To say farewell.

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I haven't been here in a while, but I think I just need to get this out.

Merlin went OTJ back at the end of August, following a hypo spell. About two weeks ago, he had some digestive upset, threw up, didn't eat for a day, and then dropped two pounds. I took him to the vet. She thought he had fluid in his abdominal area and so referred him to an internist with the concern that it might be cancer.

The internist did an ultrasound on Friday and didn't see any evidence of cancer, but he did see that Merlin's intestines were intussuscepted (telescoping intestines) and he went into surgery on Monday. Because of a couple high values when they tested his BG, he was put back on Lantus. (He was 290 at his regular vets on Thursday, 396 at the internist Friday. He got no insulin over the weekend because his values normalized.)

He received one shot Monday morning and one shot Tuesday morning at the surgeon's. On Monday they opened him up to do the surgery, only to find his intestines had righted themselves and they were fine. He biopsied Merlin's liver, the thick places on his intestine, and his enlarged kidneys.

On Tuesday, he had another hypo episode where he dropped down to 24, but they gave him a bolus of glucose and he perked back up. They let me know that I could pick him up and so I did. On our way home, he started behaving strangely and then had a seizure in the car. I was five minutes from the local emergency vet and so I took him there. His BG was low again, they kept him overnight last night, and he received several more boluses of glucose and remained on an IV of dextrose. She called me around 3 am to let me know that his incision was leaking fluid. She tested it, found more fluid inside his abdomen, tested that as well and found that he was septic.

After the emergency vet spoke to the emergency vet where he'd had his surgery, we decided to move him back to the clinic. So I took him in. They called in their surgeon early to get Merlin looked at. When he was opened up, they saw that he had telescoped again, only this time his bowel was dying, he was septic, he had peritonitis, and all the usual natural reserves that a cat has to heal from surgery, he didn't have. He'd lost too much body fat.

He recommended that I put Merlin to sleep, so I returned to the clinic, they stitched him up, and I stayed with him.

I keep trying to tell myself that at least he's not getting poked anymore, that he's no longer in pain, but I really just miss my little guy so much it hurts.

And I guess I just need somewhere to say it all.
 
Diana, I am so sorry for your loss.

What a roller coaster trying to get him better. You did everything you could and
he knows you love him.

May all your wonderful memories of Merlin comfort you...

...'til you meet again.
 
Diana, you have my deepest sympathy. You did everything right by your boy, never doubt that. So sad to read it .... he was so young. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your beloved Merlin.
 
Oh, Diana, I am so sorry to hear this. What a difficult time you and Merlin had at the end. How wonderful that you were there to support him all the way. You tried so hard to help him.

It is so hard on us, the ones left behind. Take care of yourself. You were a good Mom.
 
Diana, I am right there with you. My Tom died on Saturday. And it started just like your Merlin only I never vetted very much. I could'nt for various reasons. I can't help wonder what is wrong with many cats and the food/tummy issues lately.
I've been wanting to have it investigated or something...too many to count.
I buried Tom in my FRONT yard. This helps .... having him close. Something if you want to think about.
Altho' not much helps in those moments of just gutteral missing them.
I wish I would have know Merlin....all you did for him. He must have been sooo incredibly special to you to go so far in his medical help. Kind of puts me to shame.
But this is about you and Merlin.
I've been trying to remember Tom...and Merlin, are indeed exactly where they should be. A better place.
And we did what we could to help them get there.
We did right by them.
And when the pain is deep and we miss them too much, well I just look up. I look up and ask, Tom are you where you wanted to be. I really really do this Diana. And if I feel the answer is yes, I can stop hurting just a little.
Hugs Diana,
Lori
 
I'm so very sorry. You did all you could. But that doesnt heal the loss. Fly free sweet Merlin, land ever so softly back to your mamas heart. My heart goes out to you.
jeanne
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is heartbreaking... mostly because I can tell how much you loved him and how hard you tried to get him well again. Again I am so sorry and sad for you. You are in my thoughts.
 
So sorry for your loss of Merlin. He knew how much you cared and tried to make him better. Now, he is chasing butterflies and pain free.

Peace and solace for you!

Claudia
 
((((((Diana)))))) I'm so very sorry...... it's especially heartbreaking when you do everything right and it doesnt help. Some things we just don't have control over I guess and it's too bad we don't know going in.....

Fly free Merlin.....watch over your Mommy and ease her broken heart.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss...I'm sure Merlin had a wonderful life with you, and now will enjoy his pain free, poke free life with Tom and all the other sweet kitties.
 
Fly Free Merlin
wings_cat
I think he knows you did all you could for him, and how much you love him.
One day, you will be together again. Right now, he is playing in a field of butterflies.
 
omg, tears for you and Merlin are flowing as I read your post! You must know that you did all in your power.... I hope he has enough time to stop and say Hi to my wonderful Gumpy girl and will play freely until you arrive to greet him again!
 
Oh gosh I am so sorry. It must be difficult that it all happened so fast, to go from being fine to being so sick in just a few weeks, I would imagine you are in shock and it will take some time to absorb everything that happened.

Fly free Merlin rb_icon
 
Diana, I am so sorry to see that you lost Merlin - and so suddenly. To think that the surgery was a success and then to find it had happened again - what a shock and how sad. You had no choice but to rid him of his pain - and take on his pain for yourself.

My heart goes out to you - sending you many comforting prayers and thoughts.

Emmy & Dude (& Mittsi too)
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. We do the best we can with what we have. Sometimes that knowledge is all we get, but over time it does provide a little solace. If love alone could save them, nobody here would ever need to whisper the words "Fly Free, land softly" ever again.
 
(((((((((((((((((((((((DIANA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so very sorry for your loss. Wrapping you in many cyber hugs. Merlin is flying free now, whole and healthy over the Rainbow Bridge. rb_icon
wings_cat
 
Diana,
I am so very truly sorry for your loss.
Know that he is in your heart and soul forever
:YMHUG:

Denise
 
((((((((Diana))))))))) I am so sorry to hear that Merlin is gone. You were the best bean and did everything possible for him. Fly Free Sweet Merlin! wings_cat

Lighting a candle at gratefulness.org
 
I'm so sorry Diana. What a tragic time you've had. Even though you know Merlin is free from pain and suffering.... you are not. Remembering your kindness and love for him may help you through this difficult time. I'm sure he is watching over you with gratefullness and love. My heart goes out to you. ((((Diana))))
 
this is heartbreaking.

so terribly sorry for your grief.

all four of us lighting candles for Merlin

Celi, Binks, Smudge & Annie

Candle.gif
 
Thank you everyone, for your hugs, thoughts, and kind words.

Lori --
Feel no shame. I did everything I could for Merlin and it was not enough to save my little guy. You gave Tom a warm, loving furrever home and while there is so much medicine can do, sometimes the answers come far too late. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. ~O) We did right by our little guys.

I hope to be talking to Merlin's internist today. So far I've found out that he was entering pancreatic failure and that his pancreas was not producing the enzymes he needed to be able to digest the food that he was eating. I will attempt to keep everyone updated.
 
Diana,

I lit a candle for Merlin. May he fly free with the love and care you gave him. Know we hold you and everyone who has a friend who has crossed the bridge in our hearts.
 
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