Sad update

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Michele and Peeps

Michele and Peeps

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As you all know, Peeps died on June 11th. What I have been keeping in is that my gramma died on July 3rd. I was with her the 5+ days before she died, helping with "end of life" care. My uncle had been living with her for around 7 years. 6 years ago her husband killed himself, which pretty much signed the contract for my uncle to stay with his mom. Last Friday I had to do a horrible thing for the sake of being humane, and of all things... it reminded me of Peeps and my gramma.

What has been killing me about all of this is that I keep wanting to run back here, to people that will understand giving up your life - in the sense of missed vacations, missed late nights, and being 100% home bound with those we love and need to care for.... but without Peeps I feel homeless.

I had put off going to see the gramma, because she always asked me how Peeps was doing. I wasn't afraid of crying for the Peeps, I was afraid of getting gramma worked up in my own personal hell and watching her struggle with watching me struggle. Gramma didn't know who the hell I was, by the time I got the phone call. She deteriorated as fast as my Peeps did.

With all that has been going on, I've tried to keep it all in to heal. I'm still bursting at the seams with despair. This post is a humble attempt to get this so called healing process out of a rut and... well.. I really don't know.
 
BIG HUGE LOOOOOOONG HUG! I'm glad you came here and started letting it out. I'm SO SO sorry for your having to deal with all this stuff but look at all it's taught you. You're a strong person or you wouldn't have been given so much to deal with at once. There's big black holes right now but start dropping those sweet memories in there, it will fill again.

I know how much those holes hurt 'cos mine are pretty big right now. My Harley drooler left 31 days ago, my little brother died suddenly 29 days ago, my ShihTzu left 6 days ago. Be gentle with yourself, you've done your tasks well.

Another big huge loooong hug,
 
Sometimes it feels like we are just getting bombarded with difficult events that make us incredibly sad. And you have definitely gotten bombarded. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your Grandma; she cared about you and you cared about her. And you were there to guide her out of this life, a wonderful gift.

Of course, people here will understand. I think people who love animals feel things deeply and we feel your sadness deeply. Take care of yourself.

My diabetic cat died over 6 years ago and these lovely people let me post here everyday. It helps me to try to help others. If that would work the same for you, join the family on a regular basis!
 
What has been killing me about all of this is that I keep wanting to run back here, to people that will understand giving up your life - in the sense of missed vacations, missed late nights, and being 100% home bound with those we love and need to care for.... but without Peeps I feel homeless.
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Oh Michelle, please don't ever feel that way. We DO understand, and for that reason alone, you should always consider this place your home. There are some big holes in your life right now, and I understand the "lost" feeling. Those holes will be filled at some point. Grieving is hard, it sucks, but don't try to do it alone. Dump it out on us. You are with friends here.

Hugs,
Carl
 
Michelle,

My heart goes out to you. To go through so much, in such a short time, has got to be difficult at best. I am glad you came here to share. I can understand how you would feel homeless without Peeps, as I expect to feel much the same when Poopy crosses over. Isn't it amazing how much love can be exchanged between a human being and an animal? It stuns me sometimes, the magnitude of the love.

Peeps may not be on your lap or under your feet demanding to be fed, but Peeps is still with you. I was told once that every time we think of someone who has passed, the thought is their way of telling us they are near because they love us. I find that comforting and hope you do too. Every time you think of Peeps and Gramma, they are near because of their love for you.

:YMHUG:
 
Oh Michelle
My heart breaks for what you are going through
We all know and understand, and this is the one place you
should always come to when you need someone
We are all here for you
stay strong my friend

:YMHUG:
 
Teresa and Poopy said:
...Peeps is still with you. I was told once that every time we think of someone who has passed, the thought is their way of telling us they are near because they love us. I find that comforting and hope you do too. Every time you think of Peeps and Gramma, they are near because of their love for you.

:YMHUG:
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Michelle - so sorry for your losses. Trusting you'll find comfort from all your friends here and in your memories. I LOVE Teresa'a explanation above too! God Bless you & your family.

Peace,
Lu-Ann
 
I am so very sorry for your losses and your pain. I am new here but no stranger to the same sort of pain your going thru. For me it's being the main care giver to my in laws who are both declining, and the loss of my brother to suicide plus the death of my Mom 3 years before.
Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever need anything be it a shoulder or just to vent.
Your kitty is with you always, as your grandmother, memories help us to deal with missing them so much.
Sending you a ton of hugs and some strong feel better vibes.
Here if you need. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
The depth of your sadness is a testament to the depth of love and affection you all shared. Oh how much and well your grandma must have loved you for you to miss her so.

We are family too so here is where you can come for support and understanding anytime you need it. That's why I keep coming here, you and everyone else here get IT.
 
Thanks for all of your kind words.

I don't have a whole lot of experience with death. Sure, I've outlived a lot of rodents and birds...

Peeps came to me 3 months before we put down Tye the cat in 1996. In 2003, my dog Giggles died.

The last time I experienced death in this magnitude was in 2005-2006 . Great grandma died December of 2005 (you couldn't believe the regrets), we buried her in April, a friend died around May (we hadn't been talking for a few years - I figured I had more time), grandpa killed himself (the regrets were compounded) in August, and the ex's grandpa died somewhere in there (didn't know the guy, but we had stepped out for a few minutes and he died right then and there, I watched an entire extended family mourn to whom I was a threat to most of them).

I just keep waiting for more of the people and animals I love to disappear forever.
 
Michelle,
I am so sorry you have suffered so much loss in a short period of time.
I think everyone here can understand and you absolutely came to the right place to express how you feel; among friends.
I can relate to the caregiver role, my grandma is 95 and lives alone, she was in the hospital and rehab for 2 months and now someone has to go daily to do chores, fix meals, run errands and keep her medicines organized.
I was with my grandfather when he died 2 years ago and it was hard, but after seeing him suffer the effects of brittle diabetes and acute kidney failure, I knew he was in a better place and was glad I could just be there to comfort him and hold his hand as he went on his journey.
Big hugs to you. :YMHUG:
 
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