Thank you everyone, it means everything to me to have you. My heart is broken. I wish there was a "stop crying" pill. I'm off work for the next four days using vacation days for yesterday and today.
I could have taken her home for one more night, the vet said she should make it through another day, but that would have been torture for both of us and she wouldn't have been able to move. It sounds like a blood clot but I am fuzzy on the details of why her kidneys just stopped. I sat with her in the grieving room with my mom for awhile. They took her to give her sedation and brought her back to sit with me. I was sitting forward on the couch and Chyna was in her carrier set down beside me. Despite her weak back legs, she leaped out of the bottom half of the carrier and crawled behind me. I got up to turn around and kneel to pet and kiss her as she went to sleep. In true Chyna fashion, she decided to give me one last puke into the corner of the couch (stomach acid, I presume as she hadn't had her pills). I stayed with her till she was asleep but I couldn't watch them do the final part. I wish I'd known before we left for the vet that was the last time I would hold her. She was too upset for cuddles at the vet until she was sedated. I feel terrible her last hours were spent there alone and getting tested. :sad:
I didn't realize what a big part of her life was mine. Clocks and schedules and routines. Test, feed, shoot, pokie check, make catsicles, set the autotimer, pills. Not to mention the hundreds of times I go to look for her to see her and kiss her. I spent the late afternoon and supper with my parents at their house. Mom came over for a few hours and helped me take all Chynas things to "her" room and I have the door shut for now. I still see her everywhere. I dread her supplies coming in that are on order. I will write a tribute soon, but at the moment I am drained...I am trying to remember the happy times but all I can think of is she isn't here.
This board helped me have my girl around for another year and a half after diagnosis, and helped me get through it, so thank you from the bottom of my heart :YMHUG: