A member's thoughts on a recent thread.

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Pogen

Member Since 2013
Dear members of the FDMB. I have concerns regarding the role of the expert/volunteers on this site especially when it involves respecting and treating with dignity, each and every member who chooses to ask for help. I have been a member since Dec of 2012. I have only posted once. I am grateful to this website because of the valuable information I have amassed in learning how to treat my cat, Taser. I have learned and struggled by reading the posted information and reading the many helpful responses to my fellow members. I have chosen not to ask for advice simply because I sometimes find the tone of the experts to be overly insistent. Also, I would not appreciate being told that I could not feed my cat Taser, when to test, or any other demands. I prefer suggestions and guidance. I am deeply troubled and disturbed by the tone of the response given to Becky (Yo Hon), on the following edited post (see below).

Re: 3/27/13 Rags
by Deb & Winks » Wed Mar 27, 2013 8:13 am
Becki we are all trying to help you but quite frankly, you seem to be fighting with us. Your tone is becoming rude and you may not realize it but that type of behavior can lead to suspension and eventual banning on this board. Here is a link that talks about warnings/suspensions/banning viewtopic.php?f=26&t=38635

You need to read and reply in a courteous manner to the people that are trying to help you. Capitals are considered shouting and may be used for some emphasis but not how you did without being considered rude.

As an example of where we do not see a response from you would be in your post from yesterday. You might not realize this, but there were at least two people, Hope and Carl, up late waiting and watching for you to post a +4 number. Nothing from you. If someone on here asks you to do something they are waiting and expect an answer. If you were not able to get a +4 for what ever reason, couldn't find Rags, couldn't get the blood drop, exhaustion so you needed to go to bed, didn't want to do as suggested, whatever, the courteous thing to do would have been to post the reason so you were not keeping people up.

Everyone on here is trying to do the best we can to help you. We are all volunteers, have regular jobs, homes and family to take care of, our own responsibilities and many of us are single caregivers with no one else to step in to take over the home testing and giving of shots. Our only expected payment from you for our suggestions is a response in your post and a thank you now and then.

If someone asks if you can do a +2 or print out some information or includes a link in their reply, we expect you to look at that link, reply that yes, you are around to get a +2 and post the results or let us know that you are not able to do something.

We have been giving you a ton of information in the last two days and know it is a lot to take in but it does not appear you are reading any of it or doing any of the research suggested. An example is the links I gave you for data to convince your vet as to why you wanted Lantus. Did you look at it? Come up with a plan for talking with your vet? No, you panicked when you got a high reading, called your vet and probably said something like "Give me a prescription for Lantus, NOW." with no reasoning behind it. You need to sell your reasons to the vet. I gave you those reasons. Even added another post with bullet points, 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. And now your vet is not willing to work with you? They have never use Lantus insulin with cats? Is that why? or is there some other reason?

I probably spent two hours yesterday doing that research and putting together a plan for you to talk to your vet. I even researched pharmacies in your area and sent you a PM with the list of the names for you to contact them about their willingness to split a single pen out of the box and sell it. I told you that Walmart will not do this. You need to do the research yourself on finding a willing pharmacy. We do not have the time to do this for you.

Bottom line is, you need to step up, put on your "big girl panties" , act like an adult and take responsibility here for Rags care. Just do it girlfriend. For Rags sake, please if for no other reason.

I am so upset I am in tears as I am writing this and my hands are shaking. I will be stepping away from this for a while to maintain my own sanity.
Deb and Wink currently OTJ
Wink's ss
Wink's profile
Meter: Alphatrak Relion Confirm w/Lantus
Civies: Monet, Delta, Madeline(GA), Libby(GA)

Any opinions expressed here by me are those of a birdwatcher, not a vet.
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(me again)
I think we all agree that our correspondence should always be constructive and professional. I have been uncomfortable with the tone of many exchanges - even though I know that the intent was always honorable. My suggestion to Rebecca the Webmaster is to create some guidelines on the role and responsibilities of a volunteer. Might also be a good idea to add something regarding being respectful to members in the “suggestions for advice givers”, thread.

Our correspondence should not have the consequence of intimidation, belittling those who ask for help, or even threatening to exclude them from membership. I don’t think we need to be so dramatic.You have a wonderful website here. I suggest you scrutinize your volunteers. Reading her current post, Becky was unnecessarily, deeply hurt. People should not be volunteers if their input is the cause or result of these hurtful feelings.

Sincerely,
Pogen ( Anthony) and Taser
 
Unless you are personally involved and know all factors involved in this particular situation, your post is totally uncalled for and out of line. There are 4 of us completely working together to help her. If only one person responds, the other 3 of us are still there and doing pm's. We tell each other if we cannot be on at a certain time to be there for her, so someone else can be there.

Deb, on her own, has sent her supplies, including food to the Walmart store by her, so she can go pick the food up.

I have been on this board for close to 14 1/2 years and I have never had such a situation as this one. It is difficult right now because other than myself, maybe one other person,no one has ever used or even has knowledge of N insulin.....or any of the old insulins.

We all have lives and things to do and yet we have given up hours sitting on the computer trying to help her and her cat. We are trying to get her to a vet to get a better and safer insulin that will not only help her help her cat and lessen, to a great degree, a chance of a major hypo.

I also have never asked for advice in all these years because I can read, I can search, and I can understand, and because of all I've learned over the years from this site, I adopted 4 other diabetics that needed homes.

Until you have spent just one day in our shoes, please do not feel you can criticize us when we are doing everything we can to help her keep him safe for now.
 
Pogen

If you think a post needs to be reported, at the upper right corner of the post, there are small buttons you may click on. One says quote; the other is an exclamation point. Click on the exclamation point to report.

That said, there are some reasons that post occurred. You may pm me if you feel a burning desire to know.
 
A great big hug to Deb, Hope, Carl & BJM who have been trying, on end, to help Becki.

Pogen--I have been keeping an eye on this situation since yo hun's very first post. What you need to do,Pogen, is to backtrack and reach each & every post/replies to yo hun. You have absolutely no right to post what you did. How hurtful. Your post today is totally out of line and I noticed that it is only your 9th; therefore, you have not been around here long enough to see just how far our wonderful members will go to try to help someone. Enough said.

To Deb, Hope, Carl & BJM, and all others who have tried to help Becki--I applaud you with a standing ovation.
 
If I may... totally apart from the quoted post (which I did follow, and therefore understand about to some degree)... I would gently suggest that Pogen's concerns to treat everyone respectfully be heard.

I have gotten a lot of support from members on this board when my cat Owen was sick and enormous comfort when he died, despite our best efforts. I have also had some really valuable insight from this board as I have been dealing more recently with my other cat Mac's diabetic issues. I do sincerely appreciate that other people, perhaps more experienced in dealing with this disease, have been willing to share their thoughts with me, all out of the goodness of their hearts and without any compensation other than my heartfelt thanks.

That said, I think I understand what Pogen means about the tone of some replies. Like Pogen, I have no doubt that those posts are made with the very best intentions, and always with the goal of providing the best possible care for the cat being discussed. But I too have found that some of the posts have been much more directive than suggestive, and occasionally judgmental. Maybe this is a hot button for me because I received one yesterday that frankly stung so much that it caused me to rethink whether I wanted to continue participating here.

I do think this board is a wonderful resource, and I would certainly applaud the folks who give so generously of their time and expertise to "staff" it - all volunteers, I know. There is no doubt in my mind that without this site, many cats would suffer and perhaps die needlessly - what a huge gift to have this place where that suffering is so often prevented! But I don't think a gentle reminder that we treat everyone kindly could do anything but make this community stronger.

For clarity, I did read the post(s) that prompted the response quoted by Pogen here, and believe I understand why it was written; frankly I'd consider the response more than justified in that instance. Clearly there have been several members who have gone above and beyond to help that particular individual and they certainly deserve praise for those efforts. Maybe that was not the best example... but I'd gently suggest that we look beyond the example to the message.

I am a fan of the triple filter test, attributed variously to Socrates and to Shardi Sai Baba, "before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? I do not always manage to live up to that test, but I think it is a really a powerful guide, and I offer it for your consideration, along with my favorite discussion of the subject, which can be found here: http://oneminutemindset.wordpress.com/2 ... necessary/

With great appreciation for this board and the members here who contribute so much ...

Respectfully,

Susan
 
susan, thank you for your post!

SusanandOwen said:
I am a fan of the triple filter test, attributed variously to Socrates and to Shardi Sai Baba, "before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? I do not always manage to live up to that test, but I think it is a really a powerful guide, and I offer it for your consideration, along with my favorite discussion of the subject, which can be found here: http://oneminutemindset.wordpress.com/2 ... necessary/
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what wonderful words to live by... an awesome reminder for us all! thank you for offering your thoughts and observations, susan.


i believe anthony brought up some legitimate issues and his thoughts have merit.

i've been told the parties involved in the original thread anthony referenced have worked things out amongst themselves.

i also believe susan's thoughts sum things up nicely and her words say it all.

for those reasons, i am temporarily closing this thread before it has a chance to become more heated and beat to death.


respectfully,
jill



edited to add:
an afterthought... this is great subject matter for general discussion!
perhaps further discussion could take place in the Think Tank Forum without naming names, discussing particulars, or pointing fingers?



edited to add (by Libby and Lucy):
Link to Think Tank discussion
 
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