Thank you all so very much for your kind words, prayers, sympathy and support. Here's the story of Muffin's last few days.
Like I said before, as of Sunday night, Muffin seemed perfectly normal. Monday morning she stayed in bed late, not getting up for breakfast. After a couple of hours passed and she still hadn't eaten, I figured she was having another pancreatitis flare. Her BG was mid-200's, not too terribly bad, so I gave bupe and waited for her to feel a bit better. A couple hours later she was laying on the floor in my bathroom - she never spends time in there, so I gave cerenia, hoping to calm her belly enough to make her want food. When I gave her the pill, I noticed how dry her mouth was and that she was a bit dehydrated. So I took her to the vet, where Dr figured same as I did - p'titis flare. He gave 150ml squids and a low dose dexamethasone injection, telling me if she didn't feel better on Tuesday to bring her back for BW. Tuesday morning she was not feeling better, but didn't seem to be worse either. She had spent the night in the pantry, a common hiding place for her, and even tho a couple times I tried to move her back to my room, she repeatedly went back there. I offered her turkey lunch meat, always successful in the past for sparking her appetite, but she was not interested at all. So I assist fed her, certain that would do the trick. It didn't. By the afternoon, she was laying on the kitchen counter next to the water bowl. I didn't want to put her thru another vet trip just for BW, as that wasn't going to make her feel better that day, and results wouldn't even be in until today. As afternoon became evening, she was seeming to care less and less about what was going on around her. That night I checked BG again and she read HI. So off to the ER we went.
She was pretty dehydrated by then, her temp was only 95, and they found trace ketones. Although they said this was just beginning, they did tell me DKA cats had a 50/50 chance at survival. That didn't upset me...I just knew she was going to beat this. After all, 2 days earlier she was fine, this is my Muffin, she's a fighter. No other possibility even crossed my mind. A year ago, her brother Kibby was here, worse off than she was now, and he made it!
They put her on fluids and antibiotics and ran BW. Her Ph level was off, her electrolytes were off, and all the other values pointed to pancreatitis. They had to re-hydrate her before they could start an insulin drip. I went back to say good-bye to her at 430am Christmas morning, and tell her I'd be back in a few hours to visit. When she heard my voice, she visibly perked up, looked around at me, and meowed a couple words. They told me they wanted an ultrasound done, but couldn't get one until Thursday morning, and if all went perfectly well, she'd be there until Thursday afternoon at least. I left her that morning worried of course, but confident she'd be coming home Thursday afternoon.
I called at 11am to check on her, and they told me they had started the insulin, her BG was down to the 700's ( :shock: ) but at least was readable now. They said she would look at them when they approached her, and would move herself around the cage a little, but for the most part she was just laying there sleeping. I took these things as a positive progress report - she was moving around, and she was sleeping, 2 things she hadn't been doing at home. I was encouraged, and eager to go and visit. They were busy and said to come around 130 that afternoon.
My DD Lisa and I arrived fully expecting to see her looking better than when I left her. We were shocked when she didn't immediately acknowledge our presence. She had moments of awareness, and did try to talk to us a few times, but she was very limp and weak, and having a difficult time breathing. She tried to escape the cage at one point, but fell down when trying to stand. We realized then that she was very very sick. At that point they hadn't rerun BW or rechecked ketones, but had been checking BG every 2 hours. We stayed as long as they allowed us to, giving her encouragement, telling her she could do this. We still felt she would beat this.
An hour after we got home, the dr called and said they had rerun BW and things were getting worse, not better. She was in serious respiratory distress, and they wanted to do a chest xray. She expressed her concern over being able to get Muffin thru this. 45 mins later she called with the results of the xray. Muffin's heart was enlarged and she had fluid in and around her lungs. Her body was unable to process the fluids she had been getting and they didn't know why. And despite that, she was still clinically dehydrated. Her kidney values were rising, her pH level was rising. Her BG had come down to 518, but that was the only value going the right direction. It was at that moment that I knew she wasn't going to make it, I knew what I was going to have to do. They didn't know how much of the respiratory distress was due to the fluid in her lungs vs around her lungs, but said they could do a chest tap and remove the fluid from around the lungs to see if that helped. She hoped to ease her distress long enough for her body to process the fluids. Meanwhile, her kidneys need more fluids, the DKA needs more fluids, and they need to continue fluids in order to continue insulin, but her body can't take it.
I told her to do the procedure and we were on the way. When we got there, it turns out she was unable to find enough fluids around the lungs to remove. So the last remaining option was to wait until morning when the internal meds team arrived and see if they had any other ideas. Muffin was so miserable. I just couldn't make her suffer another 13 hours to see IF someone had another idea that MIGHT work. We spent time with her, and talked to her as she went in and out of awareness. I asked her what she wanted, and she told me. I told her I would do anything in the world for her, and I believe she knew that. I told her how much I loved her, and how much I would miss her, how empty the house was going to be, even with 6 other cats and a dog, and I asked her how I was supposed to go on without her. She didn't answer that one...I told her I heard her request, and would take her pain for her, so she could be happy and healthy and free, and that I will love her forever.
I held her in my lap, and leaned over her, my face next to hers, and wished her Merry Christmas as she crossed. And then she was gone.
I am completely devastated. I have no idea how to go on without her. She was with me every minute of every day, and her absence is overwhelming. My bed feels so huge and empty without her in it next to me. She was my light, my love, my ever-present reminder of how blessed I am. Thank you again, Muffin, for letting me share your life and your love for 9 1/2 years. It was way too soon for you to go, but it is always too soon. You will be missed more than you can possibly know.
Fly free, my sweet angel, until we meet again.
