10/16 Kasha's last condo Final Update

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Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

I've been so upset all day that I haven't even been able to think about posting til now, and even at that I'm typing through the tears. Obviously I didn't know your little Kasha, but it has struck me as though I did. Your stories of Kasha remind me so much of my Emma. It's amazing to me how we can not even have met and yet I feel as if I've lost my own kitty today. You are so brave, and I only can pray that when that day comes for me and my girl that I'll be able to give her the same gift. I know she gave her whole heart and soul to you, and you clearly have loved her so much. Take care of yourself, Krys. And fly free sweet Kasha. I know there's at least one kitty-loving drooler named Tess at the bridge who will be excited to smother you with slobbery kisses. And she knows just how to deal with crazy kitties like you - she'll just kiss you all the more.
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

Fly free, Little Kasha...you are loved and will be missed.

(((Krys))) I am so sorry....your stories let me know Kasha just a little....thank you!
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

So very, very sorry, Krys.

Thank you for sharing your stories of your life with Kasha. I feel as though I know her through you. She was indeed a very special girl who will be desperately missed.

Sending you strength to endure the sadness and pain of her loss...may the days eventually become brighter as your memories of her bring you comfort.

((((Krys))))
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

Dear Krys my heart is breaking for you having to say good bye to Kasha today. I know how that pain feels and how long it takes to feel better. Kasha knows how much you loved her in a totally devoted and unselfish way. You are a courageous and giving person who did the best thing for your friend knowing full well what you would have to face. In time the raw pain will give way but your memories will remain and the loving bond you shared will always be there. Kasha will always be looking out for you.
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

My heart is breaking for the two of you, I know how much this seperation will grieve you. I pray Kasha will visit you in your dreams and bring you comfort.
Fly free Kasha, may your spirit soar
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

Last night as I was reading Kasha's condo, I lost access to FDMB. Earlier today I could not bring myself to look yet, though I thought about Kasha all afternoon. Clearly she "spoke" to you, Krys, and I have no doubts that she will find a way to communicate with you again.

hugs and comfort and prayers to you

MJ&Donovan
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

I hope you are doing ok. I can't imagine how difficult of a day this has been for you! I'm glad your mom was able to go with you, so you didn't have to drive if you weren't up to it. I loved reading your stories about Kasha, though I had to take many breaks for tears. Continued thoughts and prayers for you both!
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

thinking of you, krys...
i'm so sorry.

wings_cat fly free sweet kasha

(((((hugs)))))
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

Fly free, sweet Kasha...so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. She's with you always. It's nice to think of her soaking up the warmth of the sun today after a shared breakfast of oatmeal. ((Krys))
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

((((Krys))))
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Kashas' stories were wonderful to read, especially the Barbie boll head story.

Fly free little kitty, and land softly.

((((hugs))))
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

(((Krys)))

I am so sorry for you loss.
I love reading all the stories about Kasha.....she had so much personality.

Fly free sweet Kasha. wings_cat
 
Re: 10/16 Kasha's last condo AMPS 160, 88 @ + 4.5

So sorry Krys. You saved her a lot of pain by taking it on yourself. ((((Krys))))

Fly free, sweet Kasha. wings_cat
 
Thank you all for the candles and kind words. I can't even describe how I feel - the worst emptiness... It's beyond sad. It's not like any other loss I've ever experienced. I feel dead inside.

Friday night and and Saturday morning, Kasha spent a lot of time just looking at me, like she was memorizing my face. She just kept staring at me intently. Maybe it was part of her process - she seemed to need to walk thru the house and outside to take one last look at everything.

Kasha spent all of Saturday morning outside, lying on the driveway, the neighbor's driveway, the other neighbor's walkway, the sidewalk and the grass. About 1:45 or so she finally decided to come in the house (our appointment was at 2:20 - weird). She came inside, drank some water and climbed up to her papasan chair. My mom was late arriving, per usual, and I'd already put Kasha in the car by the time she arrived. I thought Kasha would be more comfortable in her own car, even if it meant I'd have to drive. So, we got to our vet's, and they put us in a room. I immediately took apart the carrier and lifted Kasha out. She started to growl and complain, but when I pulled her close and held her, she immediately grew quiet. I handled all the preliminaries, signed off on everything, while holding her in my arms. We asked for a few minutes and I held her on my lap and cried quietly. My legs were shaking so hard, I tried to keep them steady. Kasha just stayed draped in my arms.

Finally, the tech came back and asked if we were ready. I said yes and she said she'd get our doc. Dr. Conni came in and we talked for a little bit - odd small talk considering. I then asked if there was some way to do this where I could still hold Kasha in my arms. After some debate, they figured we'd at least try with me holding her upper body in my arms and that way they could inject into her back leg. It happened very quickly. I held her tight and watched as they injected into her vein. My vet said, her poor belly. It was obvious that her belly was full of fluid. And then it was over. Oddly enough, even after her heart stopped, she still took several small gasping breaths... and then a few others. My vet told me that sometimes that happens when cats have been sick for a while - but that never happened for me with any other cat - except my first kitty, who died basically in my arms at home. I always said Kasha was my first cat come back to me... just another strange coincidence.

We talked a bit after - I didn't cry after they injected her. We even kind of joked about how she might let me know she was ok - I figured I'd wake up bleeding or with an insulin syringe sticking out of my arm. Something like that. As we were talking, I still had my arms around her and her paw was resting over my arm. I held her like that for a long time. I only let go when everyone was leaving the room for a little bit and my vet came around to hug me. Then we were alone for the last time. I cried a little but I was mostly just so overwhelmed by the emptiness I feel.

I received some wonderful emails from friends and coworkers. Pretty much everyone except my BF/ex-BF who is now firmly an EX. He knew we were going, was relieved I think that my mom was going with me so he could be excused from any obligation. He never emailed anything, except to thank me for a link I sent to Kasha's pics. I'm sick inside that I missed out on so much time with Kasha by being in that relationship.

Blue and I went to my parents' to spend the night - I just couldn't be at my house. She's always been here with me. I cannot comprehend how she could be gone.

I must say, I completely understand those stories of people who throw themselves onto a funeral pyre or whatever in their grief.

Thank you to everyone on this board for all the help and support you've given us over the last 6 mos. We came so close to getting her OTJ... And you were all there to support us when we lost Big Cat in May and when Blue had his surgery in June. Not to mention the countless times I felt so hopeless with Kasha's diabetes, her kidney infection, dental issues and finally, her cancers. Even my vet said it was unusual for a cat to have more than one type of cancer - usually it's just one primary one that can or cannot be dealt with. In our case, we were beating the lymphoma, but then it seems there were at least 1, possibly 2 more cancers at work in her. I don't know why this happens. I don't know why all the things that happened to us this year had to happen all at once. I am grateful for all of you. I was crying over your posts in this condo, crying over the candles on gratefulness.org and crying as I read your own condos and mentioned my little girl.

I will be back to check in here in LL - I also told my vet to feel free to give my name to anyone when she diagnoses diabetes, so that they don't start off all alone like we did. I'm probably not going to be very visible for a while - I think I'm going to get in my car and go away for a few days because it's just really hard to be at home after being on such a strict schedule with all of her care and now I have no schedule at all. It's impossible to sleep thru the night when I still feel like I need to wake up and check on her, give her a snack, etc. Life without her is not something I look forward to becoming accustomed to. I feel more alone than I can remember feeling.

I received a letter from my ex -Kasha's "daddy" - last week. That's when he first heard of Kasha's cancer. He wrote: "She was our first child. The boys we adopted, but Kasha we went looking for. I'm not sure how you picked out just the perfect personality out of all the cats at the pound, but you definitely found just the little girl we needed... I can still feel her claws on my arms. That funny little bounce she does when you chase her... I cannot imagine how you feel. I know how much you two mean to each other."

A final word: Kasha was/is the best girl I could have ever asked for. She was my best friend for 17 1/2 yrs... I've had other cats during that time, but none was ever like Kasha. Our bond was completely different - I knew years ago that it was going to be immensely painful to lose her, that I should have somehow been able to control myself to keep from falling so hopelessly in love with her. But it was already too late. The kitty that I thought I'd never love as much as my first cat became the love of my life. A friend wrote to me yesterday and said she had no doubt that we were/are soulmates. I hope Iorwen was correct when she told me that familiars are bonded to us forever and that she will find me again. I will always be looking for her.
 
(((Krys)))) I am weeping for you and your pain and loss. No words can offer comfort but we still send our most heartfelt and deepest sympathy. A candle to light Kasha's way to the RB where so many helped to ease her transition. I do believe she will come back to you and you will know it. You will be 100% sure it is her but until then, she will be with you every moment..every dream, every memory...she is always in your heart. I wish you the peace that comes with knowing that you showed her the greatest love during her life and during her journey to the RB.
 

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I hear you so completely when you talk about knowing in advance how hard it would be to let go. I guess that's the price we pay for having them in our lives. I know you will never be without her. You belong to each other forever.
((((((((Krys)))))))
 
Kyrs I so understand how you say that one can bond with that certain special cat for Do Lou is mine I also have had many over the years as pets and as we breed but there is something special about He and I, and I like to think as you that we are bonded in forever in time and in the afterlife as well we are thinking of you here you have been thru a lot this year you are in my prayers take care (((((((HUGS)))))) thanks for sharing all your Kasha stories as well
 
((((((((((Krys)))))))))) thank you so much for sharing that all with us here. We have been thinking of you so much and for myself, I am happy that you were able to share with us the things that happened and the things in your heart....
You are a good Mama and Kasha loved you so....you will meet again, of that I am sure....
Krys, you gave her the gift of setting her free....where she can run and play and feel wonderful again....
I know the loss is unbearable....you shared so much for all those years....please take good care of yourself and Blue...
and keep on treasuring your beautiful girl...she is with you still....
 
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