9/10 Charlie AMPS 434 +10 355 PMPS 346 +3 248
Hi guys,
Very very long day at work to make up for missed time, then had an evening appointment tonight so I wasn't able to be there for Charlie's PMPS, and I didn't get to check on her until 10 tonight. Thank God my partner took care of the PMPS shot and testing earlier today. Balance is such a good thing. I really am so thankful we are 2 people managing this. I often think how lucky I am that even though it was my cat to start with, my partner takes on full responsibility with me. It's never just my task to do the dirty work. We really are completely in this together, and for that, I am lucky. Charlie is also lucky because she's got 2 people looking after her and making sure things get done properly and on time every day.
I have a LOT of respect for those of you who handle all of this on your own. You are wonderful, tremendous human beings whose cats are lucky to have you! Since your cats can't tell you that, I will. It's true. This whole thing takes patience, commitment, diligence, care and all sorts of heart. So many of you do this each day like it's totally normal, but I tell you. There are a lot of human beings on this planet who would not take on this commitment if they knew even half of what was required. Once you get the hang of it, it's true that it's not a big deal, but still. It takes a lot out of you both emotionally and physically. It also takes the place of many other things because you have to be home so frequently (or up during the middle of the night at weird times, etc). So for all that, I think it's great what everyone on the board is doing for their little kitties. It really is.
Interestingly, when I finally got home late tonight, Charlie was hiding behind the couch. She was there from the moment I got home until I pulled her out to give her a blood test at 10pm. From the results of the test, it seems she's starting to come down from the bounce now. It also seems she's not feeling so well, as hiding behind the couch is a new routine that she picked up only since she started on insulin and usually during her bad moments when she wants to be left alone.
This gets me thinking. Sometimes I really wonder how all of this diabetes makes our kitties feel.
At times, when I watch Charlie, I feel like I've lost the sweet cat I once knew. She used to seem so happy all of the time. Now, most of the time she's either sleeping or hiding, and I hate that because it makes me worry that she may not be feeling well most of the time. Cats are such stoic animals. It really is hard to know when they are in pain and when they are just aloof or not interested in being social. Still, after 12 years of living with the same cat, you get to know their routines, and because of that, I've figured out that when Charlie hides in weird places, it's because she's not well in some way. It's just what my gut tells me. I'll never know for sure.
We keep working diligently away at this in the hopes that Charlie's numbers will one day stabilize and we'll see some semblance of our old cat back. Occasionally we'll get a little snuggle. That's reassuring because I love this girl dearly. She brings me so much happiness and she really brings so much soul to our home. She helps me unwind after a long day at work, and she makes me realize that life is so much more than working. It's also so much more than just accomplishing goals and doing more, striving for more, etc. Sometimes the happiest moments in life are found for me just in being, and I realize that when I'm at home hanging out with Charlie, I can just be.
The sad part is that it's never really the same as it used to be. Charlie's good moments are almost ALWAYS shorter than they used to be. Still, when we see glimpses of seemingly healthy moments, we see the old Charlie back, and that makes us think she's doing OK. That makes us feel better. Like all of this is worth doing.
It's nights like tonight that make me worry a bit. Three days straight of high numbers during the day, and little progress from what we can tell.
It may sound strange, but every single time we celebrate anything, I hesitate (like the happy green face I put on the board 4 days ago). The minute I celebrate any "little victory", I immediately gasp and think, "Oh wait a minute. Maybe I shouldn't celebrate just yet. The minute I do, Charlie's going to shoot back into the red zone and I'll have to start all over down this marathon road". It's hard on the emotions because it gives you so many ups and downs.
If these really are bounces that Charlie is so frequently experiencing, I'm wondering something that maybe some of you can help answer:
- If a cat's blood glucose is running high due to diabetes and a need for insulin, it's bad for her body and hard on her organs.
My question is then:
- Is it the same if a cat bounces? For example, during a bounce, the cat is "theoretically" getting enough insulin. If it's true that counter-regulatory hormones just have the effect of shooting the numbers up because the body's liver needs training, then is this also still unhealthy for the cat? The cat is still in high BG numbers so does that automatically mean it's unhealthy on the organs? Or does it not still have the same unhealthy effect if it's a false positive? Meaning, if it's just the cat's own "counter-regulatory hormones" shooting the numbers up falsely, is that more healthy? Or is it the exact same effect, and ANY time the cat's numbers are in the pink or red, it's not good on the animal's system and puts a strain on the organs?
The reason I ask this question is that over the last 4 months, Charlie's blood glucose has very often been in the high numbers no matter what dose we give her. Even if the dose we give seems right" for her system, she still shoots up into the clouds. So I must ask myself, are we doing all of this and is it having the positive effect we are looking for? Or are we doing all of this, and we're still seeing actual harmful moments on Charlie's system (since her BG is still so frequently so high)? And then I wonder, what can we be doing more to get this figured out faster?
Bit sad tonight when I consider that maybe still, Charlie's not making so much progress.
Can someone help me out in the reassurance department, while also heavily weighting the answer towards fact-based answers and telling me the "straight dope"?
Still want to learn more about this and clearly haven't got it all figured out yet.
Thanks friends,
Jill