My Sampson is at the Rainbow Bridge

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mccat2

mccat2

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Hi Everyone:

It's taken me a very long time to be able to write this. My Sampson went to the rainbow bridge on November 7th. I continue to feel so sad and guilty, although I know that I did the right thing. He kept losing weight he weighed in at 6.9 lbs from 11.9 pound in March. He was a 16lb kitty in his day. I continued to give him meds for his bp and ibd. He hated pills so I had to reduce everything to liquid. He had so many issues transient diabetic, high blood pressure (he went nearly completely blind in July), IBD syndrome, heart murmur and a possible lymphoma. I guess I just don;t know why he was losing the weight, had a great appetite but something was getting my poor little guy he was down to skin and bone. I suppose the guilt that I feel is that I will never really know what was truly the cause of his illness and downward spriral.

Despite the fact that he was getting really, really weak he continued to jump up on bed every night and nozzle my hair and my neck, he would fall sound asleep with me. He was such a tough guy. I will never forgot the special bond that we had. He would come whenever I called, he was never a lap cat but all he wanted was to see his Mom, all he did was live for me.

When I first got my Sampson, he was at a pet store and I was looking for a white female kitten, I had called and they said they had one. They did not. When I got there I spotted my Sammy in a large glass cage, he was a fawn color. I asked to see him and they handed him to me. He looked right at me and started meow insistantly. I handed him to my friend, who he promptly scratched. I asked them to put him back, I watched for a moment, he went to the litter box and he couldn't figure out how to cover the pee, he was scratching the wall. I looked at my friend and said something is wrong with him and I left. That afternoon and the following morning I couldn't get him out of my head. I called went back to the pet store during my lunch hour, they handed him to me and said here HE is. They had told me that he was a female the day before. He was looking right into my face and meowing insistantly again and I took him home. That was the story of my Sam. I guess he picked me and I never, ever regreted that I picked him too. I eventually got him a wife (a white kitten) Delilah (who I still have she is 15 1/2 now). He is probably the most special cats that I will ever own and we had a very special bond between us. He only loved me, he wasn't a people person, my family used to call him the phantom cat. as he never socialized with them when they came over. I spent 17 1/2 wonderful years with him. I miss him so much that I cry everyday, my Delilah is missing our guy very much too. It's just me & Delilah now without our big guy. We only have each other now. I had him cremated and want both of us to be buried with him when we go so we can all be together at the Rainbow Bridge.

Putting him to sleep was by far the hardest thing that I ever had to do. The night before I put him down, he jumped into my bed with his little frail body, crawled up on his pillow, needed my head, nozzled his head into my hair, put paw around my neck and pulled me closer to him. I will never forget that, it's almost like he knew it would be our last night together. I am bawling my eyes out as I write this tribute to my Sampson. When they administed the injection to put him down, I let my hair fall over his head and nozzled him with my head. I will never, ever forget my little guy. I love you Sampson.
Thank you for letting me go on and on about this but I owe this tribute to him and we want to thank you for all of your support through all of his illnesses.
I am still so very, very sad. Will the tears ever end?

Thank you,

Vicki, Sampson & Delilah
 
Oh Vicki, what a beautiful tribute to your wonderful Sampson. It sounds like he had so many health issues and that he was ready to leave his failing body. And you gave him the very best gift - loving and holding him while he left this world.

You have so many precious memories of the special bond that only you two had. I hope some day soon you will find yourself smiling when you remember something he did. Please consider posting on our Grief forum also. There are many people there who are feeling the same feelings you are and you can comfort each other.
 
Thank you Sue. I really appreciate all you have done on this board. I do remember the good time but unfortunately through smiles & tears. I espcially remember him at Christmas. He loved sliding across my wrapping paper, as Delilah made off with my bows. What fun we had. I remember as a kitten he took down an entire tree. He little neck got stuck in the lights, he took off like a bat out of hell scared and pulled down the entire tree! What a mess. But great memories.

Vicki & Sampson & Delilah
 
I'm so sorry you lost your Sampson.

You ask: will the tears ever end? In my experience, no, not really. But they do get less frequent and as time passes, the memories spawn smiles more than tears. Everyone grieves and deals with things at their own pace - don't let anyone tell you that should be "better" than you are. You should be exactly as you are for as long as you need.

I have a lot of Angels at the Bridge and I've mourned the absence of each one. Grady was my special heart kitty - I found him outside in a cold March rain in 1990. He left on March 23, 2009. I was devastated for a long while. But I can tell you - eventually, in my own time, I was just overcome by a deep sense of gratitude for his life, and for the fact that he chose to share it with me. At the end, we always focus on "the end" - and it obscures the wonderful, loving, fantastic fun and long journey to that point. It's the journey of life that is to be celebrated - in your own time, you'll be able to appreciate that.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself and Delilah. My thoughts are with you.

Rena
 
I had two older kitties in 2007 - Grady (then 17 1/2) and Baby Girl (then 15). They had never been actually close - but they shared the same life and house for all of Baby Girl's 15 years. On 11/27/07, we lost Baby Girl to cancer. Grady just went into a funk - wandered the house meowing and looking for Baby Girl. Even though we weren't "ready", my husband and I adopted two 7 month old brothers. Our reasons were simple: two younger cats together would be able to play with each other and not fuss too much with Grady who, at 17 1/2, really wasn't into younger-cat rough housing. The second reason was the kicker that sealed the deal: We believed strongly that bringing youth into the house would inspire youthfulness in Grady - and we weren't wrong. That's my $.02.

Rena

mccat2 said:
My Delilah is so sad. I wonder should I get a recuse cat and hellp ease her sadness?
Click to expand...
 
I have visited your post a couple of times. Finally, I think I am able to write something.
I am so sorry for the loss of your furry best friend. Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of Sampson. The thoughts of Sampson may fill your eyes of tears now, but with time those tears will turn into smiles.
You are in my prayers.
Fly high Sampson!
wings_cat
rb_icon
 
Vicki, I am so sorry for the loss of your Sampson my heart is breaking with you I lost my big boy almost 8 years ago I had him creamated and he is in a urn with his special toys by him, his favorited was a little stuffed bear I take it out once in a while and hold it and run my hands over it , it makes me feel better and its like I'm giving him little pets cat_pet_icon not a day go's by he is not in my thoughts, the pain will lessen in time, he will always be with you in your heart! :YMHUG:
 
Vicki,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Sampson. Your tribute made me cry for the love you two shared. May the good memories outweigh the sad as soon as possible. :smile:
 
(((((Vicki and Family))))) I am so sorry about your loss of Sampson. May he forever live in your heart, and you line in his.

Fly free dear Sampson. wings_cat
 
I shouldn't read posts like yours as I'm so dreading the end time with my boy. But I read it and wept at the part where he hugged you close to him.

I think he knew. Last nite I came home late from new yrs eve celebrations and LB's BG was very very low. I was tired and a little tipsy. I gave him some diced chicken breast and then three types of dry food. What a great time he had gutzing them down. I checked him 45 mins later and he had gone up. I could go to bed without stressing. This morning he shot into the laundry for a repeat of the 2am feast. They are so smart. I think they know much more than they let on.

But that being the case - your Sampson knew what an extraordinary life he had with you. To have such a close relationship with you - to experience such closeness with someone he loved for his entire life. What a wonderful thing for you both. You were so kind to him to put an end to his suffering. That is the greatest gift you could have given him - and to have stayed with him nuzzling him.

I think you might need some help to get past your sadness. It's been traumatic and trauma causes depression (some kind of drop in seretonin). I would suggest you look into the supplements that help raise raise seretonin. Something like St. John's Wort might help you pick up as Sampson would not want you to grieve too long for him.

big hugs to you .... your other kitty needs you now. She misses him a great deal too. I wouldn't get another kitty for a while. I think your girl might not cope with that. She wouldn't understand. Just help each other thru this - maybe this is her time to get close to you.

xxx

Marilyn
 
Dearest Vicki
Hugs...more Hugs.
((((((((((Vicki)))))))))))
When you told of your final night with Sampson I got all teary eyed myself. It was just like that for me and Tom. And the way you laid your head over him for the injection.....same here.
And I will Never Ever Ever forget that night and the next morning when he went to sleep for the last time.
I imagine you will not either.
And I know what it is like to have a cat who loves you and ONLY you. Same for me and Tom.
My baby left on October 22.
The pain seemed to get worse after the first month.
I am going to find and repost a poem that may help. It is on one of my grief threads. I will find it and post it here.
I got the nerve up to bring another cat into my life a week ago tomorow.
It has helped. I did'nt know what to expect.
It has helped.

Your tribute was so beautiful...and so touching and so real.
I must go find this most meaningful poem for you.
brb.
Lori
 
Here it is. It was given to me by Vicki and Gandalph. I treasure it.


He Is Gone

You can shed tears that he is gone
or you can smile because he lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he's gone
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
 
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