Responses/Thoughts/Struggles since Sushi's crossing...

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Re: 3/20 Sushi - Heart Trouble &/or Cancer

So sorry to hear about Sushi and my vines are being sent your way from Davidson.................if I were in your shoes I would bring Sushi home with me if there is even a remote possibility that she will have a few days with you and you can always even after a day go back to the vet if you have to. I think having her home will be good for both at least until the results are back.........one never knows until you have the DX. We're thinking about you...........

Shawna, Harley & Davidson
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Heart Trouble &/or Cancer

oh ashley, i'm so very sorry.

punkin had a similar situation. you know he had acro and had already been through a lot. he was not doing well and when we took him to the vet we also discovered fluid in his chest and abdominal cavity that was compressing his lungs and making it hard for him to breathe. his lungs could only inflate a sliver. we also were told it was likely cancer from somewhere.

people told me that the fluid in this type of situation tends to return faster and faster each time they withdraw it. we chose not to withdraw the fluid, but i was afraid he would feel like he was suffocating if his lungs couldn't inflate and didn't want to leave him alone or let him suffer. so that evening the vet came to our house and we said let him go.

i say that not to tell you what to do, but to share what i was told in case you haven't been told this yet. for me, being told that it was going to return made a huge difference. that's why i suggested yesterday that you ask the vet about it.

you are so in tune with Sushi and have been so close to him - i also think you'll know what to do.

hugs, julie
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs
 

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Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley,

I am so sorry that Sushi is nearing the bridge. I think you will know when it is time. If he can't be removed from the oxygen, I don't think you will be able to take him home, so that may be a deciding factor.

I don't like the idea of ever leaving my kitties behind, so I've had my GAs cremated and the are in lovely little wooden boxes that I have on a tribute table with their pictures. When Kisa crossed last year, the box the vet offered had a place for his name, dates and a message to be inscribed, as well as a place for a picture. They also had a little marble container in which they placed some of his beautiful hair. It gives me a lot of comfort, and I will be able to always take my babies with me, wherever home is.

Sending you lots of hug and prayers. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley
You don't know me, I was on in 2011, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry to read Sushi's story.
I lost my Daphne on Sunday, and I cried all through your post. Daphne died at home, we were just getting ready to take her and she just stopped breathing. I wished I had oxygen at home, I felt so helpless, it was very hard to see her like that. I was just glad I was with her.

I hope they will meet at the bridge soon. I have a lit candle on her grave in the backyard since Sunday.
wings_cat
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Thank you everyone. Your support is invaluable.
I'm laying in bed & I keep expecting him to hop up here any minute. :cry: Bedtime cuddles were out favorite.

Ohhh :cry: I'm so sorry for your loss of Daphne. Thank you so much for sharing your story. :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

I am so sorry to hear about Sushi.
Sending prayers to both Sushi and you.
:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

(((Ashley))). I'm so very sorry. Sometimes the very best we can do for our beloved companions is give them peace and release from the pain. You've always been a great mom to Sushi.

Sending prayers.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

I'm so sorry, Ashley! It is so hard to say good bye to our furbabies. You have been such a loving bean, I hope you will be able to spend a lsat day at home w/ Sushi!
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful kitty. Praying for you at this difficult time.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

(((Ashley)))
Sending comfort prayers for you. It is the hardest, but most loving thing we have to do for our furbabies. :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley, I am so very sorry to learn of Sushi's situation. I hope you are able to spend time with him before he goes to the bridge. You'll be in my thoughts.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Dear Ashley,
More prayers of comfort for you and for Sushi this morning. He is about to begin a new journey and he will be in good company at the Bridge. Thinking of you both,

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:

Ella & Rusty
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Well Sushi has passed o'er the rainbow bridge. I read each of your comments to him as a part of his goodbye. I put him to sleep just a bit ago...Whew!! It was so bittersweet. So sweet but SO HARD!! Thank you each so much for your words & support. Ill definitely post a memorial/goodbye story later.
:YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Lighting Butthead's candle for Sushi... :cry:
He will have wonderful friends waiting for him at the Bridge.

buttheadcandle.jpg


MJ
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

{{{Ashley}}}

I'm so sorry. It's never easy to say goodbye to our furry kids, but at least you had the opportunity to let him know how much you loved him and free him from his suffering on your terms. He is free now, and will always be with you. I hope you find peace from your good memories of him and they help you through this tough time. Many prayers and hugs. :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley, I am so sorry Sushi has gone on ahead. May you find comfort in knowing your sweet boy is now at peace and free of the physical pain he was experiencing here on this earth. My sincerest condolences.

Fly free and land softly sweet little Sushi. rb_icon o:-)
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

I am so sorry, Ashley. You did everything you could and I hope Sushi's crossing was a gentle farewell.

Fly free Sushi and land softly. You've left pawprints on your bean's heart that will last forever.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

(((((Ashley)))))
In Lantus Land we are grieving with you as Sushi journies to a new life at the Bridge. At the Bridge he is being welcomed by our GAs, his pals. He is free of his pain, he is flying free, and he is sending you his love and his gratitude.
Fly free, dear Sushi, You are much loved.

In deepest sympathy,

Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu(GA)
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

(((Ashley)))
Prayers to you for peace and serenity. You did an amazing thing for Sushi, through your love and courage.

Fly free sweet Sushi. Send mama a sign when you can rb_icon
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Fly Free, Sweet Sushi! Send you bean a sign that you have reached the Bridge safely and are happy and pain free again. Please send her a sign, perhaps some of your beads?

candles.gif
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley,
I am truly sorry that it was time for Sushi to cross over. It is one of the hardest things in life to do to let them go.. He was so loved and you will always have him in your heart.
Do something special in his memory when the time is right.
Sending you prayers and many hugs..having been through it I know the pain and emptiness you are feeling.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley, I'm so sorry to hear it was Sushi's time to leave you, but you did the best thing you could for her and released her from a body that had failed. We all grieve every time any of us lose one of our furkids.

Fly Free sweet Sushi and land softly. The Bridge awaits you with all it's sunshine, butterflies and most importantly, all our GA's to welcome you!
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

(((((Ashley)))))
May you soon take comfort in the fond memories you have of Sushi.

wings_cat Fly free, little one...
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Oh Ashley,

No words. I just went through the very same thing with my dog just last week. My soul is empty. I know exactly how you feel. There is some comfort in knowing I set her free before the cancer ate her alive, but not having her here with me just SUCKS. Please know I have you in my thoughts and prayers and pray you find comfort soon and can remember all the wonderful times you had together. XO's.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Daphne left me one week today and so I hope our two babies are at the bridge together.
I still feel her with me, and I still have the candle lit outside.
Daphne and Sushi's post seem to be staying together, so maybe it's a sign, that they are together now.

Fly free sweet Sushi wings_cat
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Thank you all so so much. It is such a comfort to be in a community that knows exactly what it's like to love a pet as much as I loved Sushi, as well as what it's like to have to let them go.

I've wanted to respond/post before now, but I've been a complete wreck. Today was better--work was a nice distraction, and it was nice to not melt into tears every 10 minutes.

Ann & Tess said:
Fly Free, Sweet Sushi! Send you bean a sign that you have reached the Bridge safely and are happy and pain free again. Please send her a sign, perhaps some of your beads?
Click to expand...
Thank you so much Ann. Thank you not just for this post, but for EVERYTHING along the way--all of your support, guidance and encouragement.
Beads?! Did you see my post on Facebook? ;-)

Daphne#5 said:
Daphne left me one week today and so I hope our two babies are at the bridge together.
I still feel her with me, and I still have the candle lit outside.
Daphne and Sushi's post seem to be staying together, so maybe it's a sign, that they are together now.

Fly free sweet Sushi wings_cat
Click to expand...
I just love this! :smile: What is your name?



I still intend to post our whole story, but for now I'll say I stayed with Sushi, pet him and told him how much I loved him up until and after he crossed. I know it was the best thing for him, and probably the best thing for me in the long term. I'm so glad he was looking at me the whole time, but I'm almost haunted by that image. I'm really struggling with feeling like I killed him. I was telling my DBF that I wish they had kitty hospice, and I could have made him comfortable and he could go when he wanted. But he reminded me that Sushi would have suffocated to death, and that I did the right thing. I just feel like I neglected Sushi or something? I don't know.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

Ashley:

You did not kill Sushi. You set him free. You did not neglect him either. You were a wonderful bean and did all you could. You are human and not all-knowing, so if you made any mistakes, and I can't think of any from what I've read in your condos, it was because you are not perfect, just like the rest of us. Please do not beat yourself up. Sushi had a wonderful life with you, and you gave him the greatest gift - a release from discomfort and pain.

I know exactly what you mean by being haunted by that last look - I cannot get my last image of my GA Kisa out of my head as I walked out of the room at the vet that last night. I wanted so badly to stay all night with him, and he was staring at me as I left. I hadn't been home 20 minutes when the vet called to say he had crossed. I still feel like I let him down, even though everyone says I didn't. It's a natural reaction to the loss. My brain knows that, but my heart isn't so sure. I'm telling your heart what I tell mine - You did all you could, and more!!! Remember the old saying: "Don't be sad that I'm gone. Be happy that I was here". I'm sure you're happy Sushi was here. Hold on to that.

Many hugs. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

:cry: :cry: Thank you SO much Tricia. It's so wonderful to know I'm not the only one and that my reactions are..."normal?" I appreciate your words. :YMHUG:

I just wish it didn't have to be my decision. I wish it could have been his, or the universe's/God's... :-|
 
Ashley, when you looked into Sushi's eyes, talked to him (and he "talked" to you), I'm sure you heard in your heart that he was ready to go. I've had to release my share of much loved furkids from their earthly body, and each one had "told me" they were ready.

You didn't make any decision "alone". Sushi was telling you it was time, and you loved him enough to listen.
 
Re: 3/20 Sushi - Tumor in Chest/Lungs

I hear you. When I had to help Butthead to the Bridge, I didn't so much question that decision as wonder if it would have turned out differently if I had acted sooner when he was first sick. At the end, it was heartbreaking that I could no longer help him except to leave this earth. All the money in the world could not fix him.

In time, you'll remember more of the good and less of the bad.

Yes, what you're feeling is "normal".

hugs and prayers,
MJ
 
Hi Ashley, I'm Barb. I wrote above and you asked for my name (Daphne's mom).
I have been beating myself up since my little girl passed. She started to look sick late Sat. night at 3 AM and I told my husband I would stay with her on the floor, and told him to get some sleep and we would probably have to take her in the morning (Sun, so my regular vet would not be around), and I still question that decision over and over and over again. I don't understand why I didn't take her that night, why I waited... maybe because she was eating and breathing wasn't that bad I thought, and figured the morning would be the best time to take her. I slept on the floor all night giving her water and food every hour or so, and she was eating, and so I thought she would be ok. Well, just as we were getting her ready to leave for the emergency hospital, she started to gasp for air... you can imagine the rest of the story.

So what I'm trying to say is, you did better then I did. You did the right thing, I did not. I failed my best friend, my soul mate, and I have no idea why I was so stupid. I won't stop beating myself up for this for a very long time.

I hope you know now that you did exactly the right thing. :YMHUG: rb_icon
I hope our babies are together now.
 
oh barb, you absolutely didn't fail Daphne! none of us lives forever. we wish they'd live longer, but never know exactly when that end is going to come. Barb, I KNOW how devoted you've been to Daphne. you should feel good about giving her life for so long when so many others would've put her to sleep when she was diagnosed. stay focused on that part. she was lucky to have you. :YMHUG:
 
Barb, (so good to know your name!)

No, no no no no. That is NOT true. I absolutely did NOT do better than you. I actually did the same thing you did; Sushi was open-mouth breathing as early as Monday morning (maybe even Sunday night?), and I didn’t take him to the vet until Tuesday morning. I had a similar moment to yours; he was really concerning me Monday night, and I was debating over whether to take him to the vet then or wait until the morning (mainly because I was trying to save money :roll: ). I was also ignorant as to what was really going on, and the severity of it. Even though folks here tried to tell me. I was just in denial. My DBF came over and we went back and forth for almost an hour about whether getting him to the vet 8 hours sooner was worth it. Sushi could have just as easily passed before I made it to the vet just like your Daphne did.

I was shocked that Sushi was as sick as he was too. I’m even struggling with that now—I don’t see that he was that sick, or suffering; I think that’s part of why I feel like I killed him. It’s always been such a struggle for me to see it, to know how bad it is, and to know when to act or when it can wait a few hours.

And what a loving thing you did to stay up all night with Daphne, feeding her and giving her water. That is a beautiful picture of your devotion to her.

I’ve thought a lot about how I wish I had brought Sushi home. I would have given anything to spend just a few hours with him at home, and if he passed there, oh well. I’ve honestly envied you a few times. Isn’t it funny how we do that? :?

Barb I’ll be praying for you. I pray that you are released from the guilt you feel, because it is unwarranted, and it is the last emotion you need to feel on top of your grief. I can only imagine how traumatic your experience with Daphne was, and I pray that you begin to find some relief and perspective on it.

I think sometimes we beat ourselves up because it’s easier to be mad at ourselves and focus on what we should have or shouldn’t have done. It’s a distraction from the situation, and it helps us feel like we’re doing something about it. It also gives us someone to blame. Please don’t do that. Daphne doesn’t blame you. You did NOT fail her, you were NOT stupid. She loves you and wants you to live a life of love and freedom. She’s so happy you were her momma, and all the choices that came along with that territory.

Barb, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I’m really hurting for you. Please take care and don’t be so hard on yourself. I know our babies are there together comforting us both.
 
Ashley, please don't beat yourself up. You absolutely did the best thing for Sushi by helping him go. Sammy actually did start suffocating while the vet was getting the injection ready. Seeing his last moments be so full of panic and fear is something I wish I could un-see. That's one reason I pushed you to take Sushi to the vet, to try to protect you and Sushi from that. I'm glad you could help Sushi leave with dignity and calm. Because we were already at the vet (thankfully) they were able to end Sammy's suffering very quickly. I can't imagine if that had happened at home and I'm sorry Barb had to go through that. He had been breathing somewhat ok at home just a couple of hours earlier, but in the end he couldn't even be out of the oxygen cage for long enough to be put to sleep in my arms.

I don't regret anything except maybe asking for them to take him out of the oxygen cage so I could hold him. I don't really regret that either, because I did it out of love and I didn't know it would hurt him, and as soon as we realized what was happening the vet rushed him back to oxygen so he could calm down. I clearly saw that there was no option for him to get better and that I had squeezed out every possible minute he could give to me. Please trust that you did the only compassionate thing you could do for Sushi.
 
Oh Ashley, you're so kind, to take time out of your own grieving to try and make me feel better.
Julie, thank you also. I didn't mean to hijack this condo for Sushi, this condo is for Sushi and about Sushi.

I guess there is no really perfect ending to life, all we can do is give our love to our sweet babies for as long as we can.
It was the speed of Daphne's decline that shocked me, and I will learn from that. I really did think I had time, like you Ashley, that we had time to spend more hours with her, not wanting to believe it was close to the end. I guess when I think about it, I wanted that night with her, but if only I could have known she would go from being not so bad. to very bad in minutes...

I take comfort now, knowing that Sushi and Daphne are together in a wonderful place, and all the FDMB family of GA's...in a field of catnip and their favorite toys, and sunshine, and love.

Thank you Ashley, I hope these words are some comfort for you too. I will also pray for you to be free to remember Sushi at her best, as I know she is now, free of pain, free to live on in your heart forever. wings_cat rb_icon
 
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