6.16 Diane, Tyler’s mom, please send prayers for healing

Got this for my daughter to wear which holds a small amount of ashes in it
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Thinking about you Diane …. I’m extremely sorry to miss read about your dad. Praying for your healing Diane ….again she is in a happy place NO pain……….
 
Diane, I was saddened to learn about your heartbreaking loss of Ashley. Her poems are beautiful, so poignant and expressed in such powerful language. Obviously a smart and thoughtful young woman. I'm glad that, despite all her suffering, she had the blessing of a momma like you. I'm very sorry about your dad, too. Everything together must feel like your world turned upside down. You're an inspiration, coming here and giving of yourself as you have always done. I wish you comfort. And I wish Tyler would realize what a comfort he could be!:bighug:
 
Hi all Ashley's birthday just passed on Sept 6th, she would have been 38
I don't know why I came back to these posts to read them again, started bawling my eyes out. Believe me I am not looking for sympathy , I have been having more bad days then good days since Ashley took her life. If you want to call them good days.
Maybe it's really hitting me now . Sept 15th was 3 months already which I can't believe. I'm so angry that she had to get this disease
Hallowen will be here soon and that was her favorite time of the year, she just loved horror movies , Halloween was her favorite with Jamie Lee Curtis and all the rest of the Halloween seguels ,even though she saw them a million times ,we watched them again on Halloween night. She could recite word for word from the movie before they even said it
She was such an amazing writer . I miss her laughter . I have a video that she recorded on her tablet with me cutting my dads hair when he was at my apartment one time. He was so funny he would say well there goes one ear now
She talked through the whole thing so I can hear her voice when ever I want to.
I just don't feel whole anymore which I guess is to be expected.

I will be getting my first and last tattoo on Oct 11th in memory of her
I'll post a pic after I get it.
I miss my dad so much ,
My mom passed away years ago 2009
So if they are all together I know for sure Ashley is making them laugh, she had a great and weird sense of humor.
To tell you the truth I don't even know why I just wrote all this ,maybe I'm going crazy lol
Well thanks for listening my FDMB family , love you all :bighug::bighug::bighug:♥♥
 
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@Diane Tyler's Mom
You're not crazy, as a matter of fact, I think it's important to let feelings out so they get released. This forum is a safe place to do it, especially because you have so many people here that care deeply about you.

Maybe you could take some of Ashley's writing and create a small book as a keepsake. I think its awesome that you have the video and her voice is on it, that's a special gift :bighug:

Sending good vibes and big hugs to you, my friend!
 
Deb and Sylvester said:
@Diane Tyler's Mom
You're not crazy, as a matter of fact, I think it's important to let feelings out so they get released. This forum is a safe place to do it, especially because you have so many people here that care deeply about you.

Maybe you could take some of Ashley's writing and create a small book as a keepsake. I think its awesome that you have the video and her voice is on it, that's a special gift :bighug:

Sending good vibes and big hugs to you, my friend!
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Hi Deb, She has about 6 journals that I am just starting to read through, just so sad at some of the things she wrote , she wrote in them everyday .I am taking a break from reading them right now because some of what she wrote was just too sad.
I can't even look at her picture that long, I get so effin mad and angry because of this disease she had. I go around the house cursing out loud sometimes , I do have a truckers mouth lol
That's just me , Finally stopped raining I see ,probably by you too.
I go for my colonoscopy the end of this month Oct 26, Not looking forward drinking that crap again. I should just sleep in the bath tub that day so I won't have to run to the bathroom every 15 or 20 minutes , or I can fight Tyler for the litter box lol. I know I'm gross, but that's me.
I guess me and Ashley had the same sick sense of humor lol
Going to make some coffee now , will be on the board later on to check on the kitties :bighug::bighug:
 
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My heart aches for you. Your compassion towards others on this forum is beyond compare, I am glad you are sharing with us and hopefully feel some comfort in getting some of that compassion back. We all care about you and are here for you. :bighug:
 
Diane Tyler's Mom said:
Hi all Ashley's birthday just passed on Sept 6th, she would have been 38
I don't know why I came back to these posts to read them again, started bawling my eyes out. Believe me I am not looking for sympathy , I have been having more bad days then good days since Ashley took her life. If you want to call them good days.
Maybe it's really hitting me now . Sept 15th was 3 months already which I can't believe. I'm so angry that she had to get this disease
Hallowen will be here soon and that was her favorite time of the year, she just loved horror movies , Halloween was her favorite with Jamie Lee Curtis and all the rest of the Halloween seguels ,even though she saw them a million times ,we watched them again on Halloween night. She could recite word for word from the movie before they even said it
She was such an amazing writer . I miss her laughter . I have a video that she recorded on her tablet with me cutting my dads hair when he was at my apartment one time. He was so funny he would say well there goes one ear now
She talked through the whole thing so I can hear her voice when ever I want to.
I just don't feel whole anymore which I guess is to be expected.
A part of me went with her
I will be getting my first and last tattoo on Oct 11th in memory of her
I'll post a pic after I get it.
I miss my dad so much ,
My mom passed away years ago 2009
So if they are all together I know for sure Ashley is making them laugh, she had a great and weird sense of humor.
To tell you the truth I don't even know why I just wrote all this ,maybe I'm going crazy lol
Well thanks for listening my FDMB family , love you all :bighug::bighug::bighug:♥♥
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Oh Diane, my heart hurts so much for you. There are no words that can ease your pain, just keep reaching out and we are all here for support and love. Feel all the feels you need to- cry, curse, sob, wail, beat the pillow, sit in silence, distract yourself---it's all good, it's all necessary, and we all understand the need for it all. I love the tattoo idea, I've never been brave enough to get one, and honestly don't have one that I feel strongly enough to actually get. Please post pics when you get it. Re your colonoscopy, you are too funny- I went for my first one, what a nightmare, the prep is so much worse than the procedure. I do suggest you get your own litterbox, Tyler would probably win that battle...I know my own cats would! Sending much love and soooo many hugs!!! :bighug::bighug:
 
Coming to a place where you know people care is anything but crazy. We all need people, as much as many people say they don't...we do, even if a lot of them are kind and compassionate people who you don't actually know. Sometimes, a lot of times, that feels even better. Kindness from strangers can be better than those we know well.

I am so sorry for this pain you are feeling and the "firsts" are always the hardest - not that the seconds or thirds are easy but making it thru the firsts is harder.

Posting here makes a lot of sense to me because it is filled with so many people who want to help, no matter what the issue.

Sending you so much love.
 
cecile & bella said:
@Diane Tyler's Mom I think about you every day, I am amazed at your kindness and compassion here on this forum and I imagine how difficult everything must be for you now.
:bighug: Don't talk about colonoscopy, I'm going to have my first one on Thursday and I am so stressed. :eek:
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You'll be ok, it's over in minutes once they put you under, that's my favorite part, I tell the anesteologist to inject the stuff slowly because I just love that feeling :p
What do they have you taking to clean you out ?
@cecile & bella
What a nice subject we're talking about lol
This is my 3 rd one
 
Jack & Mopem'sMom said:
Oh Diane, my heart hurts so much for you. There are no words that can ease your pain, just keep reaching out and we are all here for support and love. Feel all the feels you need to- cry, curse, sob, wail, beat the pillow, sit in silence, distract yourself---it's all good, it's all necessary, and we all understand the need for it all. I love the tattoo idea, I've never been brave enough to get one, and honestly don't have one that I feel strongly enough to actually get. Please post pics when you get it. Re your colonoscopy, you are too funny- I went for my first one, what a nightmare, the prep is so much worse than the procedure. I do suggest you get your own litterbox, Tyler would probably win that battle...I know my own cats would! Sending much love and soooo many hugs!!! :bighug::bighug:
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I know the prep sucks lol. , Ok I'll get my own litter box :p
I'm so gross I know lol :bighug::bighug::bighug::cat:
 
cecile & bella said:
They gave me a huge bottle with GaviLyte powder, I have to fill it with a gallon of water. I am sure I am more stressed than would be reasonable!
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I have to drink the same as you do ,lemon flavor
The first colonoscopy I had I had to drink it and started throwing up ,
Then I went to a new gastro and since my potassium was high for about a year which I was drinking this stuff for it 2 ounces twice a week which it kept it in the normal range most of the time,my kidney doctor prescribed it.
Went every 4 months for blood work to check it
My kidneys are just fine, She ran every test under the sun to see why it was high and we never found out why
All the tests she ran were perfect
Then she retired so I saw her partner , she looked everything over and saw all the tests her partner did and didn't know why it was Hugh sometimes either
Then one visit she told me since it was in the normal range for such a long time to stop drinking the stuff and come back in 3 months for blood work
Do you know it's been fine since 9-14-2022 ,isn't that strange
I still go to my primary every 4 months for routine blood work

Any way new gastro that did my second one didn't want me to drink the gallon stuff because I did have high potassium when I saw him.
He made me drink a tablespoon of castor oil and then a whole big bottle of miralax
It was great, no polops that time so he told me to come back in 5 years
The time before I did have some so had to go back in 3 years
Now he retired :banghead:
Went and saw one for this one coming up , I know him because when I was in the hospital many years ago with a bleeding ulcer my primary called him in to see me in the hospital
Needed 2 pints of blood
So I go see him a about a month and a half ago , tell him I did have high potassium in the past and I wanted to drink the castor oil and miralax again like I did before. He said he didn't like using factor oil , like a dummy I didn't ask why
I go to the front desk and get the script and see it was for the gallon crap
I called back and asked the nurse if he could just give me the castor oil and miralax , he said no
So if I start to throw up or can't finish it that's his problem, if you are not fully cleaned out they will clean you out while you're under
I bought some lemon aid to put in it which they said I could do , my pharmacist who I know very well said to try it first without adding some lemon aid to it and see how it goes since it's already lemon flavored , and if I have to add some lemon aid just add a little.
What an ordeal , I'll just hold my nose closed and drink it down as fast as I can
What flavor is yours?
@cecile & bella
 
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lbeachstace said:
Coming to a place where you know people care is anything but crazy. We all need people, as much as many people say they don't...we do, even if a lot of them are kind and compassionate people who you don't actually know. Sometimes, a lot of times, that feels even better. Kindness from strangers can be better than those we know well.

I am so sorry for this pain you are feeling and the "firsts" are always the hardest - not that the seconds or thirds are easy but making it thru the firsts is harder.

Posting here makes a lot of sense to me because it is filled with so many people who want to help, no matter what the issue.

Sending you so much love.
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I totally agree with you about everything you said , you are all like family to me and I truly appreciate it :bighug::bighug::bighug::cat:
 
tiffmaxee said:
I think the pain of loss gets worse before it gets easier. Not a day goes by I don’t think of my parents either. :bighug::bighug::bighug:
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Hi Elise I think you are definitely right about that . I look at my mom and dads pictures everyday , hard for me to look at Ashley's picture more often , just gets me angry, and sad and upset at the same time
 
Diane Tyler's Mom said:
Hi all Ashley's birthday just passed on Sept 6th, she would have been 38
I don't know why I came back to these posts to read them again, started bawling my eyes out. Believe me I am not looking for sympathy , I have been having more bad days then good days since Ashley took her life. If you want to call them good days.
Maybe it's really hitting me now . Sept 15th was 3 months already which I can't believe. I'm so angry that she had to get this disease
Hallowen will be here soon and that was her favorite time of the year, she just loved horror movies , Halloween was her favorite with Jamie Lee Curtis and all the rest of the Halloween seguels ,even though she saw them a million times ,we watched them again on Halloween night. She could recite word for word from the movie before they even said it
She was such an amazing writer . I miss her laughter . I have a video that she recorded on her tablet with me cutting my dads hair when he was at my apartment one time. He was so funny he would say well there goes one ear now
She talked through the whole thing so I can hear her voice when ever I want to.
I just don't feel whole anymore which I guess is to be expected.
A part of me went with her
I will be getting my first and last tattoo on Oct 11th in memory of her
I'll post a pic after I get it.
I miss my dad so much ,
My mom passed away years ago 2009
So if they are all together I know for sure Ashley is making them laugh, she had a great and weird sense of humor.
To tell you the truth I don't even know why I just wrote all this ,maybe I'm going crazy lol
Well thanks for listening my FDMB family , love you all :bighug::bighug::bighug:♥♥
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Dear Diane, you are anything but "crazy". I think that real grief--as you are experiencing--has a way with us that sometimes makes us feel that things are out of control and we're alone, especially because it comes in cycles or unbidden. While we realize we really can't control much we can know we're not alone and you definitely are not. We're here for you. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Jodey&Eddie&Blue said:
Dear Diane, you are anything but "crazy". I think that real grief--as you are experiencing--has a way with us that sometimes makes us feel that things are out of control and we're alone, especially because it comes in cycles or unbidden. While we realize we really can't control much we can know we're not alone and you definitely are not. We're here for you. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
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Hi Jodey , thanks so much Jodey, you all have made me feel a tiny but better today :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Hey Diane. It’s just so bad that you are going through this. Your losses this last year - the last several months- have been tremendous. I wish I had some great advice or some way to help. I don’t. Go easy on yourself. I am happy that you have some of these special things to remind you of Ashley, especially her voice. I am sure on the other hand that it’s excruciatingly painful to look/listen/read. I think maybe on Halloween you should go over to your sister’s house and not stay home alone. I’m so sorry, Diane. I feel so useless - that I can’t say or do anything to make it one iota better. Hugs!!
 
Suzanne & Darcy said:
Hey Diane. It’s just so bad that you are going through this. Your losses this last year - the last several months- have been tremendous. I wish I had some great advice or some way to help. I don’t. Go easy on yourself. I am happy that you have some of these special things to remind you of Ashley, especially her voice. I am sure on the other hand that it’s excruciatingly painful to look/listen/read. I think maybe on Halloween you should go over to your sister’s house and not stay home alone. I’m so sorry, Diane. I feel so useless - that I can’t say or do anything to make it one iota better. Hugs!!
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Oh Suzanne just talking to all of you helps a lot. That's a good idea to go to my sister's on Halloween , I will do that. I just miss her so dam much. Now I'm crying right now , dam it. She was my whole life. Thanks for being here my friend ♥
Gotta go right now and try to stop crying , I'll be ok :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Diane, I am so sorry to read this. You were one of the first people to befriend me on this site. You are a kind, wonderful person and helped me and so many others on this site. I’m so terribly sorry. Please know how much everyone here loves you. I know there is really nothing anyone can say, except that we truly do care.
 
Diane, please give yourself a hug from me and please please dont ever feel bad for grieving and needing support. You have been through so very much. I am thinking of you and wish i could say more comforting words.
Your friend, chelsea
 
Zappa’s mom said:
Diane, I am so sorry to read this. You were one of the first people to befriend me on this site. You are a kind, wonderful person and helped me and so many others on this site. I’m so terribly sorry. Please know how much everyone here loves you. I know there is really nothing anyone can say, except that we truly do care.
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Thank you Suzanne :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Lando demando said:
Diane, please give yourself a hug from me and please please dont ever feel bad for grieving and needing support. You have been through so very much. I am thinking of you and wish i could say more comforting words.
Your friend, chelsea
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Thank you Chelsea ,I think of you and Lando often. I hope he's doing well, give him kisses for me ,hugs from me to you my friend :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Diane, you are not crazy. I think you’re smart to come here and talk to people who care about you when you’re feeling awful. You’ve suffered unthinkable losses, the whole landscape of your life looks different, it’s dark and you might be wondering if you’ll ever see the sun again. Let your friends be your torches. There’s so much wisdom here, and so many people who want to show up for you, so let them. Love and hugs from Chispa and me :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
TankNRK said:
Hey Diane, I hope I'm not opening wounds by commenting here. I haven't been on much due to things being same-old-same-old with Lando, but I just got on and saw and had to send my condolences.

I'm so so incredibly sorry to hear about what happened. Nothing I could ever say could take your pain away, and my heart aches for you. I want you to know we all love you so so much and I'm thinking of you and your family during this time. Lando is sending his kisses to you. Please be strong and brave <3
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@TankNRK
Hi tank I just saw this ,thank you very much ,no you're not opening up old wounds. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I just miss her so so much .:bighug:
 
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