10/14 Saoirse AMPS 9.2 /166: Losing the Plot

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Critter Mom

Critter Mom

Member Since 2014
Hi all,

As some of you already know, I have serious problems with sleep regulation because of my PTSD and when I do pass out I'm so exhausted that my body just will not respond to an alarm clock. This makes BID dosing extremely difficult because Saoirse tends to run low at night and I can't set alarm clocks to wake and test her to make sure she's safe. Her numbers are all over the place because of my sleeping/dosing difficulties. Sometimes Saoirse doesn't eat her timed feeds (even with an appy stimulant on board). This leaves me even more worried about her being OK while I'm unconscious, especially on PM cycles. It also leads to BG spikes if she fasts too long because her appetite is off or if I pass out at an unexpected time and her feeders aren't loaded. If I could free feed her at night it would help, but after trying slightly larger meals yesterday that doesn't seem like an option. Even then, if she had the appy stimulant in her system what would happen if she ate all of the food left out in the eariler part of the cycle? If she ran out of food, could the Lantus take her too low in the latter part of the cycle? I'm so confused.

Can someone please look at Saoirse's spreadsheet for me. I'm trying so hard to find a safe dose to give BID - currently giving the 'drop' that the depressed plunger sucks into the needle when released, but her numbers are trending upwards. Saoirse's numbers were better on a 0.1 SID dose (practised umpteen times and is equivalent of 2 x 'drop'). In trying to move to a safe BID dose, things seem to be going backwards.

I don't know whether today's higher numbers are partly due to a bounce after yesterday's 4.2. The AMPS 9.2 was affected by a different meal size between PM+9 and PM+10, plus because I passed out again before I could give her this morning's dose, Saoirse ended up having a 5 hour fast and her dose was a couple of hours late. :oops:

I'm really struggling with this. I understood how to feed Saoirse safely through a Caninsulin cycle, but I'm at a complete loss about the best times to feed Saoirse with the depot insulin in order not to spike her BG, not to upset her digestive system, not to overwhelm her pancreas and not to let her get too low. The worry is making my own health worse, and that's not good because Saoirse needs me. The worry is exacerbating my PTSD symptoms and I'm just getting more and more confused and agitated, meaning I can't think this through and find a solution. I am losing the plot.

I need help with a feeding strategy and a dosing strategy. I know that trial and error is part of this process but I'm making too many errors. Last night, Saoirse spontaneously started chasing one of her mouse toys for the first time since I don't know when. I was thrilled! Today, her numbers are the worst they've been in weeks and I'm desperately disappointed because I thought after her being so playful last night they would be better today. She's subdued and lethargic because I screwed up again. I am so angry with myself. Today is one of the days when this is really all too much for me. I am failing my beautiful girl again and I just don't know what to do. :cry:
 
Aine
you are NOT failing your girl. you are doing the very best that you can and that is all any of us can do. you are doing so much more than many people would do and you are doing it even though you have so many problems of your own. please do not beat yourself up over things that you cannot control. you are doing a great job for Saoirse. i am having the same problems with tibbs. this is just how it is when we start this sugar dance. it takes a long time so please be patient with YOURSELF. she is having moments of playing and being happy so you are doing great!!!. i am too inexperienced myself to offer dosing advice but i am here to support you. Do not be hard on yourself. we can only do our best ok? hugs to you and your baby.. cat_pet_icon cat_pet_icon for Saoirse :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: for you.
Nadine
 
Thank you for the fusses, hugs and the support, Nadine. It means so much and it's sorely needed. I've been really struggling for the past week or so. Sorry to hear that you're going through similar with Tibbs. :YMHUG:

I thought Saoirse would be high enough tonight for my subconscious mind to step back from DEFCON 2 for once and let me pass out at a relatively normal hour so that I'd be able to give Saoirse her insulin at the right time in the morning. Physically I'm running on fumes. I just took her PM+4 and it's down 0.5mmol from +2. Now I'm fretting that she might go lower, that I'll pass out and not catch a low. I wish I could interpret her spreadsheet properly to have a better idea that she would be safe.

The fear of something happening to Saoirse while I am asleep is all-consuming. I was tired and wired all last night with no sign of any sleep coming at all. After yesterday's morning cycle 4.2, I was OK with being awake to keep an eye on her. I thought I'd be fine to do her AMPS, feed, and insulin dose but I passed out about 40 minutes before her test was due. My heart went through the floor when I read the 9.2 on her meter this morning. :sad:

There are times I wish that I lived with another human, so that there would be someone to watch over my girl while I was asleep. :YMSIGH:
 
Aine
i will send as much prayers and thoughts as i can across the ocean to you that Saoirse will be safe tonight.
 
i hope someone else looks at her spreadsheet too because to me her numbers look great. has anyone suggested that she may be ready for an otj trial. ( no more insulin) . again i'm not experienced enough but i hope someone else looks at it. i would LOVE to have those kind of numbers for Tibbs.
 
oh silly me. i see you did start an otj trial. Aine you are doing GREAT. maybe she will be otj because of your hard work. i can stay up with you if it will help. also i use this dry food called Young Again Zero Carb. if u have to use dry it is the best one. i tell you of this because it might be good for free feeding over night or maybe 1 of those timed feeders that has 4 or 5 compartments that open at pre set times.
 
Overall, her numbers are OK but when I need to stop insulin for a while because I can't monitor her at all her numbers start to drift back up each time, and then there's her panicky liver to contend with. When she's bobbing around at the higher end of the healthy range with no insulin on board her appetite gets sluggish again (even with the appy stimulant). It's wrecking my head to see her almost there for a dose reduction/OTJ trial but having my limitations getting in the way of dosing her consistently. :YMSIGH:

Rooting over here for Tibbs. cat_pet_icon

Just caught your cross-post, Nadine. I had to ease Saoirse back onto insulin again because her numbers started trending upwards.

Thank you so much, Nadine, for the offer of company. If you could help me to keep awake for another 30-40 minutes until I can test her again, I'd be really grateful. :smile:
 
absolutely. i am here. i will definitely stay with you so that you can test again. i'm going to pop over to her spreadsheet again for a sec. be right back here in a minute.
 
PS.. I've got more timed feeders than you can shake a stick at. They've been pivotal in getting Saoirse's numbers into a good range. Getting 'em loaded up is where I sometimes come a-cropper because I can pass out without warning. :oops:
 
wow Aine.
i am so sorry that you are having so many health problems. it is so difficult to care for someone else when you are ill yourself. as i said before, you are really doing an amazing job with Saoirse. we really have to have Mel look at your spreadsheet and advise you about the otj trial. she has so much experience. i know she can help. we will get you through tonight and we can ask her to check the spreadsheet in the morning.
 
how is it going over there Aine? are you ok? if you need me to call you, i can. just pm me your phone number.
 
I've had PTSD for over 8 years. I kept my business going for a while as best I could. I didn't have much choice - my frameshop had been open for less than a year when the accident happened and pretty much all I had was invested in it. The the sleep disturbances and increasingly poor functioning and fatigue got the better of me.

The upside of being so incapacitated is that I'm at home all the time with Saoirse. Because she's a completely indoor cat and I can monitor her more often, I think it has helped a lot with getting her into good numbers. Given how paranoid that I am about her having insulin in her system I don't know what state I'd be in if I had to leave her alone during the day. nailbite_smile
 
ok Aine. i am here. let me know her readings. so did you get the ptsd from the accident? was it a car accident?
 
She's back up to 6.2. Phew!!

Yep. It was an MVA. We were stationary at a junction waiting for a gap in oncoming traffic before turning into a side road and a jeep with a trailer in tow ploughed straight into the back of us.
 
so happy she is back up. OMG what a terrible accident. no wonder you have ptsd from that. :YMHUG: :YMHUG: :YMHUG: do you think you'll be able to get some sleep now that Saoirse is rising again?
 
I hope so, Nadine. I'm having trouble reading the computer screen: I'm so tired my eyes won't focus properly

Saoirse's half-way through the cycle now. I'm going to stock up several feeders with small amounts of food and set them to open at hourly intervals. That way, Saoirse will get something regular to eat for at least 6 hours - that should cover us until the dose wears off. Her appy stimulant is working well, so that should help. Even if I do drop off and not wake in time for her morning dose the feeders should hopefully prevent a BG hunger spike.
 
ok Aine.
hope you have a good night and get some restful sleep. i will be up for another few hours so i will keep checking in case anything comes up. hope you and Saoirse sleep well.
 
Thank you so much for helping me stay awake to keep my girl safe, Nadine. :YMHUG: I hope that yourself and Tibbs have a restful night, too.
 
Morning Aine,

Okay a couple of things right off the bat....YOU ARE NOT FAILING YOUR GIRL!!!!! You are doing the best you can for her within your limitations, you are allowed to still be human with all the failings that come with being human. We are not Gods so we will never doing everything perfect, only the Gods can make perfection. In fact the Native Americans will on purpose throw in a off color bead or make a faulty stitch in their weaving just to honor the imperfections of man.

Now looking at her spreadsheet, I really think she doesn't need insulin, as she is pretty much staying with in normal range. Because you are cutting yourself short by about 20 pts on what is normal for a cat on a alphatrak meter. You have your high end of normal set at 130, high end of normal for your meter is 150 . Also as long as she isn't getting insulin she can't hypo. True she is staying at the higher end of normal but I have one civie here that constantly runs in the mid to upper 90s so normal is normal regardless on which end of the range it is.

As far as feeding goes, if you're worried about her not eating with the timed feeders you can just free feed her. Just mix a little water with her food and set it down, wet food can be left out up to 12 hours at a stretch. Another trick that I use with my herd when I'm going to have to miss a feeding time is to free a meal and put it down frozen with a frosting of fresh food, so they have something to eat immediately and something to nibble on as it thaws.

Because Autumn tends to run lower at night and because if I take my meds at night I'm not waking up for the second coming of Christ, here is how I feed through-out the day. Breakfast at 7 a.m. with amps, Lunch is served at 1 p.m. or +6 (right about insulin onset), dinner at 7 p.m. with pmps and then because she runs low, another before bed meal at 10 p.m. and this meal is on the high end of low carb, usually Friskies Mixed Grill at 11% or one of the Tasty Treasures with cheese at about 11-12% carbs. Then if it looks like she is really going to head down fast (starting to drop before onset) I leave a full can down in the bedroom for Maxwell, Lady Jane Grey and her to share over night as they are the only 3 that are allowed in the bedroom at night.

Mel and The Fur Gang
 
Hi Mel and Nadine,

I'm so glad to hear from ye. I meant to reply earlier but I passed out again. I'm shattered. Thankfully, Saoirse is fine.

Mel, thank you for all the advice and suggestions. I'll write more tomorrow.

Nadine, thank you for keeping me company last night: I would not have been able to keep going without your help and support last night.

(((Hugs)))
 
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