Not a good day - it might be time to call it. (update)

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Sheila & Beau GA & Jeddie GA

Sheila & Beau GA & Jeddie GA

Member Since 2009
I hate even typing that. Part of me wants to hold out for... more. He won't "get better". Ever. We were trying to stop the onward rush of this damn tumor. And it seemed like just last Monday - a mere four days ago - that was happening. He was feeling good, eating well (taking feedings well), gainig weight, playing, purring. Even yesterday was pretty good. I got 8 ozs of food into him and gave him a break on cleaning his paws and face. I thought we would have more time. A month or two more. I actually hoped he would make it to his FDMB calendar month (Aug).

Today, he will not take food. I have gotten only about 1 oz into him all day. He is very withdrawn, but at least he is sleeping outside on the balcony. The thunderstorms prevented the temps from soaring into the 90s like they were supposed to, so it has been nice out there.

The worse thing is that I am sure the tumor has started to grow again because his tongue is protruding a lot. Up until yesterday it was just the very tip of it, now it is about 3/8". I wonder if he is starting to have trouble swallowing.

He did purr for me a little, but I don't think he is enjoying anything right now. I know it's one bad day and maybe tomorrow will be better again. I will try to get him through the weekend and PRAY that he doesn't pick Sunday to be the day he needs to be set free of all this (with the vet closed).

I am so sad about this. He was such a love bug and enjoyed his life here so much. That guy is gone already - has been for a month or so. The other cats all avoid him and he doesn't try to snuggle with Beau at all anymore. I can't believe how fast this is happening. Two months ago he was fine (well, he wasn't, but I didn't know). He was clean, and happy and excited about treats and snuggling with Beau and me. Now he is just breathing and looking sad and a little vacant. It's so unfair.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

Oh (((Sheila))), my eyes are welling just reading your words. I can't stop thinking about how terrible this all is, and how hard it is to say goodbye. You have been such an angel for Jeddie to have in his life. I hope and pray that the days ahead bring you both some sort of peace in this journey. I will be holding you both very close in my thoughts.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

((((Shelia)))) This is so unfair and we all hoped that you would have more time with him. I am hoping that today was just an off day and he'll feel better tomorrow.
Keeping you and Jeddie in my thoughts, prayers, and sending strength, comfort, and peaceful vibes.
Marcy & Klinger
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

(((((Sheila))))) So sorry to hear Jeddie had a bad day. Praying he feels better tomorrow. Sending positive thoughts your way.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

I am trying to feed him every hour or so - we are up to not quite 2 ozs. I thought maybe he was nauseated so I tried giving him a cerenia, but he yelped and hissed when I tried to open his mouth. So I gave him some bupe and will try again in another hour. Sigh.

When I went out to get him he cringed and tried to hang on to something to stop he from picking him up. I just hate that hate that he is feeling pain from the things I am doing to try and make him feel better.

I did give him 100 ml of subQ fluids this morning. At least that is something.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

((((Sheila)))) My heart is breaking for you and Jeddie. And to hear that he doesn't try to snuggle with Beau...that is so sad. My prayers are with you all.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

oh man Shiela. I am so very sorry. this has to be so hard for you. trying everything and they want no part of it. I know how hard this part is. I went through that with my Mr. chubbs. It is heart wrenching.
hugs strength to you to get through this.
soft scritches to Jeddie
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

((((Sheila)))) - I'm so sorry he had such a bad day yesterday. Hoping it was just ONE bad day and that today is better. He's loving you for every moment you care for him, even if he doesn't act like it. Wishing you both the best for today and the coming days.

Lu-Ann
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

Sheila, I'm crying for you, you are trying so hard.

I have no doubt that he came to you because you are the right person to go through this with him and for him.

Praying for a good day today.
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

Dear Sheila,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with Jeddie. I know how hard it is to watch a cat with oral cancer, as I had my Squeegee, ten years ago, go through the same thing. It tore my heart out to watch a ten year old cat (but he was FIV+) go downhill so quickly.

I regretted that I let him go as long as I did, but I was waiting for a certain vet to come to my house to put him down, and that day was on July 9, 2002. Squeegee had never bitten me, nor scratched me, but the couple of days before he died, I was trying to comb his matted fur, and he turned and bit me twice. Not very hard, but I was soooo sad to know he was in so much pain.

His tongue was sticking out more each day, and I was trying to finger feed him some A/D food, and anything else that I could get into him, and I suppose, I was only prolonging his agony.

I know how hard this is on you and on Jeddie. Don't forget also, that when our cats purr, in these situations, sometimes it means they are in more pain, and that is what is so sad about cats going through these illnesses.

Many prayers sent your way,
(((HUGS))),
Jean and Charcoal (GA)
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

Thank you all - this has been a very difficult morning. I got up at 5am to try and feed him and *maybe* got 2 tsp into him, but it might have just drooled right out again. Then I got up at 8am and tried to feed him and he would not let the bottle into his mouth. I did get a cerenia and about 1 tsp of water into him to see if that would help. I tried again at 9:30. He just sits there and trembles and turns his head away.

He did come out on the balcony with me while I had my coffee and purred a bit when I rubbed his neck (and I could see one front paw kneading the air slightly). I planned to start calling the vet specialty center and then my reg vet about making "THE" appt.

I am having a very hard time with this. The whys and the what ifs and all that. These are things we all go through with each and every one of your beloved fur babies that we have to set free. I have been through this too many times (once is too many times), but this time is seeming to be the hardest ever and I am not sure why. The closest I could come is that I am conflicted about my reason for taking him in the fist place. I think my motives were ego driven. I could "save" this cat because I know what I am doing and I know diabetes is not a death sentence. But here I am and he isn't saved. People keep saying, "you gave him over two years he would not have had." That still isn't comforting. And then I read this:
Vicky & Gandalf (GA) & Murrlin said:
I have no doubt that he came to you because you are the right person to go through this with him and for him.
Click to expand...
And I cried. Vicky, I think you gave me the answer. I was going back over the few years and remembering the day he came to me, not knowing the future would be so short. Nothing in life makes much sense, but with my kitties I have almost always found a "reason" they came into my life - usually to teach me something. I could not see why he came into my life for me to love and then have him taken from me. I was looking for reasons that benefited me when all along it was HIS journey that brought him here to me. And all that I have done, I could not have done without the support of all of you and those that donated to his fund. I just hope that what I have been able to do these past 6 weeks has benefited him. I think it has allowed some closure between him and Beau. I hope, too, that he is finding some peace.

I tried to feed him again, after I finished my coffee and he still refused food. So I held him close and cried on his head. He didn't struggle or even lift his head. I released him and he went right out onto the balcony and started eating catnip leaves (!?). So I thought, well, maybe I can give him his subQ fluids out here and I went to get them. I am probably the only person in Chicago with a bag of IV fluids hanging from my plant hanger.

Then I thought, maybe I should try feeding him out here? Maybe he is associating the chair in the dining room with being cleaned (which he hates, big time). I sat down with him out there, not even wrapped in a towel - and he took the entire bottle! That's what he had in total yesterday. To say I was relieved is a huge understatement. I said, "Thank you , God" and kissed his head.

He is still out there now, under the chairs for shade.

Look how much his tongue is sticking out. :cry:

No matter how well he does this weekend, I think that it is obvious that the tumor is growing again and there is so sense in putting him through any more chemo - and that his days are very, very limited.
 
Jean, thank you for sharing your experience. It is so hard to know when is too soon and when is too late. I think the line between the two is measured in nanoseconds.

I am (or was) getting enough food into him to make up the calories he needed and he is on pain meds, but I am sure he doesn't like being dirty and stinky and tangled. He does seem to like brushing still and purrs for that. I know that purring can be a sign of pain, but he does it in response to brushing and patting so I think it is still indicating some level of pleasure.

I am at that point where I check on him every hour (at least) and each time there is an assessment of Q of L.
 
The food intake is good news, and the realization of the location for the feeding was very wise on your part.

I don't claim to know you or Jeddie much, but I've been there too. Sometimes I think they help us get to the point where we know it's time. They know we'll be devastated without them, our world will never be the same - but they hang on long enough for us to come to grips with our own, and their own, mortality. The next few hours and days will be long, but there will be some rays of sunlight, some positive notes, that you'll see, and loving purrs from him. And when you see that those moments have ended, you can offer up the one thing that you can't achieve w/ the meds and all your efforts. And it will be sad. And we'll all be with you here. But you will find comfort in knowing he is no longer struggling. You will find peace with time and with your memories. And when you look at the catnip plant, and think about the times he spent enjoying it. And all the other special things that are Jeddie.

Continuing to wish you peace, strength and wisdom in the days ahead.

Lu-Ann
 
((Sheila)) I am so sorry to see this thread. How difficult for you to watch him go through this time - and to try to help and not be able to is so frustrating.

I do agree with your thoughts of the "association" of places, tho' - when Dude had his oral surgery (he's had three now) removing growths that aren't malignant but keep coming back - I did force some food into him back by his food dish. For several days afterwards - after his mouth healed from the surgery - he refused to eat there - instead went into the bedroom - sat in the middle of our bed and waited for me to bring his little towel and food dish in there - which I did - and then he ate. Took awhile to "coax" him back - and he only did it on the evening meal which was the one I had "forced" him to eat (so he could get his shot). If only they could verbally tell us instead of just trying to show us.

My heart goes out to you - but I think you are so right in that he was sent to you because you are the one that can help him through this.

They're never with us long enough, are they? These little creatures that give us so much and that we love so much.

Sending you many many hugs and many scritches to your boy.

Emmy & Dude (& Mittsi too)
 
Re: Not a good day - thinking it might be time to call it.

Sheila & Beau & Jeddie said:
People keep saying, "you gave him over two years he would not have had." That still isn't comforting. And then I read this:
Vicky & Gandalf (GA) & Murrlin said:
I have no doubt that he came to you because you are the right person to go through this with him and for him.
Click to expand...
And I cried. Vicky, I think you gave me the answer. I was going back over the few years and remembering the day he came to me, not knowing the future would be so short. Nothing in life makes much sense, but with my kitties I have almost always found a "reason" they came into my life - usually to teach me something. I could not see why he came into my life for me to love and then have him taken from me. I was looking for reasons that benefited me when all along it was HIS journey that brought him here to me.
Click to expand...

I'm glad that what I said helped give you some perspective. I was crying when I wrote it too.

Hopefully you can have a little more time to feed him on the balcony. It's obvious that's one of his favorite places. ((((((Sheila))))))
 
I am very sad to read Jeddie is declining. It was great that he ate on the porch.

You & Jeddie were meant to find each other.
And you to be there for him during this difficult time.
((hugs))
 
Just a final check here before I finally go to bed. Thank you all for posting your support. It means so much to me.

I did a final feeding tonight before giving him his insulin. I have always free fed so just tested and shot without worrying about him eating. It finally dawned on me that I had to make sure he got food into him before giving insulin. ohmygod_smile I did manage to get just over 6 ozs into him - that's about 180 cals. 8 ozs is optimal, but I will take the 6 over yesterday's 2 ozs.

Now I need to sleep so I can get up in 4-5 hours and feed him again.
 
Hi Sheila...I have followed the Jeddie updates on the DCIN facebook page. So sorry to hear about all that Jeddie is going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Every kitty should be so well loved and cared for... <3
 
(((Sheila)))
You are both in my thoughs and prayers
I know what you are going through and I know there are no words to hlep you through this
Know we are all here for you and are praying for you both
 
I am so sorry Sheila that the last couple of days have been so hard again. This has to be so very awful for you to watch him decline and for Beau to reject him too. I hope you are receiving some comfort from all the prayers that are being said for you and Jeddie. I pray for strength for you and for your sweet boy to feel better and not be in pain. Poor guy. He loves you Sheila. He just doesn't understand. :( I am glad to hear he is still eating somewhat though and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

(((Sheila)))


ETA I hope you are okay after that big storm went through there earlier today. I guess a lot of people lost power. :(
 
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