Thank you all so much for your kindness. Your words have been so comforting to me and DBF on this day that I always feared and wished would never come. Your support means the world to us, especially from some of Billie's oldest and dearest friends, and new friends too.
Billie really was a warrior kitty like
@Tracey&Jones said. I am forever grateful that I had as much time with her as I did, and grateful for every miracle (or every spell she cast) that kept her alive and well so much longer than anyone would have imagined. I want to write a tribute to her, our sweet bean, our death-defying loofah cat, when I am feeling able to.
For now, I want to tell you what happened. She had been slowly but steadily improving since her hospital stay last week. Sunday and Monday were really good days. Even Wednesday night, she was running around the apartment being super adventurous. Throughout the day yesterday, she seemed to be feeling worse and worse. She wasn't eating at all and seemed very nauseated. She was wobbly when walking, and very lethargic. Yesterday evening, I noticed that her breathing seemed uneven and her respirations were elevated. I also heard wheezing. My first fear was CHF since she has been getting subq fluids. We went to the ER, and they took chest x rays. Her heart was totally fine, but they found a large mass in one of her lungs. It must have grown quickly, because she had x rays taken maybe a month ago, and they were clear. They did bloodwork and found that her kidney values had worsened as well. They recommended, and we decided, to keep her there on oxygen until her IM could assess the situation. They also gave her some bupe and fluids. I knew what was going to happen. But, she perked up in the oxygen cage. She pawed at the window when she saw DBF. At that point, it was 2am and her IM would be in by 7 so I felt comfortable with that. I went back around 6:30 and visited her. She seemed like she felt miserable. Her IM reviewed everything and suspected that she either had a large blood clot in her lung, or, cancer that maybe started in her liver and metastaticized, maybe to her kidneys as well. In either case, the prognosis would not be okay. We decided to help her cross. As much as I wanted to bring her home and have her cross here, her doctor didn't think she would be stable enough off oxygen.
She passed peacefully and quickly in a blanket on mine and DBF's laps. It was like she fell asleep, and that was all. I felt her spirit in the room after, and it felt like happy, healthy, classic Billie. The Billie who makes triangles out of her milk ring toys. The Billie who would wake me up at 3am by aggressively kissing my forehead when she wanted me to show her to her food. The Billie who would take flying leaps onto the back of the couch to greet me when I got home. That's the Billie I felt in the room after she crossed. As heartbroken as I am, and as much as I will miss her for the rest of my life, I feel at peace and don't regret anything, which I suppose is the most I can ask for.
Some of you might remember a condo I posted a few months back about 27s, which are signs from my dog, Taffy who crossed several years ago. Billie was put in condo 27 at the hospital.
@Amy&TrixieCat I'm so sorry to hear that your sweet Noah crossed last night. I so wish that they could live forever. I hope that Noah and Billie find their way together with Trixie and all the other GA kitties.
