I'm struggling about putting Fred to sleep

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Martica and Fred

Martica and Fred

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As some of you know, Fred has had diabetes 5y, CRF and heart disease, and this year he had cardiac heart failure in Jan and heat stroke in June. The past few months he's had an eye infection that was from dry eye abrasions/ulcers, went away, came back, was gone for past 3 week sor so and now has come back, he has some sort of bladder issue undiagnosed, but for the past week and a half, his fluid looks like it returned to his lungs acc to an xray 2 1/2 weeks ago, he was on Lasix for the bad breathing on and off the pasat month, but looks like the last week of it (he's been off a week now) was too much and he stopped being able to walk after that. He had a hypo on Monday morning, we brought him back up but ever since, now 2 1/2 days he has not eaten or drink unless I've syringed/spoon fed him. As I posted in my other post, today he's been alert but weak and meowing at me and tapping me with his paw. I don't know what he wants and I don't know what to do.

I did call the vet and he is able to come over at 2pm but I'm terrified to do this. Some people have suggested various things he needs--like a vet visit to check on him, etc. He is terribly dehydrated and I know that's contributing to everything. But I can't give hiim fluids because of the heart failure and if he does have an infection I can't give him antibiotics because they make him not eat last time he had them and he's not eating anyway. The vet-tech-cat-sitter said that she would probably put him to sleep as did the vet who saw him 1 1/2 weeks ago (did not like her, she ignored his bladder issue, did no tests, said it was nothing.)

Anyway, I don't know to what lengths i should go to bring him out of this because treating one thing hurts the other thing and I'm not sure how much better he can get. He was doing better I thought from Wed - Sunday morning, even purred each day a tiny bit. But now past 2 days no purring and very weak and not eating...I know that a lot of it is dehydration and no food (I'm giving him a teeny bit but also do not want to forcefeed him.) I don't know if he's telling me he is ready to die. A few animal communicators have said this.

I'm not sure what to do and I hate to have to do this myself. I know it's kind and all that but I'm terrified to do it, terrified to be without him, etc. But I also don't want him to suffer. I'm not sure if he starves/dehydrates himself more if that would actually put him in agony, or would he just go to sleep and die? I am supposed to confirm with the vet in the morning, of course I can change my mind, I'm not sure it's made up, but I don't know what to do. I don't think he's in specific pain, but clearly he doesn't feel good and he's tired.

Please weigh in. I have no idea what to do. If you looked at him you'd think he was a straggly, sick cat, but I still see him as beautiful and I've been his human for 20 long years. So I'm having a really hard time. I wish I didn't have to decide this and I'm not sure how long to wait if ultimately I have to decide.
 
In February of this year I put my dog Gracie to sleep. She had bladder issues, arthritis in her back legs, a spinal cord injury from a life of abuse before we got her, and had a stroke in January. Even after all of that, she still wagged her tail when she saw me. But everyone who saw her said I was just keeping her alive for my benefit, and maybe they were right.

I understand how hard this is for you, but no one can give you the best advice, it's a decision you have to make on your own. :( I say this because I listened to everyone else, and have never regretted anything so much in my life. I think with a little more patience and help she would have had a good life at least another 6 months. No one knows your Fred the way you do. I wish you the best of luck, and I know you'll make the best decision for yourself and for Fred. :)
 
This is so terribly hard. From what you describe I think it is probably time.

My Smokey was still affectionate and making biscuits up to a hour before he passed. He was unable to purr
due to his throat cancer. His passing was not pretty, and I will always regret that I did not help him to pass easily.

I will never forget his struggle to breath in his last minutes.

Cat's don't think in terms of 'wanting to die', but I'm sure Fred is very uncomfortable and possibly suffering
now.

I know you'd rather have hope, but from your description, I cannot be optimistic that Fred is going to get
better.

Thinking of you and Fred and sending prayers.
 
I think this is the hardest question. With Oliver, he was no longer interested in food - which had always been his favorite thing in life. He seemed sad and tired. It was hard to do, but I held him in my arms and told what a good kitty he had been for 16 years and how much I loved him.

Of course you know that we can't tell you the right thing to do. But maybe reading the responses will give you some clarity. Whatever you decide will be the right decision because you love Fred and you will make it with love. And he will know that.
 
Marticia I guess this is one of those hardest ever questions each of us has to ponder sooner or later. I wonder if I'll ever be able to let tomtom go...he's such a part of my heart. Yet if I see him suffering I hope I would find the amount of love it takes to release him.
Talk to fred, look into his eyes. Maybe he will let you know.
My heart goes out to you,
Lori
 
I find your situation heart=breaking. I am moving toward the same place with my cat who is 17 years old. She has some kind of rare syndrome which appears to cause her nerve pain in her jaw when she eats. We have tried various things, including steroids, which made her diabetic. Now she is on pain killers that are enabling her to eat more, but she is still struggling, and she is wobbly, lethargic and dazed looking. She also comes to me and seems to be asking for something. I find it agonizing to watch her. I find myself wondering what it will take for me to decide to euthanize her. I can't imagine doing it, and I can't imagine continuing like this.
I know whatever you decide, you will suffer. But when it is over, your cat will no longer suffer. I wish I could make it easier for you. I wish I could make it easier for me. This is the awful cost of love.
 
I feel for you so much. It sounds from your words that you know it's time to let Fred go, but you're scared. Nobody here can judge you for that. It's a scary and devastating thing to do, even when we know it's probably best for our kitty friends.

It was very hard for me to imagine life "after" Snoopy, until it was here. In my case, he had struggled to recover for many months, and I'd wrestled with the question for so long that putting him to sleep was finally the only thing left to do to help him. I will tell you, though, that my only regret, several months later, is that I waited as long as I did. I wish my vet had been quicker to tell me it was time. I wish I'd pushed the issue earlier and had saved him a few painful days. But every cat's illness is different, and only you know what's best for your baby.

If it's time, I hope that you can make peace with your decision and move forward... it IS scary, and "after" can hurt, so much. On the other hand, sometimes it can be a peaceful closing to a traumatic period of dis-ease for your kitty and you. It still hurts like hell, but sometimes it hurts less than watching our furbabies struggle. They are released from their pain, and you are released from the feelings of uncertainty and helplessness as they decline.

Either way, you and Fred have our support. Please keep posting. You are not alone.
 
Only you know about tomorrow, next week, next month. Fred lives in the present. Is there a future for him or only more downward spiraling? Only you can look back over the 20yrs. of love he has given you and now only you can look at the future for him. He can't do it for you. This is what all of us face when we love and have pets in our lives. When I know there is absolutely nothing left I can do to help my pet live a quality life, there is no good outcome, then I make the decision putting my pet first, not my heartbreak at losing that pet. I will call it early and not try for a few more days when I know the time is near. I waited too long on two of mine and they did not die nice. That is what I want for mine.....a good passing with my arms around them. Not a rush to an ER with a cat gasping for air, screaming in pain, dying alone in possible pain, not a struggle to breathe before dying.......not for me........I buy what quality of time I can until I know it is time to help them leave. We would all like to believe that our pets would die peacefully no matter what is happening with them but too many times that is not the way it happens. I look back on the years given to me, I am thankful for those years they graced my life, and I help them peacefully on their way when the time comes.

Euthanasia is a Greek word meaning a "good death". My heart truly goes out to you, Martica, because it sounds like the time has come for you to love Fred enough to let him go and put your pain of the loss second to what Fred may need.

God gives us love......something to love He lends us.
 
Thank you all, I really appreciate all your thoughts. I've also talked to a few cat-people friends tonight and been able to verbalize his situation, which helps clarify it more than just thinking about it. He has so many things breaking down, the idea of what has to imrpove to recover to something better and healthier seems pretty difficult. Even tonight, he seems more dehydrated after just a few hours. I syringe fed him a tiny bit and he tried to throw up a little about 5 minutes later--although nothing to throw up. And he's so frail.And his eyes look awful with that infection back. I'm giving him the antibiotic eye drops but they dry up immediately, even with the artifical tears, I think it's because inside he's so dry. Anyway, I guess I'll see what happens tonight.

Hope I liked what you said about God lending us something to love, that makes things a little easier to give up. Nikki and Karen and Megan, yes, I wonder if I've waited too long already but I def. don't want him to be in agony...

anyway thank you all.
 
My heart goes out to you! I agree with all on here that have stated the regret of waiting to long. We never intend it to be that way -we want what is best-sometimes we need a marching band to come down the street to give us "that" sign.. but most of the time things are not that simple. My cat Maggie (very first cat I ever had outside of my parent's home) had breast cancer.. I thought I was doing everything right. What I didn't do right is listen to my gut instinct..which told me to take her in. By the time I did she had already gone through so much. I do regret it. I learned how it is done in a vet clinic and I completely trusted my vet tech's ability and compassion to do it painlessly which helped me very very much. The passing at the vet office was painless. Painful for me but for her relief. She was ready. Even now I cry thinking of it. I have another cat with breast cancer and it is progressing..she is being evaluated closely..but due to finacial issues with my other cat-(Khan with diabetes) -she has not gone in for 2-3 months.. but I will be taking her in this saturday -my gut tells me I may only have a few months if I'm lucky..but I'm prepared now to do right by her because I love her and love to me is being able to let go for her sake as hard as it is. My heart goes out to you very much in this very difficult time.
 
Like everyone here my heart goes out to you Martica. We all can see how much you love your dear boy and share in your agony with this decision. I wish I could be there with you and hold your hand and help give you strength.

Fred knows though. I truly believe that. He will be fine.
 
I don't really have anything to say that can alleviate any of your burden or pain...

my thoughts are with you and your furbaby.
 
Marticia, there is a Quality of Life scale located here http://www.veterinarypracticenews.c...ncology-outlook/quality-of-life-for-pets.aspx to try and help us assess the quality of life being experienced by our beloved fur babies. Perhaps this scale will help you in making this most difficult decision.

I'd like to share with you something I read once: When dealing with ill animals in which there really is no meaningful treatment that will extend a quality life, there is no such thing as one day too soon to end the suffering - only one day too late.
 
I am tearing as I read this thread. I know how you feel because I am putting myself in your shoes. My cat Riley has been with me for 14 years. He's seen me fight with alcoholism and recover. He's seen me in good times and bad. He's been there to let me scratch his head every day, no matter what. We're just starting on this journey with diabetes, but I know that someday, this day will come, and if it's fifty years from now it will still be one day too soon in my eyes. I will never, however, forget the lessons he has taught me about unconditional love.

I have no opinion for you, only a prayer.
 
Martica-

I'm so sorry to hear that you are faced with this decision. It is really the most difficult thing. We got the cancer diagnosis and her downward progression happened so rapidly...I didn't really have time to process. Within a week, her condition had deteriorated so much that she could barely walk. At 3am, I made the decision that I would take her in that morning. It was too late, she passed an hour later. I wish I had been strong enough to make the decision sooner. I wasn't ready to let her go...it had only been a week, and because of it, her passing was so very violent...the memory of it has been forever etched into my mind...so I share my story with you as others have. My heart is breaking for you. Listen to your heart. Listen to his heart. You will know what to do. My thoughts are with you...

s
 
I know how you feel. My family's first cat grew up with me for 18 years. My mother had him put down when he had developed a tumor that could not be treated and was suffering terribly. It's a terrible decision to make and a terrible loss for you. Fred is probably reaching out to you for your love - you are as much his as he is yours - and asking you to help him. It's hard but, you must decide what is best for him - not you and tell him what, why and that you love him. I will add that watching your beloved friend die (at home) is wrenching, too. Watching them suffer and the life leave them is gut-wrenching - I've done it twice recently. What would you want if you were Fred?
 
(((((((Martica)))))))
Sending prayers for strength and guidance. It is heart wrenching but we have to be strong for our babies. Their little bodies just cant keep up with ours.

Life will be scary without Fred but is it much different always worrying and guessing?

My heart goes out to you. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

jeanne
 
I'm so sorry the time has come to start thinking about this .. it is never an easy choice to be made, but one that is always made with love and fred knows that ... you are both in our thoughts and prayers ...
 
((((((Martica))))

I am so sorry to see this post...But like so many others have already said, this is a decision none of us can make for you. You know Fred he has been your baby for a very long time, so it is never easy to let a friend go. But it also sounds like in your heart of hearts you already know the answer. I pray that you find the strength and courage to get passed the fear of the "after" to make the decision that is right for Fred. You have been truly blessed to have this wonderful guy in your life for as long as you two have had together.

However, regardless of the decision, you are not alone in this, we are all here wrapping you in a thousand cyber hugs.

Mel
 
I'm so sorry you need to make this decision.

Maggie was diabetic, borderline CRF. She did great until the heart disease. We also ran into the problem that the treatment for her kidneys was bad for her heart. I kept asking if it was time, but didn't act. One morning it was taken out of our hands. I still worry that I should have made the decision earlier. I worry that her quality of life wasn't good that last month of her life. I'm sorry I didn't act sooner.

Martica, listen to your heart and you'll know what to do. Fred knows you love him and will do what's best for him.
 
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