heart when you are ready or one finds you.
 
babyg said:
The cat I was initially interested in is a bully to the other cats, and even when one kitten was snuggling on my lap and being a cuddle bug, for some reason it's like I have a heart of stone and can't seem to melt enough to adopt anyone. I don't understand it.
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That sounds like my Callie. When I went to the shelter, she had been spayed that day and I could not adopt her. That was New Years Eve. I had to work on Jan 2nd so I sent my sister to get her for me. She called me later and asked me if I really wanted her. She apparently had all of the other kittens backed into a corner in the cage. 😹 I said yes.

She had the biggest calitude and it she wasn't afraid to show it throughout her life. But she was also so sweet to me. I lost her several years ago, and miss her sassy attitude.
 
Going to see the torbie again today. Guess my break wasn't very long-lived. I miss having a baby. Nights are the hardest.
She let me rub her belly, is playful, seems very trusting, and snuggled a little. I don't know though if she "picked" me. But I'd like to see her again. She kind of looks a little like mine was she was a baby.
 
babyg said:
Going to see the torbie again today. Guess my break wasn't very long-lived. I miss having a baby. Nights are the hardest.
She let me rub her belly, is playful, seems very trusting, and snuggled a little. I don't know though if she "picked" me. But I'd like to see her again. She kind of looks a little like mine was she was a baby.
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GO FOR IT!! follow your instinct take her home!! :bighug:;)
 
One of my concerns too, which I dont really think it's valid but it's there nonetheless, is i am a little allergic to cats. Obviously mine was a long hair and I did it for 16 years. But now not having a cat, I rarely sneeze and my nose is clear. The torbie is a short hair so that may help but I did sneeze and sniffle a little after I left last time.
 
The torbie is sweet and she cries if you put her back in her cage because she wants to be out. But I don't know, I didn't feel anything again.

However, the white one from before jumped up on my lap and she rubbed her head on my face. She has moments she does things that make me think she really likes me but then she has moments she doesn't seem to want to be bothered. She definitely has the most interesting personality. But I just don't know. I don't know what I'm looking for. It's like I'm numb and can't bring myself to say yes to anybody. My sister asked me today what would convince me and I don't know.
 
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My two cents is that there are so many lovely pets waiting for a loving home through no fault of theirs. Although my heart ached when my cat passed, I adopted, because I felt he would want me to keep giving a loving home to kitties who need it.

I grieve for a long time, but those cats need a home, like, yesterday.
 
Cat adoption saga continues. :(
Saw the white cat today (again). She licked my chin and did a lot of head bunting. Lovable gal, though I think she may be sweet to everyone, not just me. I still haven't had an "aha this is the one" moment, but then do I have to for it to be right? I wonder if because of my grief and previous experience if that's why it's harder to process everything. I do know I'm scared of vet bills and the stressful side of owning a cat again, like when they get sick and you worry about them. But anything can happen to anyone at any time so no one can predict that.
All I know is I really like her and keep wanting to see her.

The torbie is super sweet and I like her a lot. Her little cries pull my heartstrings. But the white one is still my fave. Shame they don't seem to get along because maybe they could be adopted together.

I know I need to decide soon because otherwise someone will come along and decide for me.
 
Well, I think I may take the plunge today and ask for the white cat. Hope I'm making the right choice. I just don't know what else I could be looking for. She gives kisses, head bunting, talks, purrs, will let me pick her up for hugs. She's maybe a little older than I was initially looking for (she's 6 to 8 months) but she's still very young.
 
So right when I go to pull the trigger, this all happens.....
Mind you, the sign by the cat's cage says all vet work complete, but as I ask questions before adopting, I find out 1) the cat has not been triple checked for FIV, FELV, etc.. And still needs another ear mite treatment as they are dealing with an outbreak there. They said they'll get her tested this week and get back to me and we can go from there if I'm adopting or not.

Also found out I'm not the only one she headbunts so now I don't feel that special:( lol.

I don't know, I thought the triple test was like cat 101? And she's out and about with other cats. Is this normal for cats from shelters to not have been tested and to have ear mites? When I adopted my cat, that was 16 years ago and she had EVERYTHING done before I got her.
 
babyg said:
Thats what I always thought, but the rescue lady says I have high expectations and that im passing up a lot of really great cats because im looking for something I may not find. My cat definitely chose me.
Now this other cat i saw again today, I don't know what to think. She will lick me at times which I understand is a sign of affection. I havent had any other cats do that (even my own would rarely give me a kiss). So i don't know if im passing her up because she's not choosing me the way my cat did. Or maybe shes really just not the one. It's very hard. I honestly don't want any cat, I wish I still had mine. :(
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Maybe she has her own way of choosing that is different from Baby G! She is her own cat!
 
Update. Cat was tested negative for FIV and FELV. She's very sweet like I said so I'm scared to pass her up but I'm also scared to get her because why don't I have that feeling or thought that she's the one. This has been so emotionally taxing.
 
babyg said:
Update. Cat was tested negative for FIV and FELV. She's very sweet like I said so I'm scared to pass her up but I'm also scared to get her because why don't I have that feeling or thought that she's the one. This has been so emotionally taxing.
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You know what…. she needs you… whether you think she’s “the one” or not. It’s not all about you…. It’s about you two together. When you two are together in your home there will be a new dynamic. You are WAY over thinking and over emotionalizing this decision. I do understand this because of the bond that you and BabyG shared, but it’s a new day and a new relationship with a new cat who can never replace BabyG …. Can never be BabyG…. nor should she be. However she needs you to love her for her own sweet self and it sounds like she has a lot of love to give in return.
 
When I went to look at the two orange kittens that a foster mom had just gotten from
a large shelter, one had a heart condition and the other was my current kitty. Didn't know
anything about him nor did the foster mom who'd had him just 24 hours. But I wanted a
kitty and so I took him home and it was an adjustment. I wondered at times if I'd made the
right decision so quickly. But as time went on and he settled in and fell in love with the dog, he made me
laugh and we grew together. I didn't feel he's the one, just grabbed the one that didn't have heart issues
as I wasn't ready after dealing with FD to take on the heart fella.

There are lotsa "ones" out there and if you like the white one and feel comfortable with her, maybe don't overthink it.
 
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