Quandary with rescue kittie & Howie

[Howiesmom]

I rescued a community kittie (Charlie Girl) at Christmas time I had been feeding for several months as it was way below zero. She’s been in my home office since then and has gotten accustomed to me. As of this week, I can finally pet her and she's found her purr box! The plan the whole time was for her to go to a local cat sanctuary (not a humane society) when they had room for her this spring as we assume(d) she may be a permanent resident there if she’s not adoptable. Well, now my heart strings are tugging at me and I’m contemplating keeping her. She is supposed to go to the sanctuary in the next couple of weeks. Everyone in my life says I can't keep her because of Howie's diabetes, acromegaly, pancreatitis, and being a cranky old man cat. Charlie, of course, is a grazer and eats Temptations and dry food (and a little wet food) throughout the day/night. She won't just eat at one time and I have to put it away if Howie comes in to visit her as he bee-lines straight towards all of it. Besides Howie, my concern is letting her out of her room where she’s been contained and stress-free (she even has her own Alexa to play classical music!) She’s escaped twice the whole time I’ve had her and it was hell trying to get her. I can’t close off rooms in my house as things are pretty open and I have a bunch of furniture she can hide under for days. I’m afraid of letting her out as she may get freaked out and then I can’t find her or get to her.

If she has a space waiting for her at a sanctuary, am I better off giving her a better life there? I know it will be very traumatic for her to transition to there. The other complicating part is that I’ve been working from home all winter but have to return back to the office in early June so won’t be here as much like she’s been used to. It will be a tough transition for Howie too. I just want her to have the best life possible but also maintain my sanity. For those with this type of experience, what do I need to know/do to have my eyes wide open in making this decision and not letting my heart just rule? What do I do with keeping food separate while trying to allow her more space to roam in my house, etc? I have just a little bit of time to figure out if I will keep her or if I will give her up to the sanctuary.

 

[Noah & me (GA)]

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Howie has had his way for a long time and you returning to work is the big unknown. Charlie Girl cannot stay locked up forever and coming home to a scratched cornea would be bad news. We've had incredible luck bringing new cats home and even three lost cats but it's just luck, we don't perform cat magic here. You've done your part bringing her out of the cold and finding a good if not perfect home so there's no guilt or shame. At least you've gotten Charlie to accept some human contact so she won't be an unadoptable semi-feral. Be proud of what you've done for your little corner of the world.
We tell people two of ours were neighborhood strays but the truth is we confiscated both from idiot neighbors, gone for years now, who kept getting their kids more cats like stuffed toys from Goodwill. They were abused, not neutered or chipped and no effort was made to find them. We've never regretted it but we've also both been at home and on disability since first Sam and then Daniel showed up. I'm not there so it's not for me to judge you or even give advice.
You'll do the right thing and will feel no regret or guilt, ever.

 

[Bron and Sheba (GA)]

It’s a hard decision for you.
Can Howie jump up on high places? Just wondering if you could put her food up high. The other thing you could do is get a microchip feeder for her so that only she can access her food.
Do you think she would have a better life at the sanctuary or with you?
How does Howie get on with her? Would he like the company?

 

[Howiesmom]

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Howie has had his way for a long time and you returning to work is the big unknown. Charlie Girl cannot stay locked up forever and coming home to a scratched cornea would be bad news. We've had incredible luck bringing new cats home and even three lost cats but it's just luck, we don't perform cat magic here. You've done your part bringing her out of the cold and finding a good if not perfect home so there's no guilt or shame. At least you've gotten Charlie to accept some human contact so she won't be an unadoptable semi-feral. Be proud of what you've done for your little corner of the world.
We tell people two of ours were neighborhood strays but the truth is we confiscated both from idiot neighbors, gone for years now, who kept getting their kids more cats like stuffed toys from Goodwill. They were abused, not neutered or chipped and no effort was made to find them. We've never regretted it but we've also both been at home and on disability since first Sam and then Daniel showed up. I'm not there so it's not for me to judge you or even give advice.
You'll do the right thing and will feel no regret or guilt, ever.

Thank you so much for the thought-provoking response...I truly appreciate it. I know I will feel guilty if I take her to the sanctuary. I half-knew this was going to happen when I brought her in during December! I had to stop feeding other outside kitties as my heart could only handle so much heartache in the winter and I can't bring them all inside! The main one I had been feeding for more than a year got hit by a car outside my house last Fall and I was devastated. It's amazing how these animals who don't necessarily know what love is or how to give it touch our hearts and souls! That's what makes this so difficult. She might be good to be let out in my house or she could be a terror. She got fixed and vetted in January and they say they cut her nails. Either they grow super fast or they didn't have time as they are razor sharp and she gets them caught on the blankets I have for her in her room. Thank you again!

 

[Howiesmom]

It’s a hard decision for you.
Can Howie jump up on high places? Just wondering if you could put her food up high. The other thing you could do is get a microchip feeder for her so that only she can access her food.
Do you think she would have a better life at the sanctuary or with you?
How does Howie get on with her? Would he like the company?

I definitely is a hard decision, although I half-knew this was going to happen in December when I brought her in. I've brought Howie into her room several times when I'm in visiting and playing with her. He ranges from being curious (and going nose to nose with her) to becoming a growly, crank monster. She doesn't know what to think of him...half scared but also curious. I don't believe she was part of a colony when I was feeding her outside so have no idea how much interaction she had with other cats (I'm estimating she's around 2 or so). Howie is my pandemic pet who I got from a family who's brother passed away and they were trying to rehome him. Prior to that, he had been a long-term cat at the local humane society. So I believe he's been a solo cat in a household for a long time. I would like to think they could become fast friends, but that is more up to Howie than Charlie!! Although Howie's got pretty significant atrophy and arthritis in his hind legs, he still manages to jump up on counters (he's on solensia and adequan). I have heard of the microchip feeders but haven't looked into them--thank you for that reminder. Howie gets feed his 2 meals/day and then mini meals in his autofeeder. He is pretty well-trained to hear the autofeeder advance and goes to eat right away from there (unless he's having a pancreatitis flare-up like he has right now). I just don't want to cause stress in his life and exacerbate his diabetes and pancreatitis. I've worked so hard to try and control both. But I love them both (as I listen to Charlie in her room right now enjoying her classical music and chasing a ball around)! Thank you so much for the response!!! I'm horrible at making decisions that are laced in heartache.

 

[Noah & me (GA)]

who I got from a family who's brother passed away

This is how we got our big mutt Jordie. Cynthia's brother Roy got sick, we fostered Jordie for almost two years, Roy got better so Jordie went back, Roy passed away last November and back came Jordie. Each of his trips involved connecting flights over a 6 to 8 hour period so he's very patient and trusting.
The point of all this is that Andy the cat has always been the welcoming one and grew up with our last dog but wanted nothing to do with Jordie the first time he was here. Now they're best friends and Andy knows how to push Jordie's "love me" buttons. It gets a little perverse at times.
Things might change for the better between Howie and Charlie but if it doesn't the longer you hang on the harder it will be to let her go. You know all this already but like you said "my heart could only handle so much heartache". This is why I don't visit shelters looking for three legged cats with a missing eye, I just can't deal with the heartache any more. Neither of us are heartless, it's about taking care of yourself first.

 

[Hendrick Cuddleclaw]

our cats nails need trimmed about once a month

 

[Lisa and Witn (GA)]

Can you transition her over to the same diet that Howie eats. That could solve the problem with him getting into her food.

As long as there has been no serious aggression between them you may be able to get them to live together peacefully. They already know about each other. There may be some squabbling while they determine their position in the household but in my experience it usually does not last very long. I have successfully introduced numerous cats in my household and after the initial adjustment period they get along fine.

 

[Bron and Sheba (GA)]

It sounds like Howie is establishing he is boss.

 

[Howiesmom]

our cats nails need trimmed about once a month

Yes, I trim Howie’s nails monthly as well. But he doesn’t have any teeth, so I’m not afraid to do it and he’s used to me doing it. Charlie girl would be another story!

 

[Howiesmom]

Can you transition her over to the same diet that Howie eats. That could solve the problem with him getting into her food.

As long as there has been no serious aggression between them you may be able to get them to live together peacefully. They already know about each other. There may be some squabbling while they determine their position in the household but in my experience it usually does not last very long. I have successfully introduced numerous cats in my household and after the initial adjustment period they get along fine.

Howie is on an expensive diet of Weruva food for his diabetes, no gums/carageenan, lower phosphorous, etc. His grocery bill rivals mine most months! I would love to get them on the same diet but couldn’t afford it! Charlie is not a fan of Friskies but of course that’s what I have a stockpile of right now! I would really like to think they will get along eventually! My friends say that this is Howie’s house. He does rule the roost!

 

[JL and Chip]

It is a great honor when a feral or community cat gives you their trust. I completely understand your quandary, having a few former strays and ferals myself.

I have one former feral who I couldn’t touch until she cozied up to Chip (my first diabetic) and gained enough confidence from him to trust me. After he died, she regressed and became elusive until she latched onto another stray I’d taken in. He too eventually died and she again regressed, though not as dramatically. I often wondered whether she’d have been happier in a sanctuary setting, or perhaps adopted by some super human who could break through in ways I could not. I don’t really know the answer, but I’ve come to realize that she needed continuity, and to some degree *I* was that continuity. She felt safe here, watched and learned from the other cats, and chose her own rules and timing. She’s around 20 years old now and has become an absolute lovebug the past few years, craving pets and attention. Yes, she will still bite when under stress. No, I still don’t know whether a sanctuary would have afforded her a better quality of life. Maybe. Or maybe the revolving door of new cats entering the sanctuary, and cats she bonded with leaving, would have been a series of heartbreaks for her as well as dealing with an array of strange faces coming and going. Or perhaps she’d have been a failed adoption and had to deal with the stress of coming back to the sanctuary, or worse yet gotten out a door to be back out on her own or been relinquished to a kill shelter (where she’d have likely topped the euthanasia list). I’ve seen all of those things happen in rescue, but I’ve also seen a ton of very successful placements. If only we had a crystal ball, right?

Right now my girl has been recently diagnosed with hyperT, has a probable UTI, is leaking bloody urine constantly, will likely have CKD once the hyperT is treated, and needs meds and fluids multiple times a day while we sort it all out. Given that reality, I’m glad she’s here with me where I can focus on and fuss over her rather than at a sanctuary where, despite best intentions, she and her elderly health needs might slip between the cracks.

We do the best we can. That’s all we can do. We can’t save or help them all, but for the ones for which we intervene, I’d like to think it matters. I do TNR, feed colony cats, and have a couple of ferals and community cats who have “adopted” me. I feel tremendous responsibility toward them and yes, worry if I don’t see them. There are significant hazards to outdoor living. Kudos to you for taking Charlie in and giving her a chance at a long and happy life. Chip could be a bit of a curmudgeon but even he fell for the charms of my little street cat, so who really knows whether Howie might do the same. Sometimes a sweet little innocent girl wins over the old cranky guy.

Could you perhaps ask for more time from the sanctuary without permanently losing your spot? Although our heart becomes more entrenched, sometimes the answer becomes clear with time. If Howie absolutely hates her over time, that tells you something. If not, maybe it could work. As for feeding…microchip feeders might be an option, as has been mentioned. Another option might be to rig a gate or crate so that only Charlie could get through the opening.

Sometimes it helps to try a few things before making a final decision in order to avoid (or minimize) regret. I’d probably also be honest with myself and ask what my answer would be if Howie weren’t part of the equation. Please don’t take that wrong— he is part of the equation and hopefully will be for many many years, but acro is a brutal disease and if your answer is that you’d absolutely keep her, then that might tip you toward trying. If even without Howie it’s still the case that Charlie would pose a problem, then that tells you something too.

She’s a sweet looking little thing. I secretly wish that you’d give it a go, but I’m a sucker for happy endings and that’s not fair given I don’t know all of your circumstances. I will say, though, that the strays and ferals I’ve taken in over the years are some of the most appreciative and unassuming cats I’ve known and integrating most of them wasn’t terribly difficult. I wish you peace of mind as you make this decision.

 

[Howiesmom]

It is a great honor when a feral or community cat gives you their trust. I completely understand your quandary, having a few former strays and ferals myself.

I have one former feral who I couldn’t touch until she cozied up to Chip (my first diabetic) and gained enough confidence from him to trust me. After he died, she regressed and became elusive until she latched onto another stray I’d taken in. He too eventually died and she again regressed, though not as dramatically. I often wondered whether she’d have been happier in a sanctuary setting, or perhaps adopted by some super human who could break through in ways I could not. I don’t really know the answer, but I’ve come to realize that she needed continuity, and to some degree *I* was that continuity. She felt safe here, watched and learned from the other cats, and chose her own rules and timing. She’s around 20 years old now and has become an absolute lovebug the past few years, craving pets and attention. Yes, she will still bite when under stress. No, I still don’t know whether a sanctuary would have afforded her a better quality of life. Maybe. Or maybe the revolving door of new cats entering the sanctuary, and cats she bonded with leaving, would have been a series of heartbreaks for her as well as dealing with an array of strange faces coming and going. Or perhaps she’d have been a failed adoption and had to deal with the stress of coming back to the sanctuary, or worse yet gotten out a door to be back out on her own or been relinquished to a kill shelter (where she’d have likely topped the euthanasia list). I’ve seen all of those things happen in rescue, but I’ve also seen a ton of very successful placements. If only we had a crystal ball, right?

Right now my girl has been recently diagnosed with hyperT, has a probable UTI, is leaking bloody urine constantly, will likely have CKD once the hyperT is treated, and needs meds and fluids multiple times a day while we sort it all out. Given that reality, I’m glad she’s here with me where I can focus on and fuss over her rather than at a sanctuary where, despite best intentions, she and her elderly health needs might slip between the cracks.

We do the best we can. That’s all we can do. We can’t save or help them all, but for the ones for which we intervene, I’d like to think it matters. I do TNR, feed colony cats, and have a couple of ferals and community cats who have “adopted” me. I feel tremendous responsibility toward them and yes, worry if I don’t see them. There are significant hazards to outdoor living. Kudos to you for taking Charlie in and giving her a chance at a long and happy life. Chip could be a bit of a curmudgeon but even he fell for the charms of my little street cat, so who really knows whether Howie might do the same. Sometimes a sweet little innocent girl wins over the old cranky guy.

Could you perhaps ask for more time from the sanctuary without permanently losing your spot? Although our heart becomes more entrenched, sometimes the answer becomes clear with time. If Howie absolutely hates her over time, that tells you something. If not, maybe it could work. As for feeding…microchip feeders might be an option, as has been mentioned. Another option might be to rig a gate or crate so that only Charlie could get through the opening.

Sometimes it helps to try a few things before making a final decision in order to avoid (or minimize) regret. I’d probably also be honest with myself and ask what my answer would be if Howie weren’t part of the equation. Please don’t take that wrong— he is part of the equation and hopefully will be for many many years, but acro is a brutal disease and if your answer is that you’d absolutely keep her, then that might tip you toward trying. If even without Howie it’s still the case that Charlie would pose a problem, then that tells you something too.

She’s a sweet looking little thing. I secretly wish that you’d give it a go, but I’m a sucker for happy endings and that’s not fair given I don’t know all of your circumstances. I will say, though, that the strays and ferals I’ve taken in over the years are some of the most appreciative and unassuming cats I’ve known and integrating most of them wasn’t terribly difficult. I wish you peace of mind as you make this decision.

Oh my goodness….thank you so much for the thoughtful response and taking the time to write to me! I have tears in my eyes right now reading and re-reading this. I debated if I should pose this type of question on here as it isn’t completely FD related, but I know you all are cat lovers. You have given me some really poignant things to think about and what Charlie could experience in a sanctuary setting. I have hope that she’ll fit in. I can only hope Howie will/would come around to loving her too! He’s avoiding me these days and am not sure if it’s jealousy or something else. My heart wants to try keeping Charlie and I do like your idea of asking the sanctuary if they could possibly hold her space. Of course she is just coming around to trusting me when she is supposed to be leaving soon! Big hugs to all of you!

 

[Howiesmom]

Just an update….I’m giving it a whirl of keeping Charlie. I vacuumed the house yesterday and barricaded some areas I knew she could/would go under and then opened the door. Instead of busting out of jail, she retreated to the cave in her cat tree! I ended up having to put on Cat TV to help her relax. I know she at least poked her head out last night but am not sure she actually left her room! I know it will take time. Howie seems to not be paying attention that the door is open (with her kibble right there) although I was half-awake most of the night worried if he did discover it. The microchip feeders look good, but a $200+ price tag is a bit steep right now. Thanks for all the encouragement so far!

 

[Lisa and Witn (GA)]

Yes the microchip feeders are expensive but they are very helpful in keeping the other cats out of the food.

A cheaper option that I made for Charlie was to install a magnetic pet door on a pet carrier I was not using. The reason I did this is at night I used a timed feeder to make sure he had a meal during the night to keep his glucose from dropping too low. But since they don't make a microchipped timed feeder I had to improvise. I modified the door to the carrier and installed a magnetic pet door. Charlie was the only cat that had the magnet on his collar to allow him to go through the door. It worked very well to keep the other cats out of his food.