In tears over Gem

[jkbank]

I am in tears as I write this, but I think we have to say goodbye to Gem. It is so hard because is many ways she is acting like the Gem we are used to (of course that's a different Gem then she was for most her life, but the Gem of the past 6 months). She meows for her food, lays around like she hasn't a care in the world. But she has a massive tear on her back. Even though the doctors cleaned it, they had to shave more of her fur away, and the wound looks even worse. In fact, I can see her skin literally peeling away. I'm afraid to handle her, I don't know how to take care of her. The vet says worse tears can occur at any time just going about her daily life. My daughter wants to know why they can't fix her, fix it…how can I answer that, I don't know why. I wish someone could. I feel like I let her down, waited too long to get her help.

Anyway, we will all sleep on it. My husband and son aren't even home. And I guess we will take the weekend to decide and say goodbye.

Some irony in all this - Gem's BG the 2 times they tested it at the hospital was 167 and 190. Oh Gem.

 

[MommaOfMuse]

Oh hon, I wish we could give you an easy answer but you know Gem better than anyone...talk to her, ask her what she wants, look in her eyes and she will tell you if she wants to fight on or if she is ready to go. I don't know if this is an option for you but maybe you would feel better with whatever decision you make if you had her speak with an animal communicator. I know of a couple exceptionally good ones. One in fact is a member of this very board. I will send you a pm with their names and websites so you can see if this is something you might want to do before deciding what you want to do, fight on, offer pallitive care only or let her go on ahead.

Whatever you decide, please know we will be here for you. There is also a grief section to this board should you need to use it.

(((((Big Long Heartfelt Hugs)))))

Mel, Maxwell, Musette & The Fur Gang

 

[Melanie and Smokey]

((((Hugs))))

Its heartbreaking when we want to help them so bad and we feel helpless. Just gently give her your love and let her know how dear she is to you.

 

[Squeaky and KT (GA)]

First, BIG HUGE LONG HUG!!!! I hope you saw my message in your other thread. You have NOT repeat NOT let her down in ANY WAY!!! She knows what's going on, cats are very smart creatures. She knows you love her and trusts you to do whatever needs done. Just love her and celebrate the 'now'...

LOTS of prayers, this makes my heart so sad....

Another BIG hug,

 

[Blue]

Oh goodness, I have no words but to say as the others have... talk to her, spend your time with her, and she will help you know what to do.

I do also agree with maybe an animal communicator as I received a great deal in speaking through one.

 

[Linda and Bear Man]

You have not let her down. There is nothing you could have done to change this situation. I have said goodbye to three of my kitties in the last two years. They all had terminal illnesses. I know that they all could have gone on a bit longer, but I knew that it would have been for my sake, not theirs. I am not advocating one decision or another for you. Only you know Gem, and what is best for her. I always think that if you are still questioning the decision, then the time is not right. When it is the right time, you will know it. For my cats, I did not want to wait until a crisis situation forced me into an ER. When Bear Man crossed, it was on a good day. I am grateful for my memories of his last hours spent at home. This was the decision I made. You must make the decision that is right for you and your family. I hope that you can come to peace with your decision, whichever way it goes. My heart is with you. There is no harder decision to make.

 

[jkbank]

Thank you to all - your responses comfort me and make me cry at the same time!

Mel - I got your PM, thank you. I will think about it…not sure it feels right for me, but I will definitely think about it some more.

Linda - you are right on all counts. Part of me knows that by holding on longer I am doing it for my sake not hers. But I also do agree that if I am still questioning, then maybe it's not the right time. My husband feels as you do re: waiting for a crisis. It seems almost inevitable that she will have a tear at home at some point, and how would we handle that, how would it affect our kids if they walked in and saw her like that.

I think the thing for me that makes it so hard (apart from it just being hard!) is that to look at her, she doesn't look like a dying cat, know what I mean? Yes, she's lethargic, and breathes a bit heavily. But if you didn't see the wound, you'd think she were just a run-of-the-mill fat cat But then, when I see that horrible wound, I know it's not good, and we are just waiting for an emergency. I guess I am hoping against hope that someone else can give me a different prognosis, someone else can say hey, let's do this and try that and get her skin under control. The rest is manageable. But in reality, it's not.

Anyway, thanks all for being here for me. It's a pretty powerful thing to feel love from complete strangers through a computer screen. I am going to try and get a good night's sleep, get my kids to school in the morning and then think things through. I will talk further with the vet, and spend some time with Gem. And we will take it from there.

 

[jkbank]

PS - because even in times of sadness we still need to laugh, thought I'd add that I think I'm coming down with a UTI….maybe some weird sympathetic disease to go along with my sick kitty, like when husbands gain weight along with their pregnant wives

 

[Squeaky and KT (GA)]

I have a few things for you this morning that woke me up in the middle of the night. I'm going to post several here but I think there's a limit to the number of pics per post...I'll post 2 here. Right-click and go to my animal album if you want to see more...

In 2009, I watched a nest with one lone baby eagle being raised, the second egg never hatched. The group of us watching her named her 'Gem', Mother Sapphire and Papa Diamond. I got some of the neatest still shots of her as she grew AND her first flight. If you can use these in any way with your children as you go thru this, PLEASE do it.

Baby 'Gem' with Mama/Papa

Baby Gem's trying to act like Mama - she's 'sitting' on the egg:

Happy Father's Day - that's a half grown 'GEM' on that nest! Papa is sitting on the bar above her.

BIG HUG and lots of prayers still going up here,

 

[Squeaky and KT (GA)]

3 more...


Here Gem is trying her new wings and flying across the nest:

GEM FLIES!!!! The result of her next attempt at flying - she made it to the bar above the nest!

DOWN from the bar:

HUGS!

 

[doombuggy]

I don't know if this is an option for you but maybe you would feel better with whatever decision you make if you had her speak with an animal communicator. I know of a couple exceptionally good ones. One in fact is a member of this very board. I will send you a pm with their names and websites so you can see if this is something you might want to do before deciding what you want to do, fight on, offer pallitive care only or let her go on ahead.
Mel, Maxwell, Musette & The Fur Gang

I agree with Mel. If I hadn't used cjleo to help me 1) find out if Cedric wanted a buddy and 2) find out what the issues were with this stray cat that was hanging out on my porch, I would not have been able to catch him and get him to the vet (he stayed there for almost 2 weeks. She told me things about him (Dallas) that I had not mentioned - exactly where the spot was on his back that we thought was ringworm; that there was a problem with his mouth (turn out he's missing a small piece of his tongue so he's a sloppy eater); that he wanted to come in (he used to sit and look in the window at Cedric & me). My dad thinks its a bit hooky, but it works for me! he was sick last week and we talked to her - turns out he had some kind of bacteria in his ears so the vet gave me some stuff to put in his ears. he's had some medical issues but plays like a kitten (even chases his own tail). My point is that I wouldn't have known these things if cjleo hadn't talked to him. To be honest, I think for the longest time he thought I was talking to him. He listens to her faithfully - except he can't seem to keep his promise to stop eating Cedric's food. :lol:

Personally, if I felt "it was time" I would try to consult an AC. My last cat was in dire straights (kidneys were wrecked) and the day i found out I took her home and had decided to spend the night with her on the LR floor and take her in to be PTS the next day. She ended up going peacefully at 5am, sparing me of that (it was still bad for me though). Do don't know what to tell you. But I do encourage the AC - cjleo does have hours on Sunday, I am not sure off the top of my head what she already has booked though.

Huggs and good luck in whatever you do. :YMHUG:

 

[jt and trouble (GA)]

I love using AC's

I have been following this thread and you and Gems story. My heart just breaks for you. Please know that I and others are praying for you and Gem for guidance and strength. We may not post but we are out here.

All my best to you your family and GEM.
jeanne

 

[jkbank]

3 more...


Here Gem is trying her new wings and flying across the nest:

GEM FLIES!!!! The result of her next attempt at flying - she made it to the bar above the nest!

DOWN from the bar:

HUGS!

Thank you Lyresa, aren't you the sweetest for thinking of me and Gem in the middle of the night! These are amazing photos!

 

[jkbank]

Thanks Jeanne and doombuggy for your thoughts, concerns and good wishes. And thanks to all out there who have been reading and thinking about us.

I had hoped to wake up this morning with a little more clarity but unfortunately, that is not the case. While I'm not in constant tears, I feel no closer to an answer. My husband feels pretty strongly that it is time - he does not want to wait for an emergency situation to arise, which he feels is inevitable, thinks that will be bad for Gem and devastating for our kids, who are 9 and 12 years old. Rationally, I have to agree with him. But I look at Gem and think if we could help get her skin under control, we could help her.

I have spent the morning online reading as much as I can. I haven't really found anything that is too encouraging but I may make a call to one or two doctors here in NYC that seem to specialize in cats and endocrine disorders. I want to feel that if we do make the decision to let her go, we make it with all the best information we can get.

 

[Linda and Bear Man]

I have spent the morning online reading as much as I can. I haven't really found anything that is too encouraging but I may make a call to one or two doctors here in NYC that seem to specialize in cats and endocrine disorders. I want to feel that if we do make the decision to let her go, we make it with all the best information we can get.

I think you are doing a good thing by getting more information. Have you looked into this clinic? I have no personal experience, but I know that Dr. Mark Peterson is a very well respected endocrinologist.

http://www.animalendocrine.com/contact-us/locations/

 

[Rachel & Gus]

Big Hug to you and a big Cuddle to Gem. I'm so sorry you, Gem, and your family are going through this.

You are both on a journey together and eventually it will come to an end in the physical world, but it is what we do and feel along the way that matters and it's what we keep with us. If you aren't ready to let go or still questioning if it is time, then I think it is completely fine to continue on and do more research. She doesn't seem to be suffering so you aren't doing her any injustice and there is no need to rush to a decision. In fact, it sounds like you have been a wonderful companion to her as much as she has been to you. You are doing everything possible to make sure she has as long and happy a life as possible. It is all any of us can do.

My only suggestion is to have a plan in place in case of an emergency so you can get her to the ER quickly if necessary. Otherwise, it's completely fine to spend time with her and figure out if there is any other possible treatment.

I hope you and Gem are able to have a good weekend together.

 

[jkbank]

I have spent the morning online reading as much as I can. I haven't really found anything that is too encouraging but I may make a call to one or two doctors here in NYC that seem to specialize in cats and endocrine disorders. I want to feel that if we do make the decision to let her go, we make it with all the best information we can get.

I think you are doing a good thing by getting more information. Have you looked into this clinic? I have no personal experience, but I know that Dr. Mark Peterson is a very well respected endocrinologist.

http://www.animalendocrine.com/contact-us/locations/

Linda - this is one of the ones I'm looking at, along with a vet named Arnold Plotnick who runs a cats only vet center. I am going to call them and see what they have to say.

 

[jkbank]

Big Hug to you and a big Cuddle to Gem. I'm so sorry you, Gem, and your family are going through this.

You are both on a journey together and eventually it will come to an end in the physical world, but it is what we do and feel along the way that matters and it's what we keep with us. If you aren't ready to let go or still questioning if it is time, then I think it is completely fine to continue on and do more research. She doesn't seem to be suffering so you aren't doing her any injustice and there is no need to rush to a decision. In fact, it sounds like you have been a wonderful companion to her as much as she has been to you. You are doing everything possible to make sure she has as long and happy a life as possible. It is all any of us can do.

My only suggestion is to have a plan in place in case of an emergency so you can get her to the ER quickly if necessary. Otherwise, it's completely fine to spend time with her and figure out if there is any other possible treatment.

I hope you and Gem are able to have a good weekend together.

Thanks for this. Well I think she isn't suffering but it's hard to know for sure. Day by day is how I'm taking it. Blue Pearl, where I took her yesterday, is a 24 hr emergency center so I know I have a place to bring her just in case.

 

[PeterDevonMocha]

Nothing but hugs from us .. So sorry you are going through this .. :sad: