Shai and The Pirate Fitz (GA)
Member Since 2012
(((((FDMB))))
It sounds so cliche to say how much I appreciate all your loving, healing and heartfelt vines for me and my beautiful Pirate. But, there is truth in cliches so perhaps that's why we fall back on them more often than we'd like.
I'm on my computer for the first time in a couple of weeks (at least it seems that long) and I wanted to be sure to thank all of you who took the time to wish us as gentle a journey as possible. Thank you Sherry for posting when I couldn't and relaying my gratitude.
Each day is a challenge and a joy. Right now, I'm in bed, my beautiful Pirate beside me taking such a good bath I'm sure she's headed for some serious sleeping when she's finished. As I look at her I try to keep my attention on the feel of her weight against my hip and the nuzzle of her nose every once in a while when her tongue over estimates the length of a certain patch of fur. I adore when she keeps the rhythm of her cleaning by the metronome motions of her tongue, even when she's in between actually licking her fur. A couple of licks to her fur, then one or two in the air, then back to her fur.
Her coat is a bit more ragged and as she's laying here I can see the protrusion of her hip bone and her shoulder blades. More pronounced then yesterday, but then I corral my attention back to the alert concentration in her manner and her eyes. My Pirate is still there. For those of you who wonder why I call Fitzel my pirate, it's all about her growl. When she is annoyed, not truly pissed off, she'll let out a sound and it's exactly like arrrgghhhh. Just like a Pirate protecting their booty. It's so unique and so her. She still does it and I try not to cry then or wonder how many more times I'll hear it. Not that I want her to be upset mind you.
For those of you who've checked, you already know I'm not keeping up her SS anymore. I can't. I tried to but I couldn't put those numbers down and watch the squares go black - too much like a period on the end of sentence. Too much like death. The pinks and yellows against that black made me think of sunsets when they could easily have evoked a sunrise, a beginning, hope, if I were still in that frame of mind. But, I'm not. I'm not asking for forever anymore. As much of a forever as we get with our kids. But when they're healthy I get into a place where I can see them with me in their current form always. I don't seem to grow any older in these scenarios either - just to show how ethereal they are.
At first I was weighing Fitzel to see how much weight she lost every week, or if she was holding steady - now I just hold her. While I do test before shooting and when I can at nadir - I'm done with measuring her time with me in numbers. I know where this road is going and all I want is the best quality time for both of us until we reach that destination.
As I couldn't get online much I had my wife print out all of your posts and have read and re-read them until the lettering must be fading by now. We are all kindred spirits (as Anne of Green Gables said) in our devotion to our families. ALL members of our families.
Fitzel is slowing down in her baffer duties, lifting her head to stare into that space only cat's eyes can penetrate. Her fur is clean now. Very clean. She's so beautiful. She's so gentle and giving of her love and warmth and spirit. She's rising to stretch. Circling. Circling. Now settling down into the perfect Fitzel compact space. Still pressed against my hip her face pressed into my arm. For safety? For solace? For the joy of being in bed with Mommy when it's not even 7pm yet?
I'm drinking it in and raising my heart in gratitude to everyone here.
peace and blessings, healing vines to those who need them, congratulations to those who've achieved milestones and courage to all;
Shai and The PIrate Fitz
It sounds so cliche to say how much I appreciate all your loving, healing and heartfelt vines for me and my beautiful Pirate. But, there is truth in cliches so perhaps that's why we fall back on them more often than we'd like.
I'm on my computer for the first time in a couple of weeks (at least it seems that long) and I wanted to be sure to thank all of you who took the time to wish us as gentle a journey as possible. Thank you Sherry for posting when I couldn't and relaying my gratitude.
Each day is a challenge and a joy. Right now, I'm in bed, my beautiful Pirate beside me taking such a good bath I'm sure she's headed for some serious sleeping when she's finished. As I look at her I try to keep my attention on the feel of her weight against my hip and the nuzzle of her nose every once in a while when her tongue over estimates the length of a certain patch of fur. I adore when she keeps the rhythm of her cleaning by the metronome motions of her tongue, even when she's in between actually licking her fur. A couple of licks to her fur, then one or two in the air, then back to her fur.
Her coat is a bit more ragged and as she's laying here I can see the protrusion of her hip bone and her shoulder blades. More pronounced then yesterday, but then I corral my attention back to the alert concentration in her manner and her eyes. My Pirate is still there. For those of you who wonder why I call Fitzel my pirate, it's all about her growl. When she is annoyed, not truly pissed off, she'll let out a sound and it's exactly like arrrgghhhh. Just like a Pirate protecting their booty. It's so unique and so her. She still does it and I try not to cry then or wonder how many more times I'll hear it. Not that I want her to be upset mind you.
For those of you who've checked, you already know I'm not keeping up her SS anymore. I can't. I tried to but I couldn't put those numbers down and watch the squares go black - too much like a period on the end of sentence. Too much like death. The pinks and yellows against that black made me think of sunsets when they could easily have evoked a sunrise, a beginning, hope, if I were still in that frame of mind. But, I'm not. I'm not asking for forever anymore. As much of a forever as we get with our kids. But when they're healthy I get into a place where I can see them with me in their current form always. I don't seem to grow any older in these scenarios either - just to show how ethereal they are.
At first I was weighing Fitzel to see how much weight she lost every week, or if she was holding steady - now I just hold her. While I do test before shooting and when I can at nadir - I'm done with measuring her time with me in numbers. I know where this road is going and all I want is the best quality time for both of us until we reach that destination.
As I couldn't get online much I had my wife print out all of your posts and have read and re-read them until the lettering must be fading by now. We are all kindred spirits (as Anne of Green Gables said) in our devotion to our families. ALL members of our families.
Fitzel is slowing down in her baffer duties, lifting her head to stare into that space only cat's eyes can penetrate. Her fur is clean now. Very clean. She's so beautiful. She's so gentle and giving of her love and warmth and spirit. She's rising to stretch. Circling. Circling. Now settling down into the perfect Fitzel compact space. Still pressed against my hip her face pressed into my arm. For safety? For solace? For the joy of being in bed with Mommy when it's not even 7pm yet?
I'm drinking it in and raising my heart in gratitude to everyone here.
peace and blessings, healing vines to those who need them, congratulations to those who've achieved milestones and courage to all;
Shai and The PIrate Fitz
