03/16 Chaos +4 36, +4.75 67, PMPS 432

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Violet and Chaos

Violet and Chaos

Member Since 2010
yesterday: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=38974

Good morning, all! ~O) nailbite_smile ~O) nailbite_smile ~O) nailbite_smile

Look at Chaos, checking in this AM with a lovely blue AMPS of 179. Way to go, White Boy! dancing_cat dancing_cat dancing_cat Of course, he would do this on a really big day for me. I don't have to leave for my specialist interview until around his +7 so I'm sure we'll do fine. Maybe I can get a nice green surf out of him today.

Meanwhile, I am fighting panic disorder tooth and nail just so I can get through this interview. I'm really fed up with the adrenaline and lack of appetite, shakiness, all the symptoms I can't seem to turn off. I've been like this for days... but I will get through it. I may be dog-sick by the end of it, but that's not going to stop me.

This is Mom's cake from last night: (look, I finally learned how to shrink photos! :mrgreen: )
 

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Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

I'd like to encourage you to not hold on to Chaos' dose more than 3 days. It looks to me that the longer he's at a dose, the more his numbers start to creep up. Unless he has a dramatic change today, how about increasing his dose tonight?

Good luck with the interview. And just breathe. It's next to impossible to be anxious if you're breathing slowly.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

Nice blue Chaos, how about coming down a bit more?

Good luck with the interview, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. And that's a lovely cake!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

Good morning Violet and Chaos! Nice blue for sure...much better than those nasty stinkus pinkus! Keeping my fingers crossed for a nice green surf for him.
Try to follow Sienne's suggestion and breathe, breathe, breathe! Have you ever tried meditation? I'm thinking that may help w/anxiety...but maybe not...just a thought that jumped into my head right then and there. Things will go great, no need to stress....you got this!!!! Sending lots of good vines for you....and some luck to go along with it!!!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

Great AMPS Chaos! And I agree with Sienne, Violet....you must breathe deeply...IN through your nose and out through your mouth. You will feel refreshed an it will help with your anxiety. Do try it, okay?
Wishing you the best of luck today....try to focus on something pleasant and relaxing to try to take your mind off your anxiety....I know, I know, easier said than done.... (((Violet)))
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

WOW - what a great blue amps for Chaos! YAY! I hope he sees greens today. I too am sure he will be fine and that you'll make your interview. Good luck!

Nice cake!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179

Way to go, White Boy!
Click to expand...
:lol: :lol: :lol: I agree. Way to go Chaos :mrgreen:

Sorry about your anxiety. I've only had one panic attack ever and never want that feeling ever again. It wasn't even a full blown one (I knew I wasn't going to die LOL). You will do great!!!! I'm so excited for you. Fingers still crossed.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56

:lol: :lol: :lol: Sienne, I dunno about that dose increase tonight... look at Chaos go! 56 at +3! flip_cat Maybe he was clearing a bounce, it's hard to say... we'll assess the situation further before tonight's shot. I will get as many readings as possible to help. Looks like he heard you threaten more juice and leaped into action! :lol: He is having a nice scoop of LC food right now and I"ll test him again in an hour. He's been playful today, chasing his ball around the kitchen.

As for the panic, I do slow abdominal breathing like it's my job or something, I do progressive muscle relaxation, I keep a journal, I went through over a year of therapy, I have a scrip for xanax, and even that hasn't broke the cycle I've been on since Saturday night. I am a bit of a hard case; it runs in the family. I have force-fed myself breakfast, vitamins, and a xanax, and am feeling a little better. Nothing short of complete physical incapacitation is going to stop me from getting to the interview. I want this way too bad to give up just because my head's a mess. My husband thinks that the depo provera shots are contributing to my anxiety levels. They shoot me full of that stuff to keep my endometriosis dormant. Catch 22. :sad:
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56

just consider that you've already "succeeded" by even getting an interview in this economy! you must have the qualifications or you wouldn't have gotten it. I tell myself at the point of going to an interview that I'm interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me. I'm checking them out to see if i really want to work with these people, at this job. it helps me with the anxiety.

good luck today! the kitter's looking good.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56

OMG the depo provera I'm convinced impacted my anxiety HUGE. My doctor would never agree. Due to my migraines I just kept on it. Even the psychiatrist I saw discounted this. I went off the depo - last shot in April of last year. I also went on a non traditional anxiety medication (My father was bipolar and I am scared of playing with brain chemicals or addiction) so I started Effexor. It didn't start working on physical symptoms until four months later. But I wonder if that is the depo going out of my system. I did a 12 week CBT workshop and I got a lot of tools that helped me be functional through the anxiety but it did not reduce the physical symptoms at all.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56

oh, I think I would have given him a tsp of food for that 56 just to keep him from dropping too much. will slow him down and hold him.
cake looks great. gonna have to teach me to do those flowers. of course, I have forgotten how I did the roses. I used to make different sizes and colors and freeze. then when I had a lot of cakes to do, I could just whip out the flowers to save time
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56

Oh, I fed him, Dian. What I call "a scoop" is a rounded teaspoon of food, and he had that right after his +3. Apparently that wasn't enough, he went down to 36 at +4.. I gave him a teaspoon of MC and we'll see if this brings him up some. Definitely no dose increase tonight.

Karrie, I have read on forums about many other women experiencing increased anxiety, panic, or depression with depo. I knew it was a risk, even if the doctors don't believe it. I may ask to discontinue the shots at my next appt. on the 22nd. I could end up with more pain and adhesions, but like I said, catch 22.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56, +4 36

I know- I am as shocked as you are! He's never dropped that low before. I'm keeping a strict eye on him, believe me.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos AMPS 179, +3 56, +4 36

:shock: :shock: wow - a 36? no increase - now a decrease! awesome Chaos! hope he likes gravy.... good luck, and I am sure you know the drill. :-D :-D
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

I got him up to 67 at +4.75, so I'm feeling better about him. As for the drill, I wish I had time to look it all up now but I have to get ready for this %$#! interview...must cover up chest tattoo with make-up.... will read up as soon as I get home, I promise.
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

Ok, I would hold this dose even though he went to 36. why?? cause he is more than likely going to bounce. (would be surprised if he did not). I always shoot through something like this. if it happens again, then I think
#1 give a tsp of MC since the LC did not do the trick
#2 then decrease
that is what I would do. it is your call or wait for other opinions.
PS, you will do fine on interview but I sure know about nerves. bathroom every 10 minutes, headache, and very testy (not as in testicles)
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

Hi Violet,
Chaos wanted you to have something else to think about before your interview, so he threw you some challenging numbers!! Good boy, Chaos!
I just know that you will do well on the "audition" and that when you get there you will be very professional and will bake a lovely cake, or decorate one, or whatever. Good luck!!

Ella & Rusty
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

These cats always know when to get you!!! You WILL BE GREAT TODAY!!!-I know you will!
Sorry but I am not a dosing helper, but a 36 is an automatic dose reduction...Ask for other input, Dian dose have tons of experience, though..Have a beautiful interview--I know you will SHINE :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: --Anxiety or not!! Go for it!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

Wow, Chaos!!! Way to keep the bean on her toes today!!

Violet, the cake is GORGEOUS and you are going to nail this interview today!! :) So sorry about the anxiety... reading what you and Karrie have written makes me so thankful the doctor took depo off the table years ago because I had migraines.

Kick some butt today!!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

Unbelievable numbers today for Chaos. What a way to keep you on your toes and keep you distracted from the interview. Can't wait to hear how everything went.

Gorgeous cake!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +3 56, +4 36, +4.75 67

nice numbers for Chaos!!!!! way to surprise you !!! good luck Violet! fingers crossed for you!!!!
 
Re: 03/16 Chaos +4 36, +4.75 67, PMPS 432 dose ?

K, everyone, I survived the interview. :mrgreen: Thank you so much, everyone, for your encouragement and support. I had happy thoughts of you all during the drive there.

First, let's talk about Chaos. He BOUNCED big time, with a 290 at +6 and a PMPS of 432 so I have "shot through the bounce" with 2.25u. I am in favor of holding this dose as Dian suggested, and decreasing if he goes down that low again... but with anything scientific (yes, the sugar dance is science in my opinion) the more options and opinions I hear, the better informed I feel. Many of you have so much more experience than I. So please feel free to chime in and let me know if you would hold or decrease.


Now...the interview..... %#@*&$#@*&%!!!!!! (sorry, had to get that out of the way.) Well, he was impressed with my stained glass cake (attached), liked my work in my portfolio, and said I answered his 'work situation' questions very well. My anxiety had pretty much evaporated by that time so I wasn't in danger of puking on his shoes or anything. I was poised, confident, friendly, all that crap. So then we headed over to the bakery. The guy who was supposed to be doing my audition or whatever had left so no one had any clue what I was doing there. Eventually I end up with this cake and they are having me do, like, the only two things I have never done before: using a speed icer (I apply it w/ a spatula) and side combing...awkward little triangle thing. I do it and then this lady says no, do it with the side with the smaller teeth. I struggle with this for awhile because their buttercream is CRAP- way too soft- and then all I get to do once that was over was put some sprinkles on top. I wanted to add a border or something, but no, that's the way "table cakes" look. They transferred it to a plastic dome thing and totally cracked it, so then I struggled to fix that... and then, and then... they stuck a label on this cake-tastrophe and put it out to sell!! I didn't get to show them anything that I can do well. The interviewer said not to be discouraged, that they basically wanted to be sure I knew which end of a pastry bag was up and so forth, because people bring in portfolios full of cakes that aren't theirs. (Um, how do they even back that up??) Then he said he'd be in touch, and I was out the door. I don't know what to think. But I'm OK with that. I still have work to do here, am baking as I type. It's out of my hands now.

My sincere apologies for possibly the longest OT rant in FDMB history. :oops:
 

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I've been so busy today I haven't had a chance to pop in much. I just want to say I admire you so much!!!!! It took courage to do what you did. I probably would have been crying from the pressure alone ohmygod_smile I'm so impressed. I bet they liked you and saw your potential. I bet they saw your enthusiasm too - not about it just being a job. I just wanted to post and say way to go.
 
Hi again, Violet,
I would worry less about what they thought of you and more about what you thought about them. Were you impressed with their operation? Was it a place where you would like to work? Would what you learn there be valuable for your baking future?
All are considerations that must be weighed before accepting a job offer!
However it all plays out, it is a valuable experience to be thrown into the fire!!! (or the oven, as the case may be).

Chaos is enjoying his bounce???

Have a good evening, guys, Proud of you both!

Ella & Rusty
 
I think it's a documented "fact" that sometimes the threat of an increase is all it takes.

I hope the bounce clears quickly, but not so quickly that you aren't ready for it!

Your cakes are beautiful. If there's a follow up interview I'm sure you'll be more at ease, the worst has passed.
 
Sounds like you did great on your interview. I agree with Ella's comments/questions. I would hate to see you take this job and be stuck creatively making boring cakes when your cakes are beautiful and fun and I'm sure taste a heck of a lot better. Really think about how you were treated as a potential employee...just my 2cents.

Chaos what a day you had! I hope you come down from that bounce soon. :mrgreen:
Don't forget that the full moon is Friday.
 
Ouch on the 432 - no doubt a bounce from the 30's today. What a day for Chaos! You did great with him today. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

I am with Ella - did you like the place? somewhere you'd want to work? I did enjoy your story - omg. I hope someone bought your cake. :-D

have a nice night - you both deserve it.
 
Hey there, Chaos, that's some bounce there. Let's not do that again in the morning, okay? :smile:

Violet, I like what Ella said. You were interviewing them just as much as they were, you.
And what Karrie said, I'd have been a crying mess, with all thoughts gone out of my head. Look how upset you were before going there.
I'm proud of you, for being up to the task, when it came down to the wire.. :smile:
 
Violet, if it makes you feel better, in December, 2005, I had one of the worst interviews of my life. I had got the time confused... thought the interview was at 3:30, so I'm there at 2:50, sitting in my car, jamming out to Janet Jackson (Miss Jackson if you're nasty!!), making sure my makeup is perfect, no spots on my suit, etc.... walk in at 3:15, and I'm 15 minutes late. Spend the interview selling my research skills, and there is a mini research project component of the interview. I had been assured that I could use either of two online research tools, so I went with the one I knew and didn't brush up on the other. At the interview, the computer person had left for the day, and the staff member left only knew how to pull up the one I DIDN'T know how to use. So there I am, alleged research goddess, who suddenly can't do the most basic of tasks. Oh, and in the interview, they stress to me over and over that I will spend the first two years on the job doing pretty much nothing but taking away people's houses.

I barely made it to the car, called my best friend absolutely SOBBING that it was the worst interview of my life. Fast forward to mid February of the next year. While driving to my temp job, I see something that makes me think "Hmm. Wonder who is working at USDA now?? Certainly isn't me!!!" About 2 hours later, I got a call from the manager offering me the job.

I've worked there ever since. :)

I'm sure it all went great! Now, if Chaos can just quickly clear this bounce!!! :)
 
Don't you worry, Violet. I am pretty sure these trials must usually go that way. I can see you're talented! Surely they can, too.
At least now you can relax. Everything is in their hands, as you said. But I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you!
 
Violet, I admire the fact that you remained calm and collected during the whole interview. It sounds like a Hells Kitchen kind of experience. I can't imagine having to decorate something while others are watching me and grading me on how I do. I'm sure you made a great impression on them and if they don't jump at the chance to have you work there, then it is there loss (as my mother always used to say, or her other favorite was "they are just jeolous of you"!).

Chaos is having a very strange day with his numbers. I like that middle of the day run.
 
Indeed, Chaos has had a rainbow sort of day... everything but black. I'm sure there was some pink in there between the +6 and the PMPS. I'm holding the dose, we'll see what tomorrow brings. It might just be the approach of the super moon. I've had a wonky sort of week, why not Chaos? He's at 251 at +4, so I think I can relax for the night.

As far as my liking to work there, let me just tell you that compared to what I put out, their stuff is crap. Frozen cakes off a truck? Buttercream that comes in cubes, just add water, no actual butter involved? Yick, I would not feed that to someone I did not like. But no one said I had to eat it. It's an opportunity to see how a commercial bakery works, develop speed and predictability, and I will need to know all about that someday. I just spent four years at a job I hated. I could stand to spend some time doing work I actually enjoy even if it's not perfect. This job would be a stepping stone to where I really want to be.

Finished up a dozen cupcakes I had due for tomorrow, took me till 10... what a day. Goodnight, and thank you for the love, LL! You know we love you back!! :YMHUG: :YMHUG:
 
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