Lack of support at home

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Nibblescat

Member Since 2012
My kitty, Nibbles, was diagnosed last year, controlled with diet and never needed insulin. Lost 4lbs and was doing wonderfully. All of a sudden; boom DKA and in the hospital. He has been making improvements daily, eating again, grooming, yowling for the vet and vet tech to pay attention to him and pet him, and his ketones are slowing coming out of his urine and his BG is coming down to normal levels with glargine. Every day the vet has said he's almost ready to come home (Nibs has been hospitalized since Monday night), and I'm ready for him to come home...but only when he's 100% out of the woods.
The most recent update is that his ketones are minimal, but his appetite has diminished from previous days so they're going to keep their eye on him extra close and hopefully he can come home this afternoon.

Can't say my husband is the most supportive of this situation, which makes it exponentially more difficult. He originally wanted to put Nibbles down (Nibs is only 8), which horrified me. That, almost more than the diagnosis, is what has me upset the most. Don't get me wrong, if it was recommended by the vet, and obvious that Nibbles wouldn't get better I'd do what's best for him...but in this case (vet said he was the most stable DKA patient he'd ever seen) nobody believes that's the best course of action...except my husband. Nibbles is my best friend in this new country (we recently moved from NYC to Toronto), and has been through so much with me...there's no way I'm going to ignore his best interest. When I tried to talk to my husband about why they would want to keep him in the hospital longer (I go to nursing school, so I know a thing or two but certainly not everything) it was met with "leave me the hell alone." So last night I slept on the couch, with Nibbles' favorite blanket wrapped around me.

I miss my boy, and my husband will get over it, but I want to make sure I am Nibbles' advocate.
 
Aww that's terrible. Both the DKA situation and your husband's attitude.

Nibbles will be back with you soon hopefully, and you can begin caring for him at home.

Hubby's issue could be more problematic... Was Nibbles living with you before you and your husband married, or was he acquired by both of you, as a couple? Are financial concerns perhaps prompting your husband's reaction? Or is it the responsibility of looking after a diabetic cat that concerns him?

Personally, if this was happening to me, I'd be telling husband that the cat was here first, and start to consider having the bloke put down...but that's perhaps not the best advice to give to you!

The more you can suss out about the reason behind your husband's reaction, the better armed you will be to counter it, calmly and backed up with necessary facts.

I do feel for you, it's sounds like a horrible position to be in, worrying about your kitty yet not beig supported at home.

H
 
Welcome Emily and extra sweet Nibbles!

Some of us do this dance without support of our families so you're not alone - there are people here that will help with any problem you encounter. My DH does NOT want to have KT put down because of it but he does not help with any of his requirements. He doesn't test nor does he shoot. I just had to realize there was a reason, suck it up and learn that this dance is up to me and KT - so far we've had almost 1 1/2 years of this dance with rarely a hiccup.

BIG HUG and WELCOME again! You CAN do this!
 
Thanks for your kind responses.

Nibbles and I have been together for WAY longer than DH and I have, and while DH has had pets his whole life he's a bit more cynical because he's put pets down in the past. He is definitely anxious about the cost, although we have no financial problems, a large savings, and I just got money from my grandparent's estate that will more than cover the hospital bill. I am happy to be Nibbles' sole caregiver and make sacrifices to be home to give him his shots. It's us against the world I suppose.

Good news is that he's coming home tonight!!
 
My boyfriend was not supportive at all when Bandit was diagnosed--I spent the first 6 months of Bandit on insulin working two jobs, going to grad school, and handling all of Bandit's feedings, tests and insulin shots by myself. He just refused to learn to test him, because we had just moved in together, and he made it clear Bandit was MY cat, not his so he shouldn't be responsible for any of care. Fast forward a few months, and he started to warm up to the idea of helping out--I was a pro at testing and giving shots at that point, so it looked easy enough to him where he agreed to learn. I also bribed him a little--I told him every week he got mid-cycle (nadir) checks for me during the day while I was at work, I would either cook or take him out to dinner that weekend. And it worked. :smile:

If it were me, I would make it clear to your husband that the decision had already been made to treat your cat, so he can either make things a bit easier by helping you when you need it (I would probably wait a few weeks until you have testing and shooting down so that you can easily teach him, or just have him help you out with feedings if you can handle that stuff on your own), or he can make things difficult for you and NIbbles by being selfish and unsupportive. Ask him which he would prefer to live with--a happy and healthy wife and cat, or a miserable and resentful wife and sick cat? The facts of the situation aren't changing--only his attitude can.
 
One thing that's worked for me numerous times is to use an excuse to increase interaction between your husband and the cat. One excuse that has worked well for me a few times is "sociability." I've told my brother, my then-boyfriend(s), and numerous past roommates that I wanted my (various) cat(s) to be more social, but it was hard since there was just me for them to socialize with. I would then proceed to con them into daily interactions with the cat by feeding them their nightly meal and/or playing with them once a day (which usually ends up being more like once a week, but it's better than nothing).

Within a few weeks, a magical thing happens: the person gets attached to the cat. Most complaints, arguments, cold dismissal, etc... just evaporate once they're attached. :smile:
 
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