12/21 Loose Lips- In need of feedback

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carolynandlatte

carolynandlatte

Member Since 2009
Hi everyone. I hope it is ok to use a loose lips condo for this subject. I could really use some feedback in helping me make a very important decision.

As some of you know I am on my second foster. I really liked the first one, and cried a lot when she left. I still miss her. But I know she was not the cat I would want IF I ever wanted a cat again. Now onto my second foster. I have said all along I cannot keep her. It does not mean that I dont want to. In fact, I would want nothing more than to keep Tippie with me forever. She has really filled a hole in my heart, more than I ever thought was possible.

I received an email yesterday that someone is interested in her. The shelter is going to screen them and go from there. With my last foster, from the time I got news like this to the time she was adopted was just days. It happened so fast. So, I may be in need of making a quick decision. If this does not pan out with the interested party, for whatever reason, it is going to happen again. Someone will want to adopt her.

I am so on the fence with a decision. My concern about having another cat is living my life around them, like I did with Latte. Tippie was suppose to help me practice doing the opposite. I would say I am doing a pretty good job with it. Though I probably would do more things outside of the house if she were not here. Sometimes I just want to spend time with her. Sometimes I feel like I have to for HER own good. I am working on it.

My other concern are the finances. I recently lost my 9-5 job. I have 2 part time jobs w/ little work at the moment, so depend on the unemployment checks until I find something else. First, Im not sure if the shelter would let me adopt her w/o a stable income. Second, having to buy her food/litter is going to crunch me more. If this became long term unemployment I do not know how I would be able to take care of her. Then of course there are the health issues. Not only will she develop illness as she ages, but her eye is of concern. She is going to require on/off tx for the herpes, sometimes aggressively in hopes to prevent total blindness (she had her one eye removed a few months ago). As of right now, this is not something I can afford. I have no guarantees I will be able to in the future either.

But then I think about Latte. I had her 18yrs. I got her in college, having no clue what it would be like caring for a cat their entire life. When she got sick, I found a way to care for her. I was broke but we made it work until she was ready to leave. So many people have cats and live their lives normally. Why should it be so hard for me to consider giving this cat a permanent home with me?

I do have a call in to the eye specialist with some specific questions about the type of tx she will regularly need the rest of her life AND prognosis of the one eye she has. I may just have to swallow that pill and admit I can not be responsible for her, sad as it may be. I also think the person considering adoption should weigh the situation before jumping in as well. So, it would be good information to gather. I am also considering a session with Dawn. Just to get an idea of how Tippie may possibly feel regarding a new home. For all I know maybe she does not care?!?! Maybe she would prefer someone with a consistent schedule, a bigger house, another cat?

I think Tippie and I have bonded a lot. We have been through a lot together...a move, eye surgery, job loss, etc. She trusts me, but really no one else. She is very scared of other people and will hide. It is quite possible she may not bond with anyone else, knowing her personality. But, one never knows...if they are feeding her (she is very food motivated :lol: ). The only part in the bond that has felt different between her and the one I had with Latte is Tippie's sensitivity toward my moods. If I am sad or cry for any reason she offers no comfort. She usually just goes away to another room, leaving me alone. It does kind of bother me and makes me wonder if maybe she is not the one. Or, maybe she is just young.

I dont know. Thoughts would be appreciated. What I do know, is that whoever is interested in adopting her will be drilled with questions. And if I do let her go, this time I will not let them come and just take her in one swoop. I will ask for a day or two with her to say my good byes.
 
Hi Carolyn .. Sure wish I had the right answers for you .. I can see you are really struggling with this .. It's smart you are weighing out the pro's and con's, financially and emotionally .. Some part of me wants to say, if she was really meant to be yours, there would be no con's list .. it would all be pro's .. you wouldn't have to think twice about keeping her .. it would be a done deal .. The other part of me says, maybe she is the one for you .. maybe she is teaching you all sorts of things .. she isn't latte .. she won't have the same actions as latte or treat you like latte did .. but she'll have her own ways with you .. such as only trusting you, and hiding when others come over .. I hope this makes sense as I'm rambling on .. I guess in the end I'll just say I wish you peace with whatever decision you come to :YMHUG:
 
Carolyn, that is a big decision. I know that seeing the 2 of you together - it is a wonderful sight. There is a lot of love there. I know that any future cat cannot be compared to Latte - no 2 are ever alike. No cat can compare to my Winston or Teaka. But I know you love Tippie and will weigh out the options before you make a decision. I know that this really is no help, but only you can make the decision. I am here to help with whatever you need.

Pattie
 
PeterDevonMocha said:
Some part of me wants to say, if she was really meant to be yours, there would be no con's list .. it would all be pro's .. you wouldn't have to think twice about keeping her .. it would be a done deal .
Click to expand...

You make a valid point there. Honestly, my biggest concern is the financial responsibility. More so as the years go on. Not only will she get older, but I will too. I am only slightly concerned about my ability to relearn to live my life co-existing with a cat rather than existing for (does that make sense?). I am really learning and working on that one, making great strides.

I know others cannot tell me what to do. But feedback like this is really helpful.

When I wrote the original post I was in a time scrunch to see if I had to report to jury duty this afternoon. To add to what I already said...

One of the reasons I chose to foster a second time was to learn how to let go/let it be w/o feeling so overwhelmingly devastated. But also to be open to the option of having another cat. Maybe I am thinking it through too much. But I have to wonder how much of me wants to keep her so I do not lose again, and how much of it is because she is such a darn awesome cat. I often tell her she is the best cat ever and how much I love her. Then I feel this wave of guilt, because latte was really the best cat ever (for me). Maybe my cons are not really cons, but excuses to not feel the guilt for loving another kitty as much or maybe more than I did Latte?

Oh goodness, my head is spinning and Im not making sense. Holding back the tears. :sad:

If I let her go, I think I will move on to kittens for future fosters. :YMSIGH:
 
I have a couple of things I'd like to share with you, Carolyn...
whether they will be helpful, I don't know.

I was on unemployment when Binks got diagnosed. With the help of DCIN, we got him started on Lantus...
but the unemployment benefits with extensions got us through until his trip to The Falls.
I know that tippie's treatment may be much more expensive, though.

And the Manxie boy that I lost Jan 2010 was my soul-mate. We shared lives for 17 years, and i can say without hesitation
that there has never been and never will be one as deeply seated in my heart as Homie (GA).
I believe that Binks and I might not have had as deep a bond as we share had he not been ill...
But the little bugger lifts me up immeasurably (as I'm sure is obvious from our posts).

I see an awful lot of love in your FB and FDMB posts for Tippie. Binks' responses to my emotions are less demonstrative than Homie's were...
but in his own quiet way he lets me know he's there...even if from across the room.

best of luck with your decision, lady...I know that whatever you decide will be right.
Celi
 
Carolyn,
I've known you for a while from the CRF group. You had such deep love with Latte...one could see such love and devotion and DEVASTATION when she left you...no doubt about it...

I think you know what you want...Tippie will NEVER be Latte...but she has filled your heart again.
I know the finances are an issue but then this is why we try to advocate to people not to get rid of their pets due to illnesses that can be treated
Sounds to me like you two are a pair ....yes...the medical bills are a concern...yes the not being able to come and go freely are a concern...that said I don't think you would have volunteered to care for a foster that needed that much LOVE and DEVOTION like you have given Tippie...Live in the NOW...she is ok...the Later will come later...by then you will be ok with work again...she pulled thru the eye surgery cause she has fight in her and you helped her thru it...you did it!
I read your updates and sounds to me like she is yours despite you trying to talk yourself out of it. You have a big heart...she knows that! Don't kid yourself !!!! You have provided a loving safe HOME for her.....
That's my 2 cents !
Let us know what the outcome is....
Hoping you keep her but that's your decision to make....don't feel pressured in doing so...your heart will do it for you!
 
I make decisions more with my heart. Tippie has thrived with your love. I couldn't imagine another person helping her through what you guys have gone through. Your original posts so filled with worry and frustration to the joy and love I see now - you are both bonded to each other. I think a little differently. I think she was meant to be yours. I'd save your money on Dawn and use it for a future vet appointment. Tippie has already chosen you.
 
No cat will ever replace Latte. A first love is always a first love. But that doesn't mean that love can't come again. Each cat is different and you love Tippie foro who she is, not who she isn't. Perhaps the question is how much will your heart ache if Tippie isn't there to greet you.
 
when i complained to my mom that my last cat, felix, wasn't a lap kitty like my first cat, TC, she pointed out that it wasn't fair to felix to ever compare him to TC. TC was my soul kitty. Felix was his own little being. i grew to love him for himself. he had some wonderful little quirks, like even though he would never sit on your lap, he would sit beside you. he also hugged - put a paw on either shoulder and rub on your face.

i think you will know the right thing to do when the time comes. it's a tough decision, i'm sure, but whatever you decide will be done out of love for Tippie, whether it's giving her to a new family or keeping her.
 
Hey Carolyn,
I have had 3 cats in my life (came late to cats!): Alice, Stu, Rusty. All were rescues or had been rescues. All were adults. They were each so different. But Edward and I have loved them so much and accepted all their foibles and idiosyncrasies. We adjusted to them and they adjusted to us. They may have restricted our lives in some ways, but we never gave that a thought. Alice (rescued on the street) chose us, as did Stu (in the shelter). We chose Rusty, but I know in my heart that he was destined to come to us. If it hadn't been for Alice, we would never have had Stu. If not for Stu and the bond of FD, we would not have adopted another diabetic.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is hard to rationalize a decision in which love plays such a large role. Maybe best not even to try. Go with your heart, Carolyn. I think you already have!

Wishing you a very happy holiday season and a good new year with a good new job!

Ella
 
If she weren't a foster there wouldn't be a question of making it work financially until you are on your feet again. Since she is a foster I have to honestly say I think that adopting her out if a good home is found might be the best. With the economy the way it is you have no way of knowing whether or not you will find work sooner rather than later...and if just food/litter will put a crunch on you a $500 vet bill could really screw things up for you for a long time.

I say all of that not being attached to Tippie and thinking of things in a purely logical manner. What your going through is the reason I cannot do it myself - I am a foster failure 4x over! :lol: :roll:
 
Gosh! Thank you all so much for your thoughtful words.
I was quite a mess yesterday!

Shortly after posting I heard back from the specialist. They explained things a little more for me about the future of her one and only eye. She will likely need to be treated on an ongoing basis. She will not be able to use eye drops (cheaper) because she always has discharge coming from the eye. The pills I just got her were $26 for 4 (16 days worth). :shock: If she is not treated OR treatments do not work, its is probable she will eventually develop ulcerations or other complications in the eye become completely blind. :sad: This week has actually been very difficult for her - lots more drainage, squinting, and believe it or not..Not eating well. Kinda nervewracking.

When I heard all this I knew my decision had to be NO. Its just the reality of the situation. But it also helps me know that she really is a special needs cat (Ive been in denial over that). Who ever takes her must be quiet, responsible, financially stable, and willing to care for her. They cannot neglect her treatment, and must be willing to care for her even if she does go blind. The screening process will be much different than my last foster.

All that said, the coordinator called me tonight. Ya, guess what deal they make if you adopt a special needs cat??? They pay for the medical bills related to the conditions they had before you adopted. Of course you have to go to their vet. Still! That really throws a wrench in the decision making process and now I must rethink things again.

Again, thanks for the thoughtful and kind words. It is always good to hear stories of uncertainty and then see how far people have come with their cats through thick and thin.

And Pat...if youre reading...can you believe I am considering adopting a black cat?!?! :o :mrgreen:

For those not on FB, here is a recent photo of her:
ry%3D400


Some shutterfly photos (most from surgery/recovery)
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0EcuGzRuyYsnIw

And her FB group (should be accessible to all) w/ lots of photos and video
http://www.facebook.com/groups/213974755301744/photos/#!/groups/213974755301744/

I will keep you posted. Still not 100% certain. Though I think if I was put in a pinch I probably would say yes. :shock:
 
julie & punkin said:
carolyn, does that mean if you adopt her that her medical bills will be paid?
Click to expand...

That's my question too!

(don't tell Binks or the Torties, but for me...BLACK KITTIES RULE!!!)
 
Yes, but only vet visits, medical care, (and meds?) related to her eyes. I could also only use their vet. Anything that is not pre existing to adoption, or seeing other vets would have to be paid for by me.

I need to promise myself that I would not even try any heroic measures if she became ill (ie/ cancer, kidney failure, etc). That goes completely against what I know in my head/heart. But I cant, unless my financial circumstances were completely different, do what I did for Latte. Aside from finances, that was/is really one of the main things holding me back. Could I let a cat go w/o heroic measures? She is young (my estimate...a little over 1yr), so theoretically it would buy me time to put a little bit of $ aside each month for her elderly years.

I do think I will end up waiting on a decision until Im forced into it with someone else considering adoption. This is in part because there may be someone out there who WOULD be a better fit for her. Someone with a regular schedule, financially secure, homeowner, etc. I really do want the best for her. If we can find the ideal candidate then I really should let her go. If not, then it WOULD be better for her to live her life out with me. :mrgreen:
 
Carolyn,
The answer will come and you'll know it's right. Maybe there's that forever home out there waiting - you just haven't hooked up yet or it could be she's meant to be yours. The more you fret over the answer right now, the noiser your head/heart become - you can't hear that quiet answer thru all the noise....

I truly believe Snowshoe (one of our civies) was supposed to be here but it took 2 years and bad experiences including the city pound for him before we found each other. When we first looked at each other, he and I both felt "THERE you are, now let's go home"...I could read it written all over his face even if he hadn't been hollering it too! I said it out loud... :-D

Let the answer come when it's time....you'll know....

HUGS! Pepper, our black baby, sends special scratches...
 
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