How to Know That You Have Been Thoroughly Assimilated

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max&emmasmommie

max&emmasmommie

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1. Discover your cat's BG is 65 -- a number you have never shot. :shock:
2. Check to see that this is not a dropping number. No -- he's surfing. Oh, my!
3. Double check BG - 69! :o This is it!
4. Automatically make sure no food is within reach of the sugarcat INSTEAD of running to the puter and posting HELP!!!!!!!!!
5. Check for the number of strips you have left. Okay, 13 is fewer than you would like to have -- ah, but you have a few for the second meter -- ok, you have fifteen. Good. You prefer to have 20, but 15 will do. (Plan a trip to the pharmacy in the next hour.)
6. Look for your High Carb food. Find it is missing! DH must have moved it!!!!! (He is always the one who moves your cheese afterall.)
7. Find the High Carb food sitting out in plain sight (where it belongs) and feel guilty for being slightly irritated with DH, but fail to admit to yourself that you were quietly plotting his punishment until you found said HC food.
8. Load the syringe.
9. Double check the syringe.
10. Check the coffee supply -- the LEADED coffee supply -- find it sufficient.
11. Feed the cat who has been sitting there, hungry, Dammit, watching you do a hundred other things with a mixture of annoyance, irritation, infinite perplexity and, eventually, outright loathing and quietly plotting your punishment while FULLY admitting to himself that this is EXACTLY what he is doing.
12. SHOOOOOOOOOOOTTT!
13. Do the HAPPY DANCE. dancing_cat
14. Proudly post your conquest of Feline Diabetes on FDMB for all to see!!!!!!
 
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and

Welcome to the BOS Club.
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THIS IS AWESOME!!​

Great shooting guys!! And yes, I think we've all been there on blaming others when we can't find the HC fuds, even though they tend to be right out in plain sight :lol: Keep us posted!
 
As the Borg Queen (resistance is futile), I have to say that being thoroughly assimilated is:

1. It's exactly shot time; test the cat; BG 50...true dropping number from 80.
2. flick ashes off ciggy and take a drink of scotch (no you didn't smoke or drink before FD)
3. hmm...retest?? ok...fine. BG 51
4. strips? five. ok. HC? Nope....got LC. Take another drag, sip that scotch.
5. load the syringe ..so what if I'm a tiny drop off? the scotch makes it look accurate.
6. recheck the scotch supply...take a sip just to make sure it is properly aged.
7. shoot....feed your sweet kitty. See you in an hour baby doll.
8. take another drag and a sip.
9. set the phone alarm for a +1.
10. one more sip for a good one hour nap. I-) I-) I-) I-) I-)

Ok...I don't need to say this I'm sure but this is 200% full up joking just cuz we can all use the laughs. This is how you would NOT do it ..ever ;-) ;-)
 
Ok...I don't need to say this I'm sure but this is 200% full up joking just cuz we can all use the laughs. This is how you would NOT do it ..ever
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Yes, but only because as Borg we get all the alkiehall and nickcotine we need by snapping ourselves into to our recharging alcoves!

Coffee, however, is another matter all together! How DID it come about that we pick poisonous beans off a bush; roast them; grind them; soak them in water; pour off the water; add the liquid from a cow's teat and the concentrated juice from an agave plant to the roasted bean broth, and THIS process involving POISONOUS beans, FATTY cow's milk, and SUGAR has resulted in the remission of many, many diabetic cats? How ironic!
 
Damn, and I just brewed a fresh pot of coffee..... I think I'm okay though... I use Coffee Mate instead of cow's milk, and looking at the ingredients, it's gotta be better for me. :shock:
Sort of glad I hadn't started drinking any yet when I read this thread, or I'd be wiping most of the first sips off of my monitor.

Thanks for the laughs, ladies!

Carl
 
Got a few steps to add:

1. Test Time - look for the Sugar Cat.
2. 1 minute past Test Time - located all civvie Cats.
3. 2- 5 minutes past Test Time - checking odd hiding spaces while sweetly calling S.C. and shaking bag of treatums.
4. 5- 8 minutes past Test Time - feeding civvies treats so they stop following you because S.C. hates her siblings.
5. 8- 10 minutes past Test Time - wake spouse to help you locate S.C. - make note of Spouse's fav. dins which must now be made tonight
6. FIND S.C. (note new hiding place)
7. Bring S.C. to Test Site - discover you forgot to lay out all supplies.
8. Fail at holding S.C. while laying out all Test Supplies.
9. Revisit Step One.
 
OK, let's see how much of that checklist I covered this morning:

1. Discover your cat's BG is 65 -- a number you have never shot. :shock: Does bg 50 count?
2. Check to see that this is not a dropping number. No -- he's surfing. Oh, my! Crap-53
2a. Test again, 63...
3. Double check BG - 69! :o This is it! I feeded da '63' cat a bite
4. Automatically make sure no food is within reach of the sugarcat INSTEAD of running to the puter and posting HELP!!!!!!!!! CHECK
5. Check for the number of strips you have left. Okay, 13 is fewer than you would like to have -- ah, but you have a few for the second meter -- ok, you have fifteen. Good. You prefer to have 20, but 15 will do. (Plan a trip to the pharmacy in the next hour.) He does this when I have 7 strips with only a 20 pack for backup!
6. Look for your High Carb food. Find it is missing! DH must have moved it!!!!! Heck, he moved the whole SHELF!
7. Find the High Carb food sitting out in plain sight (where it belongs) and feel guilty for being slightly irritated with DH, but fail to admit to yourself that you were quietly plotting his punishment until you found said HC food. Had to go find whole shelving unit...right where he told me he was putting it.... :oops:
8. Load the syringe. Extra step - test cat again, get a 102 - NOW load the syringe
9. Double check the syringe. CHECK
10. Check the coffee supply -- the LEADED coffee supply -- find it sufficient. CHECK - wif scotch?
11. Feed the cat who has been sitting there, hungry, Dammit, watching you do a hundred other things with a mixture of annoyance, irritation, infinite perplexity and, eventually, outright loathing and quietly plotting your punishment while FULLY admitting to himself that this is EXACTLY what he is doing. AND HOLLERING
12. SHOOOOOOOOOOOTTT! CHECK - wif scotch?
13. Do the HAPPY DANCE. dancing_cat Yeah, wif scotch...

Did I pass? Iz still testin'...hiccup...
 
You all crack me up! It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't true. We all have that emergency pack of cigs and bottle of scotch stashed away right? Right?!?! Oh dang, am I the only one?
 
Hmmm.....

Lyresa is shooting the cat with scotch?

I guess this is better than testing the cat, getting a 50, opening the freezer, pulling out the ice cream and heading off to the bedroom to pull the sheets over your head and polish off said ice cream. (If it was a number below 50, hot fudge sauce may be involved.)
 
AWWWW, wook at de wittle Spock Kitty witty! "It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want." --SPOCK, Star Trek: The Original Series, "Errand of Mercy." What Spock did not fully comprehend is that we are controlled by our cats; even those of us who are not directly owned by one. I don't want a poopy, cat-urine smelling litter box in my elegant entryway next to my antique game table, but Iz sure gotz one!

Carl,

From the HippieSite: http://www.organicauthority.com/health/what-the-heck-is-coffee-mate-creamer.html#s.absxuu5yaayaa

Comments in [brackets] are mine.

Ingredients of COFFEE-MATE Original (Liquid):

Water: H20 [Ok, not so bad; wonder if it was purified and how many chemicals it contains that are not listed here.]

Corn syrup solids: Used mostly in imitation dairy foods, corn syrup is a type of sugar (mostly dextrose) that is made from cornstarch. [Ah, yes, corn "sugar" -- that stuff that my body does not recognize as being different from cane sugar.]

Partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oil: All partially hydrogenated oils contain high levels of trans fats, which are brutal to your body. These cheap, human-tweaked fats were adopted heartily by grocery manufacturers in the 1970’s, a move that some say helped to kick off the American obesity epidemic. Soybean oil is perhaps the worst, as some contend that it depresses the thyroid gland and lowers your energy level. [Nuff said.]

However: COFFEE-MATE is legally allowed to say it is “trans fat free” because the serving size is so small. But don’t be fooled: COFFEE-MATE contains trans fats! [Isn't that funny how our "legal system" requires us to "tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth," and the written laws sometimes allow for outright lies to be printed on packages of things we put in our bodies!]

Sodium caseinate: A milk protein that contains no lactose, stabilized to have a longer shelf life. It is a major component of cheese and provides many nutrients and essential amino acids. [Ok, well, nutrients and essential amino acids I can get from cow's milk, right? I'm not lactose intolerant, thank goodness. How is it stabilized is what I wanna know.]

Mono- and digycerides: Simply put, these are fats. They are emulsifying agents used to extend shelf life, and you will often see them in foods that also contain trans fats. In fact, some nutritionists are calling them “the next trans fats.” [Ooh, ooh, fat is what I WANT in my coffee so, how 'bout milk fat -- organic milk fat in the form of cream? Yeah, yeah, I know -- gotta be refrigerated.]

Dipotassium phosphate: Also known as phosphoric acid, this water-soluble salt prevents coagulation and is “generally regarded as safe” by the FDA – aka it’s been in use since the 50’s. [Ok it's salt -- seems all right.]

Carrageenan: Extracted from red seaweeds, this food additive is a type of vegan gelatin and has been in use for hundreds of years. [Seaweed is good, but how was it extracted is what I wanna know.]
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THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PART:
COFFEE-MATE actually has more calories than half-and-half, with the original powdered version clocking in at 30 calories per tablespoon vs. real half-and-half at 20 calories per tablespoon!
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Don't get me wrong here: when I'm at the restaurant for Sunday morning brunch having a big ole plate o' biscuits and gravy with sausage bits -- gotta have the sausage bits -- and I order the fruit although I really, really want the hashbrowns with sugary ketchup on them, I plunk these little gems of flavored Coffee-mate in my coffee right and left! Yum, in moderation, that is -- 4 of 'em every couple weeks, that's moderation, right?
 
Sienne and Gabby said:
I guess this is better than testing the cat, getting a 50, opening the freezer, pulling out the ice cream and heading off to the bedroom to pull the sheets over your head and polish off said ice cream. (If it was a number below 50, hot fudge sauce may be involved.)
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Spoken like a true ice creamaholic.
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:o :o :o

BUT - I hate the way coffee tastes with milk or half-and-half in it! Did you know that Cremora is flammable? That scared me when my brother-in-law the fireman gave me a demonstration!
I guess the powdered form contains a slightly different list of ingredients....
It "saves" me from that pesky water! Hmmm, the only thing I see in its favor is "0 carbs"? No wonder they print the information so tiny you need a magnifying glass to read the labels.

I will also confess that I would choose the hashbrowns over the fruit. However, I do not put ketchup on them, ever. Not a big fan of the ketchup, except on burgers. Not even on french fries. I figure if I wouldn't put it on a baked potato, I'm not putting it on 'em just because they got fried.

CArl
 
Excellent condo! Wish I had found it sooner! I am sure we have been assimilated :lol:
Oh and Carl, there is an art to throwing coffee mate INTO a bonfire for the , errrr, special effects. I have some friends who are very good at it.
 
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