Erin's story

Status
Not open for further replies.

Josh L

Member Since 2012
Hi,

I want to tell you the story of my cat, Erin. I don't know how the story ends yet but in my heart I fear it's not going to be happy, which is why I want to share.

Erin is a domestic shorthair kitty who is about 15 years old. I adopted her in 2000 and she's been my best friend through a lot of things. She is the most affectionate cat I have ever known and she's also the shyest cat I've ever known. When I first brought her home it took weeks before she would trust me. But once I did earn her trust the rewards were amazing. I could never have asked for a kinder, sweeter, better behaved, more affectionate kitty cat.

About a month ago I noticed Erin was drinking more water. I was somewhat concerned because I knew it was a sign of renal failure and that at her age I had to begin to prepare for a decline in her health. Her water consumption increased to the point where I switched her bowl to a measuring cup so I could keep track. Other than this she was behaving normally.

Last Saturday evening Erin walked into the room where I was reading and I noticed something was wrong with her hind legs. I knew that neuropathy was a very bad sign and I could immediately see that she was having real trouble. It was too late to go to the local vet and I hesitated to take her to critical care because I was honestly scared that I was going to lose her. I was afraid and I acted selfishly. She was still mobile enough to where she could make it to her food and water, so I wanted to stay with her over the rest of the weekend and then take her to the vet on Monday.

By Sunday afternoon I couldn't take it any more. Her condition hadn't worsened but my heart was breaking. I took her to critical care. They diagnosed her with diabetes and possible renal failure. They gave her an IV, an appetite stimulant, did blood work, etc. After about 3 hours in critical care she seemed to be doing a lot better and I was able to take her home that night.

Monday morning I took her to the local vet. He examined her and agreed with the diagnosis of diabetes. He felt there was a good chance the kidney issues would clear up once the diabetes were under control. I brought her back on Wednesday so she could get a glucose curve. When I picked her up that evening the doctor said her diabetes was pretty serious and that she needed 5 units of insulin every 12 hours. At the time I had no comprehension of how big a dose that was. This is where I want others to learn from my failures. I took Erin home that evening with her syringes, insulin, and a diabetic formula food. I gave her her first injection on Thursday morning and she was a real trooper about it. No complaints, no struggles. She ate some of her new food and I supplemented it with some of her old food as well. Later that morning as I was getting ready for work Erin wandered into the bathroom as she often does. When she sat down I noticed her front legs were trembling a bit. I thought she was scared of being taken back to the vet, because she had been there for 4 out of the past 5 days, and each trip was preceded by my going through the ritual of getting ready.

Thursday evening I found Erin camped out under the kitchen cabinet. Not entirely unusual for her. Again, I thought this was because of all the recent changes. That she didn't want to be poked with a needle again. I was starting to hate myself for putting her through this. Friday morning was uneventful. Then Friday evening came and everything went off the rails. I came home to find Erin under the cabinet again. I checked and saw she had eaten some food, but not a whole lot. I gave her her evening injection. When I put her back down on the floor she collapsed. I stood her back up and she went right back down. Her hind legs were completely not working.

I called the vet's office to get their after hours # but the vet himself happened to still be there and he picked up the phone. I told him Erin's condition and then I rushed her over. He checked her glucose levels and determined she was hypoglycemic. She hadn't been eating enough to handle the amount of insulin I'd been giving her. I had no idea how serious this was. I knew she had to eat, but I thought even a little bit would be OK. I didn't know how big a dosage 5 units really was. The vet gave her some Supplical, which she promptly vomited back up. He then gave her an IV and an injection to suppress the vomiting. We gave her more Supplical as well as some maple syrup. I took Erin home with instructions to give her more of each every 20 minutes for the next several hours, until around 2AM. I did my best, but a lot of the times she would just drool out what I was giving her. But I kept at it. I fell asleep at 2 and woke up at 4. She was nearly comatose. I started feeding her again and she did respond a bit. She started looking around and she was fairly attentive, though not very mobile.

I've been continuing to give her both Karo and Supplical about once every 30 minutes. The vet opens at 10. But to be brutally honest my hopes are low. Erin's having problems with one of her front legs now, too. I'm doing everything I possibly can for her but she isn't eating. I am besides myself right now because I feel like this is all my fault. I know this is about her and not me but I feel awful. Like I had a hand in making her even sicker when all I wanted was for her to feel better.

I'm taking her to the vet in 20 minutes. I don't know how Erin's story is going to end, but I feel like it's not going to be happy. And I wish I had found this site a lot sooner. I came across it at about 5 this morning while trying to stay awake. I've already found so many things I wish I had known earlier. So much of this could have been avoided. More than anything else that makes me so sad. I just hope there's still a happy ending for Erin.
 
So sorry to hear of this situation. Please try not to beat yourself up over this. You put your trust in a medical professional, and that should never be wrong to do. Unfortunately... vets are like general practitioners. They need to know a lot of things about a lot of animals, so they have little knowledge on a lot of things, feline diabetes being one of them. I am so sad because this happens far too often than it should to unsuspecting owners who just want the best for their cats. My fingers are crossed. She should be hospitalized at an emergency vet on an IV dextrose drip right now, not at home.
 
when you get back from vets, please let us know what was decided. please hold off on insulin until someone from here can tell you what supplies to get and where so you can take care of your erin.

let us know what insulin was given. we usually start low and go slow with .5u-1u max and raise slowly from there

also, let us know state and city and maybe there is someone close enough that can help get you started.
prayers and hugs your way
 
I am back from the vet. Erin is getting an IV and intensive care. The vet advised me to go home for a while and try to get some sleep. Probably a good idea. He said there's hope for her still, it's out of my hands now.
 
Prayers coming that Erin pulls through this hypo. The vet never should have sent her home when he knew she was having a hypo and that starting dose of 5 units was insane. Please let us know how Erin does and post all the info, insulin, etc. on her. You will get all major info you need to know to help Erin from this board.
 
THANK YOU for sharing Erin with us! Lots of prayers coming your way from all our knees...we got lots of 'em too...

BIG HUG! Keep us posted please....
 
I am so sorry for you and your precious little one. We will all be thinking of you and Erin so please keep us posted.
 
I spoke to the vet. He was able to get Erin's glucose levels back up. But she's still not eating. The last ditch thing we are trying is a feeding tube. I can feed her via the tube until she hopefully starts eating on her own. Either way once she's getting regular nourishment the insulin could be resumed (at a much lower dosage).

My big concern now is the neuropathy. I don't want her to be unable to walk or use her litter box because of her legs. That's the line in the sand in terms of quality of life for both her and myself. I owe it to her to try the feeding tube because it was human error that put her into this situation, but also cannot let her suffer in order to lessen my guilt over what happened.
 
Neuropathy CAN be righted! Please dont give up on your baby. I thought my kitty would never walk again but once his Blood Sugar was consistantly lower and with the help of some methylcobolmin (MB 12) he got back on his tip toes and walking, jumping, all the things he ever did. Keep reading here. There is a WEALTH of information at your fingertips, all you need do is ask.
Sending prayers for Erin,
jeanne
 
I am so sorry you've had to go through this .. It sounds like you love your baby very very much .. and the vet did say there is hope and now you know about this site as well, so please don't give up!

I know the time isn't right to bombard you with questions about insulin/food, etc. but when things are looking brighter for you guys, I hope you come back and give us some updates .. we can try to get you and your baby on the right track .. and neuropathy CAN be treated too!!

Hang in there, you have a lot of people pulling for you guys!
 
The doctor and I have talked the situation over a bit more. The immediate goal is to get her fed on a regular schedule through her tube. We should see an improvement over the next few days. She should become stronger, etc. If there is no improvement in one week then I have to let her go. There is the possibility of a tumor or another illness compounding her diabetes. We press the diabetes and hopefully she'll respond.

Regarding tube feeding - she is going to be given some liquid nourishment via the tube that includes medication to help prevent her from vomiting since that seems to be an ongoing problem.

Regarding some more background information:

When I took her to the vet last night her glucose was 50. When I took her in this morning it was 55.

The insulin she's been prescribed is Lantus. 5 units was the original dose. It's being reduced to 3 but I'm now of the mind to reduce it to 1.5 or 2 units after reading the forum.

For food she was given Purina DM in a can. It sounds like that's not a good food. She spent her whole life grazing on dry food (Iam's weight control/hairball) so this is a big adjustment. As a treat she seems to like baby food - Gerber 2nd turkey and gravy or chicken and gravy. The critical care vet made me aware of this last weekend.

I'm thinking to get her eating on her own again it will take maybe some baby food or tuna juice and then a switch over to something low carb for the long term.

I am trying to get up to speed on home testing her glucose.

I can handle letting Erin go because she's 15, she's had a good life, and it just may be her time. I'm at peace with that. But I'm not at peace with losing her because of an error in her treatment.


jt and trouble (GA) said:
Neuropathy CAN be righted! Please dont give up on your baby. I thought my kitty would never walk again but once his Blood Sugar was consistantly lower and with the help of some methylcobolmin (MB 12) he got back on his tip toes and walking, jumping, all the things he ever did. Keep reading here. There is a WEALTH of information at your fingertips, all you need do is ask.
Sending prayers for Erin,
jeanne

jt and trouble (GA),

Thank you very much for your replies. It was a relief to hear back from others who have gone through this. Regarding methyl B-12: How were you administering it? I am trying to get some ASAP.
 
I can tell you how Erin's story ended.

The vet called to tell me that Erin wasn't stabilizing. They had her on dextrose and gave her some food through her tube. All day long her numbers were up and down. They dipped below 40 a couple of times and she had seizures. But then they got them back up. They weren't ready to release her back to me until she leveled off.

After more time spent trying to help Erin the vet presented me with three choices. I could take her home and hope for the best. I could transfer her to 24 hour intensive care. Or she could be euthanized. He asked me to go see her at the office before I decided.

I went to the office and Erin looked so bad. I could tell she was mostly gone. I was ready to let her go. The vet tech asked for another hour because Erin's glucose had stabilized at around 200 for about half an hour and she was hopeful that it would stay that way. I knew in my heart that it was a lost cause but this vet tech had really tried so hard and I told her then we should wait.

I left the vet's office to go to the supermarket and get a few things in case Erin was able to go home. About 20 minutes later the vet called and told me that Erin had died. She let go about 5 minutes after I had left the office. She'd held on so we could see each other one more time.

I went back to the office and they had cleaned her up so nicely and put her in a room so I could sit with her and say goodbye. They made her look so pretty, just like when she was healthy. I sat with her, I told her how sorry I was, I told her how I hoped I'd given her the life she deserved. All she ever wanted was affection. Nothing mattered more than being petted, having her ears rubbed, having her chin rubbed, stroking her sides and playfully tweaking her tail. She loved it so much. She would twirl around in circles. She'd be so happy when I'd pet her that sometimes she'd just fall over and roll around or grab my hand. Whenever I went to bed she'd always appear a few minutes later - she'd jump into bed and lick my fingers until I'd pet her or shoo her away. And then she'd just come right back. She would "check to see if I was awake yet" by loudly meowing into my ear. She'd stare for hours at the world through the windows. She was the light of my life and she's gone. She was my best friend through 4 terrible months of unemployment in 2001. She was my best friend when my human best friend died of lymphoma in 2002. She was my best friend when we moved from Atlanta to California. She never, ever, ever failed to be there for me. All I had to do was say her name and she would literally come running.

Erin's story didn't have a happy ending but I hope she had a happy life. I hope she was as happy with me as I was with her. And I hope I see her again someday.

ioLOH2YS3H2g5.jpg


ibiJuxD5j8GUZF.jpg
 
Her story hasn't really ended as long as she lives in your heart .... I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds as if she loved you as much as you loved her, and love is what it is all about.
Nancy
 
I am so very sorry for your loss. Erin was lucky to have such a caring bean who loved and appreciated her.
 
Josh, Erin's story was beautifully written and now it has become a tribute to her. I truly do think she hung on for one last visit with you. She was a beautiful kitty and you have my deepest sympathy on her passing. Please try to remember that Erin was not only loved by you but she knew she was loved. My heart goes out to you and prayers coming that in time your lovely memories and all she meant to you will bring smiles to your face and not tears. Tears are healing, they help up to release from the pain, but memories also help us. She is always with you in your heart.
 
Josh, I am so sorry for your loss of Erin. She is beautiful, inside and out! May you always have her love and the good memories to comfort you, just as she has your love and good memories to comfort her. :YMHUG:
 
I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone for their kind words.

I talked to the vet a little bit more about what happened. He didn't want to speculate too much but he did agree that 5 units was a high dosage. But her glucose at the time was that high. Between the fact it was so high on Wednesday and then so low on Saturday, even long after the insulin should have worn off, there are signs that Erin had other health issues that were compounding her diabetes. And ultimately, she wasn't eating enough. Her eating had been a problem since last Saturday when her crisis began.

That said, the insulin did her no favors. And I have to live with that guilt and pain for a long time. I know it's not my fault in my head, but in my heart it's going to take time to forgive myself. And I hope that newcomers to this forum find the information they need before they start to give their cats insulin so they have a better understanding of just how it works and how powerful it is. If I'd had that information I would have made different choices and ultimately Erin may still be alive. I'm sincerely uncertain that her condition would have been better, but I would like to have found out.

Right now the overwhelming thought in my head is that I want to go and rescue her from the vet's office. That she's there right now, waiting for me, wondering if I've forgotten about her. I want to hold her and pet her again, just for a while longer. She spent her last full night on earth huddled next to me on the couch on a blanket, and I'd pick her up and take her to the kitchen counter over and over to give her calories and sugars. And when I'd put her back she'd immediately go to the same spot, right next to me. She always wanted to be with me and I love her so much. Her love was completely unconditional and she was the definition of an innocent soul.
 
I am sorry for your loss. Fly free sweet Erin, you are much loved and will be sorely missed.

Josh - please try not to feel guilty about what happened. The thing to remember is you did everything you knew how to do based on the information you had. You trusted and believed in a vet who was supposed to know how to treat your loved one. It's not your fault.
 
God Josh, I'm so sorry...Erin DID have a good life. The way she passed was unfortunate but it didnt overshadow the loved shared. My sincere condolences and prayers go out for peace and comfort. Erin is already enjoying her wings and waiting patiently. You WILL be reunited.
I wept reading your tribute...Remember true love never dies
jeanne

For Erin and Josh..
Edited to fix link
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/mes ... d=16771532
 
Josh - I read your story of your extra sweet Erin through tears - we on this board share such a deep love for our furry companions and when one is lost, whether having been in the group for hours, days, weeks or years, we all mourn for and with the lonely one left behind. So when we say that we feel your pain, we really do and know how your heart hurts right now.

Words don't help much at this point - but each of us has been through some of what you went through - the uncertainties and guilt that we all feel that sometimes we don't do the right thing or don't do enough for these little souls that trust us and give so much. But we can only do so much and sometimes it just is out of our hands.

It's impossible to say exactly what happened to Erin - as the vet said, she could have had something going on in her little body that no one knew about - since she didn't respond to the treatment for hypoglycemia - you got her there quickly and did all you could do to save her. I really do believe she waited for you to say goodbye - and then she left, and you didn't have to make the decision.

Please, please don't dwell on guilt - let her leave you with what she always gave you - unconditional love knowing that you gave that back to her in return - and pleasure - the simple pleasure of having you love her and giving you that love in return. It sounds like you had a wonderful life together.

My heart goes out to you in your sadness and I'm sending many comforting thoughts to you and the hope that before too long, you are able to smile through your tears as you remember all the quirky and funny little things she did and know that a part of her will remain with you forever - in your heart and mind.

She was a beautiful girl - the pictures are stunning - and she looks like that again now - free of the body that was failing her and young and running free. She gave so much love to you - she must now look absolutely gorgeous with her new little kitty wings.

We share your sadness even though we didn't get to know her - your tribute is so full of love.

Emmy & Dude (& MIttsi too)
 
Josh,
I'm SO sorry it was Erin's time to leave. I know how much it hurts, I've had to use this rainbow 4 times already this year. There's such a hole when they first leave but slowly put all those good memories, love and smiles into that hole - it fills up and you can enjoy her again. Remember - Erin's not 'gone', you just have to hug her differently.

BIG HUG and prayers for your comfort,
 
I do not write as eloquently as others but know I feel your pain. I am so sorry things turned out the way they did. such love and devotion from both of you to each other. I know/knew that also.
hugs to you.
fly free sweet erin. look up mr. beasley and some of the others that have been here. all are special kitties as you are.you will have a great time with them
 
Josh, we all have felt your guilt, it is a natural part of love and loss ... but it serves no good. She LOVED you! and you loved her, what a miracle all on it's own! She would not want you to feel sad .... hold on to the good memories and let go of the one's you really had little control of anyway.

Put your hand over your heart, she lives there now, with you always .... waiting for you both to eventually come together again. My heart goes out to you, you are not alone.
Nancy and Payne .....
 
Josh, I am so sorry. You gave sweet Erin a life filled with love. I wish all the pets in the world would get that amount of love you gave to Erin. I was wiping away tears while reading your post. Erin will always be near you. She was a beautiful girl.
 
Josh -

My heart breaks for you. I know how difficult it is to lose a beloved pet. All the things they did, will, in time, come back as fond memories that make you think of them and smile. In the meantime, however, there's time to grieve. May you find comfort in knowing that she loved you as much as you loved her. It's so clear in your words. Wishing you comfort and peace.

Lu-Ann
 
Josh, I am so sorry for your loss .. Please know that no matter how short of a time or how long of a time a kitty is here on this board, when they pass, we all grieve with you .. Fly Free Erin, till you two meet up again ...
 
(((Josh))). I am so sorry for you loss. You don't know how much. Big tears. I feel for you.

Do know, that you will be reunited with Erin one day.. that she is happy and feeling good right now.. waiting for you.
 
So now that the deepest levels of hurt have cleared up a bit I've started to look back at events that happened to see if I can figure a few things out.

Erin's last injection of Lantus happened at 7PM Friday. She was rushed to the vet about 15 minutes later when I discovered her neuropathy. Her BG upon arrival was 50.

When I brought her back to the vet at 10AM the next morning after my all night vigil Erin's BG was 55.

The Lantus should have worn off at around 7AM. But her BG continued to crash all day Saturday, right up until the time she passed away just after 7PM. The vet could bring it up to around 200 via combination of Dextrose and tube feeding but then it would just crash again, each time worse than the last. I'll always wonder why. I kind of suspect she may have had a tumor that was affecting her pancreas.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top