Adoption

[babyg]

Hi everyone,

As some of you may know, I lost my baby whom I had for 16 years about a month ago. I've been going to shelters looking to see if there's a cat for me, but I'm just confused. How do you know you're ready, and how do you know this one is "the one"? When I got my cat all those years ago, the minute she was in my arms she grabbed me fiercely and purred and purred and didn't want to leave me. I said "I want this one. She's the one." But even though I've since held cats that have purred and seemed sweet, I don't know that I've had an inner nudge like this is it. There's one cat I've seen a couple times now who is very sweet and gives kisses and love bites, but also can have a feisty side and bite/scratch. Kind of like a jekyll and Hyde. So I'm not sure. It's a huge commitment and responsibility for the next possibly 20 years of my life. How do you know?

 

[CORKY]

Cats always chooses , the owner not the other way around

 

[babyg]

Cats always chooses , the owner not the other way around

Thats what I always thought, but the rescue lady says I have high expectations and that im passing up a lot of really great cats because im looking for something I may not find. My cat definitely chose me.
Now this other cat i saw again today, I don't know what to think. She will lick me at times which I understand is a sign of affection. I havent had any other cats do that (even my own would rarely give me a kiss). So i don't know if im passing her up because she's not choosing me the way my cat did. Or maybe shes really just not the one. It's very hard. I honestly don't want any cat, I wish I still had mine.

 

[Christie & Maverick]

I would give yourself a little grace and more time . You have cared for Baby G for so long, and sometimes it is hard to transition to opening your heart again to another kitty. Try not to compare, and be open to the new kitty and what they have as their own individual characteristics and personality. No kitty will ever replace Baby G but I’ve always felt that your heart just makes room to love a new one.

 

[CORKY]

Thats what I always thought, but the rescue lady says I have high expectations and that im passing up a lot of really great cats because im looking for something I may not find. My cat definitely chose me.
Now this other cat i saw again today, I don't know what to think. She will lick me at times which I understand is a sign of affection. I havent had any other cats do that (even my own would rarely give me a kiss). So i don't know if im passing her up because she's not choosing me the way my cat did. Or maybe shes really just not the one. It's very hard. I honestly don't want any cat, I wish I still had mine.

follow your instincts, is hard I assume that you probably think of the cat you lost, and is hard to identify which one to pick, your instinct will be your best choice

 

[Staci & Ivy]

It took me 4 years before I thought I was ready after the loss of my prior kitty.
I thought about several cats I’d seen and then I saw Ivy’s picture and I fell in love with her and knew I had to adopt her.
Even before I met her I knew.
I went and picked her up from her adopted mom and that was it. She’s been my baby ever since.

So I’m sure it happens many ways where you will just get a feeling.

I hope when you are ready you will find each other and it will just feel right

 

[babyg]

I think what I want is to feel chosen. If they choose me, I'll choose them back. Thats why I was trying to analyze her behavior. From what I am reading online, cats usually give licks as a sign of affection and to mark you. But I don't know if she does that with everyone.

 

[Mary & Jude]

I've only ever selected one cat in my life (Jude). It was a year or two after my previous cats had crossed the bridge, and I was missing having some babies to care for and to fill my heart and home, so I went to the Humane Society, and there sat a chunky cream-tabby under a chair in the corner, hiding from the other cats, sneaking out when he saw the coast was clear to grab some kibble from the food bowl. His daddy had died, and he ended up in the rescue. I felt so sorry for him, and I could tell that the rescue environment was stressing him out (they had a common area for the cats--and didn't have them in crates!). I was worried about his size (xxlg), and I asked my vet if I should be, and he said that it's likely his daddy had been over-feeding him, and that he was probably fine. So, I felt that I could help him have a happier life, and I went a couple of days later and adopted him. All of my other (four indoor) cats came to me through the Universal Cat Distribution System. Hazel was a young feral and would come to the front door to be fed (she literally stood on her hind feet and begged). I saw her in the neighborhood, trying to get away from the toms. So I trapped her, had her spayed, and she became a part of the family. The triples' feral mama brought them to me when they were tinies. I had them spay/neutered, cleared up their ring-worm (then cleared up my ring-worm), and tried to find them homes, but no one even nibbled at these three beautiful tuxedo babies. So now they are also mine. None of them truly selected me, and I didn't truly select them--I believe the UCDS does the job for us. Look around to see who needs you the most.

 

[squeem3]

Don't feel that you need to get a cat right away. Give yourself time It took a year after Squishy to get another cat. Squishy sent me Leroy of all cats The story is here.

It's ok to look around to see what available cats are out there. If none seem right, then keep looking. Don't force yourself to get another cat just because you miss your previous one because most likely you'll regret it later. Someone on another cat board had to put her cat down and not 4 days later adopted another cat because it looked almost exactly like the previous cat. Almost immediately the person regretted it. The cat was just not normal - super skittish, absolutely hated noises of any kind, and didn't act like a normal cat. Even months later the cat was still not right.

Consider adopting a senior cat. Kittens are cute and all that but they need a lot of time and patience.

Maybe you look into fostering for a shelter or rescue. It will help fill the hole in your heart a bit and you don't have a long time committment.

 

[Wendy&Neko]

I agree with the others, take your time to decide. You have been so wound up in Baby's care that you need time to decompress.

As someone who worked in a shelter in the past, I always felt sorry for those kitties that weren't so good at marketing themselves. The ones in the corner or hiding or fearful like @Mary & Jude describes. The older ones are also harder to find homes, but can be just as loving. My favourite phrase from a potential adopter was someone who asked "who is your oldest cat here or the one who has been here the longest?".

Neko was at the shelter for the second time, her buddy Theo had been there for 7 years and semi feral at the shelter but the most affectionate cat ever once he got used to house living. Before him I adopted a 12 year old stray, likely from a hoarding situation and hissy to those he didn't know. Our first cat was from someone moving to a place where she couldn't keep cats. My favourite breed is rescue.

 

[babyg]

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your advice and experiences.

I'm noticing I feel worse after going to the shelters because it's stressful trying to make sure I don't pass up "the one" and end up with the wrong one, and then when I leave empty-handed, seeing how none of them are like my girl, it makes me miss her even more. It reminds me how special she was and how deep our bond was, and how I now don't have that anymore and may never have something similar again. It stirs up the grief even worse.

I just feel conflicted about the cat I saw today. It was my second time seeing her and I still don't know how to truly rule her "in or out." Waiting for that "aha!" Moment where you just know.

Maybe I do need more time before trying again.

 

[JL and Chip]

Universal Cat Distribution System.

lol, I hadn’t heard that but it’s sooo true! I’ve too have only “chosen” one of my cats. The rest arrive via fate, consequence, irresponsible humans, or the invisible sign that apparently hangs over my front door. Now I have a name for it.

What I’ve found over the years is that “zero” is the most difficult number. If you have three cats and have to say goodbye to one, the others often help you through the transition. There’s still that furry life force in your home whom you share space with, need to care for, and perhaps makes you laugh through your tears. Then when you decide to add another, you’re doing just that — adding. It doesn’t feel as much like a replacement. But when you lose your one and only cat and drop to zero, it can open a floodgate of emotions and getting another can make one feel like they’re replacing their beloved friend.

I think what I want is to feel chosen.

I completely understand that. And they do truly choose their humans sometimes — we just don’t always understand their “tells.”

I never find the next pet when I’m looking. It’s too easy to overanalyze, question, put pressure on ourselves to “get it right.” I like the fostering suggestion. It can be a good bridge to a longer term commitment. Or maybe a trial run with the cat you are interested in, with no commitment to adopt?

I’ve evolved into taking in primarily those that no one else wants. They can truly be the most appreciative and loving ones, if only given the chance.

I have a few rescues that I’ve taken in this summer — I wish I could find people as kind, committed, and thoughtful as you are to adopt them.

 

[CORKY]

lol, I hadn’t heard that but it’s sooo true! I’ve too have only “chosen” one of my cats. The rest arrive via fate, consequence, irresponsible humans, or the invisible sign that apparently hangs over my front door. Now I have a name for it.

What I’ve found over the years is that “zero” is the most difficult number. If you have three cats and have to say goodbye to one, the others often help you through the transition. There’s still that furry life force in your home whom you share space with, need to care for, and perhaps makes you laugh through your tears. Then when you decide to add another, you’re doing just that — adding. It doesn’t feel as much like a replacement. But when you lose your one and only cat and drop to zero, it can open a floodgate of emotions and getting another can make one feel like they’re replacing their beloved friend.


I completely understand that. And they do truly choose their humans sometimes — we just don’t always understand their “tells.”

I never find the next pet when I’m looking. It’s too easy to overanalyze, question, put pressure on ourselves to “get it right.” I like the fostering suggestion. It can be a good bridge to a longer term commitment. Or maybe a trial run with the cat you are interested in, with no commitment to adopt?

I’ve evolved into taking in primarily those that no one else wants. They can truly be the most appreciative and loving ones, if only given the chance.

I have a few rescues that I’ve taken in this summer — I wish I could find people as kind, committed, and thoughtful as you are to adopt them.

I’m sure your instincts will take right to that special one!!!