10/22 TiTi is fine. Rudy, my civie, died in my arms this afternoon.

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Kathy and TiTi

Member Since 2016
http://www.felinediabetes.com/FDMB/...or-yellow-now-common-why.166991/#post-1806877

Last night it was clear that Rudy was in pain and failing.

I called this morning to take him to the vet to say goodbye. They're only open from 8am to noon on Saturdays. and today they were very busy. I was on hold a long time, because the receptionist/technician was overwhelmed with a morning of emergencies and full bookings. Finally she had time to listen. She said that my usual vet was not in today. I was disappointed but figured, ok, and I explained the situation. She sort of stonewalled me about coming in, but I held my ground. Finally she said, " Okay, come in at 11:30. You'll have to sit and wait. We'll stick him in somewhere, and do it quickly."

I could not bear the images that conjured. Me sitting in a chair trying hard not to cry, Rudy frightened and stressed, meatloafed in the carrier. Finally going into an examining room and waiting. A strange vet rushing in, fumbling with the equipment, maybe hurting Rudy more in his hurry, and then racing out.
It was too much for me. I opted make an appointment for Monday, and to pick up some pain meds instead.

After picking up the pain medication, I came home to find Rudy huddled behind the stand-alone mirror in my bedroom. I picked him up and gave him some pain meds, and then cleaned his eye, he gave a muffled scream, and stiffened. I believe he had a massive stroke.

Took him an hour to die. I could not feel worse.
 
:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
So sorry it was Rudy's time Kathy.
He passed in your arms knowing he was loved of that I am sure. I am sorry you didn't get the much needed support from the vet office.
Fly free sweet Rudy and land softly:rb_icon::rb_icon::rb_icon:
 
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Kathy I am so sorry :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug: :rb_icon:!!!!!!
 
{{{Kathy}}}

I am so very sorry about Rudy. :(

I know how you feel - my first baby, my calico, Nemesis, died in my arms in the middle of the night after surgery for pancreatic cancer. I felt horrible for not taking her in earlier, when I knew she was failing. It has haunted me for almost 18 years.

Please do not be too hard on yourself. You made what you felt was the best choice for Rudy. I'm sure he knew how dearly you loved him, and that you were there with him. He is at peace now, whole and happy at the Bridge, and it will only make it harder on yourself if you keep replaying it in your head and kicking yourself. You are a WONDERFUL mama, and you do so much more than most people would for your babies. Try to remember the many happy years you had with him, and just cuddle your other kitties and love on them. They will help you heal.

Fly free, sweet Rudy, and land softly. :rb_icon:
 
I'm so so sorry. Please don't beat yourself up. You did your best for him and it sounds like it wouldn't have made any difference if you had taken him in. At least he was home and surrounded by your love. Fly free Rudy. Sending prayers. :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
I am so so sorry that Rudy has crossed the bridge, You absolutely made the right decision to keep him at home and let him be free in a place he was comfortable in and loved with the people that loved him most by his side. It was "Time" and you gave him the best possible release with love and more love. Rudy is now free of pain and suffering. Sending many prayers for strength at this sad time. :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
 
I'm so sorry Kathy :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

I would have made the same decision that you did under the circumstances and join the chorus of don't beat yourself up over this. There are nearly always regrets to be found in how our beloved babies pass no matter how it happens. From Rudy's perspective the chances are he would have preferred to go the way that he did than proceeded by a frightening wait in a busy and, from the sound of it, very uncaring vet office. Had you taken him in you just would have had a whole different set of regrets.

Your decision was made with love for Rudy and we can't do any better than that :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

RIP Rudy:rb_icon:
 
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Oh Kathy, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know it was terribly hard on you, but you made the right decision. He was at home in your arms, safe and loved, not scared and possibly roughly handled at the hands of a rushed vet who was a stranger to him.

My heart breaks for you for what you've had to endure today. Sending you hugs and strength. Please let Rudy's love help heal your heart. :bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

Fly free, beloved Rudy, landing softly back in your mama's heartcat_wings>o
 
So sorry to hear that your dear Rudy left you today, Kathy :bighug::bighug::bighug:

Adding another voice in the choir that's telling you not to beat up on yourself....If it was a massive stroke, most likely he didn't feel anything except your love as you held him. I would have made the same decision you did....not to have the last moments of his life surrounded by anything but love, peace and people who I knew cared.
Fly free dear Rudy and land softly....there are many old friends at the Bridge to welcome you tonight cat_wings>o
 
(((((Kathy))))) I am so sorry you had to deal with that unfeeling receptionist! She needs a course in common decency.
I am so sorry it was Rudy time to go to the bridge.
You did all you could and he knew you loved him. And you were with him when he passed.
Deepest condolences
:bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Oh Kathy, I am so very very sorry..my heart is breaking for you and tears are falling as I read this..
But I SO agree you made the right decision. He was one of the lucky cats who get to leave this plane of existence in the envelope of love....and I'm sure he would want to arrive at the rainbow bridge with his beautiful face clean and spiffy...you gave him an incredibly loving send off, cradled in your arms..so much better than the cold, scary scenario you avoided..
I am so so so sorry....:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
I hope at some point your world stops hurting so....:bighug::bighug::bighug: and that better memories of Rudy come to mind first.....
Rudy is free and whole and his special bell is now a part of that shimmering beautiful bridge, adding his unique notes to its melody:bighug::bighug::bighug:
Land softly sweet Rudy:bighug::bighug::rb_icon::cat:
 
Dear (((Kathy))), Rudy loves you so much and I know that he felt safe being in your arms when he began his journey to the Bridge. Please know that at the Bridge he is in "good paws". Our GAs will be his pals until that wonderful day when you will meet again.

Fly free, sweet Rudycat_wings>o. You are much loved.

In deepest sympathy,
Ella & Edward, Rusty, and Stu(GA)
 
((((Kathy)))) I'm so sorry. What a traumatic time. All I can add is that when I pass, I would rather have my beloved holding me than any other possible circumstance. I'm sure Rudy knew he was loved and he would've wanted to be with you.

Fly free little Rudy, and land softly.
ruka-ladon-palcy-babochka.jpg
 
I am so sorry Kathy... Rudy will remember the love that surrounded him as he crossed..... do not be hard on yourself you did nothing but love sweet Rudy.
many heartfelt prayers........:bighug::bighug::bighug::rb_icon:
 
He was surrounded by your love right up until the very end. That's all that matters.

Fly Free sweet Rudy. Make sure to check in from time to time to let your mama bean know that you're watching over her :rb_icon:
 
I'm so sorry for your loss and know how terrible you feel. I've lost cats in similar circumstances and felt horrible that I didn't have them PTS before it happened or didn't get to the emergency clinic fast enough. We can't read the future and so often look back thinking 'if only I'd done this or that'. It's very very hard to deal with guilt feelings on top of grief. I don't know if it helps at all but it sounds like you did all you could considering a very unhelpful vet's office - if you'd taken him there it might have happened just the same way by the time they got to you. This way, he had the pain meds in him and passed in his familiar home.
 
{{{Kathy}}}

I am so very sorry about Rudy. :(

I know how you feel - my first baby, my calico, Nemesis, died in my arms in the middle of the night after surgery for pancreatic cancer. I felt horrible for not taking her in earlier, when I knew she was failing. It has haunted me for almost 18 years.

Please do not be too hard on yourself. You made what you felt was the best choice for Rudy. I'm sure he knew how dearly you loved him, and that you were there with him. He is at peace now, whole and happy at the Bridge, and it will only make it harder on yourself if you keep replaying it in your head and kicking yourself. You are a WONDERFUL mama, and you do so much more than most people would for your babies. Try to remember the many happy years you had with him, and just cuddle your other kitties and love on them. They will help you heal.

Fly free, sweet Rudy, and land softly. :rb_icon:

Thank you. Under the circumstances, the problem was that I saw no choice. Rudy's descent was so fast that the difference between Friday morning and Friday evening was as night and day. And on Saturday, finally, I simply could not let Rudy end as a cat to be "stuck" in somewhere, and ended as "quick" as possible. No. So the end was raw pain, and exquisitely personal between us. Experiencing every second of his journey, as if it was mine. I hope it helped him.
 
(((((Kathy))))))
I"m so sorry. I had a similar experience with losing my first special dog (shadow) .
The only vet available at the time was someone without a license ( didn't know that) .
So I had no vet help at all even though I was taking her into her regular vet the next morning. She didn't make it until morning.
And then, her vet didn't show up until after noon. I couldn't believe it.

Rudy was loved. He was at home , with you.... and that's more important.
Fly Free Rudy.
candle.gif
 
Kathy, I'm really sorry for your loss.
Being at home with you, even though it was really intense, sounds much less stressful than the car trip and then waiting at the vet's office.
I hope you are doing OK today.
:bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Kathy I have no doubt in my heart that he did...how could he not feel that incredible love....I know if I were given the choice for myself, I would want those I love to help me pass to my next adventure rather than a clinician in a sterile cold surfaced setting....there is a form of PTSD that comes on the heels of an experience like what you just went thru, I believe it is very real..and that takes a long time to heal...all in your own time:bighug::bighug:
Sending huge wrap around hugs to you tonight....I hope Titi and your other fur babies give you some extra sweet snuggles.....:bighug::bighug:
 
{{{Kathy}}}

You've been on my mind all day. I am glad the messages here have given you some solace. I think they really resonate with me because they aren't just empty platitudes. Everyone here knows how it feels - they get it, and they feel some degree of your pain with you. Just know we're all here for you. :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
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