GA 3/12 *Gremlin* Saying goodbye

Laura and Gremlin (GA)

Laura and Gremlin (GA)

Member Since 2015
Just thought I'd update you all and let you know that I'm saying goodbye to Gremlin in about half an hour.

After breakfast this morning he kept gagging, drooling, clawing at his mouth and feeling generally horrible. It didn't go away so I took him to the vet in the middle of the day. She gave him a Bupe injection. The Bupe made him slightly more comfortable, I even got a purr but he has continued to be really agitated with his mouth area so I've made the hardest decision to let him go.

19 years old. Diabetic for 6+ of those. As well as so many other conditions. He's had an amazing life. I'm going to miss him so incredibly much!! I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. No more shots, alarms, racing home during lunch breaks, kitty litter messes, howling during the night, morning cuddles, loud purrs, licks like sandpaper... I'm devastated.
 
I just want to take it all back. I want him back. My heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I just want my Gremmy back! Even just one more night! :arghh: I have so much regret. I hate myself right now.
 
Laura and Gremlin said:
I just want to take it all back. I want him back. My heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I just want my Gremmy back! Even just one more night! :arghh: I have so much regret. I hate myself right now.
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Don’t hate yourself. It is very hard doing what you have just done. But remember you gave him the greatest gift of love you could have given him.
He is at peace now and I’m sure thanking you. Remember he is never far away. All you have to do is think of him and he will visit you in your mind.:bighug:
Fly free beautiful Gremlin and land softly at the rainbow bridge :rb_icon:cat_wings>o
 
A wise and kind vet told me when Tiffany was nearing the end that I would have to make the same heart wrenching decision because she wouldn’t do it for me as we were so bonded. He told me when the time came I should have no regrets. This same was true of you and Gremlin. I never forgot those words when I again had to make that decision for Max. We do this from love. We never want them to suffer. :bighug:
 
Don't hate yourself Laura. You know in your heart you gave Gremlin a great life full of love and care and that this is not what he would have wanted. The only regrets I've had was not taking them in sooner or the worst of all, not being there. What you did took courage and was a gift, I honestly believe that. Those are just words from a stranger right now but they're from someone who really does know how you're feeling. I know I'm not the only one. :bighug:
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
Just thought I'd update you all and let you know that I'm saying goodbye to Gremlin in about half an hour.

After breakfast this morning he kept gagging, drooling, clawing at his mouth and feeling generally horrible. It didn't go away so I took him to the vet in the middle of the day. She gave him a Bupe injection. The Bupe made him slightly more comfortable, I even got a purr but he has continued to be really agitated with his mouth area so I've made the hardest decision to let him go.

19 years old. Diabetic for 6+ of those. As well as so many other conditions. He's had an amazing life. I'm going to miss him so incredibly much!! I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. No more shots, alarms, racing home during lunch breaks, kitty litter messes, howling during the night, morning cuddles, loud purrs, licks like sandpaper... I'm devastated.
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Oh, Laura! I really feel for you! I am very shocked at this news and am crying. I cannot currently be eloquent at a time like this, or offer platitudes related to your decision, or your loss and grief.

This is a tremendous loss. But what else is tremendous is the love that you lived out for Gremlin. I learned from you. I was inspired by you. You are amazing. Gremlin was a really remarkable cat. Your care for him was so good. You got him to 19 years. 19 years of great quality of life! I have never had a cat live that long.

See… my stupid, stilted words are nothing. But I really care about this. I am so sorry. So very sad.
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
I just want to take it all back. I want him back. My heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I just want my Gremmy back! Even just one more night! :arghh: I have so much regret. I hate myself right now.
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I know this feeling exactly. I wrote other words in a different post, but I know what you are going through. Hugs and hugs and more hugs. Hang in there. This is going to take a long time… I wish I could do something!!…
 
Oh Laura! I'm crying with you right now. :( I remember once you said to us that Gremlin is older than your son. That struck me hard, as my own kitties have been with me for less time but they have seen me through thick and thin. The bond you had with him is real, and managing all of his very difficult issues was pure, absolute, devoted love that went both ways. I know you will feel a hole in your heart for a very long time. We grieve with you. Come here if you need to talk. Sending you the biggest, sobbing hug from thousands of miles away.
 
Dear Laura, nearly 5 weeks ago I had to make the same decision. I totally understand how much you wish you could walk back your decision and have your precious Gremlin back. I understand your feeling of hatred for yourself, that you did the wrong thing, that you want him back if only for just one more day. I go through that guilt as well. Was it too soon? Could he get better, could you have somehow cured him? That one more day would have been one more day of pain and suffering for Gremlin. Instead you gave him another gift of love just as you always did. You did the selfless act of letting him go to fly free, not held down with pain and suffering. Letting him go was your greatest gift of love and I promise you he is so grateful for all the love you gave to him. He knew your struggles to set him free and how brave you were to honor him by this final act of love. I know this is true for my Dolly as well. It’s probably the most difficult thing you have ever done but also the most loving. I walk in pain and sorrow with you Laura, that is the cost of loving and loss. He will be forever in your heart, the memories just a thought away. I am so deeply sorry. Fly free sweet Gremlin. cat_wings>o Enjoy seeing and playing with your friends at the :rb_icon: bridge, Dolly will be waiting there to greet you.
 
((((Laura))))

It's been quite some time since I was in the same position -- knowing that I had to choose between having Gabby with me (likely for only a short time as she was in multi-organ failure) or helping her to have a peaceful crossing. It was an extremely hard decision but one that was based in compassion for my companion. Closing her spreadsheet, which was always open on my computer, felt so final. It's also why I wrote Gabby's Legacy which is in my signature. Much of what you described in in that post. All of that said, they never do leave us. Their paw prints are indelibly on our hearts.
 
Oh Laura :bighug::bighug::bighug: I'm so saddened to hear this news and wish there was something I could say to make the heartbreak easier. Grem is having the best time at the rainbow bridge, most likely sharing what a wonderful mama bean he had:rb_icon: Fly free sweet, Grem cat_wings>o Many hugs, Laura.
 
Yesterday I felt numb. I couldn't cry anymore. I'm barely eating and only slept from sheer exhaustion. Today I am teary again but at work so trying to keep busy. I miss him so very much! Every time I clean the litter and don't have to dig his trench at the back, I cry. Feeding my civvies this morning took all of 30 seconds instead of 15 minutes and that made me cry. No cuddles in bed to wake me up anymore. He was the cuddliest of boys and actually enjoyed being hugged. My civvies rarely tolerate a proper hug and won't hop into bed with me for a cuddle. Luna is out of sorts still, it will take her time just like me. Buster is even more smoochy than usual but otherwise fine. They are adjusting well to being fed less often which is good. It feels so strange not having Gremlin around anymore. Not having all his stuff from one end of the house to the other. I keep expecting him to appear... I'm guessing this will change once I receive his ashes back. It hurts so much.
Thank you everyone so much for your care and support. Our sugar babies are just so precious. The bond is a unique one.
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
Yesterday I felt numb. I couldn't cry anymore. I'm barely eating and only slept from sheer exhaustion. Today I am teary again but at work so trying to keep busy. I miss him so very much! Every time I clean the litter and don't have to dig his trench at the back, I cry. Feeding my civvies this morning took all of 30 seconds instead of 15 minutes and that made me cry. No cuddles in bed to wake me up anymore. He was the cuddliest of boys and actually enjoyed being hugged. My civvies rarely tolerate a proper hug and won't hop into bed with me for a cuddle. Luna is out of sorts still, it will take her time just like me. Buster is even more smoochy than usual but otherwise fine. They are adjusting well to being fed less often which is good. It feels so strange not having Gremlin around anymore. Not having all his stuff from one end of the house to the other. I keep expecting him to appear... I'm guessing this will change once I receive his ashes back. It hurts so much.
Thank you everyone so much for your care and support. Our sugar babies are just so precious. The bond is a unique one.
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The bond is a unique one. You are right. I still can’t quite figure it out. It’s been very different for me, grieving Darcy that I lost this past June, compared with losing others that I also did genuinely love. Getting the ashes back for me is very sad. It makes everything so real and final… I find it to be very hard all over again.
 
Due to timber shortages here, I most likely won't get Gremlin's ashes home until the new year.
I feel like I haven't had proper closure yet. Like he might still come home. It doesn't seem real. All my previous cats I've brought their bodies home and buried them. I left Grem at the vet... I wish so much that he was coming home, alive and well.
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
I just want to take it all back. I want him back. My heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I just want my Gremmy back! Even just one more night! :arghh: I have so much regret. I hate myself right now.
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Laura, I know how that feels, I lost my Saskia in August (civvie girl) and I would give so much just to have the last night she was around back again so that I could give her one more love, see her again, love her again.

Don't hate yourself, you had the chance to make sure that he passed as he lived, with your love surrounding him, rather than any of the horrible alternatives it could have been.

Sometimes the hardest part about loving them is that their lives are so short; but the thing that always helps is knowing that the life they have with you is 200% better than that he would have had with anyone else and they know how much you loved them.
 
Please don’t regret your choice, quality of life is far more important than quantity, and it looks like he got a good long haul. letting them go when it’s time is one of the greatest kindnesses we can give an animal.
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
Due to timber shortages here, I most likely won't get Gremlin's ashes home until the new year.
I feel like I haven't had proper closure yet. Like he might still come home. It doesn't seem real. All my previous cats I've brought their bodies home and buried them. I left Grem at the vet... I wish so much that he was coming home, alive and well.
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Oh, I know that feeling. I was just looking at Darcy’s photo on my big computer monitor this morning. He seemed so big and so close. I was thinking… oh, if I could only hold him again one more time.

I am sorry it will take so long to get Gremlin’s ashes back. That’s terrible :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
I'm so sorry for your loss, Laura. We never have enough time with them. You made a compassionate decision for Grem and put his needs before yours, by letting him fly free. You are such a kind person. Take care of yourself:bighug::bighug::bighug:.
 
Laura and Gremlin (GA) said:
Due to timber shortages here, I most likely won't get Gremlin's ashes home until the new year.
I feel like I haven't had proper closure yet. Like he might still come home. It doesn't seem real. All my previous cats I've brought their bodies home and buried them. I left Grem at the vet... I wish so much that he was coming home, alive and well.
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry Laura, I know how you feel about it not feeling real. Sending you healing prayers. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Dear Laura,
I am so sorry for the additional grief you are feeling, due to the timber shortage, and not feeling closure.
Always adored your precious "old man" Gremlin, and one time not that long ago, was surprised and relieved when you reported pretty good or encouraging news about him. Unbeknownst to me, I said bye to Tina the same day you said bye to Gremlin. An extremely large part of your expressions could have been mine. I spend less time with my 5 civvies with the feeding/health routines, than I spent with Tina alone.
Looking at Grem makes me smile and fill with sweetness. Such a precious soul. Love to you. Oh, the most loviest cat I pet sit, looks like Gremlin. :bighug::rb_icon::bighug:
 
I just found an old test strip on my microwave... Set me off again. I'm having a teary day.

And I went to the pet food store for the first time since he's passed. These things are difficult.
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain and know what you're going through. On Dec 7th we helped our sweet boy Frankie over the rainbow bridge too. It's one of the hardest things to have to do but I feel it is the most unselfish gift to them. As much as we love them and want to keep them in our lives, watching them in pain and discomfort is heartbreaking. You did the right thing and you also gave him a beautiful life. Your heart and home may feel empty and different for a while but he is with you there in spirit. :bighug::bighug:
 
Dear Laura, It is so difficult to make that decision, but your dear boy is no longer in pain and he will always be with you in that special place in your heart that belongs only to him. He is "in good paws" at the Bridge with many of his old pals. Gremlin loves you. Never regret that you helped him cross.

Fly free, sweet Gremlin. You are much loved. cat_wings>o
 
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