Shelly & Jersey (GA)
Member Since 2014
Happy Caturday, LL! 
I was thoroughly chastised the last time I posted for not providing more frequent Jersey updates, so I'm trying to do better. It’s been about a month since the last post – http://www.felinediabetes.com/FDMB/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=124425. Jersey is still doing well, and her last bg reading (this morning) was 77. More importantly, though, you’ll all be happy to know that my precious little devil is still plotting my demise. Some recent “to do” list items:
Lots of thoughts and prayers are going out to those in need. There are so many kitties, beans, and beans’ family members who need them right now that I won’t even begin to name names; I’m sure I would accidentally omit someone. Just know that I’m thinking about all of you! :YMHUG:
I was thoroughly chastised the last time I posted for not providing more frequent Jersey updates, so I'm trying to do better. It’s been about a month since the last post – http://www.felinediabetes.com/FDMB/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=124425. Jersey is still doing well, and her last bg reading (this morning) was 77. More importantly, though, you’ll all be happy to know that my precious little devil is still plotting my demise. Some recent “to do” list items:
- 1. Cause the human a stress-induced mental breakdown. When the human rudely pokes me for the weekly bg check, I will throw a “high” number in the 70s. She will then worry incessantly about the numbers. Is it the new test strips? The hairball I tried to hack up? A loss of remission? I, of course, know the answer, but I ain’t tellin’…which will cause the aforementioned mental breakdown. I understand that the higher numbers will lead to more frequent poking. That, however, will give me more opportunities to rip the poking device out of her hands and use it to puncture a vital artery.
2. Irritate the male human in the hopes that he will finish off the female human. Knowing that I deserve to be fed at 3:30 each morning, I will jump on the male human’s chest, make biscuits, and drool on him as he sleeps. He will attempt to ignore me but will eventually get up to feed me. This will cause him to be grouchy for the rest of the day, which increases the probability that he will kill the female human. At the very least, he will be more likely to pick a fight with the female human, thus distracting her from poking me.
(DH – remember when you tried to steal the morning pokey worm from me during our OTJ trial? Just consider this your payback. HA….ha, ha, ha.)
3. Send the human to prison. When the delivery men come in to set up the new bedroom suite, I will hide behind the mattress that is leaning against the wall. As they are working, I will barrel out from behind the mattress, acting like I am terrified and am attempting to escape the room. This is all an act, since I am really just trying to give the delivery men heart attacks. The police will assume that the human killed them, and she will be sent to prison. If this plan fails, then at least I will have left long gouge marks in the wood floor to serve as a reminder to the human that I will eventually succeed in bringing her down.
4. Get the human fired. As the human is getting ready to leave for work in the morning, I will shoot out of the litter box. As I do my mad dash through the house, I will drop a dingle on the human’s shoe sitting by the door. Since the human only has one pair of brown shoes that match the brown dress she is wearing, she will have to change her outfit before work, thus making her late and causing her to be fired. (That’s a phone call you never want to have to make: “Um, I’m running a little late for work. My cat pooped on my shoe.”) If she isn’t fired, then perhaps the embarrassment alone will finish her off.
Lots of thoughts and prayers are going out to those in need. There are so many kitties, beans, and beans’ family members who need them right now that I won’t even begin to name names; I’m sure I would accidentally omit someone. Just know that I’m thinking about all of you! :YMHUG:
I love the image (although yuk) of explaining being late for work because you changed since you had you know what on your shoe!
It is true, they are out to get you. So glad to hear from you Shelly and Jersey hasn't gotten you yet. :lol:
