RIP Wednesday, the love of my life.

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alexia&wednesday

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She left peacefully.

I am devastated.
Though, there has definitely been some relief because I am not as hysterical as I was for the last 2 days leading up to this.
She was in such pain, and I think I was crying over her pain.

The vet came to my house and we let her lay how she has been for days, hardly able to move more than a few steps recently.
She fell asleep with her head in my hands before she finally left me.

I want to thank everyone who supported her, and me, when I posted for help. Despite being a doctor myself, humans are different, and I feel like the people here made me feel less alone with her diagnosis, and all the problems she has had since she got diagnosed 2 years ago.

I wish she lived longer for me to spoil her.
I am sure you understand, I have never had a better friend. I have other cats, but this one was special. When I looked into her eyes we communicated. I know she understood how much I loved her. It makes me upset that for the last few months while she has been declining I have not had my Sweet Wednesday.
I am so sad.
So so sad and lost and..... lonely.
 
My heartfelt sympathy to you, Alexia, on the loss of your precious Wednesday. I am thankful she went peacefully at home surrounded by your love and that you knew the time had come to let her go. She sounds like she was a very special kitty and we all know and understand how very much you will miss her. My heart truly goes out to you.

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html
 
I am so sorry .. it's hard to believe the pain will get better .. but it will .. but it's ok to grieve too .. we all know, we all have been there ..
 
Your memories will, in time, help heal your sadness. I can tell that Wednesday was very special. Your post has me in tears. Fly free, Wednesday.
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad she was able to pass on while at home, I bet that was a very great comfort for her. You sound like you had an amazing bond and I'm sure you gave her a wonderful life, take comfort in that!
 
alexia&wednesday said:
does this sadness ever dissipate?

i can't imagine moving on.
Click to expand...

Although it is impossible to imagine right now, yes, it does. It will take time, and 10 years from now, you might look at a photo of her, and it will still make you cry. 28 years ago, I met a kitty named "Boots". A few weeks later, I met her mom bean. Boots was 3 years old when I met her. 6 months later, me and the mom bean were married, and Boots became "my" girl. And she was, totally. We had her for 16 more wonderful years until having to let her go at the ripe old age of 19. Like Wednesday, her passing was peaceful. For her. It tore my heart out, and here I sit a dozen years later, and I have tears in my eyes. Part of them are for me, because I still miss my dear booty-gal, but most are for you, and the loss you feel tonight.
I hadn't even thought of my Boots in quite some time. But tonight, it is nice to remember. I feel for you and for your loss. And thank you for reminding me, no matter how many years go by, that our precious kitty's will always own a piece of our hearts. It will take some time, but the heaviness will leave your heart, and although you may shed a tear now and then, the memories will always be the ones that are the most precious to you.
With deepest sympathy,
Carl in SC
 
I promise, someday the memories of your life together will make you smile, and bring you peace. I also promise that it will always hurt - just less acutely, and in a different way- because you loved her. Know that we understand and we grieve with you tonight. Grief truly is the price we pay for love...

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as we are called one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown​

My deepest sympathies.

Karen
 
Wrapping you in many many cyber hugs. I am so very sorry for your loss. Wednesday is flying free now, whole and healthy, and pain free, over the Rainbow Bridge. rb_icon
wings_cat
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is obvious that the two of you shared a very deep bond. I hope that in time you are able to take comfort from memories of the happy times that you shared.
 
my deepest sympathies on your loss. bless you for giving wednesday the most precious of gifts. takes a big person to take on their pain. hugs to you
 
I'm so sorry. ((((hugs)))) It's hard to enjoy the good memories for a while. In a while, you will start to be able to think of the cute, funny, loving things and let them be forefront. It's just hard for a while to get past the pain to see those, but they are there for you.
 
I know, I know, oh how i know how you feel.
so many tears for you right now.

In time you will hurt less remembering Sweet Wednesday but it will be less severe.
She is free now and happy. You did what was the very best for her. you will be able to
take some comfort in that.
many Hugs to you.
 
Love is rarely easy and loss of someone you love is even harder. We choose the path that brings us tears because the love and trust are returned. The bond will always be there and as will the lessons that Wednesday taught you. She will always be in your heart and in your memories and will never be truly gone.

Fly free Wednesday and land softly. The Bridge is a place where all of the pain is gone and there are all of our kitties waiting to join in happy play.
 
I'm sure no words can bring you comfort in this time of such pain for you...but know that she is no longer in pain even though she is not there with you in body you can keep her memory alive....I hope in time you can look back at all the wonderful moments you had together and you will smile rather than cry....

you gave Wednesday a loving safe home...she knew she was blessed by it....

praying for you in this very difficult time...

Fly Free Wednesday wings_cat you are making new friends at the bridge.....
 
Dearest Alexia,

I'm so very sorry you lost your precious girl. Truly.

I honestly believe the most loving gift is the hardest to bear. Yet, it is the most loving gift. You will always be Wednesday's champion. And, she will always know that.





There will come a time when you're not so sad and lost and lonely. There will come a time when your aching heart is suddenly filled with smiles of wonderful memories of Wednesday. Grief takes time. But, hearts are very resilient and do find a way to mend. I think it happens when you discover love endures. And, you will. It'll be at some odd moment during the course of a regular day that is no longer regular; and, there you'll be, smiling, because your heart is flooded with memories. It just takes time. And, please, give yourself as much time as you need. Grief is very personal...

I still miss Gizzie. But, now I smile when I think of her... Sometimes I even laugh out loud thinking of her antics, 'tude, Gizzieness... I have a feeling she's laughing out loud because she sent me Nikki! Giz always had a great sense of humor and irony, particularly when she was scaring the crap out of everyone but me...

You were blessed with Wednesday. It'll take time for your heart to smile again. But, it will, I promise. Her love endures...






Please accept my profound condolences and deepest sympathies, dear Alexia. Please be gentle with yourself while you grieve. I sincerely hope there will come a day when your heart realizes it can still spoil her with love...


















Fly free, precious Wednesday, who's name we will forever love! Wear your gorgeous new wings proudly! Visit your mommy's dreams to let her know how much you will always, always love her and that you're okay now... Send us all a rainbow... Order pizza with Giz...





Much love, lots of tears, and countless gentle hugs for you, dear Alexia,
Deb and Nikki -- and, Giz, forever whispering in my heart...







Poem For Cats

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown
 
is it normal to feel like i should have done more? it's all i think about.

should i have gotten the biopsy that would have told me if it was cancer?
but doesn't cancer also make sense with her age, symptoms, belly full of fluid at the very end?
could her chronic pancreatitis have done that? could i have treated that?

all these questions.

i know i put her out of her misery, but i feel like she should have lived longer. 13 seems so young. :(
i feel like....why didn't i fight harder this time?
 
Dearest Alexia,

I think it's natural to wonder if you could have done more. You're raw with grief right now. I know with Giz, I wondered if maybe I could have gotten her to the ER in time, would it have made a difference? She chose her time and place. She chose home and my arms. Quite frankly, Alexia, I think it was a gift she waited for me... That she didn't want to be alone... That she wanted to be with me...

I realize your situation is different. I know the anguish of signing that form... Making that decision... All those questions you ask yourself over and over...

There will come a time when you won't second guess yourself. There will come a time when your heart finds peace with every single thing you did for your precious Wednesday.

It just takes time... Please be gentle with yourself while you grieve.

You didn't fight harder this time because you knew in your heart it was what Wednesday needed. Not what you wanted. You gave her the ultimate gift of unconditional love...

Please be gentle with yourself, Alexia. Grief takes time...

Much love and countless gentle hugs,
Deb
 
Alexia, I have no words....just want you to know I share your grief tonight...I understand.
 
alexia&wednesday said:
is it normal to feel like i should have done more? it's all i think about.

should i have gotten the biopsy that would have told me if it was cancer?
but doesn't cancer also make sense with her age, symptoms, belly full of fluid at the very end?
could her chronic pancreatitis have done that? could i have treated that?

all these questions.

i know i put her out of her misery, but i feel like she should have lived longer. 13 seems so young. :(
i feel like....why didn't i fight harder this time?
Click to expand...

(((Alexia))) I have lost two kitties this year. One was close to Wednesdays' age, and one was older. I can tell you that I was torured by the "what if's" and "if only's" in both of their cases. It seems to be a part of the process we go through where we wish we could go back in time and change things. "If only", I say, "I had started Bear on Dex earlier" he would have been OK.

This is what we do to ourselves. Every decision we make along the path of caring for our kitties is made from love, and is made with all of the facts we have at the time. Every decision is the best one at the time. A loving kitty Mom makes the right decisions for her kitty, even if the heartbreaking ending makes us doubt that.

Wednesday's illness was serious, it progressed very quickly, and was fatal. I think that you did the right things, and even if you had made some different choices along the way, you were up against a battle you could not win.

You allowed her to pass without suffering, which is the last and greatest gift you could have given her at the end. You loved her all of her life, and she knew that. Kitties do not count the days, they count only the love. You gave her a beautiful life, she loved you in return, and in time you will be able to remember the happier times. My heart is with you. Please do not doubt yourself. You did all the right things.
 
Dearest Alexia,
How my heart breaks for your loss of Wednesday. Yes, I know what you mean by "love of my life," Gandalf is a different type of cat from my others as well. He has a connection with me, as you are connected with her.

It seems a very natural part of the grieving process to wonder if you could have done something else to ease her suffering. You did the very right thing by helping her to the Bridge. She lived and was a part of your life as she was meant to be. Sometimes the ones which hold our heart the strongest do so to help us be strong when they must leave us. Her strength now beats in your heart.

wings_cat
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost Squamee in December, and had all the same feelings you have. But I think you did the right thing and gave her a good and loving way to leave and end the suffering. The pain is very bad in the beginning, and I found that waves of tears hit me at unexpected times, but it slowly gets better. Try not to torture yourself. You were lucky to have had each other.
 
Aww, Alexia, I'm so very sorry about Wednesday. It is ok to be hurting so much... allow yourself to grieve. Your love was so strong and the bond so tight. I wish there were even more loving people like you and your FDMB friends here ... wouldn't this be a wonderful world?
 
If it didnt hurt so much it wouldnt be love. I share your pain in loss of such a close friend.
Fly free sweet kitty land ever so softly back in your mamas heart till you meet again.


Sharing tears,
jeanne
 
I'm so sorry.....we all know what pain you are going through. I always wonder if I could have done something more or differently.......

Please know we are sharing your sadness... ((((((Alexia)))))

Fly free sweet girl, young and free of pain.
 
all paws are crossed in our home today for you and Wednesday......words can never replace the hole they leave in our lives, but over time memories can....(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
 
alexia&wednesday said:
is it normal to feel like i should have done more? it's all i think about.

should i have gotten the biopsy that would have told me if it was cancer?
but doesn't cancer also make sense with her age, symptoms, belly full of fluid at the very end?
could her chronic pancreatitis have done that? could i have treated that?

all these questions.

i know i put her out of her misery, but i feel like she should have lived longer. 13 seems so young. :(
i feel like....why didn't i fight harder this time?
Click to expand...

You cannot beat yourself up about it. If she could have spoken to you, things might have been different, but...
I totally understand you. I adopted Midora from Pickering Valley Feed store in Lionville back in the summer of 1992 at about 8 weeks. She was named after the Japanese figure skater midori ito and was my special friend. when I moved from Phila to orlando in 2004, she took it like a trooper. A month after moving there, we had our first of 3 hurricaines that season (heavy rainstorms scared her after the breakin to our apt in Glenside back in Nov 1993). the following January she started having problems and while she went to the vet three times that spring, I did not see her serious problems coming. When the new vet (versus the old vet who sold his practice to Dr. Josh) took an xray of her kidneys, one was enlarged one was shrunken. She spent that night on the LR floor (I would not let her crawl under the couch) and I was ready to take her to be put to sleep the next morning after spending the night on the floor with her, but she passed in her sleep. she was also 13 and I was crushed.

for months I blamed myself for not paying more attention - but she had constipation problems her entire life due to birth defects. Could have things gone better? you know the cliche - hindsight is 20/20. As a dr, you know that you do your best, but you can't give the exact perfect diagnosis every single time. Wendesday knows that you loved her and did the best you could. I would like to think that if she and Midora could've spoken, that is what they would have said.

I finally adopted Cedric after 11 months. My mom had come to visit me (none of my family lives down here - all back in PA), and when she left I realized it was time.
I am sorry for your loss, and hope that you feel better in time, as I did.

PS: the creamatory gave me a nice print of the Rainbow Bridge poem and I found a frame at target for it that has room for 3 small photos at the bottom. I have photos of her thru her life next to her box with her ashes. she is never far from me or my thoughts.
 
(((((Alexia))))) I am so very sorry for your loss. May you continue to feel Wednesday's love; I know she feels yours. Fly free, dear Wednesday. wings_cat
 
I am so sorry to hear about your Wednesday. Sampson, Delilah and I send our prayers and sympathy. I haven't had to go through this yet but our day is more than likely coming soon. She had a wonderful life with you and I am sure is smiling down gratefully to you from above. She will no longer be in pain and is running free.


Hugs,

Vicki, Sampson & Delilah
 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Wednesday. I too lost my Chloe on Saturday. I feel lost and lonely as well, but as they say time heals all. It will get easier for you I hope, just as I hope it will get easier for me too.

My mom put all of Chloes things away today, that was extrememly hard, I broke down. I cried so much these past few days that I gave myself an intense migrane. I know what you are going through, it hurts, and it feels like no one around you understands it. It does for me, nobody seems to care or is as saddened by the loss of Chloe. I just know that Wednesday is happy, healthy, and young again.

I hope that Chloe and Wednesday are together, playing and watching over us:)

Take care, be strong

-Megan
 
So very sorry for your loss. We love them all but some steal our hearts even more. Many of us relive the end and question if we did enough or should have done something differently. Deep down we know that we loved them deeply and cared for them the best we could. Wednesday resides deep in your heart, forever, and when the freshness of her loss isn't so strong, the wonderful memories of her will bring you comfort and good moments and even a smile. Although right now it feels like your hurting heart might not recover, it will with time. The end is only a small part of her life; there are many years of goodness and love to remember. Hugs to you (((Alexia))).
 
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