9/29 Tableau not well

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ehsuan

ehsuan

Member Since 2011
Hello.

So I hesitate to write this, but I'm really looking for some advice. After his brief upswing on Monday night and Tuesday am, Tableau has been back to not feeling well.

The vet feels that he is on his last legs...that if he had one or two of his health problems, it would be appropriate to continue treating and searching for additional issues, but given his multitude of recent health problems and downward spiral, that it is not appropriate to continue. The vet also feels at this point that hospitalizing for more fluids is not really the right call, as for his stress and repeatedly hospitalizing. She also thinks their may be a tumor on his pancreas and/or liver. I've declined the ultrasound for now, as we both feel it will not give us any additional treatment options (as I do not want to do further cancer treatments if it is cancer, and he's not stable enough for any surgical intervention). And frankly, I don't want to put him through more hospital procedures. (In April and May we did 20 radiation treatments for his cancer, and he's been hospitalized twice since then and at what point is enough enough?)

For selfish reasons I want to continue, but feel I might not be acting in his best interests, at this point.

He has peeing, peeing, peeing and I can't keep fluids in him. He hasn't really had good days on his own (except for Monday night). He spends most of his time laying on the floor by the food and water bowls, or sitting by the litter box, staring at the wall. Maybe it's the pain meds that have created this staring behavior. Just to remind people of what's happened, His decline probably started about 1 and 1/2 weeks go, he was hospitalized a week ago for 36 hours and improved, but had declined pretty much immediately after coming home. He had a brief rebound Monday night/tuesday a.m, but by Tuesday night was again in decline, lethargic, laying by the food and water, not eating. I started the strong pain meds Monday night.

He is eating some, but not a lot. Although he has put on about 1/4 lb in the last few days (but he hasn't pooped at all).

He's still on the meds for pancreatits (including the Zofram) and on Lantus. We've added prednisone to see if that helps. His BG last night was unmeasurable (it had been in the 500s for about a day), this morning it was actually down to 395. I'm thinking about stopping the pred if it will make his last days more comfortable by at least letting his diabetes be better controlled. I have a call into the vet.

I give him subq fluids every night, and by the morning he is dehydrated again (most of it appears to be peed out). I've cried myself to sleep so many nights this week.

I really don't know what else there is to do at this point. My prior cats have all lived long and healthy lives, dying at home (one at age 23) so these are not decisions I've had to make before. And I keep thinking if we could try just one more thing, maybe that will be the thing that makes him feel better. I worry that I haven't done enough, but I don't know what else to do. I could keep him hanging on til he gets worse or better, but I worry that he is suffering at this point.

I never thought I could love a little cat so much. This special boy took a hold of my heart the moment I met him, and he hasn't let go. I love him so much and this is tearing me up.
 
Emily,
BIG huge long hug. This is so hard on our human hearts and minds, I'm crying with you. I can't tell you what to do, that's a decision between you and Tableau. You have done everything you can while still giving him quality, never blame yourself. Bodies break but the spirit doesn't....

I've had to do both, home and assisted. The only one I regret was selfishly making my first cat cross at home, making him live way past the time he was asking to go. I've wished 1000 times I could turn back that clock and make the right choice for him instead of me. He helped me see and understand that after he crossed....he still rides my shoulder in all his white beauty....

You've given him SO SO SO much, never doubt that he knows it. BIG hugs again,
 
Poor dear...my heart goes out to you. It's agonizing to know they are suffering.

There are so many folks here with extensive experience in all areas of illnesss and treatment...
they can surely give you some insight into the conditions you and Tableau are dealing with...
I hope that there are some solutions that haven't been tried yet.

Please know that whatever path you decide to follow...we are here to support you and gorgeous baby.
It's amazing and wonderful how deeply and completely they share our lives and hearts...
the unconditional love they give is IMHO one of the most precious things we can experience in life.
Of course..that unreserved love carries with it an equally overwhelming sense of sorrow and loss
when they must leave us.

Sending fervent prayers for some route to better health for Tableau...
and love & comfort to you during this most difficult time.

celi & binks
 
((Emily))

Your post seems to suggest you know in your heart what you need to do. And it is okay.

Tableau has lived his life every day knowing compassion and the true love of a human that would do anything for him. Sadly, for all of us, "anything" eventually means putting our own emotional needs aside and saying goodbye to them in this world so they can begin their next adventure free of pain and suffering. As someone who has been there, my heart breaks along with yours as you make this difficult decision.

Follow your heart. Your love for Tableau will steer you to the right decision, and you have our support, whatever you decide.
 
Emily,

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:

Please know that we are all here for you. Only you can make that decision and it is a horrible responsibility to bear. Tableau's quality of life (QOL) is what is important.

Thinking of you and praying for you. Please let me know if you need anything.
 
Have you posted on the pancreatitis forum yet? I know so many groups is even more overwhelming but they may be able to guide you. Are his kidney's okay?

My heart is breaking for you. I have never been in the position to know if I will know if it is time. Maverick took that decision out of my hands. I trust I will know for my dog who is terminal with severe heart failure and fighting CHF. She is maxed on meds.

Can you do fluids at home so you don't have to bring him in? No fever so no antibiotic? If he has a kidney infection I wonder if an antibiotic might help? I think the pancreatits board might help.

We do not have crystal balls. You can only make decisions that you are comfortable with. We have seen some miraculous recoveries on LL and other forums. But some do not get their miracles.

I wish for a miracle for your Tableau.

(((((((Tableau))))))
 
oh my does my heart ever break for you .. This is never a decision one comes to lightly .. I will be keeping you in my prayers that the right decision comes to you and that you are at peace with it .. hugs from us ...
 
Emily, I wish I knew what to say that would help. When my GA kitty was so sick with lymphoma, there was one time I made an appointment to say good-bye, but then the next morning he rallied, so that was my sign he wasn't giving up. Lots of hugs and prayers for you to make the right decision for Tableau.
 
I'm so sorry, as I know it's not fair to ask anyone else to make this decision and I know it's upsetting for you to read about this.

I did talk to the vet again a little while ago and asked about putting him back in the hospital and she said she really feels it's a bandaid and that it really is time to let go. I will see how the next 2 days go.

And I do trust her. I haven't been seeing her long, but She's been very good with both my cats. She has cat's herself and is very compassionate and thorough, in my opitnion.
 
ehsuan said:
I'm so sorry, as I know it's not fair to ask anyone else to make this decision and I know it's upsetting for you to read about this.

I did talk to the vet again a little while ago and asked about putting him back in the hospital and she said she really feels it's a bandaid and that it really is time to let go. I will see how the next 2 days go.

And I do trust her. I haven't been seeing her long, but She's been very good with both my cats. She has cat's herself and is very compassionate and thorough, in my opitnion.
Click to expand...

DON'T be sorry - you needed to get it out.....I'm not sorry you did. I AM sorry you're hurting...unfortunately I can't take that away. All I can do is share it with you. Please talk it out if you need to - after all, we're family.

Another big loooong hug....
 
(((Emily)))

We are all sending you heartfelt love and support, but no one can make you feel better about what (((Tableau))) is experiencing. My old vet says cats are the luckiest of animals, or the unluckiest, depending on whether or not they find that loving home. Tableau has been amoung the luckiest. Your love for him has guided all of the decisions you have made so far, and will now. Love never dies.
 
I'd be posting the same thing. It's the hardest position all of us will ever be in. Its much harder with our furry loved ones than I think with humans because the people in our lives can speak. We have to go by our thoughts alone. I think there are regrets either way - too soon or too late. Some people know when its time and they are at peace. There is a quality of life scale that I've seen some people post. But with Tableau it seems acute. I wish he could be home with you and not have to be admitted.
 
Emily, I am so sorry to hear that Tableau is not doing well. I am glad that you posted here and let everyone know what's going on. Big hugs and hoping for the best.
Liz
 
I have been reading your condos but have yet to post.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I do remember the agony of making the decision. In my case I had a vet who wanted to keep trying. My last kitty had CRF and she went fast but I held on until I knew there was no hope. Someone, at the time, told me that I would know it was time and I did. You are the only one that can make this decision but know that you are loved and supported and that you are doing everything in your power to care for Tableau.

I wish I had more comforting words to offer but you will know. Somehow they do let you know as well.

I wish you peace and am sending prayers and love.
 
(((Emily)))

As you know, we just walked this path two days ago but our situation was much more clear. I knew in my heart and my gut that it was time to let go.

We've been through this three times where we had to make this very hard decision. The first was our sweet Nik who had hepatic lymphosarcoma. I believe we held on way too long and we promised we'd never do it again. The next was my most beloved Max. Sometimes I wonder if I acted too soon but I know in my heart that I didn't. The reason was because the vet said to me...."think of 4 things that are 'Max'". How many of them is he doing or exhibiting over the course of a couple days. Well....he wasn't doing any of them....he wasn't even responding to me and he adored me. And I knew that even if he could get a little better....he still wouldn't be "Max" and he was always larger than life; I knew he would not be happy to be less than that. And lastly....my darling, sweet Teddi Bear. She actually "told me" because her bp, temp, etc was not coming up and her breathing was getting more and more labored even with oxygen.

It's a thin line....QOL, suffering, will they get better and for how long, how much should we put them through if they aren't going to markedly improve? Only you know this. You can look into his eyes and he will tell you. Follow your gut and your love for him.

Sending you prayers of comfort and peace so you can hear him and know what he wants.
 
(((Emily)))

There is no right answer here. Sit with Tableau. Let her tell you what she needs from you. If we listen carefully, our kitties do tell us -- we just need to be smart enough to listen to them and our hearts. No matter what you decide or when you decide, we are all here for you.
 
Oh Emily, I'm so sorry to hear about Tableau. You have my thoughts and prayers for peace for both you and Tableau- whichever decision you make.
 
This is the hardest decision that anyone with a pet can make, but the most unselfish. My sister had a dog, Kuma, who I loved SOOO much. He developed severe arthritis as he got older and older, to where he could barely move. When my sister finally decided to end his pain, she had a friend of her's, who was a vet, come up to her place in the mountains to set him free. I went up there to see him for the last time. He was in so much pain. I literally could not stop crying. I cried for hours...until the vet gave him the shot and he fell asleep. I instantly stopped crying because I knew he was no longer hurting. I felt such relief that he was now okay. Whenever I think of him, I still miss him, but I never feel sad because I know he's having the time of his life now when he couldn't here on earth anymore. When it's Champ's time, he'll be buried right next to Kuma so they can hang out together forever. It's going to take great strength for any decision you make. We're all here for you no matter what!!
 
You are in a place where if people say "I know what you're going through" that they really do know what you're going through. And I do know what you're going through. As long as you put aside your personal wants (this is the hardest part), you will hear what Tableau is telling you. And he will tell you.

You have the love and support of LL surrounding you!
 
Thank you all for your kind words, caring, and compassion for both me and Tableau...I so appreciate it. You helped me get through today.
 
Dear ((((Emily,))))

We have made this decision for two kitties. In both cases, they told us in their way that they did not want to go on in pain and illness. Alice had a fast-moving cancer. She never complained and we did not know what awful pain she must have been in. But when the vet diagnosed her and she heard him tell us about her condition (Alice was incredibly intelligent), she came home with us and turned away from us for 3 days, hiding. When she came out, she was serene and loving. We set her bed by the radiator and played her favorite music to her for about a week (operas by Wagner and songs by Strauss). She dozed, eyes open, through the week, eating very little, and we just knew that she was ready to go and was only waiting for us to help her.
Stu was very ill with CRF, Hyper-T, and cancer. His diabetes was under control and we only found out about the other health issues very late--too late. We had hoped to have the radioiodine treatment for Hyper T, but when we took him to NY to the clinic for the procedure, he had already become so weak that he was not eligible. Stu knew. He spent the night before his appointment withdrawing from us: he lay in the bathroom next to his water bowl and his litterbox and didn't move all night. He was so weak he could hardly walk. The clinic sent us to the vet hospital, where tests and x-rays revealed the extent of his conditions. We had a peaceful hour with him before he left us. He seemed already to be in another realm.

It is a very difficult decision to have to make, but if you listen to Tableau he will tell you when and if it is his time. You will know, and Tableau knows that you love him very much and that you will do the right thing for him.

Sending you strength and love,

Ella & Edward and Rusty
 
(((((Emily)))))

My sincerest comforting thoughts are with you. You will know when it is the right time to say goodbye. I had to make that choice this past May for my little Fagin. He had Spindle Cell Carcinoma and he was doing well for a while, then it all changed. I knew in my heart it was time, and I honestly didn't know if he'd make it through the last night. I laid on the floor with him all night so I could remember his sweet face, and the next morning an x-ray confirmed it was time. Tears are falling as I write this not because I miss my little buddy, but because I understand and feel the pain and fear and second guessing you're going through. Listen to your heart and listen to Tableau.
 
Oh Emily,

It looks like there is a tough road ahead of you, regardless what you decide to do. I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but you do not have to go it alone. Please don't feel sorry about sharing your burdens, we are here to help you carry this load.

I am/will be holding you and Tableau in my thoughts and prayers... Wisdom, strength, courage, and calming peace for, comfort and healing for Tableau. I also send hugs for you :YMHUG: :YMHUG: and pettings for Tableau cat_pet_icon cat_pet_icon

(edit spelling)
 
I hope you know how generous you all are. It is so generous of you to share your emotional stories about a painful time with your beloved cats (and dogs) with me, really a perfect stranger. When I signed on a couple of months ago when Tableau's diabetes returned, I knew I'd be getting great advice on dosing and treating diabetes and help with the questions and frustrations, but I didn't know I would get such a loving, supportive group of friends to help me through this difficult period.

Sharing your personal stories today, and your hugs and sympathies, has helped me so much today. Every time I read one of your posts I cry, but in a helpful way. I am in pain, but I just need to feel it right now. I look forward to spending the next two days with my beloved boy, petting him, and loving him as much as I can.
 
(((Emily)))

I'm so sorry to hear about Tableau. Sending you hugs :YMHUG: and praying for a miracle.
Wish I knew something to say that could make it better. :YMSIGH:
 
{{{{{{{{{{Emily & Tableau}}}}}}}}}} I truly don't know what to say, but I truly know what you're going through. We all do. The only thing that I can do is send you tons of prayers, and give you tons and tons of cyberhugs (wish they were real, but it's the best I can do). My heart breaks for you and your family. {{{{{{{{{{EXTREMEHUGS}}}}}}}}}}
 
oh emily, i'm just now seeing this - i'd so hoped for better news.

when it's time, you'll know. i had to let my beloved tc go when she tried to get into her box and fell, then peed in an arc in the air. i knew it was time - it was so clear. her joy in life was completely gone. i'd had her for 16 years, too, from being in college to marrying and having my 3 kids. i still miss her and think about her all the time.

whether it's this week or later, you'll do the right thing. it will come to you that it is time, that tableau is ready to go on. try to concentrate on how much joy you've shared together . . .

we do understand. a bunch of crazy cat-loving people "live" here in lantus land.
 
((((((Emily))))) sending more healing vines to Tableau
SparklingSnowflakes.gif
 
Sending out more snowflakes and vines, for today.
stock-photo-vine-on-tree-in-snow-2238789.jpg

And more :YMHUG: to you, and cat_pet_icon to Tableau.​
 
Sending you more prayers and thoughts this morning, Emily. Keeping Tableau in our prayers and sending him white light and strength.
 
I'm so sorry Tableau is not doing well.
His life with you sounds so beautiful as you are obviously a very loving and caring person.
You will find the strength to help him on which ever path his journey takes him.

((((lots of hugs for Emily))))
 
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