Re: 12/24 Marco AMPS ~ 208 +3 ~106 (letter to MK)
I hope this is an okay place to post this. LL is our home...
Dear MK,
Today marks exactly 1 month you have been gone. DBF and I miss you so much. Things are not the same around here. You are missing. I always look for you. I miss having you with me in the mornings while I am straightening my hair. You are supposed to be sitting on the toilet watching me. DBF misses you in the mornings too. You'd hear him wake up and you'd greet him. You'd wait for him until he got out of the shower. You'd sit on the bathroom rug, and lick his legs when he got out. You were just trying to help him dry off right?
I miss you when we come home with groceries. You are supposed to be there trying to get in the fridge. We knew that you were just making sure everything was being put in the right place.
We keep your window closed. We still have your bed next to the window for you. Hoping that one day this was a bad dream and we'll walk in the office, the sun will shine in and you'll be sitting there looking out the window. Sometimes I stand out on the balcony, and I swear I feel you in the breeze. Do you remember when you and I would go out there? You loved to feel the breeze on your face.
Marco, Speedette, and Angel all miss you. Speedette runs around looking for you sometimes. She cries, she goes to all of your spots, she even tries to look for you behind the washer... where you snuck off to one of your last days. Angel will sit in your bed sometimes. Both Angel and Speedette try to fill the void that is in DBFs heart. Speedette even lays in his lap. We both know Speedette is too high strung to stay still. But she lays in his lap sometimes. Angel is glued to DBF, he lays in his recliner with him. You know... you didn't even get to see it. That was supposed to be your recliner. We have a new rug in the living room too... and we are about to have the fireplace working. I just knew you'd steal the spot in front of the fireplace. Angel and Speedette run around the house like crazy kids. They've ripped the comforter cover TWICE. We definitely know you were the disciplinarian here.
Marco, well he was your baby. You know. He misses you dearly. My heart aches for him. He is missing his Mom. He stays glued to me even more these days. It's like he is the odd man out. You know, he didn't leave your spot on the couch for days after you passed. And now that spot has become his spot. Angel and Speedette do try to socialize with him. But as long as I am here, he is happy. He likes me to just sit with him. I try to at least have an hour in the evening for Celia and Marco TV watching time. He usually falls asleep. :smile:
I wanted to put you on our mantel when we brought home your ern. DBF couldn't take it. So we put you in the drawers of our headboard. You lay there with your banana between us. Just like you used to. We keep your pillow on the bed with us too. We hope that maybe we'll wake at night, and be able to pet you. But when I wake up, all I feel is the pillow. I even remember when you'd ruin some... "moments" because you wanted to go to bed. So you'd just step over us and lay between us... :lol: You definitely didn't care what was going on, or who was where. You were going to do what you wanted. Sometimes at night I think that I hear you meowing for me or dbf to come get you. Just because we forgot to tell you we were going to bed.
We hope that you are having a Very Merry Christmas at the Bridge... we wish you were here with us. You always had yummy special food on Christmas. It's hard to celebrate with out you. You've been in my life since you were a kitten... you were brought to me in a little paper bag. You taught DBF that cats are more than cats. You taught him the bond between humans and animals. You taught him to love, and care for animals. I thank you for that. I hope you visit him in his dreams and let him know that you love him.
...can't wait to see you again, can't wait to kiss your little nose again, can't wait for you to kiss my eyelashes again... and to hear you purr like a little motorboat.
eta: do you ever stop blaming yourself for not knowing earlier about an illness? how did we not know that she had cancer growing in her abdomen. how did we let it go so far? i know the moment marco is off. how come it took me longer to know there was something else going on with MK? I have to thank JoJo for pushing us to take MK to the Specialist vet after we were told by the regular vet that MK was just getting old.
Merry Christmas Miss Kitty. We love you, now, and always.
