Hi Allison. When to let go is always hard and it just never gets easier. Cats and dogs will put up with incredible amounts of pain and just keep going without ever complaining. The problem with pain meds is that a human with a compound fracture can tell the nurse "Yes, that's better" and knows what to expect. But a cat that is suddenly stoned does not know what just hit him.
I don't want to abandon you but I also don't want to be the one idiot in the room that kills your cat when it could be something else. Even constipation can be quite painful. This is not about me but I have to say we have lost eight cats and a dog in three years and some were in pain so this is what we did.
Jasper was not in physical pain but because he could not make it to the litter box (he was living in our bedroom at that time) he had no dignity. That is a kind of pain and one day Cynthia and I just said "Why are we doing this to him".
Hannah was not in physical pain but had dementia so when a smart dog looks around and does not know where she is she had no pride and she knew that. Our vet opened on a Sunday morning for that.
Elmo was the smartest cat I've ever had but had liver and kidney disease. When he started sleeping in the shower we just let him be for a few days before his last car ride. He could have gone on for another three months but what was the point?
Sometimes I think if animals could talk they might say "I know you love me but right now you're not doing me any favours".
Jacob and Nigel both had cancer so we had them at home almost to the end. Using BUPE can be like playing with fire so we watched carefully for balance, eyesight, how the other cats reacted. They were both kept away from the stairs, the tub, toilet and sink and anything that could get knocked over and fall. I cannot remember the doses but we quadrupled Nigel's dose and he could still walk, knew where and who he was. Jacob was much the same but was terrified every time we came near him he'd be force fed his enormous diet of pills (he was misdiagnosed) so we just let him sleep under the bed for 48 hours.
Noah gets transdermal BUPE, I just tickle his ears twice a day. That is from a compounding pharmacy, it's expensive and the weekend is here so that might not be much help.
I cannot say "Oh if he's just howling you'll know it's time" because maybe a thorn is stuck in his pad. Too many "maybes"! Sometimes all that testing is for nothing, too many test results are open to interpretation. Even that is me giving you medical advice so I'm not saying "Do this, wink wink". You are the only one who knows and that Allison can be the loneliest feeling in the world.
Nigel was # 8 for us, I was so angry with God I almost put my hand through a window after that. That's when I got my PTSD diagnosis.
I'm not even going to re-read this post, it comes from my heart and not my head.
If anyone sees something I've said is wrong please correct me, this is not the time to be worried about how I feel. Everyone loves and cares about you Allison and your family. Be kind to yourself this weekend and the ones around you.
Come back kitty! 