GA Very Sad...Cougar ...GA...Long Post

Posted a few months back. Over this time had done everything possible for Cougar, yet his sugar levels never became regulated. Literally took him to four or five vets for opinions, treatment plans, etc. A week before Christmas I noticed his hind limb neuropathy had become so severe that he was essentially paralyzed in ability to ambulate. On that day he also exhibited hiding behavior and vocalized when he would try to walk. I rushed him to the most technically advanced fully staffed 24/7 Er Vet Hospital in my region, about 30 minutes by car from our home. Very expensive, but now wracked with grief, I wish I would have taken him there in the first place, several months ago. I am sure the docs there would have placed him in their hospital and got my beloved Cougar, an awesome Manx Cat , better from the start. When arrived at the er hospital , they examined him, and seeing he was scared, they very humanely tranquillized him beforehand. They then did blood draw while he was sedated so he felt no discomfort or stress. Blood sugar was high. The also discovered what I and the 4 previous vets never did..he had dental probs below gum line...they said infection or pain from dental probs contributed to high sugar. I felt devastated that something like this was never discovered earlier. They offered a treatment plan that was very comprehensive. Would have involved IV sedation, IV insulin, possibly iv nutrition or feeding tube, other diagnostic testing, the works. He is diabetic neuropathy was so severe though, that they could not give me any type of guarantee or prognosis about whether Cougar would ever walk again. Due to this and his overall condition, and being ill from the mis diagnosis/treatment plans prescribed by the other vets, their opinion ( er vets) was and I was in agreement, that the most humane thing to do was to allow him to sleep and not experience any more pain or illness. I am grief stricken, as I had made a promise to Cougar that I would get him well, I would tell him he was going to get better. Even though I tried, I feel I let him down and was not able to keep my promise to him. The vets while he was still sedated, put him to sleep as I held him in my arms like a baby, his his body against mine as I held him, his neck and head resting on my left shoulder against my neck. I cried then and on many days still do about how things could have gone different and wonder if maybe I should have told the vets to start the best most advanced treatment to keep him alive. Then again, there was no way of knowing if he would have recovered. IMO I learned a few things...never feed dry food, feed the most / best nutritious food you can, if I ever become caretaker of a cat again, I will get the best pet health insurance possible, and establish the cat as a patient at the best vet center possible, a pvt vet hospital or at a university vet school...Those things , best food, insurance, advanced high tech fully staffed vet hospital are expensive , but in the long run the cost imo would be less expensive than what I recently went through trying to care for Cougar after he became ill... with better food, maybe he would have never had been ill. I was never told by any vet no dry kibble until after he was diagnosed...and also have learned of the importance of dental health for companion cats and dogs... was told by a vet when I had inquired about his teeth in past..'oh, no dentists in the wild , cats are not people'...I have also learned, the hard way, feline diabetes can be a brutal illness...I am filled with grief that I did not get Cougar to a very advanced treatment center from the start. Oh, was treating with lantus 2 x day. Had over past months completely changed his diet...no kibble, canned high protein low carb..fancy feast, weruva, tiki cats, wellness etc. Also, a few types of raw.. he loved darwins, and primal raw frozen and also freeze dried. He continued to have as favorites cooked or raw shrimp, flounder . Loved fresh boiled / steamed chicken. Was difficult at first getting him off of the dry, but once we did get him off of the dry, he literally would not touch it once we introduced the variety of canned wet food and raw foods that he liked and that were appropriate for diabetic feline. Again, I am upset in that we were in the end giving him best foods and insulin, yet bs levels did not improve. In his last months, he was being stuck with needles by his peoples, and was getting more ill...I feel like, here I was, sticking him with needles telling him it would make him better, and in the final bloodwork, sugar was 469. Apologize for the long post...just wanted or needed to vent I suppose, and wanted to notify of outcome. I am very thankful for this board, as the people and info posted helped me to learn how to give shots, and what signs to look for in caring for diabetic cat. Was difficult, as he was my buddy / baby boy for 15 years, and never was ill until recent, so I was unprepared, took his good health for granted. I gave him a great life for many years, and he was very loving in return. I feel so sad that his life ended as result of a tough disease. I wish I would have been able to talk to him more in the final days to tell him how much I loved him. The vets made it as painless as possible. He was so strong, that even after all the sedation, etc, in the final moments, I could feel him grasp me, he so much wanted to live and fight ...that is what causes me the sadness, second guessing the decision.

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your precious Cougar. No matter the circumstances, we always wonder 'what if'. It is human nature to feel guilt and to wonder what we could have done differently that might have made it all better. There is no way you could have known that there were problems with his teeth - if a vet tells you everything is fine, we're taught to believe them. So please don't blame yourself for any of what happened. But please know that at the end, when it really mattered, you gave him the final gift of love you could give, even though it cost you a piece of your heart to do so.

I hope this link brings you some comfort and helps you not to second guess your decision http://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/9-things-your-deceased-pet-wants-you-to-know

Sometimes we don't have control over everything, and that sometimes we can't fix everything either. If love could save our furbabies, they would all live forever...but they do live on in our hearts and minds. And I do believe that their energy, or their soul, depending on your beliefs does live on - even without any religious connotations, energy is the one thing in the universe that cannot be destroyed...it changes form, but it cannot and does not die.

 

I am so sorry. But please know that you did good for your cat. I can tell from this post how much you loved and cared for your cat. Please let go of any guilt you are experiencing. You are loved, Cougar was loved. (((Warm hugs))) Light and Love from a far to help you heal.

 

I'm so sorry it was time for Cougar to leave you. What a lovely boy he was, and it's clear he loved you as much as you loved him. My thoughts are with you

 

Thank you very, very much for posting this, April.




Mogs
.

 

Dear April,
Rocky and I are very very sorry for your loss.
R.I.P Cougar.
Sending healing vines

 

Sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace Cougar

 

Cougar was beautiful! I am very sorry that it was his time to leave you in his earthly form! RIP Cougar!

 

I'm so sorry that you've lost your beloved kitty.

 

So very sorry for your loss. Cougar is very regal handsome lad.

 

Sending purrs and prayers at this difficult time.
It is always hard to make the final decision,

 

What a beautiful boy

You said that you wished you had told him how much you loved him. Don't worry - HE KNEW. I am sure of it.

If I can feel it through some bits and bytes on a computer screen, half a country away, he felt your love in everything that you did for him.

My sincerest condolences,
Sandi.

 

Read your post end to end. It's obvious you got self educated pretty quick and that only comes from love. DO NOT let the guilt get to you. We have all wondered about doing something sooner or "How did I miss that". What really got me was the promise you made to Cougar. I have stared out the window actually feeling ashamed that I broke that promise. It might not seem possible now but when you said "If I become a caretaker of a cat again" I'll bet everyone here knows there could not be a better place for a cat to be than in your arms. Cougar is in the sunshine now and he knows you loved him.

 

Ryan, I am so sorry to hear about your soul cat, Cougar, and I feel very deeply for you in your grief ...

It is heartbreaking to be tortured by what-ifs, but please know that Cougar knew how much you love him. He will have known that you were doing everything you could think of to help him - and he will have loved you even more for caring for him when he really needed your help. I am glad he enjoyed his new food! Try to hang on to the good things that happened (helps).

As excruciatingly painful and as overwhelmingly sad as it is to be physically parted from your beloved Cougar, the loving bond you share cannot be broken - and it will endure long after the pain dulls. Cougar is your soul cat; he will always be with you. And you can still tell his little spirit how very much you love him.


Mogs
.

 

My heart goes out to you. I know the feeling of trying to do everything you can, and it still seems that you cannot get the help you need. Know that you did the very best that you could do.

 

I am so sorry that you lost your sweet kitty boy. He knows that you loved him and that you did everything you could to keep him healthy. It's too bad that some vets don't know how to care for cats. My vets are good about providing dental care to cats and dogs, but they still think that dry food is good for their teeth.

I truly believe that we will be reunited with all our beloved pets sometime in the future.

 

Sorry for the loss of your fur-kid Cougar. 15 years is a good amount of time for a lot of cats but it never seems like enough. It sounds like he was a great cat. May his spirit fly free and land softly at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

This hits me hard... He looks just like my boy but with long hair. I'm so sorry you had to let him go. 100 years wouldn't be enough time with them!

 

Thank you all for the kind words. It means so much to me now. This forum is great with a great group of devoted cat caretakers. Dealing with the loss of my cat is still very difficult at this time. Especially the circumstances of those final few days. I wish so much that I would have been able to talk to him more at the end to tell him how much I loved him and what a good boy/cat he was and how brave he was . But things happened so fast. Wish I could do things over again and take him to the big time vet center in the first place. They just called the other day and we went to pick up Cougars ashes. They had placed them in a nice container and such. When we got home, kind of silly, but we placed two of his fav play toys next to his container. Then just yesterday we received a nice card from the vets office that was signed by the employees with messages about how much they liked Cougar and sad that he passed. Thank you all again for your kind thoughts. Be good to your kittens / cats, they are the best.

 

Not silly at all. I have Rosa's two favorite toys, her harness from her walks, even her cone of shame from after her surgery all put safely with her ashes. Plus the cards I received from our regular vet (I actually got a personalized one from the owner for Rosa in place of the standard one they usually send) and from the mobile vet who came out to her on her last day. If you want to talk silly, I've still got the box she claimed as a bed, complete with her blanket and her pillow next to the bed...5 months, and I still haven't been able to move it. I may never move it - I don't know yet. We do what feels right. I, too, feel that things happened too fast at the end - Rosa declined fast and I would have loved another day or two to just sit with her and tell her how much she was loved. I think it's a common feeling for many of us...if we'd had those days, would we have known they were the last days, or would we just have carried on as normal? I think our kitties hide how they're really feeling for so long that we have no way of being aware in advance that we're so close to the end. But Cougar knows how much you love him. He knows you think he was good and brave. Never think for a moment that he doesn't know these things or that he isn't grateful for them - he is.

 

Very similar scenario here, April.

(((April)))


Mogs
.

 

Not silly; very loving.

(((Ryan)))


Mogs
.

 

Yes - I'd never seen this before and I have read a LOT of articles/concepts for dealing with one's deep, deep grief at the loss of a furbaby and the guilt that seems to inevitably go along with that. This link is definitely worth a read - someone should post it on the Grief forum if it hasn't been seen there already.

 

We really really do understand how you feel, Ryan, and our hearts go out to you. There is some comfort is being amongst people who truly understand; please go over to the Grief forum and talk there if you would like to at any time, it can help at those moments when nothing else can.
Wishing you peace on your journey.

 

I just posted it there - thank you for the idea @Diana&Tom.

 

Thanks April.

 

My first two cats ever, JT and Ernie, were best buds. They died almost 9 years apart, but when Ernie passed away, I knew immediately that he and his brother had to be placed together, and with their favorite toys.

My family got together to make us this display. The box with their picture (with Santa Claus, even though you can't see him much!) on the left contains both of their ashes, and the dome on the right holds JT's teddy bear "Pookie", and Ernie's favorite "red&blue" toy.



So I am "silly" right there with the rest of you!

Our condolences,
Sandi& Whisper.

 

absolutely stunning kitty....I am so sorry for your pain, you clearly had nothing but love for Cougar.
Heartfelt condolences ....

 

What a gorgeous boy, and obviously so loved. The original vets, not you, let Cougar down. You did everything right and he knows. x

 

So sorry to hear about your precious Cougar! Just know that you did the best you could have for him and that you were there with him till the end. I'm sure he lived a long and happy life with you as his caring loving dad. I, like you, am learning that what the vets say unfortunately is not always correct with regards to nutrition and other areas too. They encourage kibble then say to avoid as its causes diabetes. Well then why recommend it in the first place. It's a hard learning curve and often confusing. Know you're not alone in this journey. I'm grateful to know the things I know now at least and to have a place like this to share valuable info. I know how hard it is losing a pet they are so so very special. Always a place in our hearts. Praying for you!