GA Howie...fly high, my love

[Howiesmom]

I had to help my Howie Boy cross the Rainbow Bridge this AM. Im devastated but I know he's no longer in pain. We had some sweet moments this morning before I took him in and he was loved and kissed as he was crossing the bridge.

Howie was a wonder boy and my best friend. He was somewhere 16-17 yo. I got him 3/24/20 during COVID. By June 2020 he was diagnosed with diabetes, by Sept 2020 he was diagnosed with IAA and by Jan. 2021 he was diagnosed with acro. He was a mystery cat to my vet, but he was very willing to work with me and try things based on the excellent advice I got from so many people on here. I don't know what took him in the end but it was something in his GI and also some neuro issues. I couldn't have been on the journey this long without so many wonderful people on here. In the end, I had him almost 4 years 5 months to the day I got him. I know he loved and trusted me and was such a good boy with everything I had to do with him each day.

Fly high, my love. Mommy loves you. Hug your kitties tight today and give them a kiss in honor of Howie.

 

[Jodey&Eddie&Blue]

Oh, gosh, I am so very sorry about your loss of Howie. Fly free, sweetest Howie. Eddie and Blue are waiting for you as are all kitties who cross that bridge.

My most sincere condolences. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Wendy&Neko]

(((Tracy))) I am so sorry it was Howie's time. You are an amazing caregiver, starting with taking in a senior cat to all you did for him. I know he felt your love.

As Jodey said, take care of yourself. This can be a very hard time on us too.

 

[Suzanne & Darcy]

I had to help my Howie Boy cross the Rainbow Bridge this AM. Im devastated but I know he's no longer in pain. We had some sweet moments this morning before I took him in and he was loved and kissed as he was crossing the bridge.

Howie was a wonder boy and my best friend. He was somewhere 16-17 yo. I got him 3/24/20 during COVID. By June 2020 he was diagnosed with diabetes, by Sept 2020 he was diagnosed with IAA and by Jan. 2021 he was diagnosed with acro. He was a mystery cat to my vet, but he was very willing to work with me and try things based on the excellent advice I got from so many people on here. I don't know what took him in the end but it was something in his GI and also some neuro issues. I couldn't have been on the journey this long without so many wonderful people on here. In the end, I had him almost 4 years 5 months to the day I got him. I know he loved and trusted me and was such a good boy with everything I had to do with him each day.

Fly high, my love. Mommy loves you. Hug your kitties tight today and give them a kiss in honor of Howie.

Oh no! Dear sweet Howie. Tracy, I am so sad and sorry that you lost him. It breaks my heart what acromegaly does to our beloved kitties. It was so great that you adopted him and gave him such a good life and loved him. I know he knew that you loved him. Your devotion to Howie was very touching.

 

[Howiesmom]

Thank you all for your kind words. My whole life and being was wrapped up in Howie's care for 4 years and I'm at a loss of how to unravel that. It was gut-wrenching not having our morning testing ritual where he would get plenty of smoochies and chin scratches and I would ask if he had a good sleep. And when I was getting his sister's food ready, he wasn't standing right next to me or beside me waiting for his turn for his food. My whole morning routine was off. I felt guilty for trying to sleep an extra half hour even though I had actually been awake for several hours. I asked him, as he was drifting into his final sleep, to visit me in my dreams. I woke up from a hard sleep last night with a nightmare of him laying in a road with a car driving by. But he almost looked like he was curled up in his usual ball and was sleeping. What could that mean? I know this will get better eventually but as we all know, our bond is so tight with our babies with special needs who rely on us for extensive care. Like all of you who haven gone through this, I'm devastated. My lovebug is gone. Looking at pictures should be healing but it's not.

On top of my grief, his sister cat won't lay in their bed. She sniffed it yesterday afternoon and went and slept in her chair which she hasn't done for a long time. Before I could take Howie to the vet and we sat together for a couple hours and i wax holding him and comforting him, she wouldn't even be in the kitchen with us like she usually is. How can I help her understand?

 

[Wendy&Neko]

Not sure how to help Howie's sister. Neko's buddy was looking everywhere for her, even though he was right there when the vet came to our house. Just give her lots of attention. Do you have any towels or blankets with Howie's smell on them for her to sniff?

Grief takes time, pictures may be helpful in the future.

 

[JL and Chip]

his sister cat won't lay in their bed. She sniffed it yesterday afternoon and went and slept in her chair which she hasn't done for a long time. Before I could take Howie to the vet and we sat together for a couple hours and i wax holding him and comforting him, she wouldn't even be in the kitchen with us like she usually is. How can I help her understand?

It’s possible that those actions mean that she does understand. I think they have tremendous instinct and intuition and sense things we don’t. I’ve seen animals come closer and refuse to leave a buddy who is ready to leave their body, but I’ve also seen some who distance themselves as the time draws closer. It’s hard not to try to ascribe human emotions to their actions, but in their own way I truly believe they grieve and do whatever cats do to cope with the situation. I think they understand death and dying but are perhaps a bit more accepting and matter-of-fact about it than we are. (And maybe, just maybe, Howie is still sleeping in his bed and his sister can sense it.)

It’s hard when you vest that much of yourself for so long into caring for them not to then analyze and struggle when when you wake up the day after and everything familiar is now different. It easy to feel rather rudderless for awhile. Back in June I lost my very special, high maintenance, best buddy cat (after 12 years of doing some rather intensive caretaking) — and the day after, I got up and actually stopped in my tracks and said out loud to an empty room …“I don’t know what supposed to be doing right now.” It takes awhile to decompress, to reprogram ourselves. To redefine “normal.” I dunno. It’s sort of crazy how these little creatures consume our hearts and thoughts and universe, but they do, and we likely wouldn’t have it any other way.

Back in the day, more than a few folks here talked about animal communicators and shared their experiences with communicating with their cats. It’s an interesting proposition, although one that not everyone is comfortable with. But I recall clearly one conversation where the cat indicated he wasn’t afraid of dying … that that was more of a human thing. I don’t know what your dream means, but I suspect that Howie (like Charlie and Tubby and Eddie and so many of the other long-term sick kitties here) said “good riddance” to those crappy bodies they were issued and are free to fly around the universe and visit us in our dreams.

I’m so sorry it was Howie’s time. I do wish all kitties could be loved even half as much as you loved Howie.

 

[Howiesmom]

Not sure how to help Howie's sister. Neko's buddy was looking everywhere for her, even though he was right there when the vet came to our house. Just give her lots of attention. Do you have any towels or blankets with Howie's smell on them for her to sniff?

Grief takes time, pictures may be helpful in the future.

Thanks, Wendy. His bed is still out with the pillowcases on the cushions. I can't bear to wash them yet as I feel like I'll be washing his essence away. I know I need to clean things up and put his food, treats, testing supplies, etc away, but those are my reminders of him.

 

[Howiesmom]

It’s possible that those actions mean that she does understand. I think they have tremendous instinct and intuition and sense things we don’t. I’ve seen animals come closer and refuse to leave a buddy who is ready to leave their body, but I’ve also seen some who distance themselves as the time draws closer. It’s hard not to try to ascribe human emotions to their actions, but in their own way I truly believe they grieve and do whatever cats do to cope with the situation. I think they understand death and dying but are perhaps a bit more accepting and matter-of-fact about it than we are. (And maybe, just maybe, Howie is still sleeping in his bed and his sister can sense it.)

It’s hard when you vest that much of yourself for so long into caring for them not to then analyze and struggle when when you wake up the day after and everything familiar is now different. It easy to feel rather rudderless for awhile. Back in June I lost my very special, high maintenance, best buddy cat (after 12 years of doing some rather intensive caretaking) — and the day after, I got up and actually stopped in my tracks and said out loud to an empty room …“I don’t know what supposed to be doing right now.” It takes awhile to decompress, to reprogram ourselves. To redefine “normal.” I dunno. It’s sort of crazy how these little creatures consume our hearts and thoughts and universe, but they do, and we likely wouldn’t have it any other way.

Back in the day, more than a few folks here talked about animal communicators and shared their experiences with communicating with their cats. It’s an interesting proposition, although one that not everyone is comfortable with. But I recall clearly one conversation where the cat indicated he wasn’t afraid of dying … that that was more of a human thing. I don’t know what your dream means, but I suspect that Howie (like Charlie and Tubby and Eddie and so many of the other long-term sick kitties here) said “good riddance” to those crappy bodies they were issued and are free to fly around the universe and visit us in our dreams.

I’m so sorry it was Howie’s time. I do wish all kitties could be loved even half as much as you loved Howie.

Thank you so much for your perspectives and comforting thoughts. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Suzanne & Darcy]

Looking at photos can be really really hard in the beginning. I still have feelings of sadness and longing when I look at photos of Darcy and he passed in 2021. But it is less painful than it used to be. I am having a hard time looking at photos of Ginger right now, especially the videos, although I love to hear her voice, but it also hurts.
I would not read too much into your dream, although I am sorry that it was an upsetting dream. Your thoughts are very much toward Howie right now and it’s not surprising that you had a dream about him. It’s also not surprising that your subconscious mind is upset and had a scary and upsetting dream about Howie since you have just been through a traumatic loss. I am so sad for you having to go through this. I am tearing up now as I type this. Many many hugs and love to you, Tracy!

 

[Suzanne & Darcy]

Oh, and I forgot to say about Howie’s sister. Just give her a lot of extra special love and attention. I am sure you are already doing this. Don’t change things around or clean up too much - leave things as they are for a while. Leave the things around that smell like Howie to her. It takes time. She knows he’s gone and she needs reassurance. Just watch her carefully from a medical perspective— I have had two instances in recent years where a cat of mine became very ill after the loss of one of their friends. I think it was just the grieving and change that depressed their immune systems and made them vulnerable to infection.

 

[Suzanne & Darcy]

And don’t be afraid to say Howie’s name to his sister (sorry I don’t know her name.) I keep talking to my cat Jane about Ginger. Jane is the one who has been most profoundly affected by Ginger’s death. I keep it normal (normal tone of voice not crying) and say just normal things to her about Ginger— like … we miss Ginger, don’t we, Jane. But it’s going to be okay, Jane. She likes to smell Ginger’s brush and she’s been lying down next to it. She’s one of the cats who became really sick after Julius died in January 2021 so I’ve been watching her carefully.

 

[Howiesmom]

And don’t be afraid to say Howie’s name to his sister (sorry I don’t know her name.) I keep talking to my cat Jane about Ginger. Jane is the one who has been most profoundly affected by Ginger’s death. I keep it normal (normal tone of voice not crying) and say just normal things to her about Ginger— like … we miss Ginger, don’t we, Jane. But it’s going to be okay, Jane. She likes to smell Ginger’s brush and she’s been lying down next to it. She’s one of the cats who became really sick after Julius died in January 2021 so I’ve been watching her carefully.

Thank you so much, Suzanne. Your words, ideas, and feedback are invaluable right now. And Im so sad that you've had a big loss recently too. No matter how many pawprints walk on our hearts, their loss never gets easier. Big hugs and love right back to you. I am so grateful to our FD community for being such a support network as well as a sounding board for the FD journey. I am forever grateful.

 

[JeffJ]

Sugar Cat Eulogy
-----
Our sugar cats live
in a world of their own.
Diabetes usually finds them
when they are full grown.

They live with the pokes,
the prods, and the testing.
They always want food
and then a little resting.

I think that they know
the love that we give,
the patience, the worries,
just so they could live.

If only one day
they could be like the rest,
the normal sweet kittehs
without a blood test.

No more pokes for my kid,
the Bridge cures your pain.
I'll love you forever,
Soon, I'll see you again.
----
Originally for
Sugar Cat Eulogy
for Myagi (March 2018)
now for sweet Howie, what a wonderful life he had with you
May Howie fly high and land gently at the Bridge, he was loved.

 

[Howiesmom]

Sugar Cat Eulogy
-----
Our sugar cats live
in a world of their own.
Diabetes usually finds them
when they are full grown.

They live with the pokes,
the prods, and the testing.
They always want food
and then a little resting.

I think that they know
the love that we give,
the patience, the worries,
just so they could live.

If only one day
they could be like the rest,
the normal sweet kittehs
without a blood test.

No more pokes for my kid,
the Bridge cures your pain.
I'll love you forever,
Soon, I'll see you again.
----
Originally for
Sugar Cat Eulogy
for Myagi (March 2018)
now for sweet Howie, what a wonderful life he had with you
May Howie fly high and land gently at the Bridge, he was loved.

Thank you for sending this. As I was saying good bye to him as he was falling asleep, I told him he never had to have his ear poked again. I miss him so much. He was such a good boy.

 

[Karen&Rocket]

Oh Tracy, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. What a lucky boy Howie was to have you to care for him and love him in his golden years. Big hugs to you and Howie's sister. <3