Dear Carol,
Thank you for that poem, it made me cry. I still am not sure if 'helping him' was right. It just feels like it was wrong. I know he was a sick kitty but I am still so sad to not have him here. I know I didn't want him to be in pain but to be separated from him is so sad. It's been 10 days now and I thought it was a little easier over the past few days, but then today I was really sad again. I know how lucky I was to have him in my life for so long. But I just wish I could kiss his little paws and hold him close to me.
And it's also amazing how cruel some people can be. It's shocking how they can't even be polite when they let you know not only that they don't agree with your amount of sadness, but they demean you by calling you crazy or implying that you're overdoing it. I actually found this nearby Lutheran church in NYC who recently held a pet memorial service. I didn't attend since it happened about a month ago, but I met with the vicar. (That's a pastor in training.) Obviously this is a very liberal church. But she feels like animal advocacy is her calling in the church. She prayed for Fred and for God to be with him now. It was really wonderful actually. And she also thanked God for the life he gives us and that he gave to me in Fred. She offered to hold a memorial service for Fred when I get his ashes. I was telling a friend at a work/research lecture a few days ago, and another friend came up and overheard and then she rolled her eyes. I just wonder...if someone's kid had died and they were talking about hold a funeral, would she have rolled her eyes?
And then my boyfriend of almost a year has expressed several times how I need to get over it fast, and when I was talking about how wonderful Fred was and how everyone loved him, he said, no they supported Fred because they care for you. And I said, you loved him didn't you. And then he said, "I tolerated him." Again, how can someone be so cruel? He actually suffered 3 tragic deaths of his dad, brother and sister (cancers and car crash), and I get it, his loss was more tragic..and he's never had a pet as an adult so he doesn't get the animal bond...but still, why not even be polite? Anyway, obviously that relationship is probably over--and he's the one I went to see 4 days before Fred died--the reason I left Fred which ended up precipitating his dying.
I did find this website called Pet Loss Support that holds an online service every Monday night at 10pm EST. It was really wonderful actually. About 100 people logged on, some grieving for their pets that died a long time ago. It's a chat room but then some guy 'Ed' stops the chat and starts this candle prayer service basically giving prayers for your animal. For anyone that is still sad, I recommend doing it. I really felt better afterwards.
I do have one close friend who has known Fred since he was a kitten. She lives in Paris now but saw him a bunch this past summer and came to the 20th birthday party I had for him. I only told her the other day by email and she was really really sad, she really loved Fred. She was on her way to Nepal where she volunteers at an orphanage and she was going to go to a temple there and pray for him and her lost kitties. She might fly back here if I do a memorial.
I'm still waiting for those 8 Amazon books I ordered. Maybe they'll come tomorrow.
Thank you all for your caring, it really helps. Especially when so many people are so incredibly rude and hurtful, even though I know they don't mean it. But I have not told a lot of people actually, partly because I just don't want to talk about it. And I really don't want to talk about putting him to sleep, which of course is everybody's question, they want to know how it all transpired, and that's the last thing I want to go into. Especially because they all then spout of these platitudes that aren't very helpful even though I know they are well intentioned, but they just seem to trivialize it all.
but he is at peace now, that was your final gift to give.
