12/20 Loudogg AMPS 334 +6.5 262 PMPS 314...Pity Party for One

Amanda and a Loudogg

Amanda and a Loudogg

Member Since 2017
December 19, 2018 Condo - A sea of blue, then a bounce of course

Good morning all,
Yesterday, after a fantastic AMPS, Lou surfed pretty steadily... but he stayed in the low blues instead of the greens. Then of course, he bounced last night. So needless to say, today I'm sick and f*&#^$g tired of diabetes. I'm tired of having a cat who's been on insulin for a YEAR AND A HALF and still apparently doesn't know how to not bounce after high greens or blues or bounce so high. He didn't bounce like this on Vetsulin, which he was on almost a full year. We switch to Basaglar and all of a sudden he's bouncing like there's no tomorrow. So silly me, I hoped it may be the Basaglar and switched him to Levemir. While the beginning was promising, he's pretty much back to his normal bouncing self. I know it's still early days on Levemir, but this is getting ridiculous. He's not a new diabetic, you'd think he should know how to handle insulin by now.

I can't help but feel like what's the point? The kid can't have a stretch of good cycles (more than one, maybe two at a time) to save his life. What's the point in trying to force him into "good" numbers if his body refuses to stay there after over a year and a half on insulin? I can't help but feel like he's going to be a bouncy mess forever, and that makes me so damn depressed I could curl up in a ball and cry. I feel so defeated right now. I desperately wanted remission in the beginning, before I gave that up as a pipe dream. I then felt that I'd kill to get him regulated, but that's also apparently not going to happen. At this point, all I care about is keeping him under renal threshold, but that's also too much to ask. I just don't honestly see the point anymore.

Anyway, I'm going to go get ready for work and try to stop feeling sorry for myself. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
 
I feel for you, Amanda! I have a kitty who refuses to settle and we're coming up to the third anniversary of his diagnosis. What has helped me enormously is 1. accepting that Teasel is the way he is and 2. adopting my own methods of dealing with his peculiarities. Remission is highly unlikely, he refuses to follow any dosing rules and if I wanted to have a SS full of blue and green, testing and steering would be the only thing I do all day, every day. I NEED to have balance in my life and I've found my own ways to fit my diabetic cat's unpredictability into my day to day routines. BTW - Teasel started on Lantus, went to ProZinc, back to Lantus, then Levemir and finally back to Lantus. He spent months on each so no quick switches that didn't allow for adjusting to the insulin. He was most bouncy on ProZinc, Levemir was second and has done the best overall (relatively speaking) on Lantus.

This might not make you feel any better but I wanted you to know it's possible to make peace with it if it continues. :bighug::bighug:
 
Mandy & Rex said:
I'm glad @Kris & Teasel posted because I was just about tag her to give you some wisdom on how to handle it.

Just love up Lou - he can't help what his body is doing. :bighug::bighug:
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I think it helps to know that there are others in FDMB Land that have really tricky cats and have found ways to deal with it. I also put a lot of importance on Teasel's clinical signs rather than fixating on his numbers. :)
 
I agree with everyone. You have a happy, healthy kitty. He bounces. It's what he does. To my eye Lou's numbers on Lev. are a big improvement. You can test this by scrolling through his spreadsheet and getting a visual impression of the colors as they slide by.

Don't despair, Amanda. You are doing the best you can, and so is Lou.

Happy Holidays! Give the boy some extra low-carb treats!

:bighug::bighug::bighug:s and scritches

p.s. Lou has only been on Lev. for several weeks. Give him some time to get used to it.
 
Thanks everyone. Your kind words and support help immensely. And everything you're saying is right. I do know better. Normally we just love him, scoff and roll our eyes when he bounces, and then get on with our day. I don't know why this feeling of despair and hopelessness hit today of all days. I know Lou is more than his numbers. He's been happier, healthier (yesterday I noticed his coat feels like beautiful, soft silk), and playing like he's a kid again on Levemir. I know this is what's important, but apparently today I snapped. :oops: My insomnia has been flaring up and I haven't been sleeping all that well when I do sleep. Couple that with a wildly uncomfortable bed and I think perhaps I'm not firing on all cylinders lately. Or maybe I just needed to cry a bit to get it (whatever it is) out of my system. Who knows? I appreciate you all being here for me and bringing me back from the ledge. :facepalm::rolleyes:
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
YOU are NOT Alone ! Everything you said I totally agree with. But if you want to see a Kitty that bounces ,take a look at Ravan's SS! A few days ago he had the "BOUNCE from Hell! Stayed over 400 for 3 cycles :banghead::banghead::banghead:

I switched to Levemir for the same reason. "Some" kitties don't bounce so much . Well Ravan still bounces. I've been told some kitties always do. I like Levemir because he uses less insulin & he is doing a bit better on it.

When I look at Lou's SS I WISH Ravan's looked that good! Be Happy that Lou is acting Great & is still a "young" kitty. My Ravan is over 16 yrs old & has Kidney Disease.:( My last kitty Daisy lived to be 23!:) You have a lot more years to enjoy Lou!

Amanda and a Loudogg said:
so damn depressed I could curl up in a ball and cry.
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I've felt this way also but you know, I'm Happy I still have my boy Ravan. Every day is a blessing. We need to take one day at a time.
I watched Ravan playing yesterday! And I was so Happy I was crying! But this time it was Good tears!:):bighug:
 
@Amanda and a Loudogg I so identify with you. I don't know what to do anymore with Olive. We were doing good, then p'titis and everything went out the window. We were down in insulin now going back up, probably another increase tomorrow. All this pain meds can't be good so today I decided to try to cut some back. Can't get anyone to answer me about raising caber dose.

Many of times I look at her glucose and just shake my head. No matter what, they will be what they are. I also just want her under renal threshold, is that to much to hope.

Now I'm just at the point that is today a good day for her. Alert, eyes bright, just maybe a minute of play, a good poop. Or another day of looking miserable, being uncomfortable, being a blob.

You go ahead and have your pity party, but not for one. I'm joining you and I'm sure there are a few others who will. We can turn it into a good time.
 
Okay, group hug everyone!

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Amanda and a Loudogg said:
Thanks everyone. Your kind words and support help immensely. And everything you're saying is right. I do know better. Normally we just love him, scoff and roll our eyes when he bounces, and then get on with our day. I don't know why this feeling of despair and hopelessness hit today of all days. I know Lou is more than his numbers. He's been happier, healthier (yesterday I noticed his coat feels like beautiful, soft silk), and playing like he's a kid again on Levemir. I know this is what's important, but apparently today I snapped. :oops: My insomnia has been flaring up and I haven't been sleeping all that well when I do sleep. Couple that with a wildly uncomfortable bed and I think perhaps I'm not firing on all cylinders lately. Or maybe I just needed to cry a bit to get it (whatever it is) out of my system. Who knows? I appreciate you all being here for me and bringing me back from the ledge. :facepalm::rolleyes:
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
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You are absolutely allowed (and expected) to have melt downs over this. It's hard!! You're in good company and Lou couldn't be in better hands. :cat:
 
The best pity parties are where you have your internet “friends” from FDMB over too. Back in the day we’d bring over pies or cakes or candy. All those things that are much better for you virtually, especially this time of year.:bighug:

As Ella said, Lou is still early days on Lev. It can take a couple months before they really learn how to work the new insulin. He is looking a lot better on Lev for so early on. And it’s great to hear he is feeling better too.

I totally get it Amanda. Where did my five years dealing with FD go? I would trade it all back if I had my girl back and healthy. I finally got to the point where I would just roll my eyes at a bounce, and go on my way. But it took a while. OK, a long while, and with the help of my friends here.
 
For some cats, renal threshold is high blues. You need to do some testing with ketodiastix, or the way I figured it out was doing BG tests before Neko went for urinalysis. Hers was around 220. ECID.
 
Gordy is one of the kings of bouncing - just ask Kris and Bobbie, they'll vouch. And we've been doing this for over 2 years.

Gordy still bounces on Lev, but its less extreme as it was on Lantus. And feel safer on Lev too. (Vetsulin was basically a waste of my money....)

Some kitties have said to bounce their way into remission so try not to loose hope on that.

But I completely get why you are feeling frustrated. Just peek at his SS and see the bounces and range I get on one dose amount. (Its also why I decided to hold most doses longer than TR protocol.)

Have your pity party. Its definitely allowed.

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
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(((((hugs!)))) Amanda! I so understand how you are feeling having gone through similar frustrations myself time and time again with my girl. She wasn't a big bouncer but even when her IAA finally starting breaking about a year in and I actually saw a green number, there was never that sudden rapid "chase the numbers" I expected. There were teasers of blues and greens and then a big let down and pity parties as she'd pop back up and add some other colours to the mix.

Like everyone else, I learned to look at the numbers, shrug and tell myself "maybe tomorrow" and get on with things. We went up and down the dosing ladder for quite some time and then one day it was like someone flipped a switch and there was a sea of green on the SS and it just kept coming like a tsunami.

Keep the faith! Lou is happy and healthy and that is what counts for each precious day we have with these wonderful critters! :bighug:
 
Sorry to hear about Loudogg's antics. IAA or Acromegaly can make the numbers a little wonky to say the least. My boy was notorious for the guess what dose is right today game... bet you get it wrong:facepalm:. He inherited the title Mr. Unpredictable here on the boards from a previous kitty. I think it may be time to pass the Mr. Unpredictable title onto Loudogg:cool:

Hang in there, there were plenty of times many of us questioned the dedication at the expense of other parts of our lives like sleep to care for our furballs. Like Wendy said, it helps to accept the wonkiness and not stress as much about the numbers. Don't worry about the bounces or annoying number days, think about where his numbers would be without your dedication and assistance.

Be the tank, a tank always gets where it's going:bighug:
 
I was surprised as well. And this makes "under renal threshold" a trickier goal.

Note that @Wendy&Neko 's mention above of "high blues" works out to the same thing.

Mind you, I claim neither expertise nor experience. This is just "book learning" for me.
 
Amanda and a Loudogg said:
At this point, all I care about is keeping him under renal threshold
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HUGS Amanda....yep those shoes pinch really bad some days. Don't give up tho', just keep doing. I've had Dakota for over 5 years, couldn't keep him under renal threshold for years....until suddenly I can. He's been on just a heavy drop for months and rarely do we see higher than 200.

HUGS and hugs...and more...
 
Amanda and a Loudogg said:
Thanks everyone. Your kind words and support help immensely. And everything you're saying is right. I do know better. Normally we just love him, scoff and roll our eyes when he bounces, and then get on with our day. I don't know why this feeling of despair and hopelessness hit today of all days. I know Lou is more than his numbers. He's been happier, healthier (yesterday I noticed his coat feels like beautiful, soft silk), and playing like he's a kid again on Levemir. I know this is what's important, but apparently today I snapped. :oops: My insomnia has been flaring up and I haven't been sleeping all that well when I do sleep. Couple that with a wildly uncomfortable bed and I think perhaps I'm not firing on all cylinders lately. Or maybe I just needed to cry a bit to get it (whatever it is) out of my system. Who knows? I appreciate you all being here for me and bringing me back from the ledge. :facepalm::rolleyes:
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
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Lack of sleep is a killer. I get bouts of it as well.
And you aren't alone... Cc was so easy that first year. This past year and a half she's a rubber ball. I've definitly felt exactly how you are feeling. (Often after little sleep!)
 
Oh Amanda! How I can relate! I'm finally getting to the end of my exhausting work day - where I pop up from what I'm doing - and test Luci - and don't get any good numbers - and return to my work - feeling defeated - again...she has her good days and her bad days...and I try to take it in stride. I figure I've got enough on my plate to worry about - the list is long - so I try not to worry about Luci and think to myself if I'd listened to that vet last year who advised me to 'put her down' I'd have missed out on an entire year of 'popping' up from my work, leaving dinners and family gatherings early sounding like the crazy cat lady - I HAVE TO LEAVE to take care of Luci. I'm sure they all talked about me after I left - I don't care. I'm here with Luci and she's our girl - she's a family member for 10 years and well, you just can't toss your family members out like that - regardless of health issues, right? Luci is a bouncer too...she likes all the colors...what to do? Just gotta roll with it...I've accepted that Luci isn't on the fast track to remission...and maybe not even regulation...when we first started this journey I wanted that desperately...and felt pressure to get there - FAST...but at some point in the last year I just realized Luci may never go into remission -and for as long as she's alive I'll have this as my routine...shots, tests, and keeping the house stocked with supplies.

And that lack of sleep thing - killer! I wake up so many mornings at 4 a.m. wide awake...and then tired for the rest of the day because I just couldn't put those worries aside to sleep until a decent time...grrr....:banghead:

So I hope you get that new mattress! It'll make such a difference. We found a place that made 'custom' mattresses - so it's flippable...hard to find those in the stores. Unfortunately it's a king so it's quite difficult to flip the darn thing...but my son is a big guy so he helps - anyway...it was an investment - but I've never had a bad night's sleep due to the mattress on that one :) Love it!

I hope you can relax a bit and accept your lovable Lou for what he is at this point...try to keep him safe and happy and enjoy the good days. Sending healing vines to you and Lou. There's always a silver lining.:bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Hang in there sweetie. He is early with Lev. And he is coming down...........maybe not as fast as you'd like, but celebrate all the good things!

We have all been there where you are and feeling defeated. Remember, it is a marathon, not a race. Bubba's first remission was after 14 months on insulin. Now, I just what all his allergies to go away and for him to feel good. How does Lou feel? Eating and all the P's in place? It is so easy to see our cats as a BG number , but they are so much more than that. Good health is paramount!

Hang in there.......we understand and are here to support you and Lou. Hugs and more hugs. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
I read your above post yesterday, but hesitated to respond, in part because of where I am with Tiny, and where you are with Lou. I didn't want anything I said appear contrite or smug or as if I know what I'm talking about when it comes to FD, because none of that would be true. So, all that I'm about to say comes compassionately to you.

If there is a devil, it would be lack of sleep. That devil can screw with your mind more than FD and Lou's bouncing numbers, so please be kind to yourself; you deserve it.

As I began this journey with Tiny, I hoped for a destination of OTJ, but I suspected it might not come as I looked at other kit's SSs and saw the struggles others were experiencing, much like mine. I remember a couple of things from the early days...I thought I would kill Tiny by some lack...lack of testing, lack of sleep, lack of the correct dose of insulin and as we went...pinks, yellows, blues, back up to pinks after poor advice from a Vet that didn't know a thing about FD, and when I was at my wits end and didn't think I'd last one more minute, I recall @Bobbie And Bubba saying to me...and I'm paraphrasing here..."Be patient; something is going to click and Tiny will get into the blues." She was correct.

I guess through that seemingly self-indulging paragraph, what I'm trying to say is, the experience of being a human with a FD kit who cannot speak or communicate to us to let us know what they need is all of this: terrifying, maddening, frustrating, EXHAUSTING, and even depressing. So, what you viewed as a "pity party" is something I feel that, given the circumstances we are experiencing, is more normal than not. In fact, I think I'd be more worried about any of us, including you, if we just sauntered along without our hair being on fire from time to time!

Tiny and I are two of the most fortunate ones, and we know it. Karen and I work full time at intense jobs, and more than once we had the "what if" discussion, because I knew that I was going to get fired or have a heart attack if I wasn't able to get more sleep, and getting more sleep meant Tiny either heading where she is, or getting stabilized, at least. That is a tough conversation to have. I even gave thought to asking one of you here on FDMB to take Tiny if she was never going to go where she's headed...and THAT was an even harder conversation to have in my head, and I never shared it with Karen, because it was a heartbreaking thought.

We are fortunate to be where we are in her progress - I can't even say the words without fear of jinxing us - and what we are MOST FORTUNATE for is for the people here, in every stage of the FD journey...and if you remember, I said it's a journey, truly not a destination of OTJ, even though we'd like to end with the big O.T.J.

One of my favorite things to say is, 'What good are we in this world if we are not here to help one another?' And cat-o-cat, this forum is filled with good people from all over the world, who don't even really know one another, most having never met, yet all have joined forces to help each other as we do our best to help our sugar babies.

I think to myself, imagine if the whole world, in every situation would work together like this! That's the destination - all the love and care and compassion that we share with one another. I'd be a mess without this place, without many of you and the support you've so freely given to me and to others, and there are a couple of people here that I truly love with my whole heart for all they've done for me. That's the gift!

So, as I see it, you are entitled to any meltdown you might ever experience, in fact we all are! And poor Lou is at the mercy of his dysfunctional (at the moment) pancreas. Don't give your power away to Lou's pancreas!!! Meditate, walk, bike, cry...I'm partial to taking many deep breaths and huffing them out!...whatever it takes.

Tiny and I are cheering you and Lou along, Amanda. Enjoy that handsome kitty of yours, you are one of the best cat mom's out there! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
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Joanne&TinySole said:
I read your above post yesterday, but hesitated to respond, in part because of where I am with Tiny, and where you are with Lou. I didn't want anything I said appear contrite or smug or as if I know what I'm talking about when it comes to FD, because none of that would be true. So, all that I'm about to say comes compassionately to you.

If there is a devil, it would be lack of sleep. That devil can screw with your mind more than FD and Lou's bouncing numbers, so please be kind to yourself; you deserve it.

As I began this journey with Tiny, I hoped for a destination of OTJ, but I suspected it might not come as I looked at other kit's SSs and saw the struggles others were experiencing, much like mine. I remember a couple of things from the early days...I thought I would kill Tiny by some lack...lack of testing, lack of sleep, lack of the correct dose of insulin and as we went...pinks, yellows, blues, back up to pinks after poor advice from a Vet that didn't know a thing about FD, and when I was at my wits end and didn't think I'd last one more minute, I recall @Bobbie And Bubba saying to me...and I'm paraphrasing here..."Be patient; something is going to click and Tiny will get into the blues." She was correct.

I guess through that seemingly self-indulging paragraph, what I'm trying to say is, the experience of being a human with a FD kit who cannot speak or communicate to us to let us know what they need is all of this: terrifying, maddening, frustrating, EXHAUSTING, and even depressing. So, what you viewed as a "pity party" is something I feel that, given the circumstances we are experiencing, is more normal than not. In fact, I think I'd be more worried about any of us, including you, if we just sauntered along without our hair being on fire from time to time!

Tiny and I are two of the most fortunate ones, and we know it. Karen and I work full time at intense jobs, and more than once we had the "what if" discussion, because I knew that I was going to get fired or have a heart attack if I wasn't able to get more sleep, and getting more sleep meant Tiny either heading where she is, or getting stabilized, at least. That is a tough conversation to have. I even gave thought to asking one of you here on FDMB to take Tiny if she was never going to go where she's headed...and THAT was an even harder conversation to have in my head, and I never shared it with Karen, because it was a heartbreaking thought.

We are fortunate to be where we are in her progress - I can't even say the words without fear of jinxing us - and what we are MOST FORTUNATE for is for the people here, in every stage of the FD journey...and if you remember, I said it's a journey, truly not a destination of OTJ, even though we'd like to end with the big O.T.J.

One of my favorite things to say is, 'What good are we in this world if we are not here to help one another?' And cat-o-cat, this forum is filled with good people from all over the world, who don't even really know one another, most having never met, yet all have joined forces to help each other as we do our best to help our sugar babies.

I think to myself, imagine if the whole world, in every situation would work together like this! That's the destination - all the love and care and compassion that we share with one another. I'd be a mess without this place, without many of you and the support you've so freely given to me and to others, and there are a couple of people here that I truly love with my whole heart for all they've done for me. That's the gift!

So, as I see it, you are entitled to any meltdown you might ever experience, in fact we all are! And poor Lou is at the mercy of his dysfunctional (at the moment) pancreas. Don't give your power away to Lou's pancreas!!! Meditate, walk, bike, cry...I'm partial to taking many deep breaths and huffing them out!...whatever it takes.

Tiny and I are cheering you and Lou along, Amanda. Enjoy that handsome kitty of yours, you are one of the best cat mom's out there! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
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Oh Joanne, thank you for your kind words and your support. They made me smile and almost tear up. :) This forum is amazing and life-saving. Especially when I have a meltdown over nothing really and need somewhere to rant and get my head back on straight. I'm with you, I also had bad vet advice and I don't know where we'd be without this forum and the people willing to share their knowledge. I appreciate you taking the time to write, and I want to assure you that my struggles with Lou's ups and downs in no way diminishes my joy in Tiny's progress. We're all in this together. :joyful: :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
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