I have to say that Eddie continues to do his strange food refusal. One must bring the food to his mouth and coax him. This might take more than a few times to get him to finish.
I called the clinic today to ask how is it they get him to eat while he’s in clinic and of course they have the same situation. They just stretch out feeding over a longer while going back to him and encouraging him to eat. I learned this today and of course they can use a NG tube and that helps him.
I had a conversation with one of the vets this morning and she was introducing the subject of euthanasia. I listened carefully and admitted that I have thought every now and again if Eddie wouldn’t be better off. She said quality of life and because Eddie reverts to inappetence at home suggests he is not in a good place. I said I thought I would at least wait to see if his dental problems can be solved and if that might help him with eating, which makes sense to me. I’m kind of upset because it seems premature but I guess I have to think of it for Eddie’s sake. She also said it was for my sake because I am having a hard time and that really is true with the years of caring for Blue and Eddie and working at a demanding job. She mentioned that we (the people who bring our animals to the clinic) are "parents" to our companion animals and I would agree. The only thing, as I said to her, is that a parent would not want to euthanize their child just because they (the parents) were having a hard time. I know many people, even vets, don’t understand how I see animals and I don’t discriminate based on a human/animal divide, if you know what I mean.
In any case, what do I do when I feel overwhelmed. I research. I do so as it helps ground me and allows me to think rather than react. So, this inappetence led me to recall that Eddie, while at WSU where he had that horrible month in the hospital (incision dehiscence twice) and that was after the surgeon, Tina Owen, told me the drill may have overheated when they accessed the pituitary. Back then I was pretty convinced by his behaviour that he may have sustained an injury to the hypothalamus because research I found and sent to them spoke to his reactivity. Now I’m looking at a cat who seems at times not to know or realize he is hungry
until he gets started. That is, one has to jump start his licking the food by vocalizing encouragement and holding the plate closer to his nose. Then he starts licking. Sometimes he does this with water, as well.
Anyway, bear with me just because. I started looking at injuries to the hypothalamus and inappetence and found something called lateral hypothalamic syndrome in cats:
One article: The lateral hypothalamic syndrome: “Recovery of feeding and drinking after lateral hypothalamic lesions” is here:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-00788-006
Another one, “Role of Activation and Sensory Stimuli in Recovery from Lateral Hypothalamic Damage in the Cat” is here:
https://fau.digital.flvc.org/islandora/object/fau:2638/datastream/OBJ/view/Role_of_activation_and_sensory_stimuli_in_recovery_from_lateral_hypothalmic_damage_in_the_cat.pdf
In any case, I have decided that less is more and I'm backing off from being hyper-vigilant around Eddie and giving him a break. That's why I've tested only twice today. i'm going to do the same for a few days.
I wrote to our IM vet about today and I was really moved by what he wrote back:
"You will know when it is time, if it is not, then it is not.
The vet who spoke with you could have said nothing on the emotional topic of euthanasia, instead they choose to address it head on. That to me shows that she cared for you and Eddie, by not avoiding such a difficult loaded and personal topic.
You also care for other animals, you have an academic career and somewhere in all of that must be some personal time found for your own needs, wants and recuperation.
Research can provide comfort, it decreases the guesswork and prognosticates. Caring for Eddie and Blue throughout the years has been Herculean in scope as a task that you have taken on.
I do not know if it will make you feel better or not, but during this time working with all of you, I learned a lot from both your cats and you."
It did make me feel better. Now if only the cardiologist says Eddie can have the dental and maybe, just maybe, that will help him. That's all I can do and I know you all understand.
