Folks I'm tired and more than just a little bit cranky today. This isn't my first meltdown in 4 years and probably won't be my last, which is why this is just me purely venting. You see I'm not handling this month very well at all. I have a couple of very tough milestone anniversaries just around the corner that I really wasn't expecting to hit me like a ton of bricks, but they are. You see I lost my 18 year old civie Onyx to cancer on the 14th of this month two years ago. I said my final good-bye to him when he crashed at the vet's on what should have been just a quick check-up exam before the long holiday weekend of Thanksgiving. He screamed for me as he gasp for air and tried to crawl to me, as they worked to try to save him. When they couldn't I gave the order to end his suffering, he earned his wings at 11:45 am. When I got home, my answering machine light was flashing, it was my mother's hospice nurse, mom was failing and if I was to see her again alive I needed to get there asap. Mom lingered for 2 more weeks before finally passing away on November 23rd. Her husband did nothing but stay drunk while I made all the funeral arrangements. I was numb for months afterwards and while trying to cope with the double whammy I was still here trying to do my best for everyone here at the time. And being chewed on by my older sister about how cold I was at mom's funeral. Now my mom and I weren't particularly close, not like we were when I was younger, but we loved each other fiercely it wasn't that I didn't feel or didn't care that she was gone, I just didn't have any tears left. In some ways I was relieved that both where now gone, because it meant no more pain, no more food and meds shoved down their throats and no more waiting on pins and needles for what we all knew was coming. Neither would ever be well again. But I had also been both Onyx and my mother's caregiver and I was equally as lost without the routine that both had put on me. I wasn't coping well. Today I was going through pictures to put together an anniversary video for Maxwell and as luck would have it, I stumbled head long into pictures of my mom, Onyx, Musette and Muse. I lost it.
Then I come here and see how flipping quiet it is here when I knew I should be seeing several condos by now...an again I lost it. So I did what I do well anymore I vented.
So to address some of the things you all have said. Yes, it would help to see condos if not daily then every few days when things are going well. Why? because it does show the newbies that wander in that we have cats that are thriving and that folks are around that have their acts together. Think back when you first started, if all you saw where numbers posted with cats in the 300 and 400s here and a wide array of numbers from green to yellow in TR where are you going to go?
It's why Autumn still has a condo even when she is doing great, because she is a success story, and when I lost my control on her BGs it is why I posted what I was trying to regain it. Because maybe, just maybe someone would swing in, read her condo and go "Hey, that is what my cat's doing maybe I can try what she is trying." Even if they never ever post.
Jesse, I know all too well about the being flamed, been there, and why I can't even consider asking the Old Timers to post to help out, but there are others that started in Relaxed, that got it, and some that even got their cats OTJ that went POOF! Those are the ones that I'm a little ticked at, okay ticked might be a harsh word, more like saddened by. Because I miss them, I miss hearing funny stories about their kitties, all of them not just their extra sweet ones. And I do understand that not everyone can be here everyday, but come on, check in every now and then, tell us about your lives, your new furry additions to the family, the kids and even to blow off steam about the job. Because I do care, I think of you all as not only friends I've never met but as family.
I also remember what a magical place this board use to be. And in 4 years I see it losing that magic because so many are coming in, getting helped and then just disappearing. If each generation doesn't pay it forward we are going to lose this resource. Go take a good look at TR, there are literally hundreds of cats there, everyday and only a few experienced folks giving assistance. If I'm being stretched to my breaking point here, I can only imagine how their 'old timers' feel. And why I hear so many times that newbies feel lost in the shuffle. Its easy to do when you have very few paying it forward and so many finding us. We are all human, we all have lives and families and jobs and other fur kids. But it takes mere minutes to put up your own condo and then pop into another person's even if it is just a Hi how's it going? Whatcha having problems with? Oh yeah, me too or hey I think I read something about that just the other day let me see if I can find it.
Go over to Health, give a hug and a warm welcome to a scared newbie, If they are struggling with testing or even getting a spreadsheet up but are on Lantus or Levemir invite them here. I'm not nearly as strict about those things in the beginning, as TR is and they have to be, they have lots of kitties and move doses quickly so they need to be able to stay on top of numbers to prevent hypos. I hate the named RELAXED but I didn't pick it, nothing we do here is relaxed, but we also are smaller we have the time to offer one on one help and to teach the steps, then if you can follow TR and want to, fine please do. I actually am very well versed in both protocols, I just need to know which one or a combination of the two that you want to follow. I just hate seeing this forum a wasteland, and then seeing things both on Health and here about posting in TR because there is either no one here in RL or more people in TR. I've never used PZI but I have started running over there as well because it is suffering the same fate, folks learn the protocol, get their cats under control and vanish. Poor Sue hasn't had a sugar cat for 7 years and yet she is the only one posting there daily to help the newbies, they just don't have another forum as backup. So because I do know NPH and I do know the basics for this dance I've been swinging by PZI to just be a friendly voice. To play cheer leader when I can and to offer what little I can so no one over there has a post that sits for hours without a single response.
Will I truly leave, probably not. Since even when I say I'm not going to be here I am, I may not post but I do check in repeatedly and if you need me NOW all you have to do is throw up a 911 icon and I will jump in almost immediately unless its the middle of the night and I didn't hear my phone alert that there was a new post. If I don't see a 911 or a ? icon on the weekends or in the evenings I normally figure everything is okay and folks are chatting so I may not read that condo right away. But a 911 will grab me every time.
Will I have another meltdown...yeah probably. Hopefully not anytime in the near future. But I am human, I get frustrated and I blow my stack occasionally. Although I'm pretty good about announcing that I'm venting. It is never anything personal or directed at anyone in particular. It is as it is stated a vent. If it wasn't and if I didn't from time to time vent I would be nuts or I would simply walk away from this board and not say a word to anyone.
Mel and The Fur Gang
