Hi there, just give yourself time to relax, and think. Sometimes we feel too much for our 'kids'...we put ourselves in 'their' shoes, or paws, when in fact, our shoes and paws are very different. I bet you are thinking that you are causing terrible pain. You are not. The way they feel and accept poking is very different from us. I know what it is I speak but that doesn't make it any less difficult for you whom I can tell is an incredibly kind person.
I am also just getting used to testing Simmie. Every time I jab my baby with that lancet I feel for him. But then I realize all he cares about is the snack he will get, or the ice cubes he loves so much (previous post). What I have found, after caring for many ill kids in my lifetime is that too much hesitation in the actual procedure is what can create a problem. Deep breathing before and after is really important but hey, once you gotta poke, ya gotta poke. Once ya gotta give the shot, ya gotta give the shot. One of the worst issues for me, when I was learning to care for Moon with his diabetes 20 plus years ago, was when I had to start giving another one of my kids Ringers. I had to set up the IV in my kitchen and provide him with fluids twice a day. I did not think I could ever do it...never. Not a chance in hell. But I did. I closed my eyes, breathed, opened my eyes, held on to my sweet boy Merlin, and just got to it. Cause I know he counted on mom to do what it would take. Cry? Yeah. Got easier. Yeah.
You are on this message board so you know where you can find support. You also need to realize you have the support in your own heart. Your baby is counting on you and you sound like a person who will take care of your baby. You are not alone. It's all about transitions. Keep posting. Do not hesitate. Those who hesitate are lost...I think someone a lot smarter than me said that...or something like that. Hugs, Lydette and Simmie