Re: 9/7 charlie update. At the ER.
It has been a real long, difficult weekend. Really a miserable 24 hours. I still don't really know what happened. The ER vet said they didn't think she had the signs of an allergic reaction to the meds (since often when that happens, the face looks puffy and other things they normally see).
I just keep thinking that yesterday when we left the vet at 6:30, they were about to close, and charlie had what we thought looked like a seizure in her soft case. Lona noticed it and I took Charlie out of the case to bring her into the vet's office again. The vet took Charlie's temperature and pulse, and said that although her breathing was abnormal (since Charlie started panting), that maybe it was just a panic attack and that Charlie was realising what she was going through and freaking out. The vet office was closing at that time, so I just keep thinking to myself that maybe this was an immediate sign (a seizure or heart attack already happened yesterday at 6:30? and maybe this was an early warning sign of some sort of extreme allergic reaction)? I really don't know.
I asked the vet yesterday to give charlie fluids during the operation to be sure she didn't dehydrate, and also in case she had a bad reaction to the meds, they would clear more easily. She told me she did that.
Still, ever since we left the vet yesterday, charlie had been acting very abnormal. Eyes wide open (almost in shock). Laying in 1 place and hardly moving. Unable to control her limbs.
The panting stopped once we got home last night, so I thought to myself that everything must be fine and maybe the vet was right about the panic attack? Charlie has been, after all, a very nervous animal from day 1.
This morning though, a few weird things happened:
- She tried to walk to our room and she fell over on her way there
- later in the morning we saw her walking a few steps, and her back legs gave out from under her as she walked towards an extra water bowl that we had near her. Her entire body fell on the water bowl. So I picked her up to comfort her and hold her.
- After that, a few hours later, I found charlie behind the couch when we were almost leaving the house. She was panting again (much less than before, but a little). I waited about 5 minutes, and then it stopped and she just laid down. Although it didn't look completely normal, we thought maybe she was just extremely stressed again and needed to be left alone for some peace. I feel guilty for leaving her at home alone even for a second. I made a mistake there.
I guess in a way it all doesn't matter now, but I really wish I knew what happened.
Was it her taxed body that just couldn't take the strong medication yesterday (buprenorphine or dexdomitor and propofol)? Was it something else? The ER vet said that even they were not sure of the cause as charlie's "shock reaction" was not typical.
It's weird because while we were at the ER tonight, I kept asking, "Isn't it possible that she had a bad allergic reaction already yesterday and needs epinephrine to get out of this state? Couldn't that be what caused her seizure? Could she have had a heart attack last night?" They told me that cats rarely get heart attacks and that it's not like people so that was highly unlikely. They said it didn't look like an allergic reaction.
When we went home from the ER tonight and they called us after charlie died, we had a closing conversation in the room where charlie was. The vet told us that actually, after a few hours on the IV, charlie started to perk up a bit and walk around her cage and she looked like she was doing better. The vet said the whole event came as a shock to them too. An intern took charlie's pulse, just to check her out, and apparently while taking the pulse, it first looked normal (aside from a slight murmur). The vet said that shortly after taking her pulse, charlie started thrashing about again (seizure or heart attack)? They said she went into cardiac and pulmonary arrest so I guess they figured out that was a heart attack. I wasn't there so I can't compare it to last night, but my God. If she was having a heart attack last night too and the vet just sent us home with her? That seems a bit crazy, even if they were about to close the office?
I can't blame anyone and I will not. Still, I am sad it all went down this way. I never heard anything previously from any vet about any slight murmur of Charlie's heart? Maybe because other vet's couldn't get that close? Or maybe it was caused by something that happened yesterday?
It's real sad. It was her time and I should feel relieved that she's not in pain now. In a way, I am. I'm also just real sad that we lost her on the day of celebrating her OTJ success day. It was her last day insulin free and was the beginning of the road to what we thought were some healthy months ahead. I already purchased Charlie's round trip airfare to Chicago for christmas! :roll:
Now all of this stuff keeps running through my head and things are coming to me a bit too late. A few nights ago, Charlie was feeling SO GREAT after stopping the insulin that she was darting around the apartment like a kitten again. I remember her running around the ledge of the couch, and then just when she turned the corner, she slipped and fell between the couch and the wall. I was scared for a second. Then she got up and ran towards me and looked fine. So I let it go. Surely this is what cracked the tooth off. It makes sense now.
Hindsight is 20-20, and I know that even though it turned out terribly, it was right to take her to the vet to remove that tooth and at least try to minimise any potential future infection or pain quickly. This day just did not go as we had hoped, and it was certainly very expensive for this to be the result.
I have to say though, we still will celebrate charlie's making it OTJ. She did actually. She was there. Her numbers were stabilised. She was successful, and we got there through teamwork, discipline, listening and trying to put into practice a few simple principles we learned right here from the people on this board. I am so happy we started home testing. I am happy we stopped the caninsulin and found lantus and eventually levemir. I am happy we got Charlie 100% off ALL dry food, and that we had the patience to keep trying different wet foods until we found some that worked for her. I'm thankful we listened to our friend Melanie and found a new vet after the first one who insisted upon caninsulin clearly wasn't working out. I am thankful I found the resources here on this board and was able to get very specific, detailed advice and also emotional support. And I am even thankful for my own judgement at times when I had to make decisions that not everyone immediately agreed with (every cat is different and sometimes you just have to have the confidence to make your own decisions).
I hope I can sleep tonight. My eyes are bright red and as dry as can be.
I will try to rest peacefully knowing we made it through day 14 successfully. We got through day 14 insulin free, and Charlie is now at peace, which is what we actually wanted all along (no more pokes, no more meds, no more 800 euro trips to the emergency room, no more all nighters before important work meetings, etc). Now we'll just need some much needed recovery and rest, and I guess time, which will hopefully heal all wounds.
Thank you again for everything.
Jill
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
― Anatole France
