Two Bonded Cats-When one Cat Dies?

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Carol Kolthoff

Member Since 2022
Hi Group,
I used to be a regular on this forum with my Cat Oreo. He has since died. We now have Nico and Max. they are a bonded pair of litter mates and 7 years old.

My concern is this: When one of them dies, it would be heartbreaking for the other one...and for us!
I wondered if it might be a good idea to get a new kitten now in hopes that they will have a third cat to bond with. Can you give me your input? Thanks so much!
 
Anyone who knows me knows I'm anything but heartless. Nonetheless here goes. We once had nine cats, two were parents and another four were their siblings so they should have all been bonded since birth. Cardiomyopathy took five of them before the age of eight so you'd think there would be staring out the windows, looking behind sofas etc. but the truth was they simply didn't care as if they now had more room to stretch out and more food to eat. Even in one winter when we lost four it just didn't register. I've heard more than one vet dispel the notion that they miss each other and it kills me to think that. Noah died at home in the middle of the night so I wrapped him up and placed him in his big comfy chair so the other cats could say goodbye. I wrote something poetic about that in Grief but the truth was he was just taking up space on everyone's favorite chair.
Like everyone else we cry and sob for days after each loss, we just had our tenth last week and are devastated. The cats and the dog don't even seem to notice. I get no pleasure in saying this and even find it kind of annoying how such loving brothers and sisters don't even notice but for us it's the cold hard truth.
I tried the kitten as a replacement for a lonely cat once and it never worked. They barely tolerated each other for a year. Sorry.
 
I have some positive and inspiring stories that will cheer up and amaze any cat lover and for once it's not all about dogs. It aggravates me when the news reports on some amazing story about the family dog that came back after a fire but cats just don't matter. Cats have been and always will be third class citizens but we know better.
The Disney movie The Incredible Journey is pure fiction. When I was six years old it was common for my older sister to take us three kids by bus to see matinees. The world was a lot safer then, if you said 'pedophile' people probably thought you meant a stamp collector and the topping on popcorn was real butter.
The Incredible Journey https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredible_Journey_(film)
Eight Below is another movie very loosely based on facts. It's a little too family friendly and the real story is pretty gruesome but two dogs did make it out alive despite the odds.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eight_Below
Another story I remember as a child was the Scottish dog who sat on his master's grave for fourteen years. Why that stuck with me I don't know but when I Googled "dog who sat at his master's grave" the story popped up instantly. It's got some hints of an urban myth but most of it is just too hard to dismiss.
You can decide for yourself, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyfriars_Bobby
My own story is our Andy, a very shy and strictly indoor cat who somehow snuck out our front door on Sunday August 18 2019. I wrote a thread in Think Tank about finding a lost cat so when I say we did everything we actually did everything possible short of hiring a psychic. After 88 days and two snowstorms we got Andy back. He broke his back leg so badly the bone was sticking out in two places and it had been long enough that that part of the bone died. There was talk of amputation but within two weeks the dead bone shrunk and fell off and he got his weight back to within a gram of normal. He doesn't even have a limp and right now he's asleep cuddled up with my wife like it never happened. He's our little Miracle Boy.
There are more incredible stories in https://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pet-ad...d-vast-distances-to-be-with-their-owners.html
We all know what happens to facts on the internet but some of these stories are just too amazing to pass up.
The whole point of this was that you must be a little sad thinking about when or if either Nico or Max passes. We had our own loss last week so we both need some cheering up even if it's just for a minute. Please don't tell me you're sorry for our loss, I want this to be about you.
I hope Nico and Max live long lives and when the time comes you may have your own little miracle and end up with a new best buddy in the house.
Safe journey Nico and Max, you're in a good place with a loving and thoughtful mamma.
 
Adult cats generally don't like kittens. Kittens are chaos. Kittens are beserk. Kittens think it's fun to use adult cats as attack toys. Kittens bounce off the walls and the furniture and the other cats. Kittens steal food and crash through the food bowls and water bowls tossing things everywhere. Kittens steal favorite toys and sun spots on the rug, while they are in use. Adult cats generally don't like or enjoy the company of a kitten until the kitten grows up and slows down a bit, sometime after a year or two.
Bringing in an adult or nearly-adult cat may work better, IF all three cats are the kind who do like other cats, and they are properly introduced to each other. At least a grown cat isn't going to use your existing cats' heads as trampolines like a kitten would.

We have never had a bonded pair of siblings, but we have had multiple cats, with losses and new additions, over the years. Put the first two together when we got married, mine was 9 years old, his was 6, they finally agreed to disagree and just never both be in the same space at the same time. They would eat together, tho (food conquers all). Ten years later we lost the older one at 19, the 16 year old didn't seem to care, but they never interacted anyway. A year later we added a 9 year old. They agreed to co-exist peacefully. Two years later we lost the older one, and circumstances brought us a very young kitten a week later. The now 11 year old didn't mind at all for the first few months, but as the kitten got bigger, to about 6-7 months, she was making the older cat miserable, jumping out and play attacking her every time she moved. Big cat was slinking around the edges of the rooms, trying to stay under furniture for her own protection. So we got another kitten about 7-8 months old, hoping the kittens would play and leave the big cat alone. This worked, the two kittens never became good buddies (snuggle together type buddies) but since they were both so active, they played and chased together and left the old cat alone. A few years later the old cat passed on. The two younger ones were settled adults now, and did their own things, did not seem to miss the old one, but hadn't really done much together anyway.
A bunch of years later, we got a 6 month old kitten. One of our adult cats was fine and would interact, the other wanted nothing to do with her. A couple months later we let our teenager get her own 4 month old kitten. Eventually the two kittens made peace (surprisingly enough, even tho both came from many-kitten & cat situations, they freaked out at the sight of each other) and would play and hang out together. One of the older cats passed on from health problems, but as she hadn't liked anyone else at that point, not much noticeable change when she was gone, overall.
Then, after 2 years, the teenager took his cat to college. The young one left behind missed her terribly (both were about 2), and roamed the house wreaking havoc on our lives out of boredom. So we got another kitten. Took a few months for them to agree to like each other, and the old cat we still had was just fine with everyone, he just lives his life, whatever. A year or so later, the new kitten settled down but the other young cat is a very active hellion, so we got another kitten to occupy her when her other young buddy was asleep. Old cat said "whatever", younger cat became friends quickly, middle cat took a while but then accepted. Only now the youngest cat is a bit over a year, he's still wild and crazy, and mostly the others just tolerate him and his antics until he becomes too annoying. The 4 year old and the 2 year old will co-sleep and groom each other. The two year old and the 1 year old will co-sleep when the 1 year old is tired enough to stop moving. The 1 year old is kind of annoying to the 4 year old, still, she tries to groom him, he says okay, that feels good for about 10 seconds, then turns it into a wrestling match which then gets rough; I don't think they particularly like each other in general. The 15 year old mostly just sleeps in the sunny window, every now and then he plays briefly if someone offers, but mostly he just wants to eat and sleep, tho he's fine if someone else wants to join him sleeping in the big sunny window. He's the one who never objected to a new cat joining the household.

But even tho there was often no overt sorrow at the loss of another cat, in all cases we could see a change in behavior when someone passed on or left. Rarely has it been obvious mourning, but the dynamics in the house did change.

So...introducing a new kitten will probably annoy your older cats for the first year or two. Introducing an adult cat may work better, if personalities agree. Cats who were friendly and interactive with each other have seemed to miss their buddies, cats who simply co-existed or didn't like each other were less affected.
 
Oh, also, when in college I got a kitten, my roommate had an older cat. The first few months it was fine, then as the kitten got bigger, about half-grown, she just terrorized the older cat with her surprise play attacks and jumping out from everywhere. Older cat would hide under the furniture and have to sneak out to get food un-harassed. My stepmom worked with an animal rescue, and they had 5-6-7 cats at all times of various ages, kittens and cats coming and going on occasion, and never did the adult cats LIKE the kittens until they grew up and settled down. And among the adults, some were friendly with some others, some just weren't, ever, personality plays a big role.
 
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