Hurtful and Nasty posts!

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EllenP

Member Since 2010
I have seen so many hurtful and nasty posts in this Lantus forum that are so uncalled for.
My cat was recently diagnosed with Diabetes, but I will never ask for help here because of these people.

Telling someone they are killing their cat and other mean and harsh comments to people who are nervous and upset as it is, is really mean.

I am sure everyone with a sick cat is trying to do the best they can for their loved cat and they do not need to be told such things.

For those of you that are doing this..........have you never heard that kind words help more than hurtful words?

This board should be for help, advise and encourgment, not threatening people that their cat will die because of something they did wrong.
 
I for one am new here,
but i can tell you, i have had nothing BUT support and encouragement from the board members!
I have not seen these posts you speak of, but then I don't read them all...

I just speak from my experience and am extremely grateful to have this forum....
 
Ellen -

Before you draw a conclusion like this, go back and read the entire thread, including previous days. I suspect I know which person/cat you are addressing. Many of us have beaten our heads against a wall with suggestions, support, and encouragement. We are committed to keeping a cat healthy and most of all, safe. When someone blatantly ignores safety issues after they have been stated in as gentle a way as possible and the message is disregarded, then at least I believe the facts need to be stated in plain language. It is an owner's choice to put their cat at risk. None of us who post to that person want to bear any responsibility for that individual's decision making or be accused of not telling the person the consequences, as we understand them since we are not veterinary professionals, of their decision.

People here are not deliberately mean or cruel. We get frustrated when a cat is put in jeopardy because it is about the cat, not about the person.
 
I have to admit, I have seen some of the posts you are referring to and I even had some people treat me that way as well when my cat was alive, but very sick.

BUT, most people here are very nice and encouraging. You can get good support here.
You just have to ignore the mean people that tend to post that way.
Some of those people probably do not even realize how harsh they sound.

Even if you do not want to ask for advice here, please read the sticky's at the top of the pages. There is very good information here.
 
I have been a member of this board for quite a while and the people here basically helped my cat get where he is today so much BETTER and I am so thankful for that I myself have never seen mean posts I have seen posts that are very direct and to the point but not mean
 
Ellen, normally I would mind my own business, and not respond to a message like this, because I was not involved in the post you are referring to.
However, I feel compelled to ask you to come back and learn what we are all about..
"These people" that you refer to, are dedicted to, and passionate about, the health and care of all our cats.
If it sounds harsh to you, you need to understand where these words are coming from.
If you haven't already, please read the entire thread, and the previous day's thread, and understand the fear for the cat's life.
Please don't judge us, until you know us.
 
I also know to whom you are referring and I think Sienne made all excellent points. I have only had wonderful, encouraging, supportive help here. It is like
a family. I could not do this without this board and the kind and compassionate people on it who sacrifice their time to help so many of us. I think what
you are seeing is not people being mean but people extremely concerned about this cat with the mama not listening; she has a vet that knows less than her (her
words). People in LL are TRULY concerned about this kitty. I think we are all just trying to get her attention and to find ways to help...we are all very worried about this kitty. I also don't think that anyone is threatening the mama because she did something wrong...they just want her kitty to be safe. There are years of experience trying to help.

I am so sorry that you feel this will keep you from the FDMB. I would not want to go down this path alone...even my vet who is awesome cannot be there for me 24/7. I wish you and your kitty the best and we are always here and welcoming if you decided to stay/return.
 
I've been a member of this board since June of this year, and I can honestly say that I've had nothing but help, compassion, and wonderful advice from other members on here. Sure, there are times when a person says something that comes across as "harsh" to me I get upset. However.. I look at it from the poster's point of view as well.

This group is the best that you'll ever find on the internet. There is a lot of experience on here, and they're all willing to share that with us, and help us to get our kitties better.

I can honestly say that without this group, my Blackie wouldn't be here today.

Thank you, FDMB! *EXTREMEHUGS*
 
There may be some people here who are more, um.... blunt than others, but you will not find a more helpful and supportive and selfless group of people. The written word unfortunately can lack emotion and its intentions can be misinterpreted. That said, in order for the people here to help a person and their diabetic cat, there is a certain amount of information needed. Without blood glucose level data, no one, not even a vet, can properly advise on dosing amounts. We've all been through this, we've all been scared and confused, and most of all, we love our cats. I certainly would want to know if I was doing something in error or misunderstood the recommended protocols and might be harming my cat. We can offer guidance and suggestions, but we cannot force anyone to do anything. Sometimes a somewhat rude kick in the pants or a forceful "You can do this!" is what it takes, and sometimes the person for whatever reason does not want to or cannot follow through on what is being asked. It's unfortunate, but to stand by and do nothing or say nothing is not the answer either. Our emotions can get the best of us now and then, and I hope we all recognize that and not judge each other too harshly when sensitive issues like this arise.

MJ&Donovan
 
Ellen, I just wanted to welcome you to Lantus Land and invite you to stay! Had I never found this site and continued to listen to the advice of my vet, Trouble would not only still be on insulin but getting sicker and certainly would not have had the quality life he did after we found FDMB. I would encourage you to read more posts and experience some positive interactions...Heck, Trouble has a party going on today and we'd love for you to stop by. We are all here to help our sugar kitties feel better!
 
I have been here since 2/08--I have had many comments from people on other forums that may have felt hurtful at the time,
When in reality, these folks were trying to help me--One told me I was killing my cat also--I was upset, but didnt leave!
Looking back, she wasnt totally wrong,I was urine testing for 11 mths & couldnt get my cat to let me blood test--I know that she may have gotten well faster,
or even gone into remission, or maybe not. But I maybe should have tried harder-
Any advice I have gotten here in lantus land has been from the heart, helpful, caring, insightful, and from like minded people who sincerely wish to help!
If I can help ONE newbie get going, give one piece of advice that helps, make one person feel like they are doing their best with their kitty,
then I have done what we do here!
Sometimes, it's all in the presentation--Please reconsider staying on the board!
 
i tend to steer clear of discussions like this...but i'm going to weigh in here today.

i'm a relative newbie to LL, but i have seen people here on the forum whose life circumstances would very literally bring me to my knees with the inability to cope. one or two of them may have been among those you see as having been on the receiving end of what you perceive as "hurtful or nasty" posts.
yet they choose to see it as firm, pointed statements of the possible consequences to their cats...and are still posting, learning, and even sharing an amazing good humor about the situation. i could only wish that i could be that type of person were i in their situation.

what might seem to you as "harsh", i view differently. there are folks here who have seen all of the horrible repercussions of health issues with cats...and are getting the warning out in an attempt to keep other cats and their owners from suffering the same...because, after all...while we should have great compassion for others' situations...we ARE on the "Feline diabetes" forum.

i have made numerous errors in dealing with feline diabetes...but binks and i have never found anything here other than great education, willing help, and unimaginable support, and for that we are very grateful.

and i agree with the previous post 100%...even if you feel this is not the right place for you to ask questions or seek input...PLEASE don't deprive yourself of the wealth of information to be found in the sticky notes at the top of the page.
and whether it sounds sincere or not...we truly wish you the best of results in treating your cat.

celi & binks
 
Well, considering that you just "joined" today, you're obviously not EllenP. However, I suspect that you don't want to reveal who you are because you don't want to suffer the consequences. Understandable. Some example links would be nice to support your case. Or, send a PM to the webmaster, Rebecca, with those links and explain why they are objectionable and hope that she'll step in.

Most of the people around here are quite nice and their support is really helpful when you are scared, nervous, depressed, excited, etc. A few of the people around here are not very nice; unfortunately, at times, some nice ones will follow the "group-think" mentality and jump all over someone just because somebody else did.

I hope that the nice people can convince you to come back and ask for help. Or, I hope that you'll read the protocol at http://www.tillydiabetes.net/en_index.htm and treat your cat with this successful protocol.

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience, but I hope you can come back and get help for your cat's sake. You'll probably end up really liking most of the people here.
 
Sigh... in some respects, taking things out of context make your post hurtful and nasty too... Especially to the people on this board the stay up until all hours to make sure newbies aren't left on their own when problems arise.

The truth is - your cat can die if you do something wrong. That's true especially when you add something like insulin to the mix. When people on this board are scrambling to help someone who accidentally overdosed their cat on insulin or - more likely - followed their vet's advice and overdosed their cat, or explaining how serious DKA can become, etc... sometimes the advice might seem brusque or blunt. Sometimes people posting may not realize how serious symptoms could be - and it needs to be brought to their attention immediately. Just because it's something you don't want to hear, doesn't make it less true. And just because you're trying to do the best you can for your cat doesn't mean you have the knowledge/info/experience to actually do what is best for your cat.

In my personal opinion, this forum is for people who want to help their cats. There is plenty of encouragement and hand-holding that goes on here. But it may not be for people who are more worried about their own egos/feelings. And personally, my vets (or doctors, etc) have told me a lot of things I didn't want to hear, and they didn't necessarily spare me when they told me, but they still had our best interest at heart and I realize that.

I for one am very grateful for this community. They got me through a lot of hard times this year - and I'm still going thru those hard times. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of patience for anyone who points the finger at them because someone said something they didn't like. Kind of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, if you ask me.

Good luck to you with your kitty. I can't imagine dealing with this on my own, but more power to you.
 
I find it hurtful (painful even) to read about two people holding down a cat that was (voluntarily) described as "screaming".
So if it is hurtful and nasty to point out that there are other better ways to get a drop of blood out of a cat, then fine so be it.
 
Ellen, I am sorry that you got the impression that you have from this Lantus forum. Quite honestly I have never received anything but support, helpful suggestion and encouragement. My cat up until recently has been very hard to regulate. We have had to go up and down in dose, deal with a hypo and had many a sleepless night. None of which I could have dealt with without the people here. Sometimes you will be given a suggestion to do the opposite of what you are doing, but have you seen how many cats have gone off of insulin? We are not perfect and this disease is the pits, but we all have the goal of getting are babies better. Many people on here are pros because they have been where we are. If they see something that may potentially be harmful to your cat I would hope that they would speak up and share their knowledge.

I want to give an example. My next door neighbors have a diabetic cat who at one point was on at least 6 units of insulin twice a day and was unmonitored. She only weighs 9 lbs at most and does not have acromegaly.This was based upon urine output alone. No other monitoring took place. No BG testing. One day she had a severe cluster of seizures of which I can only assume was a hypo. I found out about this after the fact when speaking to them outside and tried to share my knowledge. Although they are in their 80s, my neighbors are testing when they can and switched her insulin. She is doing well.

Please don't take this constructive criticism as anything other than concern for your cat. There are good people on here who give their time and hearts to help all of us.
 
Hi Ellen,

I’m sorry that you felt that some of the responses from folks here were hurtful and mean. That is certainly not a good feeling when you are trying your best to help your kitty. Especially when you are beginning this process and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Some folks here like anywhere else have different styles of communicating….Some are very direct while others are able to express their concern for you in softer ways. All are here because they need help themselves and want to help others as well.

I do remember for myself at the beginning that I received lots and lots of information…I was on information overload…And also received lots and lots of support…..and, of course, a few very direct comments along the way. I also remember feeling a little more vulnerable at the beginning…..and one direct comment was easily remembered…..But I didn’t feel the direct approach was mean….Just direct. I remember feeling frustrated with myself and my cat. Direct, harsh, blunt comments were hard to take in at that particular time. Now, not so much.

But bottom line, folks here care. I mean they really CARE and want the best for your sweet kitty. They will stay up all night and hold your hand through this process…..I’ve seen them do it over and over again. 99% of people are wonderful, supportive hand holder….others might need a few lessons, right?

I hope you can file away those blunt, direct comments for another time and still allow yourself to receive the wonderful support here. Not all the comments or suggestions will be helpful to you or be presented in such a palatable way. Take in what you can. File or toss the rest.

I started this journey 3 months ago and for the life of me couldn’t get blood from my Curry’s ear. She was on the insulin an entire week w/out me being able to test her. If I knew then what I know now….I should have just started with the food change first which also took some time too. I was shooting the insulin blindly for full week. I could have killed my cat. ohmygod_smile Ugh. And I would have been devastated. Folks here tried as best they could to help me.....If they could, they would have come over and shown me. Live and learn.

We do want the best for you and your kitty. We care, we share, we give advise and suggestions, we get scared for you and your cat, we give feedback artfully and then not so much.

I hope you can stay and participate in this forum in a way that benefits you and your kitty. Take in what you can and file/toss the rest.
 
Ellen,
PLEASE READ THIS.

I wish you would reconsider leaving this site. Perry referred to a post I made partly out of frustration but, this site has saved my cat's life. If you do not want to post - that's fine. Read the information in the articles, stickys, and postings and keep to yourself, if that's better for you. You can learn a great deal without participating.

We all care about our pets and each other's pet. I get tired of people who don't listen - just advise without considering the whole picture. They don't mean to be critical - they are trying to help. They just do it badly.

By the way, my screaming cat is NOT being hurt except for sore feet from testing. He still loves and trusts me. I deviated from the local advice and he is doing fine. As they will tell you - they are not vets or experts - just people like you and me and they don't always do great with their own pets and need help, too.

Give us another try and thank you for reminding us all how we can seem to others. Listening is more informative than talking - just ask the wise, old owl.

Sympathetically,
Sally and Mugsy
 
Re: Hurtful and Nasty posts! -- alternatives

Marjorie and Gracie said:
I would not want to go down this path alone...even my vet who is awesome cannot be there for me 24/7. I wish you and your kitty the best ....
Click to expand...

For-Ellen-who-may-not-be-Ellen,

I'm a newbie who's struggling with managing my cat's diabetes, so perhaps it would be wisest for me not to weigh in here, but anyway....

As best as I can deduce as a newbie, the goal for this board/protocol is to allow the pancreas to heal by attempting to hold blood glucose in the range of 120 - 50 or so, potentially produce a remission. And where that's not possible, regulate the cat's diabetes as tightly as possible to minimize damage to the cat's systems. This requires the ability and willingness (on both your and your cat's parts) to adhere to a rather stringent protocol with regards to testing and feeding.

If the tight protocol (and its goals) as advocated here are not for you and your cat for whatever reason, consider partnering with your vet. Here's a goal statement from the highly-regarded website Veterinary Partner:

The goal in long-term management of diabetes mellitus in cats is the alleviation of unpleasant clinical signs (constant thirst, weight loss, etc.) and prevention of dangerous secondary conditions (infections, ketoacidosis, etc.). To accomplish this, blood sugar levels should be regulated between 250 mg/dl and 80 mg/dl. This is not as good as the body’s natural regulation, but it is a fair and achievable goal in most cases.
http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Conten ... &C=&A=1605

Note: pre-meal BG for a non-diabetic cat is around 70 - 100, and not higher than 150 post meal. So the above is a pretty broad band of values.

Note the 'low' number here: 80. The unstated subgoal above is to maintain the cat's (and owner's) quality of life by not even getting close to hypoglycemia. So if you were aiming for this degree of regulation, your would want to use a (lower) dose of insulin that keeps your cat well out of the hypoglycemia danger zone (i.e. no lower than 80), and hopefully below 250 (to avoid the other symptoms), with just enough home testing to verify that that's the case. This VP goal is arguably not as good as tight regulation, but if you're not going to do tight regulation, this may be the next-best thing. Sure, the high may be high, but better high than crashed and at the emergency vet's (or worse.)

Now, I'm not a vet, and I'm certainly not one of the board experts, and for my part I'm still struggling with trying to figure out the rules and follow them. But if you're 'going it alone', consider reading up at Vet Partner about feline diabetes, and maybe printing out a few pages to take to your vet's.

J.
 
I apologize if I might've written anything too bluntly; I've tried to stay either factual or based on my experiences with cats (not just diabetic ones).

A couple people had seemed peeved with me at one point so I stopped posting about my cat for about a week.

And I'll note that sometimes, I think of ideas which aren't current veterinary practice, but then, until someone thinks of it and tests it, the idea wouldn't be, now would it? If you've an idea, have discussed it with a knowledgeble vet and have a plan of action that is novel, it is an experiment, and yes, it is then a risk ... because no one knows how it will work out. Just be sure to have contingency plans ready for what you plan to do if something doesn't work as expected (ex - cat goes into DKA or hypo, be prepared to handle it)

Following any protocol is still an experiment for your cat, because you don't know how it will work for your cat until you try it. ECID - each cat is different - it might work, it might not, it is an experiment to see which is true. With existing protocols, it has worked reliably for a number of cats; there can be outliers or exceptions where it won't.
 
I take this post as being a flame post.
The poster "EllenP" joined at 10:43am, created this one post at 10:58am, then left at 11:02am.
The poster has made no other post. Under THIS signin.

I don't think there is a single person on this site who is not trying to help others and to help their own animals.
How their words come across may not always be received as they are sent.
 
Without this Board...Jez never would have gone OTJ. My vet never even mentioned the diet change...which I believe facilitated her quick trip to the Falls.
They were there for me when she kept dropping...and held my hand as I went through this journey...scared most of the time.
Hang in there and listen....with an open mind.
Debie & Jezebel
 
My comments were not about any one particular post, but several in the last week.

I never meant to imply that people here were not trying to help others. I can see they are trying and many seem to give very good advise.
I just think some comments were too harsh and hurtful.
Maybe I am just more senstive than some people and just felt if I were talked to that way, it would have upset me alot.

I made my point and those people have seen this by now, so everyone can move on and just worry about your kitties.
 
EllenP said:
My comments were not about any one particular post, but several in the last week.

I never meant to imply that people here were not trying to help others. I can see they are trying and many seem to give very good advise.
I just think some comments were too harsh and hurtful.
Maybe I am just more senstive than some people and just felt if I were talked to that way, it would have upset me alot.

I made my point and those people have seen this by now, so everyone can move on and just worry about your kitties.
Click to expand...

I hope if you do need help with your cat you will feel comfortable posting. We would like to help if it is needed.
The only thing I do have to add is that some posts or words may be interpreted differently than intended. Some words may even seem very harsh or hurtful but are only written out of fear for the cats health and well being. Sometimes bluntness is used as a last resort to really get the point across. Nobody here should be mean or nasty to anyone. It is not what this board is all about. There are so many great people here that only want to help and have a world of information and experience to share.
 
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