Tinytowncatlady
Member Since 2021
This is a very very long post. It's not taken lightly and I've struggled with this long before Dexter's diagnosis of diabetes. This is a roller coaster and I don't know what is right for Dexter.
I am trying to get a decent amount of testing throughout today and tonight to get a good curve reading on Dexter's insulin and sugar readings. As I go back and edit this I realize that I've already missed several of the pre-planned testing times as I have been putting everything I'm feeling into words.
I'm struggling really really bad. I'm struggling for myself but I'm also struggling deeply for Dexter.
I scheduled an appointment for Friday with the vet to discuss his quality of life, diabetes diagnosis, changing insulin, what to do about his autoimmune and the need of steroids or an alternative.
Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. I spent a lot of the day crying and trying to see a light at the end of this tunnel.
I posted several times with questions concerning Dexter's diabetes but I haven't posted about his story and background.
This is very long but maybe I just need someone to say it is okay to let him go if I know he's suffering. I don't want his remaining days with me or years with me filled with him feeling tortured. He's already been through enough pain the past 3 years.
Dexter is 8 years old. He is my second oldest of seven cats that were all street rescues. He was 6 weeks old when he was rescued. Soon after we realized he was a very sick parasite ridden kitten.
I'd always been a dog mom to chihuahuas. I was just learning the world of felines. Dexter was our seventh rescue kitten. He spent multiple visits at Banfield for fluids from severe dehydration, multiple anti-parasitics and wormers. Then probiotics and a special high calorie diet for several weeks until he recovered.
When we moved an hour away we brought three of the cats with us and the others remained with my daughter. That was the end of 2013. In 2014 my youngest cat was three months shy of her fourth birthday when she died a horrible death from us saddle thrombosis on memorial Day. Dexter and dash my two male cats had a very difficult time with her passing.
My son had rescued a little kitten and we brought her into our family. Dexter instantly became her father and taught her how to be a cat. Dexter's third year he began putting on weight. I had already changed to mostly canned food with grain-free dry food as topper or treats. Hey loved playing with wand toys and could jump very high in the air even though he was a chunk.
I bought him an exercise wheel and he began using it regularly right away. He loves his wheel and walks and naps on it regularly. Even with his 15-lb body, he has been fairly healthy. He has had issues with black eye discharge that I refer to as eye boogers. This requires a warm wet cloth to loosen the crust on his eyes.
In July 2018, his entire face and ears erupted in weeping sores and blisters that crusted over. As the crust fell off so did his fur. Then I noticed multiple toenails had black crusting around them making it difficult to walk. After soaking his foot and removing the crust he had severe pus all around the nail beds. I didn't know what was wrong with my Dexter. All of my cats and my foster kittens were seen by our mobile vet that handles pretty much everything other than spay and neuters.
My daughter had recently taken her cat to a feline only practice so I figured if anybody knew cats they would be able to help. Dexter was examined from head to toe. The vet says she had never seen anything like that before. They may have done some blood work that day but I don't recall. If they did everything seemed normal. She wanted to check something and took him to another room where they shine a black light on him. She returned with a diagnosis of ringworm. This was based off of a tiny green dot located behind one ear. This was puzzling to me as there was no blisters or sores in that area. She said that didn't matter because that one dot was all that she needed as a diagnosis. She gave him an antibiotic injection and prescribed oral antifungal medication that had several warnings concerning dosages and complications. I was also to bathe him everyday for 2 weeks with expensive antifungal shampoo. Dexter cried and howled in pain because the soap burned his infected toenails. When he was not any better after a week and a half I called the vet and she told me to continue treatment and scheduled an appointment with a dermatology specialist for the following month. They did not know how much a visit would cost so I contacted the dermatology clinic to find out that an appointment was $300 plus the cost of skin scrapings that would be incubated for 30 days before they could diagnose or treat him. I could not let him suffer another 30 to 60 days so I canceled that appointment and took him to the mobile vet that it's in all of my cats and foster kittens in his veterinary clinic on wheels. 25+ years ago he decided to be a mobile vet because he wanted to go to the ones that needed him the most. It was never about the money but about his love for animals.
After checking Dexter out he said it definitely did not look like ringworm. Even though he didn't know for sure what it was, he said it appeared that his body was having an autoimmune response. Dexter was already tested for FIV and FELV and was negative. He said we could try a steroid shot to see if it would help his body stop attacking itself. Within 2 days the blisters started to go away and new fur began to grow. That shot lasted approximately 3 months. Then I noticed his toenails started becoming infected again. His eyes became very weepy and I took him back to Dr Herron after doing lots of research. From what I could find his symptoms closely matched an autoimmune disease pemphigus foliaceus. The course of treatment was pretty much steroids. There wasn't really a cure just treatment but the hope of remission. In order to be formally diagnosed with it it would require a skin scraping with an active pustule. I didn't see the need to go through all of that with Dexter if the treatment would still be oral steroids which we tried but couldn't get him to take. So one shot every few months seemed to keep things under control. When he would start having symptoms I would take him to My mobile vet and he would examine him and give him another steroid injection. A few times he needed an antibiotic because he had a slight temperature.
After my experience with the cat clinic I continued to use the mobile that for all of our veterinary needs. I had taken many foster kittens to him for shots and illnesses and he showed me how to inject lactated ringer solution. He said if I felt comfortable I could get the steroids from him and inject them myself when I see his symptoms coming back to prevent him going full-blown autoimmune attack waiting for him to return to my area. I still took extra back multiple times because of other symptoms. The last year his immune system has been attacking his gum tissue. His entire mouth becomes inflamed making him drool. He still eats but you can tell it's uncomfortable. Dr Herron said he probably could benefit from a teeth cleaning but he did not see any abscess or damaged teeth that would cause it. Also, it affected all of his gums not just one side. After researching last night I think this could be stomatitis? I will address with this with the vet on Friday since he is currently having this problem as his steroids have worn off.
I've had issues with inappropriate urination with several of the cats due to territorial issues and outside strays lingering around at night. Dexter was not the only one however, he preferred to use any paper, plate, puppy pad, or empty bowls to urinate in. He was also caught urinating and marking. Dexter is not your typical lap cat. He does like to be petted and loved on when he gets on your lap but he doesn't like being picked up or confined. Over the last two years he has requested for me to massage his underbelly while hovering over my hand on the arm of the chair. While he seems to like this you can tell it seem like something more. Like it was uncomfortable but it felt good in the moment for me to massage his stomach.
I set aside $500 of my stimulus money and found a vet with really good reviews and scheduled an appointment for Dexter. It was a drop-off appointment on April 6, 21. I requested full lab panels, x-rays and described all of the things that Dexter has been dealing with over the past several years. Even down to a small lump on his back that felt like a fatty cyst. The veterinarian called me about 2 hours after I dropped him off and said he did have throw exam and that Dexter did not need a teeth cleaning at this point he did have a little bit of tartar build up but his teeth looked good. No sign of any mass or tumors from the x-rays. His blood work did show that he has diabetes and a urinary tract infection both of which he prescribed medication for. He already knew cost was a factor because I told them I only had $500 to spend but I wanted every test possible to see if we could figure out if he had cancer or something that could be causing all of the other symptoms. He told me about the insulin and the cost. I told him I would like to at least try for a month to see if it would help him feel better. When I took him to the vet he was still fairly active and walking on his exercise wheel. I had just given him a steroid injection about 2 weeks before his new vet appointment. He was feeling actually pretty good. I was mostly concerned about him urinating so much. He said the diabetes could be from the steroids and that it's possible he could go into remission and not need insulin once we get his diet and sugar under control and the steroids out of his system.
He prescribed four units of Vetsulin twice a day with a low carb meal like classic fancy feast or friskies pâté and to avoid any dry kibble.
That day I changed his diet to Darwin's raw less than 1% carb diet. He really liked the food and even though he didn't like having the injections I was doing pretty good with the schedule.
He seemed to be more tired after he started the insulin. He didn't walk on his exercise wheel but he did come to me early morning and want me to rub his tummy. Any other time he avoided me because he was afraid he would get a shot. He was supposed to go back for his curve test two weeks after his diagnosis on 4/20. I started trying to find information regarding a raw diet and diabetes to see if that was the best diet for him. That's when I found felinediabetes.com and learned that four units was way too much for him to be starting and that I needed to be home monitoring him. I also learned that a curve test in the doctor's office would probably not be as accurate as doing one at home. I contacted the vet and told them I was going to start home monitoring and wait on the curve test because he was very stressed at his appointment previously. I do recall dimensioning that his glucose level could have been higher due to stress.
It has been a month now. I've learned so much about feel and diabetes and sugar levels. My relationship with Dexter has become very strained. Every time he sees me he hides. It doesn't matter that I'm giving him treats after he gets poked for a blood check. The shots seem to be even worse as he growls now when I try to lift his fur. He no longer is active at all. He hides and sleeps. I guess that's one of the reasons why I haven't poked him as much as I should because I can tell how much it stresses him and I already know how much he's been through the past several years. When is toenails for getting infected he had to suffer so much as I soaked his feet and gently removed the very hard black scabs that encapsulated his swollen infected toenails to release the puss and apply antibiotic while trying to soothe him as he was being held down for this torture.
It was a blessing when he no longer was having the infected toenails the last year.
But I knew as soon as he started loafing and drooling that he needed another shot.
The last time I talked to Dr Herron about Dexter was after my husband said we needed to just end his suffering because it wasn't fair to him. Dr Herron and I both agreed that as long as Dexter had some quality of life and had some days of enjoyment that it was worth letting him live. In my heart I felt like I would know when it was too much for him. I guess that's why I did take him to another vet for the full workup. I wanted to make sure he was not suffering from something even worse. I know it takes time for them to get their sugar regulated. I know it's important that I monitor him multiple times a day especially before his food and insulin injection. But I also look at him and I can see he's not happy. In the past month there's only been three or four times where I've seen him stretch out on his back in the middle of the floor or initiate any type of playfulness with his toys.
I finally decided yesterday to call the vet and schedule an appointment to discuss changing him to another insulin. I plan to get some good readings yesterday when I discovered that Dexter had climbed to the highest bookshelf in our house and I couldn't get him down for hours. When he did come down to eat he usually sits in his cage and feels fairly protected. As soon as he ate he disappeared again before I had a chance to give him his insulin. The first opportunity I had was at 6:00 last night to get another reading. This is probably due to trying to get multiple tests in the night before. He no longer feels safe anywhere in the house. Every time he finds a new hiding place, the one he is supposed to trust gently lifts him and takes him to a place where he feels tortured.
I have a lot to discuss with the vet on Friday. Dexter is not my only responsibility. I have seven cats and one foster cat. I already had to make a heartbreaking decision to rehomed two of my adopted rescue cats 2 months ago.
As I read your individual stories about your sugar babies, I feel like I'm a horrible person if I don't follow through with this daily torture.
I am torn between torturing him with this insulin and constant monitoring, euthanizing him, or eliminating insulin entirely and just seeing if his raw diet will give him some quality of life even though his bg will still be in the 300 to 400 range.
Even then, he's still going to suffer every month from his autoimmune disease. The steroids he needs will only make things worse.
My own health with chronic pain, fibromyalgia & depression make daily chores and my own self-care a challenge. I rarely leave my house and many times it's hard to even leave my recliner because I'm in so much pain. Thats only a tiny fraction of my concern about Dexters care going forward. His quality of life has always been my guiding voice. If he shows the slightest amount of joy it makes me want to fight for him. But I don't see that in him anymore. It hurts my heart to see him cringe every time I reach for him even when I just want to pet him.
It's not fair to do this to him just because I want him with me.
I've done the best I can at getting his BG levels even when I've had to poke him up to nine times for one drop of blood. I want to set everything aside and focus on just Dexter. But I can't there is still other things that I have to do and I'm not doing anything other than trying to help Dexter. I want to hope that a new insulin is going to be that miracle that will help make his life worth living.
I'm trying to eliminate my own necessities and medication to afford his vet bill and the Lantus or Levemir just to see my sweet sugar baby be happy again.
Meanwhile the past two days he has begun drooling His steroids have worn off. He's eating, but it's painful. He hasn't lost any weight from what I can tell. Even though I want to believe there is a chance that the insulin might help him, so far, he has gone downhill since he started insulin. Prior to that appointment he at least played with his catnip carrot or chased his siblings. He enjoyed grooming himself and the other cats.
I don't know if it's fair to continue putting him through this. Regardless of how much I love him and I want this to work. I don't want to continue torturing him. I also don't want to feel like I just cast him away and euthanized him because he was too much trouble. I know he's suffering. And even if the new insulin helps get his numbers under control, he still has the autoimmune disease that will continue to set him back every month.
When is it okay to say goodbye and not feel like I am horrible mom? He's only 8 years old but he's been loved and pampered his whole life. Why do I feel so horrible about making this decision to either continue or to let him go?
I've spent the last two hours dictating all of this to post and just realize that I have missed checking his levels.
He's sleeping in his cage.. the only place he feels safe right now and I have to go get him and test him once again because even though I feel like this might be the end I don't want to accept it.
For the last month even through all of the pokes, Dexter has woken me up in the morning sitting on the arm of my recliner Right before my alarm at 5: 30am
It was the sign that he still wanted to be petted.
This morning he didn't come to me. That broke my heart.
How do you know when it's time to say goodbye?
I am trying to get a decent amount of testing throughout today and tonight to get a good curve reading on Dexter's insulin and sugar readings. As I go back and edit this I realize that I've already missed several of the pre-planned testing times as I have been putting everything I'm feeling into words.
I'm struggling really really bad. I'm struggling for myself but I'm also struggling deeply for Dexter.
I scheduled an appointment for Friday with the vet to discuss his quality of life, diabetes diagnosis, changing insulin, what to do about his autoimmune and the need of steroids or an alternative.
Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. I spent a lot of the day crying and trying to see a light at the end of this tunnel.
I posted several times with questions concerning Dexter's diabetes but I haven't posted about his story and background.
This is very long but maybe I just need someone to say it is okay to let him go if I know he's suffering. I don't want his remaining days with me or years with me filled with him feeling tortured. He's already been through enough pain the past 3 years.
Dexter is 8 years old. He is my second oldest of seven cats that were all street rescues. He was 6 weeks old when he was rescued. Soon after we realized he was a very sick parasite ridden kitten.
I'd always been a dog mom to chihuahuas. I was just learning the world of felines. Dexter was our seventh rescue kitten. He spent multiple visits at Banfield for fluids from severe dehydration, multiple anti-parasitics and wormers. Then probiotics and a special high calorie diet for several weeks until he recovered.
When we moved an hour away we brought three of the cats with us and the others remained with my daughter. That was the end of 2013. In 2014 my youngest cat was three months shy of her fourth birthday when she died a horrible death from us saddle thrombosis on memorial Day. Dexter and dash my two male cats had a very difficult time with her passing.
My son had rescued a little kitten and we brought her into our family. Dexter instantly became her father and taught her how to be a cat. Dexter's third year he began putting on weight. I had already changed to mostly canned food with grain-free dry food as topper or treats. Hey loved playing with wand toys and could jump very high in the air even though he was a chunk.
I bought him an exercise wheel and he began using it regularly right away. He loves his wheel and walks and naps on it regularly. Even with his 15-lb body, he has been fairly healthy. He has had issues with black eye discharge that I refer to as eye boogers. This requires a warm wet cloth to loosen the crust on his eyes.
In July 2018, his entire face and ears erupted in weeping sores and blisters that crusted over. As the crust fell off so did his fur. Then I noticed multiple toenails had black crusting around them making it difficult to walk. After soaking his foot and removing the crust he had severe pus all around the nail beds. I didn't know what was wrong with my Dexter. All of my cats and my foster kittens were seen by our mobile vet that handles pretty much everything other than spay and neuters.
My daughter had recently taken her cat to a feline only practice so I figured if anybody knew cats they would be able to help. Dexter was examined from head to toe. The vet says she had never seen anything like that before. They may have done some blood work that day but I don't recall. If they did everything seemed normal. She wanted to check something and took him to another room where they shine a black light on him. She returned with a diagnosis of ringworm. This was based off of a tiny green dot located behind one ear. This was puzzling to me as there was no blisters or sores in that area. She said that didn't matter because that one dot was all that she needed as a diagnosis. She gave him an antibiotic injection and prescribed oral antifungal medication that had several warnings concerning dosages and complications. I was also to bathe him everyday for 2 weeks with expensive antifungal shampoo. Dexter cried and howled in pain because the soap burned his infected toenails. When he was not any better after a week and a half I called the vet and she told me to continue treatment and scheduled an appointment with a dermatology specialist for the following month. They did not know how much a visit would cost so I contacted the dermatology clinic to find out that an appointment was $300 plus the cost of skin scrapings that would be incubated for 30 days before they could diagnose or treat him. I could not let him suffer another 30 to 60 days so I canceled that appointment and took him to the mobile vet that it's in all of my cats and foster kittens in his veterinary clinic on wheels. 25+ years ago he decided to be a mobile vet because he wanted to go to the ones that needed him the most. It was never about the money but about his love for animals.
After checking Dexter out he said it definitely did not look like ringworm. Even though he didn't know for sure what it was, he said it appeared that his body was having an autoimmune response. Dexter was already tested for FIV and FELV and was negative. He said we could try a steroid shot to see if it would help his body stop attacking itself. Within 2 days the blisters started to go away and new fur began to grow. That shot lasted approximately 3 months. Then I noticed his toenails started becoming infected again. His eyes became very weepy and I took him back to Dr Herron after doing lots of research. From what I could find his symptoms closely matched an autoimmune disease pemphigus foliaceus. The course of treatment was pretty much steroids. There wasn't really a cure just treatment but the hope of remission. In order to be formally diagnosed with it it would require a skin scraping with an active pustule. I didn't see the need to go through all of that with Dexter if the treatment would still be oral steroids which we tried but couldn't get him to take. So one shot every few months seemed to keep things under control. When he would start having symptoms I would take him to My mobile vet and he would examine him and give him another steroid injection. A few times he needed an antibiotic because he had a slight temperature.
After my experience with the cat clinic I continued to use the mobile that for all of our veterinary needs. I had taken many foster kittens to him for shots and illnesses and he showed me how to inject lactated ringer solution. He said if I felt comfortable I could get the steroids from him and inject them myself when I see his symptoms coming back to prevent him going full-blown autoimmune attack waiting for him to return to my area. I still took extra back multiple times because of other symptoms. The last year his immune system has been attacking his gum tissue. His entire mouth becomes inflamed making him drool. He still eats but you can tell it's uncomfortable. Dr Herron said he probably could benefit from a teeth cleaning but he did not see any abscess or damaged teeth that would cause it. Also, it affected all of his gums not just one side. After researching last night I think this could be stomatitis? I will address with this with the vet on Friday since he is currently having this problem as his steroids have worn off.
I've had issues with inappropriate urination with several of the cats due to territorial issues and outside strays lingering around at night. Dexter was not the only one however, he preferred to use any paper, plate, puppy pad, or empty bowls to urinate in. He was also caught urinating and marking. Dexter is not your typical lap cat. He does like to be petted and loved on when he gets on your lap but he doesn't like being picked up or confined. Over the last two years he has requested for me to massage his underbelly while hovering over my hand on the arm of the chair. While he seems to like this you can tell it seem like something more. Like it was uncomfortable but it felt good in the moment for me to massage his stomach.
I set aside $500 of my stimulus money and found a vet with really good reviews and scheduled an appointment for Dexter. It was a drop-off appointment on April 6, 21. I requested full lab panels, x-rays and described all of the things that Dexter has been dealing with over the past several years. Even down to a small lump on his back that felt like a fatty cyst. The veterinarian called me about 2 hours after I dropped him off and said he did have throw exam and that Dexter did not need a teeth cleaning at this point he did have a little bit of tartar build up but his teeth looked good. No sign of any mass or tumors from the x-rays. His blood work did show that he has diabetes and a urinary tract infection both of which he prescribed medication for. He already knew cost was a factor because I told them I only had $500 to spend but I wanted every test possible to see if we could figure out if he had cancer or something that could be causing all of the other symptoms. He told me about the insulin and the cost. I told him I would like to at least try for a month to see if it would help him feel better. When I took him to the vet he was still fairly active and walking on his exercise wheel. I had just given him a steroid injection about 2 weeks before his new vet appointment. He was feeling actually pretty good. I was mostly concerned about him urinating so much. He said the diabetes could be from the steroids and that it's possible he could go into remission and not need insulin once we get his diet and sugar under control and the steroids out of his system.
He prescribed four units of Vetsulin twice a day with a low carb meal like classic fancy feast or friskies pâté and to avoid any dry kibble.
That day I changed his diet to Darwin's raw less than 1% carb diet. He really liked the food and even though he didn't like having the injections I was doing pretty good with the schedule.
He seemed to be more tired after he started the insulin. He didn't walk on his exercise wheel but he did come to me early morning and want me to rub his tummy. Any other time he avoided me because he was afraid he would get a shot. He was supposed to go back for his curve test two weeks after his diagnosis on 4/20. I started trying to find information regarding a raw diet and diabetes to see if that was the best diet for him. That's when I found felinediabetes.com and learned that four units was way too much for him to be starting and that I needed to be home monitoring him. I also learned that a curve test in the doctor's office would probably not be as accurate as doing one at home. I contacted the vet and told them I was going to start home monitoring and wait on the curve test because he was very stressed at his appointment previously. I do recall dimensioning that his glucose level could have been higher due to stress.
It has been a month now. I've learned so much about feel and diabetes and sugar levels. My relationship with Dexter has become very strained. Every time he sees me he hides. It doesn't matter that I'm giving him treats after he gets poked for a blood check. The shots seem to be even worse as he growls now when I try to lift his fur. He no longer is active at all. He hides and sleeps. I guess that's one of the reasons why I haven't poked him as much as I should because I can tell how much it stresses him and I already know how much he's been through the past several years. When is toenails for getting infected he had to suffer so much as I soaked his feet and gently removed the very hard black scabs that encapsulated his swollen infected toenails to release the puss and apply antibiotic while trying to soothe him as he was being held down for this torture.
It was a blessing when he no longer was having the infected toenails the last year.
But I knew as soon as he started loafing and drooling that he needed another shot.
The last time I talked to Dr Herron about Dexter was after my husband said we needed to just end his suffering because it wasn't fair to him. Dr Herron and I both agreed that as long as Dexter had some quality of life and had some days of enjoyment that it was worth letting him live. In my heart I felt like I would know when it was too much for him. I guess that's why I did take him to another vet for the full workup. I wanted to make sure he was not suffering from something even worse. I know it takes time for them to get their sugar regulated. I know it's important that I monitor him multiple times a day especially before his food and insulin injection. But I also look at him and I can see he's not happy. In the past month there's only been three or four times where I've seen him stretch out on his back in the middle of the floor or initiate any type of playfulness with his toys.
I finally decided yesterday to call the vet and schedule an appointment to discuss changing him to another insulin. I plan to get some good readings yesterday when I discovered that Dexter had climbed to the highest bookshelf in our house and I couldn't get him down for hours. When he did come down to eat he usually sits in his cage and feels fairly protected. As soon as he ate he disappeared again before I had a chance to give him his insulin. The first opportunity I had was at 6:00 last night to get another reading. This is probably due to trying to get multiple tests in the night before. He no longer feels safe anywhere in the house. Every time he finds a new hiding place, the one he is supposed to trust gently lifts him and takes him to a place where he feels tortured.
I have a lot to discuss with the vet on Friday. Dexter is not my only responsibility. I have seven cats and one foster cat. I already had to make a heartbreaking decision to rehomed two of my adopted rescue cats 2 months ago.
As I read your individual stories about your sugar babies, I feel like I'm a horrible person if I don't follow through with this daily torture.
I am torn between torturing him with this insulin and constant monitoring, euthanizing him, or eliminating insulin entirely and just seeing if his raw diet will give him some quality of life even though his bg will still be in the 300 to 400 range.
Even then, he's still going to suffer every month from his autoimmune disease. The steroids he needs will only make things worse.
My own health with chronic pain, fibromyalgia & depression make daily chores and my own self-care a challenge. I rarely leave my house and many times it's hard to even leave my recliner because I'm in so much pain. Thats only a tiny fraction of my concern about Dexters care going forward. His quality of life has always been my guiding voice. If he shows the slightest amount of joy it makes me want to fight for him. But I don't see that in him anymore. It hurts my heart to see him cringe every time I reach for him even when I just want to pet him.
It's not fair to do this to him just because I want him with me.
I've done the best I can at getting his BG levels even when I've had to poke him up to nine times for one drop of blood. I want to set everything aside and focus on just Dexter. But I can't there is still other things that I have to do and I'm not doing anything other than trying to help Dexter. I want to hope that a new insulin is going to be that miracle that will help make his life worth living.
I'm trying to eliminate my own necessities and medication to afford his vet bill and the Lantus or Levemir just to see my sweet sugar baby be happy again.
Meanwhile the past two days he has begun drooling His steroids have worn off. He's eating, but it's painful. He hasn't lost any weight from what I can tell. Even though I want to believe there is a chance that the insulin might help him, so far, he has gone downhill since he started insulin. Prior to that appointment he at least played with his catnip carrot or chased his siblings. He enjoyed grooming himself and the other cats.
I don't know if it's fair to continue putting him through this. Regardless of how much I love him and I want this to work. I don't want to continue torturing him. I also don't want to feel like I just cast him away and euthanized him because he was too much trouble. I know he's suffering. And even if the new insulin helps get his numbers under control, he still has the autoimmune disease that will continue to set him back every month.
When is it okay to say goodbye and not feel like I am horrible mom? He's only 8 years old but he's been loved and pampered his whole life. Why do I feel so horrible about making this decision to either continue or to let him go?
I've spent the last two hours dictating all of this to post and just realize that I have missed checking his levels.
He's sleeping in his cage.. the only place he feels safe right now and I have to go get him and test him once again because even though I feel like this might be the end I don't want to accept it.
For the last month even through all of the pokes, Dexter has woken me up in the morning sitting on the arm of my recliner Right before my alarm at 5: 30am
It was the sign that he still wanted to be petted.
This morning he didn't come to me. That broke my heart.
How do you know when it's time to say goodbye?
The decision is one that you will have to make, as you are the one there with Dexter, and the one who can see how he really is. We have a couple links from the Health Links forum that might help your decision making:
