Losing Leo's sister Molly

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Lisa & Leo

Lisa & Leo

Member Since 2012
Hello All,

Leo is doing great - BGs under control for over a year, and hanging with his Best Bud Mako. They are terrific together. But I'm writing about his big sister, Molly.

Molly is 16 and a tough little cookie, and we are trying to let her go today, and I am beside myself with doubt and grief. I need reassurance I'm not a terrible mommy because this is breaking my heart. She has a number of medical issues, but vomiting and increased discomfort sent us for an ultrasound. 2 masses and a shadow over her lungs/heart; we were kind of pushed into surgery. The liver mass was benign and was removed. The other 5x2cm mass is pancreatic adeno carcinoma in the middle of the pancreas. They removed what they could, but it's so spread in her pancreas. However, the reduction in volume in her abdomen now allows her to eat without as much nausea - they were pressing on her stomach. We don't know if it is related to the chest shadow. However, with pancreatic cancer, her survival is in weeks. 1-2 months with chemo. We didn't consider chemo after a huge failed attempt with our last pet. We didn't even get an oncology consult this time (another regret I am having).

So to my gut twisting. We are going on a family vacation on Saturday for a week out of the country. She is recovering from the surgery after a minor setback. She is acting like she's 10 - eating, trotting around, laying comfortably. Now, a lot of that is due to the meds - bupe. She looks good! We'd agonized and decided that with such a short time left, it would be better not to board her and stress her out, and possibly lose her while we were gone. Our sitter was uncomfortable with this responsibility and I don't blame her. And many of you know I work out of town 4 days a week. So I'm twisting - do I stress her for a week for the possibility of only seeing her for another handful of days on the low end? Do I guess she could survive a month, but I'd only see her about 10 days of that? Do I not go on vacation and leave my family in limbo? My DH says she gets a little down when I am gone during the week - she owns me and wants me around. Who knows - maybe she'd do ok being boarded and live for 2 months just fine. But pancreatic cancer is deadly and often comes on so quickly. I don't want her to know any more pain, no more mad rushes to the emergency vet only to leave with an empty carrier. I don't want to be waking every day wondering if I need to rush home from DC to let her go - waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I were a stay-at-home-cat-mom maybe I would try to board her, but I can't be. I've already taken off nearly 2 weeks being with her. But we've had good days and I just be with her and do whatever she wants, give her all her favorite treats. I am very very thankful for the days that I have had with her. Which makes it even harder. She just loves her mommy so much.

I am destroyed right now with guilt that it seems like I am letting her go for convenience, but what about her emotional quality of life? She may do fine physically for a few more weeks or even a month. But she'll have to be boarded. And there is this notion that you should let a terminal animal go while they are still feeling good, knowing that the end really isn't that far off.

I thought I was ok with this, but our vet is coming after work tonight and I just broke down this morning, especially with her acting so normal and loving. I think I need to know that letting her go earlier rather than later is ok. That yes, I will be taking some good days away from her and away from us. I don't know how many good days, or at what cost. No one knows that I guess. But it's the not knowing.

Does a cat know about the future? Does she really have a concept that good time is being taken away from her? Would she mind if she knew it would be to avoid future pain and a scary end? Is she hurting and not letting me know? Does she suspect that she is dying? Is she just "existing" and now versus 3 weeks from now wouldn't matter? It doesn't help that we are upset with the doctor who did the ultrasound and pushed us into surgery. But she did need some sort of intervention - she was in pain for awhile. There was this option for strong steroids but we didn't know the DX at that time, so we did the surgery just to find out what was going on. The aspirations didn't get good cells and we didn't know before surgery it was pancreatic cancer. We don't think we would have done the surgery if we'd known.

This stupid vacation thing is f**king with my brain. Maybe I'm over thinking it in the grand scheme of things - but it is giving me such guilt. Is letting her go now kind of an "insurance policy" that she won't suffer later? Can you really ever find peace after rationalizing something like this away?

I am sorry for dumping this bomb here, especially since we haven't visited since March and many of you are new to us, but I find myself so distraught over this and everyone here was such a support system for Leo, I just found myself coming here.

I think I know letting her go now is ok, but ... but ... you know. The "just a few more days/weeks" is making me sick.

Thank you for just letting me talk. She is curled beside me snoozing. Hanging with mom.
 
Oh Lisa! I am new to the group and so sorry you are having to make this difficult decision. It's one we have all had to make at some point. I do not have an answer for you. Only you can decide what is best for her. Someone told me one time to remember when it's done you can't take it back so make sure it's what you think is best. That is itself is the hardest thing to figure out. Whatever you decide it will be out of love for Molly. Try not to let anything but her well being influence your decision. Enjoy every moment with your precious girl. You have given her a wonderful life. Sending prayers and lots of love your way.
 
Lisa,
BIG HUGE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG HUG....and another one. We can't answer your question...that's a decision between you and her. It's such a hard one to make - hurts our hearts AND OUR HEADS so so much. Regardless of your decision, it will be made out of absolute LOVE for sweet baby girl and she will know it.

Another BIG HUGE LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG HUG,
 
(((Lisa)))

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Molly and send you a ton of prayers.

While Gus did not have pancreatic cancer, we suspected he had lymphoma but at almost 18, didn't want to put him through biopsies. We went the steroid route and he improved for about five weeks. Then he started just a slow regression. We decided to let him go while he still had a good QOL and was not suffering or in pain. We could tell he was tired and even though he was eating, he continued to lose weight. It was very difficult to let him cross when he was still responding so much to us and giving us kisses. But...subtle things...like not coming up the ramp to get in bed with us, and a few others, just let us know he was tired. With CKD, the intestinal issue, bad arthritis, we knew he wasn't going to get better.

It is possible he could have lived another month but it would have been a continued downhill slide. After doing the ER rush with four previous cats to, as you said, only come home with an empty carrier and in total shock, we wanted to do it differently with Gus. We didn't want to wait for the crisis. We wanted him to be in his own home surrounded by those who loved him. We did speak with our animal communicator the five weeks before and he said he wasn't quite ready. But two days before we helped him cross, we spoke again and he said he was tired and ready when we were.

And while we were heartbroken and we miss him so much, we had such a peace about it. We were so glad that he did not have to go through that panicked rush to the ER and be frightened because he was in a medical crisis. We took his last day to spend with him with no meds or needles, gave him whatever he wanted to eat, took him outside, and just loved on him. It was a beautiful day and he went peacefully at home in our arms.

I know how very hard your decision is. She's having a great day today but what if it changed tomorrow or the next? It is my understanding that pancreatic cancer is very aggressive and painful. My uncle passed away from it and one of his best days was the day before he crossed. Odd, isn't it?

Whatever your decision, I know you will make the right one for you and Molly because your love for her is so strong and she knows that. I think your face is the last one she would want to see, your arms the last to hold her and tell her how very much you love her.

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
(((Lisa))) I'm so you are going through this right now. Big hugs coming your way. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: I know you'll do right by Molly. You love her so much and she loves you back. You are right that pancreatic cancer can be very painful and quick - I have a cousin going through it right now. Make good memories of now, spoil her rotten - it'll help.
 
I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. I don't know you but have looked at Leo's ss recently as I try to regulate Max. Having been in your shoes, I just want to tell you what a kind vet told me. You will have to make the decision as Molly is too attached to you to make it for you. Your gut will tell you when that time is. You are giving her the most selfless gift and only thinking of her. When the time is right, be it today or soon, know that you have done the right thing at the right time and have no regrets.

:YMHUG:
Elise
 
@jjc1531 - Yes, it is all out of love. I think that is why it is so hard. Thank you.

@Squeaky & KT - thank you for the big hugs. She knows mommy loves her. She tells me all the time.

@Marje - thank you for sharing your story about Gus. It would be easier to find stories and advice online about making the decision BEFORE your cat is right at the borderline of good QoL and not. All those check lists ... Molly doesn't fall under the "consider euthanasia" heading quite yet. She loves eating more now than she has in years because the physical mass is reduced and she's on good meds. But it probably won't be long. True, she was good this morning. She started to get tired and creaky and now she's kinda drugged after I gave her more meds. Which means in about 4 hours, she'll be happy purry Molly again. When the meds start to wear off, it's easier for me to imagine the nasty cancer inside her, but I'd never imagine it during her happy hours. Thank you.

@Liz - thank you. Either decision is "right" in it's own way. There simply isn't a "right" decision ... I guess there is only the decision which is better than the other one.

@Wendy - thank you for the hugs. I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. It is a terrible thing and my best wishes to him as well. She's being spoiled all right - tuna juice every day, her own order of shrimp sushi from our favorite take-out (instead of stealing one from daddy), ice cream (really!) and catnip.

@Elise - Your vet has kind words. Yes, Molly will keep telling me she loves me and I'll continue to misinterpret that as she wants to stay with me. I have to keep thinking about what is best for her. And I hope that Bouncy Leo's ss can be helpful to you - I looked at Max's ss and he's doing the bouncy kitty dance pretty well himself! Parts of his ss look just like Leo's. Thank you.
 
I'm so sorry you're having to make this tough decision. It's never easy. I know you'll do the right thing because you love her so much. Make the most of the time you have left. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: Sending prayers to you.
 
adding a hug....
I like what Marje said....

it's hard no matter what the circumstance or the timing......
it's always so very painful to let them go.... whether we choose the time or it's chosen for us.....
 
Thank you all. Molly crossed over the Rainbow Bridge today. She went gently, laying on her mommy's belly in her room at home.
 
Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about Molly. She left knowing love and a final day of joy in this world.

Fly Free. Molly! The pain is gone and you can run and play again as you watch over Lisa from the Bridge.
 
Dear ((((Lisa)))),

Your Molly is flying free on her beautiful new golden wings and she is sending you her love and gratitude for letting her go peacefully. Never regret this act of love and compassion. Molly knows you did the right thing for her.

In deepest sympathy,

Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu (GA, welcoming your Molly to the Bridge tonight. She will have many friends there to greet her)
 
I am so sorry.
Fly Free Molly.
candle.gif
 
i'm so sorry, lisa. it's about the hardest decision to have to make. Molly knew how much you loved her. big hugs to you - we do the best we can.

fly free little one.
124115-n.jpg
 
Sending great big (((HUGS))) to you!

Farewell to Thee but not farewell
To all my fondest thoughts of Thee;
Within my heart they still shall dwell
And they shall cheer and comfort me.
 
(((Lisa)))

We are so very, very sorry but I know you followed your heart and Molly's lead. You gave her a long life full of love and happiness and then gave her the greatest gift of peace.

Fly free, sweet Molly.
 
Lisa, I am so very sorry about Molly. I know how hard a decision like this is, dealt with it with Mannie. I know in my heart it was right for us, I know Mannie thanked us. I am so sure Molly thanked you too. It is the greatest gift we can give them. She will be forever grateful she is free, healthy and at peace. Hugs to you. Fly free little one, you will always be remembered, never forgotten. Be sure to send you Mama a sign that all is well, and that you made it. She misses you very much.
 
I'm kind of new here, but I just had to say that I am so sorry for your loss! :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: Molly sounds like a real sweetheart and clearly she was loved and treasured and will live in your hearts forever!
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. You know we've all been where you're at at one time or another. It is never an easy decision to make when it comes to having to put one of your furfamily members down, no matter the age, or the health issues. We always "think" we can fix them, but most of the time they never get fixed. As everyone knows, cancer always wins. I've gone through it 4x last year, and the last one, my precious Daisy, was the most hardest to have to let go. She went on the operating table where she was to have a lump removed from one of her intestines. Turned out, she had lymphoma all over her little organs, and her spleen was smaller than normal, not to mention one of her lungs was a dark red where the other one was a nice healthy pink. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her, or hold her. I do remember that I did make one promise to her before we left there and that I was going to bring her home. And I did. Just not the way I wanted.

I have told my husband many times that the day they stop eating and drinking is the day they will be let go. I still firmly believe that, and I will always stick by it. As much as it kills me, and it hurts, I will never allow them to suffer.

You will make the right decision. As hard and stressful as it is, you won't let her suffer. It's very easy for humans to be selfish and hold on to things or beings than to let them go. As far as your family vacation, may I suggest letting your family know where/how you feel, and if you feel you need to stay home to be with her, and postpone your vacation with your family, hopefully they'll understand that, and accept it. My inlaws were discussing my husband and I going up to see them next year sometime. Frankly, and as much as I'd love to go, I'm not sure if we'll be able to. I know that Blackie will still be around then, but I don't have someone to care for her, and I refuse to board her as the last time I took her somewhere for a week, she hardly ate, and her #s were all over the place. She was stressed out. I can't do that to her again. Cats don't have very long lives, unfortunately. If I were to go on vacation, I know myself I wouldn't have a fun time. I'd be thinking about my kitty too much, and would want to be with her instead of with family. That's just me. You have a lot to think about. I know that there are a lot of people on here that have given you a lot of information.

Talk to your family... At least let them know your dilemma. :YMHUG:
 
I am so very sorry for the loss, Lisa. It's so sad that our babies have too short lives. Try to find some comfort by thinking on the love and the long and happy life you gave to your sweet Molly.
 
Lisa,
Even another BIG HUGE LOOOOOOOOONG HUG....I'm so very sorry it was sweet girl's time to cross but she knows she's SO loved. Remember, she's not gone, you just have to hug her differently.

Angel wings soaring sweet girl....
 
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