7/31,8/2&8/3 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - TODAY

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mariko

mariko

Member Since 2011
Hi everyone,

Yesterday's condo

Thank you very much for your support, love, hugs, light, vines and everything else you are sending to us.
Lucy and I really appreciate them, so much.
I would have been feeling a lot more upset and miserable if I didn't have this board.

I have decided to let my sweet Lucy go on Sunday.
I've just called the vet and made an appointment.
I have been delaying making the decision, making excuses, but her QOL is declining, and I know this will only go one way and won't get better.
I really really wanted to do this at home, not at the vet which is probably her least favorite place, and that's why I needed to set the day ahead of time.
And I feel at peace with this decision, sad of course, but at peace.
The vet will come here at around 4:30pm Pacific Daylight Time on Sunday August 3rd.

I spoke with Lucy's reiki practitioner again yesterday, and she told me that it would help Lucy if I let Lucy know and verbally tell her that I'm OK letting her go.
Because Lucy is at peace and waiting for me to be OK with it. Lucy is worried about me and wants to make sure I'm OK before she goes.
So that's what I did yesterday. It was so hard to mean it, but I think I did OK.
I told her that I'm OK because she's going to a better place just a little bit sooner than me and we will meet again.
I think she understood.

I took time off work yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I just have to check e-mails a few times a day, but other than that, I've been spending time with Lucy.
Just talking and cuddling and napping together.

Lucy is eating but very little.
She's drinking. She goes to the water bowl by herself, but I bring the water bowl to her too so she'd drink enough.
She still purrs, but not all the time like she used to.
She still uses her box, but she needs to take a couple of breaks before she reaches the box.
One time, when she looked like she wanted to go, I carried her there, trying to be helpful.
She complained, and just stepped out of the box, and headed back to the ottoman.
So I said, Sorry I thought you needed to go, and I carried her back to where she was.
Once I put her back on the ottoman, she started heading towards the box slowly by herself, peed in the box, and headed back to the ottoman.
Still my stubborn girl.

My only wish now is for her body to hold until Sunday.
I told you she's got fluid retention in her abdomen, but she's also got a bit of fluids in her chest, and that is my most concern.
Please please send your strongest prayers that her body will give us until Sunday.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Oh (((Mariko))), I am sending the strongest of prayers that Lucy will wait until Sunday.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Piling on more vines for Lucy and hugs for you. Let me know if it would help you to have someone with you on Sunday. :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

{{{Mariko}}

You are a very courageous and generous, loving person. Lucy is so blessed to have had you for her bean. This is the hardest decision to make, and you put Lucy's needs first. You have all my admiration and support. Sending many prayers and vines for Lucy to hang in there with you until the appointment on Sunday. I pray she will have pleasant, peaceful days with you till then.

Sending many hugs to you. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((Mariko))

You're making this decision to spare Lucy more pain and disability, so it's the most loving decision you can make. She knows this and loves you all the more for it, even though it's the hardest decision any of us ever have to make.

Sending vines and prayers that Lucy has good days between now and then while you say your goodbyes.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((((Mariko)))),
I am so glad you're able to take some time off work to spend with your girl.
Sending you and Lucy many vines and lots of love.
:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko)))

I'm so glad you have someone that can help you communicate with Lucy. It's such a profound reflection of her love for you that she was waiting for you to be ready to let her go. I'm so glad you have the opportunity to let Lucy know what's happening and that you can both be at peace with the decision and focus only on each other before the time comes. May you and Lucy be surrounded by peace and love at this time.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Your bond is so strong that she needs you to make that decision for her. I think she will hold on and let you give her that one final gift of love as she too loves you so much. It's the hardest thing we ever have to do and I admire your courage. I have done it just twice so far. The first time I was caught off guard and had no prep. That was almost easier. The second time I needed a little coaxing. Thankfully you are doing the right thing at the right time and it's good that you are at peace. I'm piling on more vines and prayers that everything goes according to plan as I am sure that it will. :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((((Mariko)))) ((((Lucy))))
We wish you a weekend full of your great love for each other, full of the joy that you have known together.

Ella & Rusty
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko and Lucy)))
All the good vines in the world to both of you. I really admire you for how you're handling everything. I love that she is still being stubborn. What a strong little lady.
:YMHUG: cat_pet_icon
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((((Mariko and Lucy))))) I am continuing to pray for you and Lucy, please feel the strength in these vines of comfort and the knowledge that what you are doing is the most kind and compassionate act of love! I think that is absolutely wonderful that you are able to spend as much time with your special girl, surrounding her in comfort and love. I don't know if it would help you or not, but when I had to put my two kitties down, I was very sad that I didn't have any videos of them. We had plenty of pictures but I regret that I didn't do that. I printed out the things that your reiki practitioner told you, it made sense to me. I know your heart has to be hurting but I truly believe she knows and feels your love. Hugs to you, Lucy and Ginger, I bet she feels sad too! :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Sending lots of love, prayers and thoughts your way.

What an amazing bean you have been to Lucy......Sending virtual hugs to you during this difficult time
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Mariko, {{HUGS}} for you and Lucy... this type of suffering, I cannot stand it myself.

I haven't known you and Lucy for long, but I know that you have been helping her live a quality life since she entered your life. Keep in mind, that there may be a moment in time between now and Sunday where you find that Lucy eats ALL of her food, as if she had never been sick, where she surveys the entire lay of her land, whether it takes her a a while because she needs to stop and rest between the walks. I was told that this is the spirit's last look at this life, in remembrance. There is this sudden forgetting that the body is very ill and our animals may suddenly seem to be healthy for just a few hours, EXACTLY like their old self again. They may go to a window, or an screen door, and stare out of it for hours.. this is not a wish to say goodbye to this life. It is a strong desire to hang on to it.

There is not a sentient being born on earth that wants to die. Even those who have committed suicide, regret it. (According to Buddhism.) You do not get to share the same experiences ever again with the same person. But, at the same time, it's good to remember that our lives are never the same for even one minute of the day. Everything is changing, moment by moment. All is impermanence, and you are never alone in this experience.

I am sure that you will meet Lucy again, and maybe next time, she won't be a cat, or a dog, or any animal. :-D

Sending you both lots of love filled light.. <3
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Thank you very much everyone.
My legs feel weak when I think about this.
There are still moments I doubt my decision that come and go.
But I think this is the right thing to do.
She can't go on with the amount she's eating now.
And I won't force food to her at this end stage of her life.

You know, She's fought through so many health issues, I thought CKD was the last bad news, and I thought that's what would take her.
I never thought this big C-thing was coming at the end, and the aggressive untreatable kind too.
She's my hero. She deserves a peaceful exit.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((((Mariko and Lucy))))

You both are incredibly brave and strong and your bond will carry you through the next several days and until you meet again and hold her in your arms.

Just follow her lead.....she will tell you and your great love for her will set her free.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((((((Mariko & Lucy)))))))

mariko said:
And I feel at peace with this decision, sad of course, but at peace.
Click to expand...
You have arrived at the most difficult of places.

Sending you continued vines of comfort, strength and clarity to help support you and Lucy as you face the days ahead.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Mariko, I'm so sorry Lucy's time has come, but glad the vet can come to your place. You're doing the most loving thing by letting her go so she won't be in pain. I know that doesn't make it easier, but she knows you love her. Make the most of the last couple of days you have together. I'm glad you are able to take time off from work to be with her. Sending prayers and hugs. :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Marino, I'm new here. It's so clear, the strong love between you. I believe that Lucy won't feel one moment of separation and she'll be with you always. Take care, you have a lot of friends here.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

{{{{{{{{{{MARIKO}}}}}}}}} I'm so very sorry to hear about this decision. Please know that you're making it in the best interest of Lucy. She will no longer be in pain, and will be free to play with the others that have GA. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko)))
Sending more vines of peace and comfort to you and Lucy. I am glad you're able to be with her now and up until the day you set her free from her broken body. I hope she'll hang on until then. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko))) I'm so sorry the time has come. I know this was such an agonizing decision for you, reading your condos over the last few days. I'm glad you've found some peace in your decision though. Lucy is, and always has been, lucky to have you as her caregiver. You, Lucy and the rest of your family are in our prayers! ~Suzanne
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Oh Mariko. I'm so sorry. I hope the love you two have for each other, the understandings that you share, confirm for you both that this is the path of love. I wish you peace, comfort for your breaking heart, and the knowledge that Lucy will always be with you. Just beyond sight. But not beyond feeling. Your bond cannot be broken at this transition.

I'll light a candle for you both. Sending light and prayers.

Marilyn
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Mariko, I am so very sorry. I am glad that you spoke with Lucy, and let her know you were ok with it all, that you are at peace. I did this too with my Mannie, and he did let me know it was OK. He was so much more relaxed and at peace after I did. Thinking of you, keeping you both in my thoughts.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

:YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: Our thoughts, prayers, and hearts are with you, now and always. You are an amazing MamaBean, Lucy is an amazing kitty, and together the two of you are a true inspiration.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

You always fought and worked very hard to give Lucy the best quality of life possible. I am so sorry Mariko. It is such a difficult time, but you love her so much that you want to release her from the pain. Sending prayers and hugs for you and Lucy.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

It is the ultimate act of love to know when to let go. There's a certain beauty in knowing that you have time to get the closure of which all too often many are deprived. May these next three days be a celebration of Lucy's life -- filled with love, kisses & hugs, treats, purrs, sweet remembrances, and whatever other special things you have grown to share together. Wishing you strength and peace...
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

((((((((((Mariko)))))))))) I think the hardest part is accepting and you have passed that hurdle. Sending you both vines and soothing white light.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Mariko, I just want to echo what has already been said. You and Lucy are in our thoughts and prayers. You two are so lucky to have shared such a loving, wonderful relationship. I hope you can find comfort in the days ahead knowing that Lucy will always be with you.

Tara & Scully
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko))) Sending light and love to you and Lucy. Many vines and prayers that she will be able to spend every moment with you until Sunday. I am so glad that you are able to take time off this week.
I know how you feel about sometimes doubting your decision, but I believe it is probably not doubting the actual decision so much as having a hard time wishing it didn't have to be made in the first place. You are too bonded to Lucy to not trust that you are doing the absolute right thing, with nothing but love and compassion. We all know this, Lucy knows this and now you need to truly believe it. You are one of the most incredible women I have met here, who goes so much above and beyond for your special girl. Trust your heart, even though it is breaking.

Hugs, prayers, light and love to you both. :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Mariko, I am sending so much love and peace to you and Lucy. I know you will spend every minute doing for her, everything that makes her happy.
When Check's end time came, I took him outside and let him eat grass, and bask in the sun. He got to eat stuff he was never allowed, and because he was on pain meds, he was in a good mood, and let me hug and hold him in my arms.

I know you will make Lucy's last days, full of love and tenderness, as her life is.
Leave nothing unsaid to her. Miss no opportunity for kisses and hugs and any goodies she was nevr allowed to have.
She will tell everyone what a wonderful mommy you are.
I'm so sorry Mariko, that you have to make this decision of the ultimate love for Lucy.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((mariko)))

you are such a loving mom to lucy. she's so lucky. i think you're doing everything just right. i love your story of trying to help her to her box and her wanting to do it for herself. She's got a big personality in that little tiny body, doesn't she!

the only thing i'd add because i've been in your shoes - punkin likely had cancer and fluid accumulated very quickly in his abdomen and chest (from nothing to critical in about 3 days). If Lucy begins to have rattly or difficulty breathing, you may not be able to wait til sunday. i hope you can, but just in case you hear breathing sounds, the fluid in her chest may compress her lungs and make it hard to get a breath. i'm saying this not to scare you, but because i know you don't want her to suffer. punkin's lungs got squished to just a sliver and that decided it for us. praying she holds on til Sunday and you don't have to make the decision sooner.

big hugs. julie
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

I will be keeping you and Lucy in my thoughts this weekend, as you spend this precious time together.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko))) Sending love and light to you and Lucy. Prayers that she stays comfortable until Sunday ♥
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

{{{{{Mariko}}}}} You know we all are keeping you and Lucy in our thoughts and prayers. Hoping for a peaceful passing on Sunday.

Be sure to take lots of pictures, feed her as many treats/food as she will eat, maybe snip a lock of fur, and love on her as much as possible.

My one wish in the world is that we could eliminate cancer for both humans and our beloved pets.

You will have many happy memories to cherish and you know you did your very, very best for Lucy.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

I am so sorry, Mariko :cry: . It's an awful decision to have to make, and you are a good bean to put Lucy first. I'm happy that the vet can come to you to spare her the trip to the place she hates and that you have time to say your goodbyes until you meet again. I hope that you are having some lovely quality time with Lucy. I wish I could do more for you, sending many hugs to you and Lucy and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: .
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

(((Mariko))) (((Lucy)))

Sending prayers and vines of strength and comfort to both of you. Give your girl some extra scritches from Shasta and me and know that you two are in our prayers.
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Hi Mariko. I'm new here but just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm thinking of you and Lucy. I'm so glad the vet can come to your house - it will make such a difference to your and Lucy's peace of mind. It's a hard decision but it's the right one. Many hearts.

Anna
 
Re: 7/31 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday.

Thank you very much everyone for so much love and friendship.

Lucy is still with me, but getting increasingly weak.
It is shocking and heart-breaking to see how fast this cancer is taking her abilities.

She didn't eat much yesterday - ate about 1/4 of 3oz can and a small piece of fish.
This morning, I offered her some raw chicken (blue kat), something she used to love but wasn't allowed, and she ate a little bit of that.
I'll keep offering this throughout the day today, and she'll probably eat a little bit more but not much.
She lets me bring water to her, and she drinks little at a time but often.
She is now a bit too weak to steady herself in front of her usual water bowl and drink by herself.
She's pooping, but she can no longer make it to her box for poo, which is fine by me because this way she won't get litter stuck to her bum and we don't have to do another bumbath which she hates so much.
She's not pooping on herself, but she poops en route to the box.
She is still very stubborn about going to the box by herself for peeing. And to the box she's always used, not the extra box I put right next to her ottoman.
Today, she tried to go twice, but got too tired before she reached her box, so I carried her and put her in the extra box.
No, she didn't go. She complained.
But she eventually made it to there by herself, and peed. I was worried about her not peeing today, so I was glad.

She's still getting insulin, just 0.25 unit, and she's been staying high blue - low yellow.
I stopped giving her sub-q fluids since Wednesday because she feels quite "fluidy" now.
Especially the abdomen area. Her tummy feels a bit like a balloon, not so expanded, but little bouncy even though there's no food in there.
No wonder she can't walk, it must be so hard to be carrying so much water weight when she's already sick and weak. Poor girl.
The vet told me that these fluids are not being absorbed so to give sub-q fluids if she's dehydrated, but she has been pooping little soft poo only once a day in the past 3 days, and I was afraid about adding up more fluids in her chest and causing breathing problem.
Maybe tonight, if she seems dehydrated, I may give her the last sub-q fluids.
Her breathing is OK so far.

I dug out a toy that she used to love.
I put it away a long time ago, because she's got tons of new toys and she doesn't really play anymore.
But I dug it out yesterday, and put it on her ottoman.
It's her first toy ever and the one she played with the most.
It used to be a bumble bee.

A


She never used to use this ottoman, but this is the only place she settles down now.
I bought this many years ago because I thought "Oh this is perfect for the cats", and I'm glad it's finally being used.
My brave girl still purrs. I am so very glad about it.
We will spend all day today cuddling, talking, and loving each other.

Ginger was just herself until about Wednesday, but she has been acting a bit different.
I'm sure she's sensing something.
I told her that I was sorry for not paying enough attention to her lately.
She's been a good girl, and just being quite - too quite for her.
I feel bad for her, but I need to concentrate on Lucy today and tomorrow.
And Ginger can have her momma all to herself.

I can tell Lucy's so very tired.
I told her tomorrow she'll be free, so please stay with me a little bit longer.
Please help me pray Lucy's body will hold till tomorrow.
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

Mariko, my heart breaks for you. peace be with you, and Lucy. I remember Mannie's last moments: I too had that purr. I believed that it was his way of telling me it was OK. he was ready. Keeping you and your girl in my thoughts.
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

This brings back so many memories for me. Stay strong, Mariko like you are!! No doubts. You are such a loving and caring bean. Ginger knows too and will also grieve. You will have plenty of time together. She understands. My heart is breaking with yours. Prayers and more prayers for all three of you.
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

My heart is just breaking for you. I am glad you are able to spend this time with Lucy. I am sending you a great big hug and will be thinking of you today and tomorrow...
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

{{{Mariko}}}

My heart, too, is breaking. Reading your posts takes me back 15 years to when I lost my beloved Nemesis to pancreatic cancer. She, too, had the fluid in her abdomen. We put her through surgery to try to save her, but she left us anyway. Unlike you, I couldn't make that decision to let her go peacefully, and she crossed in my arms in the middle of the night. I regret to this day that I let her suffer so long. As Julie mentioned, the last day or so her breathing was rattly, so do be advised that is a bad sign. I pray you won't hear it, and that Lucy will have the peaceful, loving crossing you have planned. You both deserve that. Many hugs and vines to you and Lucy, and to Ginger, too. :YMHUG:
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

You are very much in my thoughts, and I will keep praying that you get and give lots of love today, and that she makes it until tomorrow. Heartfelt Hugs to you
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

(((((Mariko))))) and (((((Sweetest Lucy)))))

The picture is so beautiful. She looks tired but content. And so very loved.
Keeping you both in my thoughts and heart. ♥♥♥
 
Re: 7/31&8/2 Lucy - I am letting her go on Sunday. - Update

((((Mariko))))

I'm glad you have that photo of her with her little bumble bee. Her wanting to go to her normal box shows she still has dignity and pride.....so important to our sweet babies. I hope every minute of this day has been only love and peace for you three. And our prayers for tomorrow will be for a peaceful, love-filled crossing where all the GAs, sugar babies or civvies, will be waiting for Lucy and will keep her good company until you are reunited.

Sending much love and many prayers your way.
 
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