? My Beloved Saoirse has Gone to The Bridge

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My heart sinks and my stomach feels like a rock every time I walk into the living room and I can't see Saoirse's little face looking up at me. I'm so grateful for all your lovely messages and hugs - I can't tell you how much you are all helping me because when I come here and find messages waiting for me it helps ease the agonising sting of my girl's absence. Thank you all so much for thinking of me and taking time to write a little note or send a lovely picture.

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

I can't sleep properly and I've got that awful PTSD 'tired and wired' thing going on again. I feel absolutely shattered and I've gone all cold and shaky again. Plus I'm crying but no tears come and that's worse than having rivers of tears running down my face. The day has been one of alternating waves of utter anguish and disoriented unreality.

I had major aggro getting my Rx for sleep meds today and that made me even more tired. It is a relief to know that I can knock myself out tonight and have a little respite from the pain in my heart for a few hours. I have to keep going for the next few days for Saoirse. My baby ...

Thank you all so much for being there for me. It would be so much worse if I had to go through this all alone.

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:


Mogs
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I will be placing Saoirse's little body in Gaia's arms at 17:00 BST on Friday afternoon at Michael's Wood. I am praying the day will be dry but overcast.

I have ordered a bouquet of white roses and baby's breath to be placed in her honour and as some bit of a sign of how deeply she is - and always will be - loved by her oh-so-lucky but heartbroken mama.

I love you with all my heart and soul, my little Bonnie Munchkin.

(((Saoirse)))


Mogs
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Critter Mom said:
I will be placing Saoirse's little body in Gaia's arms at 17:00 BST on Friday afternoon. I am praying the day will be dry but overcast.

I have ordered a bouquet of white roses and baby's breath to be placed in her honour and as some bit of a sign of how deeply she is - and always will be - loved by her oh-so-lucky but heartbroken mama.

I love you with all my heart and soul, my little Bonnie Munchkin.

(((Saoirse)))


Mogs
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Oh Mogs... You are incredibly brave you know, much more than you realise.
We will all be "there" with you on Friday... Maybe you or one of us could start a new thread on Friday morning, "Let's Light a Candle for Saoirse" or similar, to ask all your friends here to do that at whatever their local time is v BST?

Hugs to you... you are doing so well.

Diana
 
Diana&Tom said:
Oh Mogs... You are incredibly brave you know, much more than you realise.
We will all be "there" with you on Friday... Maybe you or one of us could start a new thread on Friday morning, "Let's Light a Candle for Saoirse" or similar, to ask all your friends here to do that at whatever their local time is v BST?
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Oh, if one of you could do that, Diana, it would be wonderful!

:bighug::bighug::bighug:

... you are doing so well.
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You wouldn't say that if you were standing next to me, Diana; I'm either sobbing, shaking or in a complete daze. If it weren't for all of you and my friend, Graeme, helping me I think I'd be sitting catatonic in a corner somewhere. I'm doing the "One foot, one paw" ... but this time it's just a very lonely foot ... :(

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Critter Mom said:
Oh, if one of you could do that, Diana, it would be wonderful!

:bighug::bighug::bighug:



You wouldn't say that if you were standing next to me, Diana; I'm either sobbing, shaking or in a complete daze. If it weren't for all of you and my friend, Graeme, helping me I think I'd be sitting catatonic in a corner somewhere.

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I'll happily take it on board to do that on Friday morning, Mogs, unless someone else beats me to it... I don't mind, it doesn't matter who it is.
Yes, you will be in a daze I think but also you will know that you are taking another step on your journey... No-one is saying it will be easy and we all completely understand what it will be like for you... Remember, you will be able to come back here to your FDMB "home" and we will all be here for you for as long as you need.

(((((Mogs)))))
 
Oh Mogs, I am so saddened to hear of Saoirse's passing. I can not think of anything to say that seems adequate enough. I have been away for a few weeks, I I am so sorry. Please, if there is anything I can do to ease your pain. I will be at this board on Friday with everyone else. I will light a candle for your sweet Saoirse. Much love to you.
 
Feeling really lost today. :( Meds helped with some sleep but it is crushing to wake up to not being able to wish my beloved girl "Good morning!", to reach out to fuss her and see her beautiful little, loving face looking up at me ...

(((Saoirse)))

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This is the time you let the happy, good memories comfort you. Close your eyes and picture and feel the love that will exist forever. The spirit always remains even when the physical being cannot be seen.

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:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
 
It's too soon for that, Mary Ann. :( Reeling too much ...

This time last week she was sat in the kitchen at her testing station, happy as a clam and waving her paw at me to hurry up with getting her lunch ready.

I can't get over what's happened ...


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Before that agonising trip on Saturday night I made sure that there was a clean dishy in the rack ready and waiting for her to come home .... :(
 
Critter Mom said:
Before that agonising trip on Saturday night I made sure that there was a clean dishy in the rack ready and waiting for her to come home .... :(
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Absolutely know how you feel, Mogs. I've been there and I'm sure others have so we know the pain... It's indescribable. Can you put that sort of thing away out of sight, for now at least? Or can your friend Graeme help you to find somewhere still there but less visible...? Only you know what feels right.

(((((Mogs)))))
 
Mogs, our little ones become such an integral part of our daily routine that when they are suddenly not with us, it turns our world on end. Things like dishing out food, that had become almost mindless tasks, become poignant reminders of just how much a part of our lives they are.

My little heart girl had the cutest habit of sitting at the edge of my kitchen padding her front feet waiting for her food. For months after she departed, I caught myself starting up a conversation with her only to turn around and realize she was not there. Or was she? I like to think that was her spirit, telling me she was still with me and would never leave me. I can still see her there doing her little dance as plain as if it were yesterday. As heartwrenching as those memories are in the early days and as hard as it is to believe, they do become cause for a big smile in the future.

I will be with you tomorrow, sending you love and support and lighting a candle for sweet beautiful Saoirse. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
:bighug::bighug:I, too, will be with you tomorrow. These first few weeks are the hardest to get through before your heart learns how to function without our loved one. Looking back losing my little Pom, Kosmo, in December it was those first 2 weeks that I was a basket case. Eventually my heart learned how to live without him.

Those morning feedings were turmoil, opening the crate, listening for his clicking toes, letting him outside, listening for his tiny bark asking to come back in, but now, 10 months later, my heart fills with love thinking he is playing at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for his "girl" (my daughter) to join him. :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Thank you all for your messages and for sharing stories of your little ones. Been trying to reply here for a couple of hours but head's all over the place and I'm sort of numb and dazed - and so, so wired and tired ... can't concentrate on anything. I am dreading tomorrow...

Will try again in a while ...

I can't tell you how grateful I am to all of you for your messages and to have you to talk to. It's all that's keeping me going.

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:


Mogs
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(((((((((( Mogs ))))))))))
Words are so inadequate at a time like this. Too many of us know the bond... the loss... the pain... the piece of one's heart that is torn out forever when we lose our precious kitties. My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry it was Saoirse's time to go...
 
Diana&Tom said:
Can you put that sort of thing away out of sight, for now at least? Or can your friend Graeme help you to find somewhere still there but less visible...? Only you know what feels right.
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I can't move anything belonging to her, Diana. As hard as it is to see all her bits 'n' pieces I'm dreading the thought of them not being there any more. It would make things feel more empty and the awfulness more real. (The OCD makes even small changes very difficult, too.) I had the opposite problem with Amadán - everything was communal and I didn't have any memento to hang onto that was 'just his'.

I guess I'm just going to have to let things pan out in whichever way they do ...

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MrWorfMen's Mom said:
My little heart girl had the cutest habit of sitting at the edge of my kitchen padding her front feet waiting for her food.
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Lúnasa does that when she's eating. So did Danú. It really is the cutest thing to see. :)

For months after she departed, I caught myself starting up a conversation with her only to turn around and realize she was not there. Or was she? I like to think that was her spirit, telling me she was still with me and would never leave me.
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I still keep picturing Saoirse in her usual spots but I long to see her little face looking up at me. This evening I got 'our fleecy blankie' and fashioned it into a shape like hers (including a crude attempt at giving it ears). I've got it resting against my leg for a bit of comfort. Probably sounds nuts but it's soft to the touch and it's helping a little bit. Some of the time I feel like she's here but I just can't see her ...

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Critter Mom said:
I can't move anything belonging to her, Diana. As hard as it is to see all her bits 'n' pieces I'm dreading the thought of them not being there any more. It would make things feel more empty and the awfulness more real. (The OCD makes even small changes very difficult, too.) I had the opposite problem with Amadán - everything was communal and I didn't have any memento to hang onto that was 'just his'.

I guess I'm just going to have to let things pan out in whichever way they do ...

.
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(((Mogs))) I do know what you mean. It's hard either way - to see the things still there, as they were before, or to see an empty space. You will know what you need to do as time goes on, and new or different thoughts come into your head as to the "best" way to cope. The healing process, if you can call it that, will be a long road but you will find your way to cope with the different aspects of grief as best you can. That's all any of us can do. Someone said to me once - take one day at a time, and if that seems an eternity to get through, take one hour at a time or one minute at a time... Those shorter times to get through sound more achievable, and gradually those shorter times become longer times, and your grief becomes less all-consuming... although it will always be there. It will be a part of you, and that's ok.

HUGS to you, dear Mogs.
 
Mum of two felines said:
Those morning feedings were turmoil, opening the crate, listening for his clicking toes, letting him outside, listening for his tiny bark asking to come back in, but now, 10 months later, my heart fills with love thinking he is playing at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for his "girl" (my daughter) to join him.
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It is good to hear that things are a bit better for you now, MO2F. It is a great thing that the love always greater than the pain. I hang onto that thought very hard.

:bighug::bighug::bighug:

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Red & Rover (GA) said:
The owners of the pet food store wondered why I was buying a huge bag of catnip ("You must have a catnip junkie." "How many cats do you have?"), so I told them. They thought a worldwide memorial was absolutely lovely. It brought big smiles to their faces and they insisted that the catnip be their contribution.
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Gosh! It really touched my heart to hear this. Next time you visit the pet store please will you pass on a huge "Thank you!" to them and also a blessing for them and all of their loved ones from me and Saoirse.

:bighug::bighug::bighug:

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(((Mogs))),

I, too, have a collection of whiskers I have saved from Peek-a-Boo. I also have a number of claw sheaths and a clump of fur. I guess the strangest thing that I kept was the makeup brush "eyebrow-groomer" that I would use to brush all the dried food off of his face with when he slept. :p Cleaning his face with a washcloth was never tolerated.:rolleyes: With that tongue and hardly any teeth...you can't imagine what his face looked like after eating. :eek: I never washed the little brush after he passed and put it in a travel toothbrush holder for safekeeping.

"See" you at Michael's Wood tomorrow Mogs...see everyone else there too.:kiss: Spirit Peek-a-Boo and I wouldn't miss it.:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

Dawn
 
Mogs..... Count us in:bighug:
Dre, Rico and I will sit with a beautiful white candle in honor of your beautiful girl.....what a beautiful place for her body to rest.
We are all with you Mogs:bighug::bighug::bighug:
( I also have saved hair from each of my beloveds over the years.... )
 
Mogs, I will hold you and Saoirse in my heart today. I will be at work so I can't light a candle but know that I will be praying and holding you close today!
 
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