9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 pmps 258 thanks!

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julie & punkin (ga)

julie & punkin (ga)

Member Since 2011
yesterday

punkin's WCR: cheered, purred, ate well, finished anya's plate, but seems exhausted this morning. he's already napping.

oh, i am faced with a dilemma. my foster daughter sent me a message last night asking to take anya to live with her. technically, anya is hers, although we paid for 1/2 of the adoption fee at the humane society and all of her costs since then. we've also done 100% of her care for the past year and probably 50% before then. the young woman is 19 - she came to live with us when she was 17 & a jr in high school. we got anya about 8 months later. i tried to get her to clean the box and feed anya, which she did pretty much only when i made her "do it now." i couldn't get her to just do it (or anything else) routinely.

a year ago DD was going to start at the community college & she chose an apt that was no pets, but i didn't discourage it because i thought anya would be neglected and lonely there while our DD was in school, and the apt was only 1 mile from us. our agreement was that DD would come by once a week to have dinner with us, visit anya, and change the LB. our DD came by maybe once a month for the first 6 months, and once or twice total to see anya in the next 6 months. she didn't go to school or work (long story and a lot of drama). now she's moved to another town with her biological mother, who she hasn't lived with since she was a couple of years old and wants to take anya. her mother has an indoor/outdoor cat and DD says anya can be indoors but i know that will end immediately. i can't imagine DD will suddenly clean a litter box. anya has chronic diarrhea problems so either needs the prescription dry food or something like fancy feast.

last night i read the condo about Lily grieving for Allegra . . . and i was just thinking how sad punkin and anya would be without each other.

and all i could think this morning was "who will clean anya's plate and keep her in the Clean Plate Club?" somewhat ridiculous because i don't think she'd give her canned food (then you have to clean the dish) and she'll be living indoor/outdoor in a major city - probably dead before long.

if i weigh in favor of my DD, she should have her cat. if i weigh in favor of anya, she should stay here. if i count punkin's needs, anya should stay here.

anyone with wisdom to offer?
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

No way jose... those two are a bonded pair - mutual face grooming. I would not break up a bonded pair. It would be way too hard on both of them.

Can you recommend going to the shelter to find her a new forever friend. Tell her there are so many that need loving homes and she will have the best of both worlds then. A new kitty - or two (so they have company) and she can still visit Anya. Offer to pay for the adoption and first vet visit also.

Man my heart would be horribly heavy at the thought.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I think Anya should stay with you. Sometimes wisdom is something you just feel or know in the heart, rather than what is logical :cool: I think.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I have to agree with Karrie on this one. Unfortunately, this young lady has done nothing to prove that she is ready to care for another living creature...I would even be hesistant to encourage her to adopt a different kitty at this point, until she matures a bit more. Caring for any other critter- human or furry - is a huge responsibility, and she just doesn't sound ready for it.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

the dilemma comes partially from the life my DD had - parents with drug/addiction problems, removed from the home by the state, adopted into a family with a psycho, mean adoptive mom - when i look at her own life and what it means to be loved or wanted . . . i think she needs the cat she loves.

then i think "where have you been for the past year when you could've walked here in a few minutes?"
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I like the way Karrie framed it -- there are so many cats without a forever home that she should go to a shelter and adopt. (And we can hope that it's a really good shelter that will do a thorough interview and tell her that she's not ready to make a commitment to caring for a companion. Or maybe, you can call the shelter shes going to and tell them she'll be coming in but isn't ready.) Maybe, you should outline all that you do to maintain Anya's health and well being and see what it is she "thinks" is involved in caring for a cat. How is she planning on paying for the care and upkeep of a cat?

You know, there are some programs on the computer/smart phone that involve caring for a companion animal. If you don't feed, water, and play with the animal, it dies. Maybe she needs to do that first.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I completely agree - NO! Anya needs to stay with the family that loves her. Knowing how much money I have invested in my cats over the last 3 years, I know it's certainly not cheap to care for a cat with health issues. The other thing I worry about is that at that age, you're not home that much and you can't pick up on behavior patterns if something is wrong to catch the problem immediately. She will definitely be an outdoor cat before long because I'm sure their philosophy is that it's "mean" to keep cats indoors and the other cat will show Anya the ropes! You know that will happen. She's used to being indoors and that is where she'll be safe. And poor Punkin (Gizzy's twin!) needs his buddy!!! I know this puts you in a very tough position, but stay strong! You know you are doing the right thing! :)
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

Oh and P.S. - love the idea of calling ahead to the humane society and telling them she's not ready to adopt. When I used to volunteer at our local HS, I would sneak up front quite often and tell the gals at the desk that this particualar adopter was "not going home with a cat today!" I couldn't look those sweet little meows in the eyes after they had already gone thru so much and tell them they were going home with someone that wouldn't treat them right. NOT ON MY WATCH!!! ha ha
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

My first response in reading your post was the same as Kerrie's. Anya has bonded w/ you and Punkin. Is there really a strong bond w/ DD? I know she has had a hard life and doesn't need another emotional blow. But is it fair to Anya to sacrifice her well being to DD emotional needs? If she really is responsible and interested in the animals happiness, she should be happy to rescue another cat. And to prove to the shelter that she is capable.

Do make clear to her Anya's special needs and the expenses involved. That certainly may give her pause.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

Julie....first I have to commend you for fostering your DD. How wonderful that you were able to give her the love, attention and caring that she needed at that particular time in her life. Not everyone can do it or should do it. Its a gift.

Having said that.....the same goes for your DD's wish to take Anya. She might have the desire to take care of Anya and most certainly has alot of love to give to Anya, but is she mature and responsible enough to follow through. Not everyone who wants to have a kitty should have a kitty.

I haven't heard from anything you said that tells me she is ready for a cat. And a cat that is already well taken care of.

Her desires and wishes are one aspect of this .......her past behaviors are another aspect. Actions sometimes speak louder than words.

This has got to be a difficult discussion w/your DD. However, you will be modeling responsible behavior for her.....Maybe something she missed out on with the previous parents.

What an increadibly awesome person you are Julie. Your DD is very fortunate to have such a caring and loving person help raise her and guide her.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

The life your DD has had is truly unfortunate. However, I think that's all the more reason she needs to mature more before she should consider taking on the responsibility of another life. Loving Anya is one thing; being able to properly care for her (or any other cat), is a whole 'nuther ball of wax. Case in point, I'm sure that her biological mother loves her, but obviously was incapable of caring for her.

Sadly, I've seen these sort of situations fail miserably. My cousin, who had a rough start in life with her biological parents and was adopted by my aunt and uncle, got pregnant when she was a teenager. My aunt though it would be "good for her" to raise the baby, rather than give her up for adoption. Despite being a parent, my cousin continued down her path self-destruction, ended up a homeless drug addict while her daugher was completely neglected until my aunt could stand it no longer and adopted HER, too, and she is now in the same exact boat as her mother. No real good came of my cousin keeping the baby, rather than giving her up for adoption.

I guess my point is, as rough as life has been for your DD (and, in big part BECAUSE of how rough it has been for her), I would worry terribly that she is just not ready for such a commitment - and it is a big commitment, especially since Anya has special needs. While I'm sure it would be difficult to tell your DD "no" because techincally Anya is her cat, she really hasn't "earned" the right to take her. Toss in DD's biological mother, and I think you're looking at a recipe for disaster for poor Anya.

Maybe an even better approach, rather than adopting, is that she start volunteering with a shelter or rescue group, so she can get a feel for all that goes into the care of pets, and so she can mature a bit more.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I will continue the unanimous "No" and agree with everyone's discussion. Anya and Punkin are totally bonded. To separate them would be tremendously sad for everyone. Plus DD is just not responsible enough for a pet. Time for tough love, as tough as that is for you. Easy for me to say, though, as I don't have bean children. :smile:
Liz, BIC until tonight
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I too vote no. For me personally it has to be what is in the best interest of anya, and that is coming across loud and clear that she should stay with you. No doubt about it.

I hope you guys have a great day today. Punkin is off to a decent start - nice sunny yellow amps. :-D
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

TrixieCat said:
I have to agree with Karrie on this one. Unfortunately, this young lady has done nothing to prove that she is ready to care for another living creature...I would even be hesistant to encourage her to adopt a different kitty at this point, until she matures a bit more. Caring for any other critter- human or furry - is a huge responsibility, and she just doesn't sound ready for it.
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I agree with Karrie & Trixie. Julie, you should explain to her about it, it's not good for yourself and the kitties, and probably even not good for her. you definitely should keep anya with you!
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

Let me express my opinion, as I am probably the closest in age to your daughter:
She is not responsible enough to take care of a cat. I know 19-22 year olds. I am one. I have a few friends who have felines, but their involvement with them since they grew out of kittenhood is minimal. According to my friends, I am a 'freak' about my cat because the amount of energy I take to deal with him - running to PetSmart every day to make sure he has eaten something, staying up with him at night to do BG curves -- all things that are necessary to his health. And still, I don't think I do enough for him, if I was really a responsible animal owner I could take him to the emergency vet when he needed it. I can't afford to, and therefore, I shouldn't have him. I don't deserve him. Think about it with Anya; if she has chronic diarrhea problems, like any feline with a disease, she needs structure to insure her comfort and decrease stress. Your DD would need to be aware that Anya is relying on her for health and happiness, and sometimes that is way too much responsibility for a young independent adult who wants to reap the benefits of no curfew.

I went to the shelter one day after my DBF and I had our first real fight. I saw Mr. Howell and immediately fell in love. I had no idea at that point what I was getting into. It was selfish of me to go there and seek comfort for my own means -- I hardly thought about Mr. H as a 7 year old with a deep history and unique personality. He was my 'comfort kitty'. I opted to leave him with a large bowl of food and water and go on Spring Break my sophomore year, and when I got home he was on death's door with DKA. The overwhelming guilt I felt at that point made my attitude change 100% about my cat -- this was a life that depended on me, and I selfishly thought of myself when I sought out a cat to adopt. This isn't about me, it's about feeling ready to take on the responsibility of another life form -- and when you put it that seriously to a young college undergraduate, they will often times refuse to accept that is the case. They want a cat that will be there when they want it, and out of the way when they have other things on their mind.
If I had known Mr. Howell would get FD, or if he had FD before I adopted him, I probably would have thought differently or picked another cat. And that is the problem. You can't avoid health issues, they happen and you or the kitty have no choice in it, and your DD must be ready for when things are not ideal -- that's hard for a person who wants a break from the stresses in their life.

Also... if you can't even get her to clean the litter box... :-| that's like baby step no. 1.
I would say no, no, no.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

well, emily, i would say you grew up and took on the responsibilities of owning mr howell. good for you. don't beat yourself up over the past - everyone has done stupid things sometime. the measure of your growth as a person is what you do after the stupid thing - do you learn from it and move on wiser? or do you fail to learn and have to keep repeating the same lessons over and over. you, clearly, have learned. i'd be proud to have you as a daughter - you really stepped up to the plate with mr. howell.

thank you so much for sharing your own story.

all of you offering thoughts & opinions - i really appreciate it. it confirms what i thought - that anya's needs have to come first because it's not like she's a stuffed animal or a favorite chair. i love my DD even though she drives me nuts - we've said no to her a lot this year, including saying no to her moving back home with us, because we are trying to teach her to grow up. so she will see this in the worst possible way - it will confirm her "i'm not good enough for you" storyline that she tells herself . . . i'm dreading it. but i will follow your counsel because in my heart i know you're all right.

perhaps what i'll suggest is that she give living with her mom 6 months (she's been there just a couple of days, literally - and just met her a couple of weeks ago) and try working at the job she's just started this week for 6 months, and then if she is able to manage all of that with some stability, we'll pay for her to get another cat.

do you think that sounds reasonable?
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I think that sounds like a great idea. If she quits her job, no matter the excuse -- have her start another 6mo trial. If she can't hold a job that long, why would she show interest in a feline for the same amount of time. It's about commitment!!
You are doing 'tough love' the exact right way. You haven't denied her of anything she is deserving of or entitled to, and that is to learn her self worth through the power of responsibility and life experience. Yes she will carry a chip on her shoulder, but in 10 years when she can hold down a job and make her own decisions -- it will be worth it, for her and for you.
New home, new job -- that is a lot to deal with!! New kitty can wait.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I think you've got a good plan there Julia. Glad you asked and went with what's best for Anya. She can visit her when ever she wants still right?

I know she probably wants unconditional love - an animal provides that. But man the responsibility is huge. I don't think she has awareness into this at all.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I think that is a great way to go about it. You are not saying no outright, but she will have to prove that she is capable of be ing responsible for another life. It may be hard for her to accept and she may resent you, but it will be the best thing for her as well. Tough love hurts on both sides. :?
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

Emily: wow, that must have been really hard to write. I did about the same thing with a cat when I was in college. I didn't ever accept responsibility though, the way you have. Mr. Howell is a very lucky kitty.

Julie: stick to your guns. Your DD has way too much else going on in her life to take on the responsibility of a not-quite-perfectly-healthy cat.

Liz
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

julie1220 said:
.......

if i weigh in favor of my DD, she should have her cat. if i weigh in favor of anya, she should stay here. if i count punkin's needs, anya should stay here.

anyone with wisdom to offer?
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Anya's no longer HER cat....she's YOUR cat....therefore there's no problem. :-D If DD chooses to take this bite of reality on her shoulders as another 'pity party', she'll learn from it.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 - some wisdom needed re: anya

I have to vote "no". And I think in your heart, Julie, you know that is the correct answer. Emily has brought up some great points. MIke and I volunteered at a no-kill cat shelter for many, many years and did home visits before the cats were adopted out. We pretty much had a policy in the shelter that we didn't adopt out to college age students.....that came from the fact that we got too many of the cats back and often in bad shape.

You've spoken before of your DD and her problems. Please don't sacrifice Anya to that....possession is 10/10 of the law and she is in your possession.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

ok, i did the deed. i didn't say all of it, because she wouldn't have heard it anyway. just said something like

it's too soon to talk about that - at the moment you need to get settled. in the past 6 weeks you've lived in these 6 different places (i listed them), including a couple of days with your mom, who you are just now getting to know. she's planning on moving again next month. you've started a full-time job - it's a lot of changes, all of which would be hard on anya.

then i blathered a bit on other topics to soften it a little.

thanks for the opinions. we'll keep anya and deal with the rest of the story later.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Well done! Those conversations are really hard. Do you feel like you were the BIC, and not the Bean-In-Charge? You were definitely the adult.
Liz
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Nicely said Julie.

Too bad she couldn't just settle with a big lovable stuffed pet toy as her transitional object right now.

Much easier to take care of but still coming from you and your loving family.

Sigh.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

so much for my fabulous response . . .

And I sort of understand what you're saying about Anya but she is my cat and she would be living with a new family and they're excited to meet her. I appreciate all you've done for her but soon I'll be able to watch over her as well and I miss her very much. She would have someone to play with all of the time there with the other cat and my brother and the children my mom will be taking care of so I wouldn't worry about her not getting enough attention and at night she can come sleep with me in my room.
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Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Tell her no way and you'll buy her two kitten. Go online and send her some kitten files.

Really dig in your heals and don't put it in writing silly. Ask her to reimburse you for all her vet care also darnit. Do what ever you can to avoid her getting anya. Bribe her. Tell her you'll buy her for $1000 for jeepers sake. Man I'd be in a panic. Others will have better ideas than I do. She is probably like a two year old where she doesn't empathize or do what's best for Anya or others - its all about her.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

julie1220 said:
so much for my fabulous response . . .

And I sort of understand what you're saying about Anya but she is my cat and she would be living with a new family and they're excited to meet her. I appreciate all you've done for her but soon I'll be able to watch over her as well and I miss her very much. She would have someone to play with all of the time there with the other cat and my brother and the children my mom will be taking care of so I wouldn't worry about her not getting enough attention and at night she can come sleep with me in my room.
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Don't believe a word of it! You can use the broken record defense and keep repeating what you said before: "No. No. No. No."
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

I love how assertive Karrie has gotten... REALLY LOVE IT!! You go girl!

To coin an old phrase "Just say no". Does she have a key to your house? If so, I'd change the locks. Anya isn't used to all those kids and she loves you, DH, and Punkin. It isn't fair. Tell your DD it isn't about her it's about Anya; that you've been caring for her, and the door is closed to the idea. tough love.

I found out from our time at the cat shelter that if we wanted to get a cat back from someone but we could not prove abuse, the law is on the side of the caregiver with whom the cat resided....not the shelter.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

It sounds like your DD is "working through" this situation. I'm glad that she was able to communicate her feelings w/you rather than just close the door and shut you out. She may not understand your reasoning now and how hard it may be on Anya to be uprooted to another home. Ummm, well maybe she could understand since she has gone through it a number of times herself. She might not be able to see this parallel process that is ocurring here. Hopefully over time she will understand the situation in a different way. You are a wonderful Mom Julie. She is so fortunate to have had your love.

hugs,
tena
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

I echo what the others have said. I'm just 30yrs old but have a PhD and have been fully independent for over 10 years and I barely feel able to take on the responsibility of a diabetic Smokey. I inherited Smokey from friends who were divorcing when he was 9 yrs old and what Emily said is true- you have to deal with the cat you have taken responsibility for- whatever conditions they develop- and it doesn't sound like your DD really understands what that means. There have been some great suggestions on how to handle the situation so I'm not going to even try but I'm sending strength and ((((( hugs))))) to you as you deal with this situation.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

I don't know if this will help, but in the rescue I volunteer with, when we feel someone isn't ready to adopt we usually try to get them to decide that on their own (rather, I should say we help them decide that "on their own."). ;-) It works better than telling them we think they shouldn't adopt. It's a little harder because your DD knows Anya and it might be hard to get her to see the flaws. Usually I talk a lot about the baggage rescue cats tend to carry but that might not apply here. Diarrhea would be a tough issue for most people, and special diet. Make sure you pull out all of Anya's vet bills for the past year (including vaccinations) so she can see the costs. Hmmm, what if you take her with you to Petsmart next time you go and offer to let her pay half the bill (since half of the stuff is for Anya)? In all the interviews I have done for people who have wanted to adopt cats, when I ask what characteristics they are and aren't looking for in a cat, I've only had one person who actually said she wanted to adopt a cat with a medical issue. Certainly nobody who is adopting their very first cat has said that. Even if a new adopter says they are open to issues, and even if they seem to really be rescue-minded, I still try to steer them into a cat that seems like an easy keeper. You want their first experience with pet ownership to be a positive one so they will be more likely to be a lifelong pet owner. For you, Anya's diarrhea is probably very minor, but you can probably blow it up to sound pretty bad.

This is a basic breakdown I have shared with potential adopters on occasion. I think it's actually pretty low (I know I spend a lot more than that on food), and it assumes that the cat doesn't have any medical problems.

Pet Ownership Costs

ANNUAL COSTS

Food* $170
Medical** $150
Litter*** $175
Toys/Treats $ 50
Misc $ 30
Total $575

*Premium based dry kibble
**Exam, vaccinations, heartworm meds
***Scoopable litter for cats, scooped daily
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

I have to say, I'm loving this new, assertive Karrie!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Julie, perhaps you can frame the conversation in terms of punkin? Explain to DD that cats grieve the loss of a partner, and with punkin's health issues at the moment, it would likely be very difficult for him to lose Anya and that could have a negative impact on his health. I know losing Miss Belle was extremely difficult for Willie, and it took getting every trace of her scent out of the apartment AND religious use of the feliway to get him to bounce back. Perhaps if you ask her to leave this topic aside for a few months to give Punkin a chance to improve his health, DD a chance to get better settled, etc., maybe she would feel a sense of responsibility to Punkin? Also, then the conversation doesn't become about how she isn't "good enough," but rather is about giving her the chance to do the right thing by punkin. Just a thought.

I'd also echo sitting down with her and going over the costs of pet ownership. And possibly adopting another cat. If the conversation doesn't seem to be going anywhere, then you may eventually have to just put your foot down and say no. Hopefully, it won't come to that, but ultimately, I think you are wise to do right by Anya and Punkin. Especially if you are concerned that DD won't provide Anya with adequate care or protection.

Most of all, "who will clean anya's plate and keep her in the Clean Plate Club?" made my day. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Julie,
I agree with everything everyone has said here. When we adopted Stu from the ASPCA we had to pay a $75. adoption fee and signed a contract that if, for any reason, he did not work out, he had to be returned to the ASPCA, not just handed off to another person. I don't know what kind of contract you and your DD signed at the Humane Society, but since you both signed it, it may have legal implications. I would think that you, the "primary care giver", would have preference in a dispute. (But I hope it would not come to that.) I do think that the best argument for keeping Anya is that she and Punkin need each other. How can anyone ignore such a basic need? The cats speak through their interaction with each other, and that is a loving bond. I hope she can be encouraged to see it from this perspective.

Ella & Rusty
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Hi Julie-

It sounded like you handled the situation so perfectly. I'm sorry it has already turned around on you. Obviously, your DD does love Anya, but she has not followed through on all the promises she made in the past to her. If she misses Anya that much, she knows you have an open-door policy and Anya can be visted at any time. Has she been able to answer why she hasn't done what she's promised to do for Anya in the past? And does she understand that there really is no "ownership" of a living being? And even if you want to go from the financial end, you've footed more than the majority of Anya's living expenses.

Honestly, I also wouldn't volunteer to pay for any other kittens for her, either. She's just so young, she's had at tough time, she needs to figure herself out, and she surely doesn't understand the expense and time involved in caring for a cat. If she had to pay her own adoption fees, that alone would start giving her a taste of the real world: if you truly want something, you have got to work for it. I know she's had a terrible go at it so far in life, but unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, life is always tough. And when it comes to involving other innocent living beings, I'd be extremely cautious.

This sounds like one of the most difficult tough love situations out there. I wish you all the strength in the world.

Amy
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

I'd change your locks also :oops:

I'm not assertive for myself darnit. But I'd be there acting as a body guard to keep Punkin and Anya together darnit. The simultaneous face grooming the other day just melted my heart completely. They are a bonded pair and you don't break that up. It's what I really wished Maverick had known when I selfishly got him as an only kitten and didn't know better. Maverick was a gift from my family when I moved out. Then when I found out they were so social - he had health issues and I couldn't risk the stress on him.

But others are much more logical than I am. I would be feeling desperate and wouldn't think clearly.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Tena and Curry said:
It sounds like your DD is "working through" this situation. I'm glad that she was able to communicate her feelings w/you rather than just close the door and shut you out. She may not understand your reasoning now and how hard it may be on Anya to be uprooted to another home. Ummm, well maybe she could understand since she has gone through it a number of times herself. She might not be able to see this parallel process that is ocurring here. Hopefully over time she will understand the situation in a different way. You are a wonderful Mom Julie. She is so fortunate to have had your love.
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Maybe in you next conversation you can make a point of how Anya's life will be disrupted, just like hers was. if she really loves Anya would she want to put her through that stress? And as Christie pointed out, the impact it will have on Punkin as well. If she is so insensitive as to believe it wouldn't really make a difference to them, yeah, change the locks!
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Wow. What a horrible thing to have to deal with. I would definitely talk about the cost. Try and stress what effect it would have on Punkin as well. You know it has to be done, but I feel for you on having the conversation.

Hugs to you!! ((((Julie)))). Punkin is looking great btw!
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

aw, you guys are the best.

she doesn't know it, but we changed the locks in january after we got done with our remodeling. i had discovered one of my dressy skirts (from Coldwater Creek, the kind of nice outfit that i have exactly one of) at her place that she had washed and dried (of course it was rayon, dry-clean only) - which i was furious about - and decided at that point we wouldn't give her a new key. stealing is stealing, even if it's "only" a skirt.

at the moment she's been in town since thursday, i think, doggy sitting in the apartments maybe 3 blocks away. she wants to talk about issues on facebook and i have told her repeatedly that i would rather talk in person. this is her way of controlling the conversation. she's also spent exactly 3 days living at her mother's house.

at this point i'm not going to answer her. she didn't address anything i brought up, she hasn't gotten a paycheck yet and couldn't even buy anya food at this point. i read every word you all wrote, though, and i'm sure the issue hasn't gone away - and i'll file it all for when she comes back with the issue again. she wouldn't do anything legal - i'll appeal to her "what's good for anya and if ONLY people in your life had done what was good for you" side.

karrie, i love the assertive you too - and it tells me just how passionate you are about what's good for the cat. i'm so glad to "know" you!

somewhere i have a quote about how the measure of a society is how we treat our most vulnerable or weakest members - and i think how we treat our pets would fall in that category.

tonight we went over to my husband's co-worker's to test his cat's BG. the cat's been peeing around the house and after hearing all DH's talk about feline diabetes, he called cuz he was worried about FD. after talking to him and testing the cat (46 - lucky guy) i feel sure the issue is *sorry* you gotta clean the cat box more often! he's also feeding dry vet food for weight loss - said the urine smelled really strong and was dark yellow (dehydrated anyone?) i said canned food, add water, clean the cat box daily. i'll send him the Dr. Lisa website. i felt like the cat whisperer, though - which was really strange! :lol:

what's weird, it's like anya's known something was up today. she has been oddly glued to me the entire day. either in my lap or rubbing my legs or following and watching me. she's in my lap right now with her cold little nose tucked into the inside of my elbow, face down, snuggling. she's a sweetie.
 
Re: 9/4 punkin amps 239 +3/189 +6/108 thanks!

Anya picked you as her human.

Regarding the urinating cat - I would actually do blood work and a urine draw. Cats are extremely clean so it could be her kidneys or a bad urinary tract infection that can be cleared up easily. Cleaning the litter box more couldn't hurt. If it doesn't help really push for at a minimum the sterile urine draw/culture/sensitivity. Good for you going over and at least putting his mind at ease with the FD. You guys are good people.
 
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