GA Diabetes Ketoacidosis (DKA)

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Kiera Richardson said:
Hello all.

I did end up giving Kush the insulin jab after having talked to both her regular and emergency vet.

If she was truly in real remission, then she should not fluctuate to a high diabetic reading in the middle of the night, 4 hours after feeding. Post eating glucose high is usually <16. Her BG trend spiked from 16 to 22 within 6 hours.

Unfortunately this is all not necessary now as my poor Kush passed shortly after her insulin jab, not nearly enough for us to tell if the insulin would’ve helped Kush feel better.

This is unrelated to the insulin. Kush passed due to my incompetence. It was all my fault and I’m having an extremely hard time dealing with it.

I was tube feeding her dinner as usual and she threw up shortly after. I quickly positioned her to throw up comfortably but her head and neck was limp and I was unable to act fact enough. Kush choked in her vomit. My poor girl died with the liquid food coming out of her mouth and nose. Her body was too weak to fight it and her heart was already weak. It must’ve been a painful death.

It really is all my fault. I could’ve skipped one session of her tube feeding. I could’ve fed her slower, paced it out. I wanted her to pass peacefully if she did have to go. This was not how I imagined she’d go - a result of my absolute incompetency.

I failed Kush.
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Kiera.....please please do not blame yourself. Everything you did was with the utmost love for her and she knew it. I know how easy it is to blame ourselves when our beloved babies pass; we all do it but Kush was very, very sick and if that caused her to pass, I’m not sure she was going to make it anyway. Sybil is correct that you have to remember all the wonderful times you had with Kush and she was healthy and happy. Please do not punish yourself.

I am deeply deeply sorry for your loss of your precious girl. You did everything you could. Please hold this peace in your heart.

Fly free sweet Kush.
 
Kiera Richardson said:
Hello all.

I did end up giving Kush the insulin jab after having talked to both her regular and emergency vet.

If she was truly in real remission, then she should not fluctuate to a high diabetic reading in the middle of the night, 4 hours after feeding. Post eating glucose high is usually <16. Her BG trend spiked from 16 to 22 within 6 hours.

Unfortunately this is all not necessary now as my poor Kush passed shortly after her insulin jab, not nearly enough for us to tell if the insulin would’ve helped Kush feel better.

This is unrelated to the insulin. Kush passed due to my incompetence. It was all my fault and I’m having an extremely hard time dealing with it.

I was tube feeding her dinner as usual and she threw up shortly after. I quickly positioned her to throw up comfortably but her head and neck was limp and I was unable to act fact enough. Kush choked in her vomit. My poor girl died with the liquid food coming out of her mouth and nose. Her body was too weak to fight it and her heart was already weak. It must’ve been a painful death.

It really is all my fault. I could’ve skipped one session of her tube feeding. I could’ve fed her slower, paced it out. I wanted her to pass peacefully if she did have to go. This was not how I imagined she’d go - a result of my absolute incompetency.

I failed Kush.
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Oh my goodness, Kiera. I am so so very sorry to read this. You are not at fault. You loved Kush and rescued her from very bad situations and gave her two beautiful years of absolute love. I know that Kush loved you and that she would never want you to punish yourself or feel such tremendous guilt. Believe me, I understand. I always re-examine every one of my actions and decisions after one of my cats has passed away. I blame myself for everything that “went wrong.” I still blame myself for what happened to my diabetic cat, Mr. Darcy, and my cat Tabitha and Maverick and Julius… and these are only a few. I totally understand. I know you are shaking your head now and saying, but this really was my fault. But you are not in charge of everything that happens. You were trying to care for her by giving her nutrition. You could not have known what would happen! It isn’t your fault or negligence. You loved her and would have done anything in your power to save her. She knew that. She knew your love. I was touched in my heart by the love I could see that you have for her. Thank God you saved her. Thank God you loved her. It really is unfair, as you said, that these little ones are not able to live longer. In time, I hope you will be able to focus on the wonderful happy memories of your sweet Kush. I’m so very very sad about this. I know how it hurts. Please try to give yourself time and don’t be so hard on yourself- in time. Honor the memory of your dear, precious Kush.
 
(((((Kiera)))))

You did everything humanly possible for Kush. If anyone let your kitty down, it was the vets. Many, many of us have been with their cats as they crossed the Bridge. It is heartbreaking no matter what the circumstances of the loss are. Kush knows she was loved. You were there.

I don't know if this fable will help with your grief. It is the story of why we choose tears.
 
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So so sorry to hear about Kush, I broke down sobbing reading your post about her passing. Losing a beloved cat is so so hard. My heart goes out to you cat_wings>ocat_wings>ocat_wings>o

just remember that sweet Kush is no longer suffering or in pain, all worries and troubles are gone just forever chasing butterflies over the bridge.
 
Dear Kiera,

I must admit your awful circumstance and what you and Kush have been through has touched me deeply, and even as I write this, I’m very emotional. I don’t know if you will see this, but if you do, I think you will also see how your story has touched others as well. I truly had hoped and prayed that while in vet care they would have been able to make things right and that you would have more time with Kush.

I was heartbroken for you to read what you have suffered but you must know that you did everything possible. You are in my thoughts, I’m so very sorry. Sending you hugs, please take care of yourself, you have gone through a terrible ordeal :bighug::bighug::bighug:.
 
I’ve been reading everyone’s comments and I must say I genuinely appreciate them. It’s been getting me through each day.

It’s been 3 days since my Kush left. The house is silent and her usual spots are not filled out. I’ve been having a difficult time dealing with her death. The grieve comes and goes in waves and every waking moment I get flashbacks of her choking and going lifeless in my hands.

See.. I imagined she’d go peacefully - the vet said it’s likely she’ll feel cold and slip into a coma before passing.. or she may take a few big last breaths and go.

I never would’ve imagined I would have a hand in causing her passing and make her last moments so chaotic. Kush was likely in a state of panic and so was I. There was nothing peaceful about it.

I was her caretaker and I failed her. I only ever wanted Kush to go comfortably.

I still remember that night - it was time for her dinner feeding. As I needed to prepare her food, I gave her a kiss and said I’ll be back shortly. She looked up at me like she wanted me to crawl into bed next to her and enjoy a little nap. I could’ve just laid next to her and give her gentle pats but I was so worried about missing a scheduled feed, that I left her.

As I was tube feeding her dinner, she was fidgeting. It hit me that she’s been extra fidgety all day after her meds and meals - I should’ve trusted my gut and stopped feeding then, or given her a break but I continued after rubbing her belly and telling her to be a good girl.

Just 10 mins after feeding, I heard retching sounds and she was throwing up her dinner. I quickly positioned her head and neck better so she could throw it up easily. Everything happened so fast within seconds. I don’t know if what I was doing made it better or worse. I don’t know how to help a cat not choke on her vomit. God knows I may have accidentally caused her tongue to block her airway.

I was crying while holding her head in my hands. I did this to her. This was my fault.

I’m not naive. I know Kush is very ill and she had a slim chance of bouncing back. But I didn’t want to have a hand in causing her death that night. I wanted her to go at her own time and her own terms.

I don’t know how I’ll ever live this down. I’m so sorry.

Only thing I seek comfort in is Kush is no longer suffering. But I hope she knew I wasn’t trying to hurt her.
 
I truly wish your vets had a greater amount of commonsense and/or experience. I spend a good part of my work days at a medical center at bedside. From anyone in the medical profession, the one thing that is always unpredictable is death. We may know someone is close to death but to say that they will have a peaceful passing is purely conjecture. You never know.

If there is one thing I've become convinced of over my years on this board is that cats know. They know us. They know our emotions. They know their bodies. You are asking yourself a great number of "what ifs...." There are no answers to those questions. You did your best and you can't ask for more than that.

There are any number of us who had our vets come to the house to help our very ill cats cross the Bridge. Yes, it was peaceful. And yes, we all ask ourselves the what ifs... What if I was premature? Was it really my cat's time? Could I have done something more? Did I wait too long? Again, there are no answers. It is the grief that whispers in all of our heads.

The one thing that is abundantly clear to everyone on this Board who has followed your journey with Kush is that you dearly loved her and she loved and trusted you. You were there for her from beginning to end. That is a huge gift. It is a gift to you both. Right now, the grief is raw but that edge will pass. There will always be a Kush sized hole in your heart but that speaks to your love for your kitty.

There is a reason we all believe in the Rainbow Bridge. Kush will be there waiting for you.
 
Keira,
I have no words that will help ease any of your pain or guilt. I do know that Kush knew she was loved tremendously.

Know that everyone on this forum is here for you at this time. Holding space for you and Kush's memory.

Kush and the others that passed this week on the forum will probably always be on my mind and in my heart. Continue to post and read all of our messages becasue it helping you as you stated.

Know, you aren't alone in your grief. Sending you love.
 
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